Would you date this guy? A cheating confession...

[loquaciousl]

I've been casually dating this guy for a month now. We've seen each other a number of times and have agreed "taking it slow" is the best course of action. As we've gotten to know each other, I find he (I am a girl) is sweet, smart, sexy, and caring. He's a lot of what I look for in someone. Taking it slow has been hard for me but where I'm at in my life has helped me to relish doing so as I am really developing a love for myself, which is great....anyhow, back to the situation.

 

I was talking on the phone with this guy tonight. We got onto the subject of past relationships and I asked him what happened with his last relationship. There was a pause and he told me that he had been with a girl for a year and a half and it was pretty serious. He made the mistake of having drinks with an ex girlfriend and according to him he had a few drinks and ended up hanging out at his ex's place. He said she was all over him and he ended up fooling around with her, but didn't have sex. Anyhow, his girlfriend at the time found out about his indiscretion and dumped him on the spot. On a unbiased level, I understand why she dumped him as I would do the same thing. He then went on to tell me that part of why he is taking it slow with me is because he is coming to terms with what he did and doesn't think it's a good idea to jump back into a relationship. We got into a pretty deep discussion and I told him that while everyone makes mistakes and loses out pretty big as a result of their mistakes that I am not pressuring him into anything. Here's the thing. I like this guy a lot. I have other men on the back burner but aside from this HUGE thing I am really digging this guy. I told him that trust is huge for me and that while I like him that if he was to be with me at some point that I wouldn't want it to be a rebound because I deserve more. He said that he knows that I am wife material and a great catch and all that jazz. He also says he is digging me and he is really attracted to me and doesn't see us as just friends. I admire his honesty, as he could of lied, and I know that this is a big bit of baggage. I told him that I wouldn't want to be a replacement for what he has lost as this ex won't talk to him ever again.

 

Instinct tells me to keep on talking with him and build a foundation with him. I think people make mistakes and I know he feels bad about what he did. But instinct also tells me to be extremely cautious and not put all of my eggs into one basket. It's weird because this aside we both see we have tons in common and are wildly attracted to one another. I know he likes me, but at the same time I know that he has **** to deal with. Part of me thinks I just need to date other people as well and see what happens here, too. I don't know, it seems complicated, but also he is pretty amazing. Advice?

[norajane]

His ex, whom he was dating for a "year and a half and it was pretty serious" dumped him because he fooled around one night with his previous ex.

 

AND, he told you "he is coming to terms with what he did and doesn't think it's a good idea to jump back into a relationship."

 

That alone should make you very cautious. Not only is the cheating thing an issue, but his ex dumped him...meaning, he probably still has unresolved feelings for her...it was pretty serious between them.

 

Take it slow, date other people too. Don't put all your eggs in this guy's basket, as he is telling you he's not ready, and you don't know him very well.

[Javelin]

He would have had a chance if he didn't include the alcohol in his testimony. I really want to know how your significant other ends up at their ex's apartment after drinks.

 

Bah, back on track... Suggestions.. I say leave him alone for now. Why? Well, you know what he is capable of if there's alcohol involved. Simply, he cannot control himself. Yes I know, people make mistakes but, he grown man! That said, he should have known better in that situation, especially being out with an ex-girlfriend. I bet his current girlfriend at the time didn't know where he was either.

 

Bah, do what you want I suppose, but just remember! Now you'll have something to worry about if you progress to the intimate lovey-dovey stage of your relationship with him.

[reservoirdog1]

I have a pretty low regard for cheaters generally.

 

That being said... it impresses me somewhat that he told you. He could just as easily have said "we just weren't right for each other" and you'd never have been any the wiser. Yet, for whatever reason, he decided to tell you what he did.

 

Whatever happens, though, TAKE IT SLOW WITH HIM. Firstly because he MAY be the kind of person who'll cheat, at least after drinking, and secondly, because, like he says, he may have some personal shyt to deal with before he'd make a good partner.

[LoveLace]

I think he sounds like a decent guy, other than the cheating. It sounds as though you like each other a lot. And it sounds like the communication between you is good and thorough. It was honest of him to admit to what he did, and to admit that he isn't ready for a relationship because of it. But if you were to get serious with him, I would struggle every time he went out drinking because I wouldn't trust him.

 

However it doesn't sound like he wants to get serious anyway, at least not right now, although he seems to dig you. I don't see how being friends could hurt, other than that, maybe you should move one of those back-burner guys up closer to the front...and continue with the theory that you both want to go slow, of course.

[bridget_jones]

I don't like to discuss details about exes like that. It totally turns me off. I probably wouldn't date him based just on that.

[Guest]

It sucks to judge him when he could have been dishonest, bt personally, that would give me big pause.

 

Also, as a female, in my opinion, I have had very bad experiences with guys who said stuff about being wife material or even alluded to that early on in the dating phase, it reeks of player to me.

 

Most guys who would think that would not say that, the ones who say it , it's because they want to get in your pants.

 

Another thing to think about.