You know what? I'm $@!& tired of it ..

[Ruby Tuesday]

Thank you IO, thank you so much! I read all those posts too and it was very difficult to read.

 

It will only be a year in July that he wanted to leave for OW. I think in September is when the sh*it hit the proverbial fan in H2T's household. Thats when the OW#2 came to the house to confront H2T on his lying.

 

Of course, OW is insane crazy psycho so that no one will listen to what she says about him, because he knows she came to confront him on his sh*it... so she too, is put down like that.

 

That is not very long at all, especially for a WS/FWS that hasn't yet come clean about OW #1.

 

The BW has found a purpose with her part time job and pilaties classes. H2T has found just more resaons to blame, hate and resent her for no reason.

 

She doesnt dote on his every word like the OW. You cant compare the two relationships. He's used to that special treatment and expects it now that they have "reconcilled".

 

She travels as much as she can just to get away from the situation. H2T has tirades and she gives in just to avoid it and then he turns it around on her too, because she isn't doing enough. She isn't doing it of her free will.

 

Whatsit the WS always say... I didnt think she cared about me, I didn't think she loved me... I hear that in H2T's threads all the time and its so sad... sad for the BW who lives with this day in and day out.

[portableversion]

because he doesn't have a fallback woman waiting for him on the other side!!

 

Once he does, he'll leave.

 

Guys like this need to have someone waiting for them in order to leave, they don't have the intestinal fortitude to do it on their own.

 

It's fairly obvious given the events. He's goes on vacation with wifey (after lying to OW about the state of his marriage) OW retaliates (which was hilarious) and basically kicks him to the curb, and then SUDDENLY h2t falls in love with wifey again.

 

classic narcissist, afraid to be alone.

[Hard2Think]

Your facts are wrong. The OW came back two days later to the house and asked me to come with her. I mentioned it in the old thread. I had to call the cops to get her to leave.

 

Other than that, great point

 

because he doesn't have a fallback woman waiting for him on the other side!!

 

Once he does, he'll leave.

 

Guys like this need to have someone waiting for them in order to leave, they don't have the intestinal fortitude to do it on their own.

 

It's fairly obvious given the events. He's goes on vacation with wifey (after lying to OW about the state of his marriage) OW retaliates (which was hilarious) and basically kicks him to the curb, and then SUDDENLY h2t falls in love with wifey again.

 

classic narcissist, afraid to be alone.

[Hard2Think]

I have to wonder which thread you've been reading to arrive at these conclusions.

 

..She doesnt dote on his every word like the OW. You cant compare the two relationships. He's used to that special treatment and expects it now that they have "reconcilled".

 

She travels as much as she can just to get away from the situation. H2T has tirades and she gives in just to avoid it and then he turns it around on her too, because she isn't doing enough. She isn't doing it of her free will ..

 

[Hard2Think]

No - I'm glad you're posting in this thread. It's pertinent to the situation. At least to me.

 

..I don't mean to sound like I'm whining or complaining, and I didn't mean to hi-jack this thread.

...

[Hard2Think]

Thanks for the support, LJ. I know what you mean. I couldn't post for two days - and I don't even recognize this thread!

 

But I always expect this to happen even before I start a thread now. It's no problem. Most of the people who get angry at me nowadays I think are BS's who still have tender wounds from what they went through and let's face it - I'm just the perfect target to go after -! I doesn't bother me. If they get any peace by using me as an effigy to all WS's, then fine ...!

 

Wow... what a difference a day makes! We seem to be on a whole different (albeit somewhat related) topic.

 

But getting back to the original poster for a minute... I have to say I'm REALLY disappointed in the way this guy keeps getting 'nailed to the cross' every time he posts a problem or a vent regarding his recovery process.

 

Yeah... he f*cked up. And spectacularly too. But he's done EVERYTHING we've asked of him to try to rectify that. And while there's been times when he's clearly impatient or confused in the process... he's STILL in the game.

 

There is absolutely NO REASON why he shouldn't be able to come here and ask a question, or vent off some emotion, without getting his head chewed off every time he makes a post. To be honest... I'm frankly disgusted that this keeps happening over and over and over again.

 

 

 

Anyway... on an aside to Moose. Have you tried getting a little "afternoon delight"? If she's tapping out at 9:05 every night, you might have better luck working around her sleep schedule. Also, while I understand her reticence at having the kids lurking around... that's what bedroom doors are for.

 

I mean seriously, you don't have to advertise that you're "doing it"... but I think there's something to be said for kids knowing that Mom and Dad have a close relationship and that they sometimes want to be ALONE.

[Hard2Think]

None of this is true at all. It's weird to read this. It's some fictional character you've made up here - not me!

 

..

He didnt really put anything in the marriage before or after the affair, except for ending the affair, but then again it was the OW who made that decision for him, wasn't it?

 

Then later he was only too glad she was gone when she was away from him. He is narcisstic and it shows how much he only cares about himself. I doubt nailing him to the cross would effect him one little bit because he doesnt feel nothing for no one except for himself. Don't think for a minute the BW hasn't picked up on that.

 

I'm sure he felt guilty for a little while after the fact, mostly though I think because of the kids and their perception of him, but I guess that nothing is going to change him. He is still stewing in his own resentment. Blaming his wife for his own unhappiness. He hasnt changed at all since last year.

 

His focus is soley on himself and his needs. He resents his wives outside interests that don't include him. Well guess what? The world doesnt revolve around H2T.

 

..

[whichwayisup]

Hey, WWIU knows she can answer for me anytime. GMTA, right?

 

I wouldn't change a word.

 

Thanks LJ. (PS what does GMTA mean?? lol)

 

People come from different angles while reading posts, and it all depends on what is going on in their lives, their experiences, whether the reader/replier is a BS, an OW/OM, or someone who is just trying to help and be objective... Different perspectives will bring different answers.

[whichwayisup]

None of this is true at all. It's weird to read this. It's some fictional character you've made up here - not me!

 

I agree. It's obvious RT hasn't really read all your past threads and doesn't know the history and background of your situation either.

[Hard2Think]

I do come here to bounce my feelings on you all - and you've all been very helpful. But I also post here for another reason:

 

It's been almost 10 months since I first posted here and I think that these threads about my road to reconstructing something out of the trainwreck I caused - and the advice of you all here may be of help to others who are either betrayed or wayward spouses. I know I could have used a thread like this 10 months ago.

 

I've confessed alot of things here - many things I would never tell someone in person. I hope that this may somehow be of value to some people. I do my best to convey exactly the events as they occur and the feelings I have at the time.

 

I also know that some people here get angry because I've cheated on my wife. But they need to read all the posts to get a clear picture of what happened. Of how I felt at the beginning and what happened since. I'm not holding anything back and I think I answer all reasonable questions with honesty. You may not like my answers, or you may think I'm just trying to look better than I am - but I guarantee you that I'm being as truthful as I see it.

 

After all, none of you knows my name-!

 

 

Look, the man is reaching out and came here for help. So, ofcourse he is going to open up and speak his mind. We shouldn't be bashing him for that! GOOD for him for atleast TRYING to fix this marriage. He wants to stay married. He is sorry for his part and mistakes, and for choosing to cheat on his wife. HE is doing something to better himself and to try to get his wife to go to marriage counselling with him.

 

If you don't like what he is saying or how he is handling HIS life, then don't reply to him anymore. Bashing him and saying how sick he makes you feel, is not helping, it's a waste of time.

 

Maybe take a step back and be abit more objective...His wife isn't the one posting, H2T is! So, yes, as long as he is posting, asking for help, MANY of us are going to help him as much as we can. maybe you don't believe he's genuine in his answers, that's your choice, but I believe he is...

 

NOone is perfect, and he's admitted MANY times he is far from perfect, but he IS trying to get life back on track.

[Ruby Tuesday]

You are out of your mind, hard2think. Read your own words and tell me I'm lying.

 

Life with my spouse is lousy - but I could probably live like this at least until the kids are grown if I really had to. I'd be unhappy, but I can do it. Among the problems is I get very little sex and affection from the wife.

 

The OW is great in bed and she loves (loved) me. I know for a fact that this is preventing me from thinking straight. But I'm in complete extasy when we're together. She's also mostly pleasant to be with - I enjoy her company. But it's really the sex, affection, and companionship that I get from her that I want from here on in.

 

I really wish I could turn off my emotions and make the correct decision, which would be: Stay with the wife and pay a call girl for sex every so often. But that just won't do

 

This is my second affair. I didn't want to leave the wife for the OW the first time and when I changed contracts and location our affair ended. I basically didn't want to see her anymore. This OW is different and yes it's probably mostly because of the great sex - but not entirely. Part of my attraction to her is probably that she appreciates all the little things I do that the wife doesn't care about.

 

I don't know what went wrong in my marriage - but I'm relatively sure that it wasn't that I wasn't meeting her physical or emotional needs.

 

My OW probably perceives me as being less honest than I am. She doubts almost everything that I say because she's already suspicious by nature and also because she's watched me lie to my wife for over a year. For the most part - I'm honest with OW. But I do admit that I try to avoid tellign her things or I whitewash things that would otherwise make her fly off the handle completely.

 

So anyway - I finally broke it to OW. I was going to be gone for 5 days. The kids and W. As you can imagine - she flipped out completely and called me every name in the book. I think I'll leave her alone from now on. I shouldn't be with anyone until I'm all straightened out anyways.

 

OW came to the house with love emails I had sent her and gave them to W. Unbeleivable nightmare scenario. W and I haven't slept all night.

 

OW turns out to be a psycho and there's no chance of reconciliation with W. I have mixed feelings about that - but I the electric chair sounds like a great place to sit right now for me.

 

~ YOU ARE A FICTIONAL CHARACTER - I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU H2T. SHE DID COME TO CONFRONT YOU SHOULD NOT RE WRITE HISTORY THATS THERE FOR US TO RE-EXAMINE AND THROW BACK AT YOU! ~

 

D would relieve me of guilt. But mostly, I'm overwhelmed with the magnitude of what I did .. I no longer believe my wife can forgive me.

 

I'm pretty sure that if OW would have played her cards differently - I would have followed the path of leaving to be with her.

 

when OW did what she did, it maybe killed alot of feelings because that was an overtly hostile act directed at me and my family. I just couldn't see myself with someone who would do that.

 

I feel bad for what she has to go through - but she did something crazy and very hurtful. I don't want to see her again. She knew it was the end when she confonted W and yelled "tell him to leave me alone".

[whichwayisup]

Jesus Christ, he's coming here to vent! We're his sounding board. And ya know what? When people vent things out they feel better, it's how they sort crap out. Him posting here and letting loose is NO different than him sitting around talking to his buddies and venting to them.

 

Stop focussing on his OW, he certainly isn't. It seems you're the one who has a problem here, so again, if you don't like H2T and what is life story is, the STOP POSTING ON HIS THREAD!! You're no help whatsoever! The OW is history and honestly, his focus seems to be trying to get his wife to atleast open the door a crack to either fix the marriage or come to some sort of conclusion.

[Ruby Tuesday]

The man is a psychopathic emotional manipulator and this is exactly his BW's problem with him. It will never be resolved if he doesnt come to terms with his marriage. The past and the present are the same. His affairs are unresolved with his BW and it will never change until he takes a long, hard look at himself.

 

If you dont want to see the truth, then why dont you leave WWIU?

[Ruby Tuesday]

PS GMTA = Great Minds Think Alike

[whichwayisup]

If you dont want to see the truth, then why dont you leave WWIU?

Because I'm trying to help the guy. I'm staying objective and in all honesty, if he didn't want ANY help, then obviously he wouldn't be posting on here, would he?

 

I figured it out what GMTA meant. Thanks anyway.

 

It will never be resolved if he doesnt come to terms with his marriage

Has his wife said I hate you, I want a divorce? No, she hasn't. She's been giving him mixed signals...And until SHE decides what SHE wants, to either FIX the marriage or GET OUT of the marriage, things are the way they are now.

 

Yes, he is to blame for choosing to have two affairs, but the problems that were there BEFORE, need to be fixed if their marriage has a chance.

 

She is partially responsible for the state of their marriage pre-affair.

[Ruby Tuesday]

WWIU, Did you not see what he has done to the women in his life, when they dont act accordingly he chooses to bail on them. In between he puts them down and destroys their minds. He is the adult child of alcolholic parents as well and he has no life skills (or coping skills) and the real help he desperately needs is beyond these messageboards.

 

Im sorry but this man is a very sick individual.

[Scrivdog]

WWIU, Did you not see what he has done to the women in his life, when they dont act accordingly he chooses to bail on them. In between he puts them down and destroys their minds. He is the adult child of alcolholic parents as well and he has no life skills (or coping skills) and the real help he desperately needs is beyond these messageboards.

 

Im sorry but this man is a very sick individual.

 

 

Before your meltdown is complete, let me remind you that this great wife of his had been depriving him of sex and affection for years before the A. Now she doesn't seem to mind, like many women out there, the perks that come with being supported by a working husband.

 

But she sure doesn't like the part where she has to give someting back. Hell, she wouldn't even stick around to be there while he buried his dad and she didn't even know about the A, so she can't use that bullsh*t excuse.

 

Again, remember that you can legally ignore your husband, but it'll be at the peril of your marriage. You will lose your man, guaranteed. He may be sticking around for the kids, but you're on a countdown.

 

In the meantime, some guys just take it. Some don't. I sure as hell don't.

[Scrivdog]

Dont forget the romantic music playing in the background!

 

Watching every motion

In my foolish lover's game

On this endless ocean

Finally lovers know no shame

Turning and returning

To some secret place inside

Watching in slow motion

As you turn around and say

 

Take my breath away ....

 

You know, at first I thought you were joking. But now I suspect you were being serious. The theme song for Top Gun?

[Scrivdog]

Moose and his wife have FIVE CHILDREN and he doesn't understand why she doesn't want to have sex anymore?

 

I would understand PERFECTLY well why she'd never have sex again.. Since she's so religious, I'm guessing you don't use birth control?

 

Maybe she'll come around after menopause, when the coast is clear.

 

Riiiiiiight! Ever heard of a blow job?

[Scrivdog]

I do come here to bounce my feelings on you all - and you've all been very helpful. But I also post here for another reason:

 

It's been almost 10 months since I first posted here and I think that these threads about my road to reconstructing something out of the trainwreck I caused - and the advice of you all here may be of help to others who are either betrayed or wayward spouses. I know I could have used a thread like this 10 months ago.

 

I've confessed alot of things here - many things I would never tell someone in person. I hope that this may somehow be of value to some people. I do my best to convey exactly the events as they occur and the feelings I have at the time.

 

I also know that some people here get angry because I've cheated on my wife. But they need to read all the posts to get a clear picture of what happened. Of how I felt at the beginning and what happened since. I'm not holding anything back and I think I answer all reasonable questions with honesty. You may not like my answers, or you may think I'm just trying to look better than I am - but I guarantee you that I'm being as truthful as I see it.

 

After all, none of you knows my name-!

 

Forget it. Nobody is going to read all those posts. Besides half of the responses you got were from looney women. Very few men post here and only one woman here can even relate to your situation, which is Mz. Pixie.

 

I'm hoping that women here understand how easy it is to keep your guy if you treat him right. If these ladies would get the message, I bet divorce rates would downright plummet. But as we have all seen here, they seem almost without fail to become sexless nags.

 

The worst part is guys seem to take it as it being their fault (see Moose). So they try and are egged on by feminazis to do even more. Not only do they have to bring home the bacon, but they need to do the dishes, make dinner, and then on weekends take them out on some excursion. And maybe if all this wonderful efforts combined with the perfect alignment of the moons of Jupiter come together just right, then maybe she'll be intimate with him. But if she doesn't, the he needs to try again .. harder!

 

Very few of you come down on Moose's wife. Those that you that have were mighty weak about it. This is a woman that has a husband that gives it his all in this marriage. A good guy who sticks to his moral principles. And yet 99% of the messages he gets here point to deficiencies in his manhood, his sexual technique, his flair, his effort, etc.

 

But hardly anyone has pointed out that she's the problem. Not him. She is breaking the vows of their marriage. And I guarantee you that most men would have already been cheating. And THEN, all of the sudden, he would be a scumbag and she would be the poor, sniveling victm.

 

I'm beginning to think some women like this role. It's like the Munchausen by Proxy syndrome, which oddly enough is only perpetrated by women. They sicken their own kids so they can appear to all as a devoted mother who stays strong in such "adversity". I think some women do the same to their own marriages. They can then join the elite club of betrayed wives, and hold a badge of moral superiority over their husbands in front of everyone. This of course, has the added benefit of dispensing them of any responsibilities after that. She may not have been nice to him before, like H2T's wife, but at least now she has a good reason! She doesn't have to have sex, engage in a relationship, or even make dinner. But she does get to demand more from her husband, you know, as "reparations"

 

I hope that women will see where their runining their own marriages. The men here have offered you ladies a detailed glimpse into the mechanics of an affair. Don't blow it by losing out on the lessons the men who have posted have given you.

[Impudent Oyster]

Riiiiiiight! Ever heard of a blow job?

 

Sure, but speaking for myself, that's a two-way street, but then again, we've never had that problem in our marriage...

 

I don't know how generous a lover Moose is, that's a pretty personal question, but if he's not willing to give, he probably shouldn't expect anything in return.

 

Certainly you don't expect Moose's wife to give and not receive?

 

And FWIW, scrivdog, I have a sneaking suspicion that that is exactly what you expect.

[Impudent Oyster]

I hope that women will see where their runining their own marriages. The men here have offered you ladies a detailed glimpse into the mechanics of an affair. Don't blow it by losing out on the lessons the men who have posted have given you.

 

Now THAT is funny!

[Gunny376]

Its more than just about sex:

 

From MarriageBuilders

by Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D.

 

 

 

When I talk to their husbands, they usually have a very different explanation as to why their wives feel the way they do. They often feel that the expectations of women in general, and their wives in particular, have grown completely out of reach.

 

These men, who feel that they've made a gigantic effort to be caring and sensitive to their wives, get no credit whatsoever for their sizeable contribution to the family. They feel under enormous pressure to improve their financial support, improve the way they raise their children, and improve the way they treat their wives. Many men I see are emotionally exhausted and feel that for all their effort, they get nothing but criticism.

 

The simpler role of husbands in decades past has now been replaced by a much more complex and confusing role, especially in their relationship with their wives. Some conclude that women are born to complain and men must ignore it to survive. Others feel that women have come to expect so much of men that they are impossible to please, so there's no point in even trying. Very few men, these days, feel that they have learned to become the husbands that their wives have wanted, and the job seems to be getting more and more difficult.

 

 

Full article here

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_leave.html

[Ruby Tuesday]

You know, at first I thought you were joking. But now I suspect you were being serious. The theme song for Top Gun?

 

Of course it was a joke. I'm glad you get the humor. Moose = Top Gun

[Ruby Tuesday]

Riiiiiiight! Ever heard of a blow job?

 

LOL, Have YOU?