My gut and heart says yes but he says I dunno

[MichelleyBelly]

When I had jus turned 16 I had met my first love. We stayed together for over 2 years and had a flawless relationship and were engaged. We were not only together as partners we were together as best friends.

 

When I had turned 18 I was soo confused and frusterated by so many things. I wanted independence but I wanted to be with him. It started to really depress me. For the two years that we were together we would see eachother everyday and I basically ditched all my friends to be with him and his friends.

 

Tryin to figure out what I needed to do I started to spend less time with him and in that time I got myself involved with drugs. This pushed me away from him and wanted more independence. I broke it off. I am now clean ( I was doing Meth ) and I have come down the biggest come down of my life and reality has hit me harder then ever.

 

It has been 2 1/2 years since we broke up and I cant get him off my mind. I think about how much of a freaken fool I was to give up a future of happiness with him and that he was soo perfect for me and I was sooo perfect for him. I bumped into him and I had to tell him how I felt but I did it through an email and here it is:

 

Heya <name removed>

 

How have you been? I dont know how to start this but... basically I still have pretty intense feelings for you. Its not cause I had jus bumped into you recently this has been going through my head for quite sometime now actually a long time. I know I was the one that broke up with you but I cant say I regret it cause it was what made me realize how much you meant to me.

 

I hope to God you dont think of me as a cold (Censored) for that cause it wasnt easy at all! and leaving and seeing you made me ache in the most potent way, that and also having to let go of the bestest friend I had ever made in my life.

 

Once in a while I would pull out every card and letter you have written to me along the pics and read and look at em and it burns and wounds me sooo badly. I jus sit there and cry extremely confused and frusterated and I would get this hopeless empty feeling, those things that made me once have tears of joy give me sad tears. I never had it in me to be able to let you know how I felt so I jus stuffed it up and tried to move on.

 

I tried dating and other relationships but I wouldnt let them work out cause one question always came up and the question jus got more and more intense as I tried more and more to move on. That question was "did I let go of something that was meant to be? ".

 

Well thats how I feel now, I let go of something that was meant to be. I cant let this question linger anymore so I need you to answer it for me. I respect whatever you have to say to me even if it involves you ragin at me.

 

I know once I get an answer to all this it will make everything a lot easier and I know I can understand and deal with whatever you may have to say. I am sorry if this letter sounds like it was written by a 5 year old. :/

 

I hope this doesnt scare you off and that you can still consider me a friend and that we could go boarding still.........

 

Michelle

 

Please write back

 

he replyed with ;

 

 

Michelle

 

Wow, honestly, I had no idea you felt this way at all. After we broke up I had a very large emptiness inside for a long time. I didnt know what to do, I tried seeing other people and it just wasn't working. I missed you immensely but never ever thought of the chance of getting you back.

 

The thought of us not being together anymore was eating at me more than you can imagine. All I could do was push it down further and try to not think about it, I figured it was all just a lost cause.

 

I have no idea if it was meant to be or not because I cannot be certain of that at this time. I don't know if either of us can tell of what becomes of our futures. Time will only tell I guess.

 

I won't, however, ever forget the times we had together. I can still, to this day, consider lots of them the best i've ever had. I always drift off and remember how much fun we all had back in the day and miss it so much.

 

But anyways, how have you been? It was nice getting to see you again the other nite at esquires. I had a lot of fun talking to you again. You should stop by more often or give me a call, you have my number now. I am definately down for hanging out and chill'n an' ill'n..haha. So feel free to write me back, or give me a call, it would be really nice to get to see you more often. I even miss just hanging out with you.

 

love ya always....

 

<name removed>.

 

Well, this was about 2 months ago. When I wrote the email I didnt realize he was still with his gurl that he started dating 8 months after we had broke up.

 

So they have been together for about two years. There relationship from what I have seen is alright they do fight lots and he gets pissed at her lots. Something him and I never encountered. Me and him have chilled quit a bit. I see him about 5 nights a week cause all of our friends chill at the same place.

 

One night when we were drinkin me and him went to talk I told him I wont me able to fall for anyone else like I did for him and that I love him so much.

 

He responded I love you too but I know you can fall in love with someone else, trust me. He was rubbing my back and comforting me cause I was upset and he kissed me on the forehead. Just stayed there comforting me.

 

Then I asked him do you think we will ever get back together? and he still responds with I dont know. Then I asked him are you just saying that or do you think in ur heart there is a chance. I told him its okay if he says no and he reponded with I really dont know right now.

 

Understandable he is with this gurl and he isnt the type of guy who would hurt someone. I just really dont know what to do with myself. I know him and I had a better relationship together then him and his current girlfriend. He treats her like total **** sometimes and when he was with me he wouldnt even raise his voice or show any side of negativity towards me.

 

He is totally worth waiting for I know u guys would say move on but seriously Him and I had the greatest times together and still do when were together. I guess what I am asking is do you think that there is chance for us? I fear them gettin married.

 

He is 21 and she jus turned 21 they have been together for about 2 years and dont see eachother very often. he is gonna be 22 in may. I need him back.

[Tony T]

You got on drugs and hurt the hell out of him by breaking up with him so you could pursue drugs and you want him to just jump for joy that you want him back. No way, hun!

 

He sounds like a great guy but when somebody breaks your heart in itty bitty pieces, only the most insane of people will gladly welcome that person into his or her life again.

 

I think you have a chance with this guy but you're going to have to take a LOT of time, a LONG time, and it's a gamble. He's got to get used to the idea that you have changed back to the person he used to know.

 

Also, understand that you are in an age range where people change rapidly and grow as humans. He may have grown in a different direction as you. When a person is trying to heal from a heartbreak, staying in love with the person they're trying to move on from is not the prescribed method. Sure, he's going to hesitate a lot.

 

Take your time with this one, if you wish. But be warned there's only a 50/50 chance. Don't press him hard, don't pressure him, push him in any way. Don't even bring up the subject of getting back together again....not for a good while....or until he may bring it up.

 

While his current relationship may not be a keeper, it's likely she came along at a time when he was hurting from his breakup with you. Those normally don't last but they have to run their course.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't take myself completely out of circulation on the odds that this guy will come back.

 

There is definitely a chance but he's going to move very very slowly if he makes a decision to explore a relationship with you. In his mind, he's gone through immense pain and hurt and he's now asking himself if he wants to risk that again. It makes no difference what you say because you gave him assurances you'd be together forever before...and then you broke up. The guy is only human. Give him a break. Stay off his back.

 

I also strongly advise you to keep from trying to break up his current relationship, no matter how bad you think it is. That is his to do, not yours. Never interfere with the relationship of another person.

 

I do hope this works out for you...but if it doesn't, you have some good information for teaching your kids about the dangers of drugs if and when you have some.

[Ally Boo]

It takes a lot to ask someone to throw something away that is "functional" compared to what your heart wants. It's the whole battle of the mind and heart. He's just got to decide what he wants more. Compare his losses to his gains....it's probably something he's considering, but it will take time for him to decide...and it will take time to prove to him that you aren't going to hurt him again.

 

Good luck.

[MichelleyBelly]

any advice on how to make things happen?

[mighty bop]

Go talk to him.

[MichelleyBelly]

Its been four months and nothing has happened. Were still friends but he is with her. I am puttin myself through too much pain and cant stop thinking about " what if I would have told him earlier when I first started to feel this way would we be together and happy once again? ". How long is too long to wait? I would give the world to get him back but if they get married that would KILL me. How can I get over this once and for all?

[clia]

You can get over this by forgetting about him and moving on with your life. He is with her now, and there is nothing you can do about it. Forget about him, don't contact him, and move on with your life. Date other guys. Pursue your career. Spend quality time with your friends. Go to the gym. Whatever. That, my dear, is the magical answer. It will be hard, but you can do it and you can get through this.

[MichelleyBelly]

Well avoiding contact and stuff is almost impossible. He is friends with all my friends. I end up seeing him even if I dont want to. Im not gonna avoid my friends to avoid him.

[clia]

Surely he isn't always around your friends. Can you find out when he's going to be there and avoid those outings, at least for the short term? Or plan things with your friends without him, at least for the short term?

[Just A Girl2]

Going to comment here, on something you wrote up above:

 

I know him and I had a better relationship together then him and his current girlfriend. He treats her like total **** sometimes and when he was with me he wouldnt even raise his voice or show any side of negativity towards me.

 

Take a look at what you wrote here.

 

First of all, you simply can't say that you and he had a better relationship than him and her....you're only seeing him out in public when you're all hanging out with friends.....you don't see how they get along when you're not around. He's been together with her for 2 yrs so I'd say things can't be that bad between them.

 

Secondly, you say he treats her like total "****" ....well that's pretty rude, don't you think? What kind of guy would treat his g/f of 2 yrs (or even 2 months) like crap? Doesn't sound like a very nice/respectful guy to me. Maybe he's changed since you were with him...and he's now just the type to treat all g/f's like sh*t..did you ever consider that? He could be with you and doing the same thing.

 

Why would want to be with a guy who you've witnessed, treating his girlfriend like crap...raising his voice to her, talking to her negatively. He sounds like a rude chump. Come on, you should have higher aspirations than that.

 

The past is the past. You were both much younger then. He's obviously very much into his current girlfriend or he wouldn't be with her. You have to move on and get on with your life.

 

If you find it hard to avoid him because he's friends with your friends, well make new friends......or start suggesting that a few of your friends hang out at a different place...somewhere he won't be. It's not that hard to do. True friends will not want to see you hurting by being at a place where he is, with his girlfriend, especially knowing that you still have feelings for him.

[Bill]

[color=red]He treats her like total **** sometimes and when he was with me he wouldnt even raise his voice or show any side of negativity towards me.[/color]

 

No guy should treat his girlfriend like ****. You paint this guy like some freaking angel or something... that he is not. You have just proved it.

 

If I ever see a guy raise his voice to his girlfriend, I will beat the **** out of him. That is COMPLETELY disrespectful.

[Netucation26]

Hi

I'm sorry that you're going through a tough time right now. I'm sure there are facets of your ex-boyfriend's personality and appearance that you find attractive. The fact remains that he is involved with someone else. Whether his current relationship works out or not depends on the two of them...not you.

 

I'm sure you miss the past, but are you wanting things to start up again with your ex because of the past, or are you looking at your future as well? Sometimes people focus on what was and not what is. People change. You mentioned that you witnessed him treat his current love interest like dirt.

 

What if he is only "selectively nice?" (means he is only nice to who he wants, when he wants to be) Is that what you'd want for yourself? Truly nice people are not just kind whenever they feel like it. I suspect that he is nice, but you also knew him a long time ago. Even if you see him a lot, he might not be revealing who he truly is. The fact that you may have seen him raise his voice, treat his g/f badly, etc is not good for her. It probably makes her feel humiliated and feel badly. If you noticed it, chances are other people do as well. That's not good. That would be sending me a red flag right there.

 

Granted, I don't know the full scope of the situation, but maybe it would be better to make new friends or meet your other friends elsewhere. if they are truly your friends, they will respect your feelings. If you visit other places more frequently, you will have a greater chance to meet other people.

 

You might enjoy being with others equally as much as your ex. You will never know unless you give it a try. I understand how difficult it is, but the more time you spend going to the same place where your ex is, the more time you will spend pining over the past. No one is an island. Meet someone whom is available, first of all. You've already asked him if he would go out with you again. He gave you an answer. If he isn't ready or doesn't know... that should be the end of it. Don't wait too long. You could be missing out on other opportunities. I hope this helps.

 

Dana