is my situation rare?

[justagirlforever]

What's up with these boards? I tried to edit my other post because I noticed some errors with grammer and it won't let me do it. Does it only let you edit it once or something? That's BS.

Once someone else has posted, you can no longer edit your post.

[justagirlforever]

BTW -- smoking is deal breaker for me no matter what attraction or connection I have to a man. Cannot/will not date a smoker, ever.

I completely agree. Once did. Never ever again.

[directx]

As sad as it may sound, if she is really hot and has all the right qualities, I would tolerate the smoking

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

Why do they pass you up?

 

Simple. It is not entirely dependent on the smoking issue. Rather, I think, it is beyond that. You are just too mellow.

 

You want "Quality" women. But are you a "Quality" man?

 

You are not portraying the right aspects of your personality and life style. You are using "Smoking" as a way to pick through your women as a result sounding bitter, grumpy, and plain laid back for any woman to like. Turn off.

 

You should show your positive, interesting qualities so that women can see that you are truly a good catch -"Quality" in some regard.

 

Women -some women, at least -can sense that "Don't Care Much About Traits/Habits" attitude kilometers away. This is not attractive in our eyes.

 

Since you don't care about and give little consideration for your own habits/traits/health issues women will assume, right away, that you won't care about them in remotely the same way. Parallelism.

 

I am sure there is, at least, one woman out there that can tolerate a smoker. Smoking has been in the media for decades, and will most likely remain in the circle for decades to come. Some women just don't tire out of smokers.

 

Don't fret. You will, eventually, find the woman of your dreams.

 

Sand&Water

[utwonderwoman]

I don't want to come off as sounding full of myself but....I too consider myself a quality woman. I have a good education, I take good care of myself, I volunteer my time to those who need it, and I have a great job.

 

I also will not date someone who smokes. I think they tend to smell bad, have yellowish teeth, and are prime candidates for cancer down the road. Did I mention the smell? I love to kiss and I could never get passed that horrible breath. I also have no desire to get seriously involved with someone that I get to watch killling themselves every single day as they light up. That is just me.

 

I have this friend Matt. He is a great guy. Fantastic sense of humor, great job, decent looking, not a bad package. He also complains that he can never meet a quality girl. He has also been passed on a number of times because he smokes. I am not saying that being a smoker = being a bad person or a skank. It just has been his experience that if he dates someone that smokes, she ends up being crazy, a skank, or just not that concerned about the rest of her health.

 

I agree with the posters that say you meet quality people in quality places. Try online. It worked for me and my husband. You get to lay it all out there and get exactly what you are looking for.

 

Please consider not smoking. You will most likely smell better and live longer :-) Just my two cents.

[EricOnTheWeb]

My sister told her BF,now fionce that he quit smoking or she won't get married lol... He quit 1 month after!....He is now a non smoker...pretty dedicated to his relationship eh?

[smile95]

I am with ya!

 

I am 30, never married, no kids, and cannot find quality men! I have dated, but no one worth keeping around.

 

I am not sure what to tell ya, but NEVER lower your standards.

 

I would rather be single and picky than settle and divorced in a few years. hang in there...the right one will come along!

[dropdeadlegs]

I was going to save you some time and link a thread from about three months ago that asked the same question, listed similar recent dates, etc. because it had 7 pages (I think) but it must have been deleted. Sometimes when things get too heated, a whole thread will be deleted by the moderators.

 

I swear the stories and your replies to the advice to others is identical. Were you here before under another name? This guy smoked, didn't want to date divorcees, and other similarities. At the least you would have found a kindred_soul.

 

Good luck in your dating dilemmas. Anything I could have offered has pretty much been said already.

[melodymatters]

Peace Pipe, you're situation is not rare at all. I'm in the same boat. Unfortuanately, most women who are very attractive have some type of wild side to them. Not all of them, but most have had numerous sexual partners in the past. If they are still young, they like to go to clubs and get wild. Attractive women who are ready to settle down are simply trying to recover from their years of being wild in there 20's.

 

The girls who aren't wild and more down to earth don't look as hot as the wild girls. Is it too shallow to pass up on a girl because she isn't that sexy? Maybe.

 

Basically, when you see a guy with a hot girl, don't ask yourself "how did he score? Is he lucky or what?" He basically just excepted the fact that he girl was hammered by a bunch of guys in the past and he's just happy to get some now, so he doesn't allow her past behaviour to bother him.

 

So basically, we as men have these ideas of a perfect woman, a woman who is hot, loyal, down to earth, can cook, nurturing, supportive, non-nagging, not a former slut etc... That's my idea of a perfect woman. But it is highly unlikely that girl exists today. The most realistic woman who can cook and is nurturing, probably isn't sexy looking. A sexy woman is probably a former slut who can't cook.

 

 

This guy is too funny, talk about setting up rules and litmus tests : I am sexy therefore I'm a former slut who can't cook or apparently nurture either.

And what a romantic, referring to sex as getting " hammered by a bunch of guys", Gee Rob, how many girls have YOU hammered and how are YOUR cooking and nurturing skills ?!?

[Mary3]

I don't want to come off as sounding full of myself but....I too consider myself a quality woman. I have a good education, I take good care of myself, I volunteer my time to those who need it, and I have a great job.

 

I also will not date someone who smokes. I think they tend to smell bad, have yellowish teeth, and are prime candidates for cancer down the road. Did I mention the smell? I love to kiss and I could never get passed that horrible breath. I also have no desire to get seriously involved with someone that I get to watch killling themselves every single day as they light up. That is just me.

 

I have this friend Matt. He is a great guy. Fantastic sense of humor, great job, decent looking, not a bad package. He also complains that he can never meet a quality girl. He has also been passed on a number of times because he smokes. I am not saying that being a smoker = being a bad person or a skank. It just has been his experience that if he dates someone that smokes, she ends up being crazy, a skank, or just not that concerned about the rest of her health.

 

I agree with the posters that say you meet quality people in quality places. Try online. It worked for me and my husband. You get to lay it all out there and get exactly what you are looking for.

Please consider not smoking. You will most likely smell better and live longer :-) Just my two cents.

 

Actually quite the opposite. You don't really get what you are looking for , you only get what they want you to believe. Married ?? Ooops forgot to tell you that . Unemployed , Yeahhh for quite a while but I thought I would put $ 150,000 as my income . Woopseee...

 

I don't advise anyone to find someone on~line. I know some have been lucky but companies like M****.com would be out of business if they posted all the Nigerian Scammers and fruit loop losers that run ads on their sites and all other dating sites.

[Rob In NC]

This guy is too funny, talk about setting up rules and litmus tests : I am sexy therefore I'm a former slut who can't cook or apparently nurture either.

And what a romantic, referring to sex as getting " hammered by a bunch of guys", Gee Rob, how many girls have YOU hammered and how are YOUR cooking and nurturing skills ?!?

 

Hey darlin', romance is my middle name;) . I can cook too.

[peace_pipe]

My sister told her BF,now fionce that he quit smoking or she won't get married lol... He quit 1 month after!....He is now a non smoker...pretty dedicated to his relationship eh?

 

I would have dumped her. Anyone that would miss out on love because someone smokes has their priorities all mixed up.

 

What's next... xbox, a beer?

 

sucker

[peace_pipe]

Actually quite the opposite. You don't really get what you are looking for , you only get what they want you to believe. Married ?? Ooops forgot to tell you that . Unemployed , Yeahhh for quite a while but I thought I would put $ 150,000 as my income . Woopseee...

 

I don't advise anyone to find someone on~line. I know some have been lucky but companies like M****.com would be out of business if they posted all the Nigerian Scammers and fruit loop losers that run ads on their sites and all other dating sites.

 

Sadly, I would have to agree here. I have found internet dating to be much worse than the dating world. Not only do you get put up with all of the mind games that are associated with dating, but you get to waste time on "sexy babe" when she's really ugly because she lied on her profile.

[peace_pipe]

I don't want to come off as sounding full of myself but....I too consider myself a quality woman. I have a good education, I take good care of myself, I volunteer my time to those who need it, and I have a great job.

 

I also will not date someone who smokes. I think they tend to smell bad, have yellowish teeth, and are prime candidates for cancer down the road. Did I mention the smell? I love to kiss and I could never get passed that horrible breath. I also have no desire to get seriously involved with someone that I get to watch killling themselves every single day as they light up. That is just me.

 

I have this friend Matt. He is a great guy. Fantastic sense of humor, great job, decent looking, not a bad package. He also complains that he can never meet a quality girl. He has also been passed on a number of times because he smokes. I am not saying that being a smoker = being a bad person or a skank. It just has been his experience that if he dates someone that smokes, she ends up being crazy, a skank, or just not that concerned about the rest of her health.

 

I agree with the posters that say you meet quality people in quality places. Try online. It worked for me and my husband. You get to lay it all out there and get exactly what you are looking for.

 

Please consider not smoking. You will most likely smell better and live longer :-) Just my two cents.

 

Most women who have such a problem with smoking are often overbearing and controlling. It usually does not stop with smoking and carries over into many other areas of the relationship. It will quickly escalate from smoking to xbox, then beer, then friends, then whatever else strikes you that particular day.

[Trimmer]

So, peace_pipe... you asked if your situation - and your difficulty at finding synergistic dates - is rare. You feel strongly about the smoking issue, and I accept and understand that you are firm and confident in your stance.

 

But does it say anything to you that in a thread which could have gone a number of different ways, most everyone jumped in with strong opinions about the smoking - that this was the issue that everyone keyed on?

 

Irrespective of your strong stance, if smoking turns out to be a factor for a lot of "quality" women, you can complain all you want and stand as firm on your opinion as you wish, but at the end of the day, if they aren't interested - for whatever reason - they aren't interested. Maybe you should consider this a blessing - that any woman so shallow, overbearing, and controlling as to be put off by your smoking will automatically screen herself out from your dating pool. Doesn't that at least save you some number of pointless, dead-end dates?

[peace_pipe]

Back to my original question: Is my situation rare?

 

Facts:

 

I am a decent looking guy, workout 3x a week at least... 6' tall. I have a decent career.

 

Now before you go calling me superficial, I also treat people well and generally get along with everyone.

 

So, I ask you again. Is my situation rare? I have been told I am a good catch. So is it rare for a "good catch" to be single for nearly 3 years?

[Mary3]

Sadly, I would have to agree here. I have found internet dating to be much worse than the dating world. Not only do you get put up with all of the mind games that are associated with dating, but you get to waste time on "sexy babe" when she's really ugly because she lied on her profile.

 

Well she could put " Ugly mall rat looking hag with yellow teeth looking for rich handsome successful guy " but I doubt she would get 100's of responses...

[justagirlforever]

So, I ask you again. Is my situation rare? I have been told I am a good catch. So is it rare for a "good catch" to be single for nearly 3 years?

 

Well - as you keep asking the question and you already have 3 pages of response, what would you like the answer to be?

 

Because clearly you're not hearing what you want to hear

[oh_what_am_I_doing]

I can't believe more people aren't ripping peacepipe a new one over leaving the girl at the bar who was already seeing three other guys. Mary3, I agree with you on this issue. WHO CARES if she was dating four guys?!?! Now if she was in committed relationships with four guys, she'd have a problem, but just to go out on dates with four guys is no big deal. When I started meeting guys online, my dating opportunities were seemingly boundless. I met five guys in two weeks! (And I would HARDLY call myself a slut... I am a teacher and pretty conservative). Then when I met guy number five, I canceled the two or three dates I had to meet a few more men because I had found the one. Now we're getting in married in five months Anyway... back to the subject at hand.

 

So to recap, peacepipe, if you want to meet someone special, don't automatically eliminate someone just because they're seeing multiple people. If they really like you, then they will quit seeing the others. Or if they don't agree to quit seeing the others after the committment talk, then it's okay to walk away from them in a bar.

 

I don't think it's really necessary to go on and on about how mad the smoking comments made me, but perhaps just a quick two cents would suffice. If you smoke, you will not get a date from me. PERIOD. No two ways about it- I just don't feel like kissing an ash try for the rest of my life and paving the way for my family to die of lung cancer. Smoking is a deal breaker for many, many people, peacepipe, whether you like it or not. I find it funny that you have so many of your own dealbreakers yet you fail to recognize the importance of someone else's dealbreakers. A dealbreaker is a personal thing. No one else can tell you what your dealbreakers should be, but I will tell you that smoking is a very common one. Being free of an ex-spouse and children is another common one, but it looks like you're good there.

[halfarock]

Is my situation rare?

 

Is your situation rare? Let’s see, a thirty year old man who is expecting to find a virgin who doesn’t mind having cigarette smoke blown in her face wondering why he can’t find a suitable mate. Sadly there are a large number of men around like you. Who told you that you were a good catch anyhow, your grandmother? From reading your posts I get this image of you sitting on your couch, a cigarette dangling out the side of your mouth, a game controller in your hands, beer cans strewn about. Yea I can just imagine women getting all excited about that.

[peace_pipe]

Well - as you keep asking the question and you already have 3 pages of response, what would you like the answer to be?

 

Because clearly you're not hearing what you want to hear

 

 

Okay, go ahead and assume you want to "hear" something.

 

I posted a direct question and somehow we got side tracked on such a small issue like smoking.

 

So why don't you post another ignorant, pretentious post to make yourself feel cool?

[peace_pipe]

I can't believe more people aren't ripping peacepipe a new one over leaving the girl at the bar who was already seeing three other guys. Mary3, I agree with you on this issue. WHO CARES if she was dating four guys?!?! Now if she was in committed relationships with four guys, she'd have a problem, but just to go out on dates with four guys is no big deal. When I started meeting guys online, my dating opportunities were seemingly boundless. I met five guys in two weeks! (And I would HARDLY call myself a slut... I am a teacher and pretty conservative). Then when I met guy number five, I canceled the two or three dates I had to meet a few more men because I had found the one. Now we're getting in married in five months Anyway... back to the subject at hand.

 

So to recap, peacepipe, if you want to meet someone special, don't automatically eliminate someone just because they're seeing multiple people. If they really like you, then they will quit seeing the others. Or if they don't agree to quit seeing the others after the committment talk, then it's okay to walk away from them in a bar.

 

I don't think it's really necessary to go on and on about how mad the smoking comments made me, but perhaps just a quick two cents would suffice. If you smoke, you will not get a date from me. PERIOD. No two ways about it- I just don't feel like kissing an ash try for the rest of my life and paving the way for my family to die of lung cancer. Smoking is a deal breaker for many, many people, peacepipe, whether you like it or not. I find it funny that you have so many of your own dealbreakers yet you fail to recognize the importance of someone else's dealbreakers. A dealbreaker is a personal thing. No one else can tell you what your dealbreakers should be, but I will tell you that smoking is a very common one. Being free of an ex-spouse and children is another common one, but it looks like you're good there.

 

I am able to summurize a response to your entire post in one sentence:

 

Just because you chose to date someone who disrespects you by dating and being physical with other people does not mean I have to.

[peace_pipe]

Is your situation rare? Let’s see, a thirty year old man who is expecting to find a virgin who doesn’t mind having cigarette smoke blown in her face wondering why he can’t find a suitable mate. Sadly there are a large number of men around like you. Who told you that you were a good catch anyhow, your grandmother? From reading your posts I get this image of you sitting on your couch, a cigarette dangling out the side of your mouth, a game controller in your hands, beer cans strewn about. Yea I can just imagine women getting all excited about that.

 

Apparently, I should have taken more caution when asking for advice on the internet.

 

I smoke cigarettes and this person hears "fat ass nerdy dude"? Lol

 

You know what? I do smoke and I do play XBOX.....

 

I also happen to work out and have a great body. I happen to have a lot of other things I am good at too.

 

Now can you compose a response that makes any sense?

[Enema]

I imagine that most single 30 year old guys are blind to their own faults.

 

So no, your situation is not rare.

[Trimmer]

Just because you chose to date someone who disrespects you by dating and being physical with other people does not mean I have to.

Actually, I can't find a place prior to this post where you mention anything other than that she was "dating" other guys. Nothing about being physical. Your initial comment was:

 

Went on a date with a girl who told me that she was dating 3 other guys. I left her at the club.

 

I have no problem with someone who goes on dates with multiple people, especially if she is honest enough about it to get it out on the table on her first date with me. On the other hand, if she was being physical with multiple partners, that wouldn't work for me. If that's the case, you didn't give us the whole story about her initially.

 

Okay, go ahead and assume you want to "hear" something.

 

I posted a direct question and somehow we got side tracked on such a small issue like smoking.

 

No, you actually posted several questions. The first one "Is my situation rare?" is a yes/no that's really a pretty useless and uninteresting one to most of us though, isn't it? It depends on so many things that are particular to one's individual situation that it seems senseless to answer it in general. Where do you live, where do you meet women, what is the age and marital status demographic of your area, what are you really like in the big picture... A simple answer for all single men of your age across the world: no, probably not rare. Question answered.

 

On the other hand, I'll recommend you go review your original post which you ended with another very direct, clear question to the community:

Why do they pass me up?

...and that's the one you don't seem inclined to listen to our responses to. If you don't want the answers, don't ask the question.