sumdude Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 I don't know the link posting rules here but they aren't selling anything. I found it to be a good resource. This describes pretty succinctly how it happens. From my perspective as the 'leavee' it nails it. http://www.divorcerecovery101.com/leavor.html Link to post Share on other sites
quiet1one1 Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 interesting. so maybe I become the leavor before I become the leavee? Link to post Share on other sites
hurting_in_nw Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 Looks spot on to me. Link to post Share on other sites
AHIWON Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 I can relate to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 That was interesting...but thinly veiled gender bias on who is the leavOR and who is the leavEE (at least I thought so). Also, it ignores situations where the leavOR has been asking leavEE for weeks, months, or years to help them fix the R, but leavEE has been in denial or deaf to the warnings. Just my thoughts. I get the point, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sumdude Posted April 5, 2007 Author Share Posted April 5, 2007 That was interesting...but thinly veiled gender bias on who is the leavOR and who is the leavEE (at least I thought so). Also, it ignores situations where the leavOR has been asking leavEE for weeks, months, or years to help them fix the R, but leavEE has been in denial or deaf to the warnings. Just my thoughts. I get the point, though. Hmm... I didn't see much bias. I think it's just a matter of who you relate to. Yes usually if there are kids involved they stay with the woman but not always. My best freind's wife left him and the boy. In this day and age it's so different with so many couples both working. Women have the option to get out as easily as men. It used to be the man leaves, pays the support etc etc. MAybe the husband had dalliances or the wife got her's in secrecy for years while he's at work but they keep it going anyway. How many people have a pretty poor marriage relationship but keep it going for the kids? How many truly happy couples married 10+ years do you know? Since somewhere between 40 - 60 % divorce the ones that stay together may have a 50% happiness rate or something like that. It can't fit every situation perfectly but the bottom line is that it's usually a relatively long process to the leavor and a sudden shock to the leavee. The slow erosion of 'being in love'. One day the passion or whatever that special something is gone. The resentments build and the person leaving has enough negative feelings and probably creates extra to finally make the decision to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 Mustang Sallysaid "That was interesting...but thinly veiled gender bias on who is the leavOR and who is the leavEE (at least I thought so)." 90% of all divorces are filed by women. At the beginning of her third marriage prior to the age of 35, a friend of my LTR GF said, "If it doesn't work out, I'll just get out of it the same way I did the last one." IMHO, more often than not it is women that leave men, and that is mostly in part to women being socially and culturally conditioned since early childhood, that they’re suppose to grow up and go out and find "Prince Charming" whose going to be the answers and solutions to all of their dreams and problems ~ that is to say some women believe that its some man’s whose responsible for their personal happiness, instead of being responsible for it themselves. When the man can’t deliver the goods 100% of the time ~ they’re out of here. Having been there and done that. I think I’ll just keep on learning how to be happy by my single self. Half of all first time marriages end in divorce ~ sixty two percent of second marriage, with it being about seventy-two percent for third time marriages (Dr. Phil) Of the half that stay married ~ half of them are going to end up being widows or widowers. With most just living together in a martial comma, long ago having become complacent and loveless. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 90% of all divorces are filed by women. Agreed here as well, when I read this article I was picturing a woman as the leaver. Although I'm sure men do this to, I would be willing to bet money that this applies mainly to what women do to men, and it's happen more often now than it ever was. I also believe the article to be a true depiction of it's context. Regards, Link to post Share on other sites
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