is my situation rare?

[Teddy and Jane]

I would have dumped her. Anyone that would miss out on love because someone smokes has their priorities all mixed up.

 

What's next... xbox, a beer?

 

sucker

 

I think it's awesome and shows he truly loves her, wants to be with her, cares about her health, cares about the fact that she now won't have to go through him dying of lung cancer, cares about her comfort (breathing smokey air sucks), cares about being a healthy role model for their future kids, cares about having a home that doesn't reek of smoke, and wants his wife to truly enjoy kissing him......that's awesome.

[SmokinGRedheADCluB]

Ok, so everyone has a stopping ground. But, I don't single out someone just because they smoke. I mean common take a look around you; pollution, the chemicals in the food... it's not just cigarettes that kill. It just gets me mad that some people label smokers as 'bad.' I grew up with smokers and never have I been a prude towards the idea, hell I even smoke myself now.

 

But anyways, I just think it's pretty ****ty. And like peace_pipe said, if you got with someone, came to feel for them and all that would you leave them if they suddenly picked up smoking?

 

Or how about this? You get together with someone and they suddenly change their hair colour but you hate it... you going to kiss them goodbye because of it?

 

Think about it.

[Trimmer]

Ok, so everyone has a stopping ground. But, I don't single out someone just because they smoke. I mean common take a look around you; pollution, the chemicals in the food... it's not just cigarettes that kill. It just gets me mad that some people label smokers as 'bad.' I grew up with smokers and never have I been a prude towards the idea, hell I even smoke myself now.

I can't speak for anyone else here, but for me, I can decide that smoking is a "prefer not" condition of the people I date, without that being the same as labelling smokers as "bad." Hey, some of my best friends...

 

But anyways, I just think it's pretty ****ty. And like peace_pipe said, if you got with someone, came to feel for them and all that would you leave them if they suddenly picked up smoking?

 

Or how about this? You get together with someone and they suddenly change their hair colour but you hate it... you going to kiss them goodbye because of it?

 

Think about it.

C'mon, those questions are about as useful as asking what if you got together with someone and she suddenly started drinking heavily and taking her clothes off in bars. You going to kiss her goodbye because of it?

 

The point is, we all have filters and conditions. For some reason peace_pipe feels like he is being filtered out from the field of "quality" women, so he asked "why?" Whether it is a valid reason to him or not, the responses on this thread should reveal that smoking is, for at least some people, one of their filters.

 

But as I said earlier, since he thinks most of these women are likely to be "overbearing and controlling", it should actually come as good news that they automatically filter themselves out of his dating pool. Sounds like a win-win to me; why are we all still arguing about it?

[Mary3]

I can't believe more people aren't ripping peacepipe a new one over leaving the girl at the bar who was already seeing three other guys. Mary3, I agree with you on this issue. WHO CARES if she was dating four guys?!?! Now if she was in committed relationships with four guys, she'd have a problem, but just to go out on dates with four guys is no big deal. When I started meeting guys online, my dating opportunities were seemingly boundless. I met five guys in two weeks! (And I would HARDLY call myself a slut... I am a teacher and pretty conservative). Then when I met guy number five, I canceled the two or three dates I had to meet a few more men because I had found the one. Now we're getting in married in five months Anyway... back to the subject at hand.

 

So to recap, peacepipe, if you want to meet someone special, don't automatically eliminate someone just because they're seeing multiple people. If they really like you, then they will quit seeing the others. Or if they don't agree to quit seeing the others after the committment talk, then it's okay to walk away from them in a bar.

 

I don't think it's really necessary to go on and on about how mad the smoking comments made me, but perhaps just a quick two cents would suffice. If you smoke, you will not get a date from me. PERIOD. No two ways about it- I just don't feel like kissing an ash try for the rest of my life and paving the way for my family to die of lung cancer. Smoking is a deal breaker for many, many people, peacepipe, whether you like it or not. I find it funny that you have so many of your own dealbreakers yet you fail to recognize the importance of someone else's dealbreakers. A dealbreaker is a personal thing. No one else can tell you what your dealbreakers should be, but I will tell you that smoking is a very common one. Being free of an ex-spouse and children is another common one, but it looks like you're good there.

 

I totally agree with this post where a woman is * single * and dates a selection of others. Note I said * goes on dates * . A woman who can sift through the garbage and find the right man has absolute right to do so and even tell the man she is out on a date with that she is seeing others as well. ( If he asks ) Note again : I'm not saying * sleeping * with others. I mean going out with different men until she finds the one that knows how to treat her right.

 

One man ( 3 years ago ) was mortified that I told him I go out on dates with different men ( because I was single ) and he said I was a whore.

 

Soon after he called me back and was masterbating and calling me a whore again .. ( I get all the nice ones ) lol

 

Thats the internet 3 years ago. You can see why I don't go there much anymore..

[justagirlforever]

Okay, go ahead and assume you want to "hear" something.

 

I posted a direct question and somehow we got side tracked on such a small issue like smoking.

 

So why don't you post another ignorant, pretentious post to make yourself feel cool?

 

Cool? What's cool? I don't have a cool-ness scale or the need to prove my "coolness" to a faceless internet forum. I'm stating the obvious. You're harping on asking the questions over and over again.

 

Asking the same questions in a slightly different way, will still not necessarily give you the response you're looking for.

 

Are you looking for some kind of validation?

I get the distinct feeling that you clearly are not open to our opinions - yet you ask them (and keep asking them).

 

...and that's the one you don't seem inclined to listen to our responses to. If you don't want the answers, don't ask the question.

 

Thank you Trimmer.

[halfarock]

…Now can you compose a response that makes any sense?

I’m no expert by any means but I talk to lots of different people and I am very observant. I always hear single women around your age (late 20’s early 30’s) complaining about guys their age. Top on their list is that the guys think that they are better than they are and that they are immature. I’ve actually heard this line more than a few times, “He’s so immature he still plays video games.” Or this one, “He actually thought that he was so great that I would just fall for him.”

 

I really don’t know what you mean exactly by “quality women”. I suppose it is something different to different people.

 

In your original post it sounds as if you are trying to find and marry the perfect girl before your dad dies. If this is your motivation then you are more than likely to fail. You just can’t go out and find a “quality” woman like you go out and find a “quality” car.

 

I’ve always had a way with women and don’t have most of the problems with women that many other men seem to have. I’m more likely to just go hang out with a woman or a group of women or with a group that includes women without any expectations. After awhile, sometimes rather quickly, I might discover that I very much like hanging out with a particular woman – much more than any of the others. This causes me to want to hang out with her more. The more I hang out with her the more I like her, or not. And, of course there is a lot of flirting going on in the process. This should give you an idea how it works. So, even if it doesn’t work out we are still friends and I haven’t failed as some guys feel when things don’t work out.

 

Not surprisingly, the women that I like best tend to like me back just as much. That is because our relationship to each other is built on our interaction with each other and not on some preconceived notions.

[peace_pipe]

Actually, I can't find a place prior to this post where you mention anything other than that she was "dating" other guys. Nothing about being physical. Your initial comment was:

 

So women who date around NEVER get physical? Wow, you need a reality check.

[peace_pipe]

Ok, so everyone has a stopping ground. But, I don't single out someone just because they smoke. I mean common take a look around you; pollution, the chemicals in the food... it's not just cigarettes that kill. It just gets me mad that some people label smokers as 'bad.' I grew up with smokers and never have I been a prude towards the idea, hell I even smoke myself now.

 

But anyways, I just think it's pretty ****ty. And like peace_pipe said, if you got with someone, came to feel for them and all that would you leave them if they suddenly picked up smoking?

 

Or how about this? You get together with someone and they suddenly change their hair colour but you hate it... you going to kiss them goodbye because of it?

 

Think about it.

 

You are right on the money.

[peace_pipe]

But as I said earlier, since he thinks most of these women are likely to be "overbearing and controlling", it should actually come as good news that they automatically filter themselves out of his dating pool. Sounds like a win-win to me; why are we all still arguing about it?

 

[sIZE=2]It is a win-win situation in a way.

I am discussing it because I am single and frustrated!

[/sIZE]

[Trimmer]

So women who date around NEVER get physical? Wow, you need a reality check.

That is as sensible an interpretation of my point as if I were to ask you: so, a woman who says she is dating one or more men is ALWAYS getting physical? You can't assume either ALWAYS or NEVER. You talk about it and set boundaries. In your first post, you didn't communicate that. My point still stands - in my life, I don't have a problem with a person going on dates with more than one other person at a time. Once you start to get physical, it's time to get exclusive. I'm still not clear from your posts whether the woman you left at the bar told you she was physical with other men, or whether you assumed it from the knowledge that she "dates" other men.

 

No, I'm not ridiculous enough to think that a woman who says she is dating NEVER gets physical - do you assume that she ALWAYS get physical?

 

That's my own boundary. You brought it up; I was contributing my viewpoint to the discussion.

 

It is a win-win situation in a way.

I am discussing it because I am single and frustrated!

Well, you can either sit on your principals and keep doing the exact same thing and hope for a different outcome eventually, or you can consider making some kind of a change, some way, somehow. Allowing that we all have certain areas that are non-negotiable (for example, it sounds like smoking will remain a part of your life...), has there been anything else in the discussions here that has prompted any thoughts about making changes, major or minor?

[Teddy and Jane]

Ok, so everyone has a stopping ground. But, I don't single out someone just because they smoke. I mean common take a look around you; pollution, the chemicals in the food... it's not just cigarettes that kill. It just gets me mad that some people label smokers as 'bad.' I grew up with smokers and never have I been a prude towards the idea, hell I even smoke myself now.

 

But anyways, I just think it's pretty ****ty. And like peace_pipe said, if you got with someone, came to feel for them and all that would you leave them if they suddenly picked up smoking?

 

Or how about this? You get together with someone and they suddenly change their hair colour but you hate it... you going to kiss them goodbye because of it?

 

Think about it.

Most people when they're adults just don't start a smoking habit. Honestly I have never had trouble finding men to date who don't smoke and any men I've dated have felt the same way about not wanting to date women who smoke. I just don't like being around someone who smokes.

I do not think people who smoke are bad. I just won't date them.

[Guest]

I know why they pass you by. I'm just passing through and already I can tell you're an idiot.