The sh**t just won't go away

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I am in love with a married man and the sh**t just won't go away. I thought i was the only one feeling this way but so does he. We have had several talks and questions have rose as to what we should do. My answer is to pray about, his is something else, the only thing is i have been praying to god to send me a good christian man, one who is seeking him the way that i am , and he is. He was recently married and admits to not loving his wife and claims she knows, i of course think divorce is wrong,but also know that you cannot live life in a lie. I wish I could move pass this and seek a single person and although he and I haven't moved further in action, i don't want to date anyone or see anyone else because i know how i feel about him. I just keep asking God to make me stronger everyday and wonder why has this man come into my life. He is very smart, sexy and educated and very conservative too, which i like but i cannot ever have anything with this man unless he cuts his other half loose. He is so unhappy and i am hurt just to see him unhappy so then what advice can i give to him other than pray about and try to work it out.

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "i of course think divorce is wrong,but also know that you cannot live life in a lie. I wish I could move pass this and seek a single person and although he and I haven't moved further in action, i don't want to date anyone or see anyone else because i know how i feel about him.

 

OK, you profess to be a good Christian lady...you say you think divorce is wrong....but you are still waiting around for a married man to bust up with his wife so you can be with him. I don't buy that you are such goody goody two-shoes. I also think you've got a lot of praying to do and a long time to wait because if this man was eager to get out of his "bad" situation, he would have done so already.

 

Sitting around and waiting for somebody to leave their partner is not a good idea for many reasons. Usually the man is exagerating about just how bad his marriage is in order to get in his paramour's pants. Secondly, the process of divorce often takes quite a bit of time. Third, a person just getting out of a marriage, however bad it may be, is very vulnerable and likely to go for just about anybody...but it's almost always on a temporary basis.

 

I think you're wasting your time big time. If you are really the nice God fearing lady you claim to be, you will pray that this man is able to save his marriage and keep his vows to the man upstairs...and you will pray that a nice, kind, smart, sexy, educated and conservative man who is single and unencumbered will make his way to your door.

 

Good luck and Dominus Vobiscum.

[quankanne]

but the good news is, you have ample opportunity to do the right thing.

 

don't give up the idea of looking for a good man (Christian or otherwise) to call your own, but before you can commit to someone, you need to cut the strings loose with this married guy who's taken your heart.

 

love doesn't act selfishly; no matter how difficult it is to bring your relationship to an end, you will see the wisdom of doing so, simply because he vowed his loyalty to someone else before you guys met. The right thing to do is to let him go, even at the cost of personal pain and loss.

 

also, because you've convinced yourself that this guy is "the one," you are putting a lot of effort into hanging on to him when you know he is committed otherwise. I think everyone can share the story about the one who got away, who they were so madly "in love with" and couldn't live without. And I guarantee, if you ask, they'll tell you that they eventually found the love they were meant to have, and even though it was way different than what they'd thought it was supposed to be like, they would not trade it for anything. Even for the previously identified "love of their life"!

 

I think a big part of praying for guidance from God, Jehovah, Allah is realizing he's already provided the answer, we just need to be courageous enough to seek it, not keep wishing that it's going to come in a form that's pleasing to us.

 

stop wondering why this man has come into your life and why he had to be married and so forth and so on, and instead focus on the thought that you CAN have a fulfilling relationship with someone who is much much more available to you than some married guy you think you can't be without.

 

I don't mean to be harsh, here, but it slays me to think that there are so many fish out in the sea, and while they might not be as appealing as the one before you, a lot of them don't already have a hook embedded in their little fishy mouths.

[CityGyrl]

Did you ask God to give you the power to just say no, change your telephone number, and leave this man the hell alone? Pardon my lack of sympathy. But you seem to be talking from both sides of your mouth. You've asked God to help you find a good Christian man. You supposedly found one but he's attached to someone else. Wrong move! Any Christian knows that when you pray, you work in harmony with your prayers. You pray for a "single" Christian man but you don't date a married one in the interim until a single one comes along. Get smart!

 

This man is using you and you continue to let him. If he was that unhappy he would have been left. Think about it! Use your head. Don't let this man sit there and gas you up and play with your emotions. The best advice you can give him (and yourself) without even praying to God for the answer is to stop dropping ya'll pants. This man has a wife. I doubt very seriously that despite the fact that he tells you that he doesn't love her that he is going to leave. That's because he is a God fearing man, right? The only thing he seems to worship is getting his thing off.

When will you wake up and realize that you are just a means to an end?

 

Seems to me if you really want to pray to God that you would ask him for the strength, wisdom, and power to leave this two-timing tramp dog alone. But if you are with him, what does that make you? Wise up! You do not need to play second fiddle to any woman. Remember after he's finish with you feeding you all those lies about his feelings for you, he goes home and probably tells his wife the exact same thing. Leave this loser alone. And pray for a honest single man. And you wonder why you haven't found a nice single man yet. God blocks blessings when people are living foul, remember that. Why should God reward you with a wonderful man when you enjoy being with the married loser you are with? Scandalous..........and you call yourself a christian.

[Debster]

but I know that hoping a marriage ends is wrong. Stop spending time with this man - and keep hoping that in the end you'll find what you're looking for, a christian man who is NOT married.

[Just A Girl2]

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You actually BELIEVE it when this "newly married" guy sits there lying to your face, telling you that he's so unhappy and that he doesn't love his wife? What a nasty man he is, if this *were* the case...because I don't imagine God would look too highly on a man who commits his life, love and fidelity to his new bride, but then goes around with some other woman (you), telling lies and claiming to be unhappy. What kind of crap is that? Why did he marry her then? I doubt anyone put a gun to his head to do so.

 

My guess is that he's simply feeding you major lines of BS, so that you'll feel so sorry for him (seems to be working quite nicely), and that you'll be his little side-dish.

 

Not trying to judge you, but if you're going to bring Christianity, and God, and praying into this, you should be getting out your Bible and speaking with your minister/pastor/priest/etc. God is very clear in the Bible, on how sacred marriage is. There's even a verse that goes something like (which is actually included in most wedding ceremonies) "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder." There, you have it from God.....He's clearly saying that nobody better be interfering with a marriage that He created, period, bottom line, point blank.

 

In fact, there's plenty of verses that speak about husband and wives, the sanctity of marriage, being faithful (fidelity) and all things related.

 

So you've prayed for God to bring you a good Christian man..well honey, this man is not the answer to your prayers. God would NEVER bring a married man into your life, no way, no how. You only want to THINK this is the case......

 

If you want to get right down to it, Satan has all kinds of ways of screwing with people's heads..and making things look "okay".......or "right".....you must know that?

 

Don't you see how SELFISH and WRONG it is of you, to obviously be hoping that he'll get rid of his wife, so that he can be with you? You have no business whatsoever even communicating with this jerk. He's obviously no Christian either, and that's a fact...because if he was, this "newly married" great guy wouldn't be telling you that he doesn't love his wife and that he's not happy.

 

Honey, he's a wolf in sheep's clothing, trying to get into your pants. Wake up and smell the coffee!!

 

Nobody has ANY business spending time with/falling in love with/lusting over/wanting/desiring someone who's married.

 

Go talk to someone in your church about all of this...because you seem horribly confused.

 

And you think that divorce is wrong, but you don't have a problem being in love with someone's husband and hoping he leaves his wife for you? Oy oy oy.

[Ally Boo]

Have you honetsly convinced yourself that God would send you someone who is "UNAVAILABLE!" Wake up girl!