Enema Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 I apologize. Will dumb down. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 Here's a quote for 'ya. No subtly there. Case closed. Cheers. Bridget it's one thing to argue a point of view it's quite another to use someones partial post out of context. Enema's entire post was There are two big sacrifices that each person makes upon entering a marriage: His sacrifice: Joint Bank Account. Her sacrifice: Joint Puss¥. If she withholds, so does he so that the funds can be used to find a replacement puss¥. I don't see how anyone could take that post seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bridget_jones Posted April 8, 2007 Author Share Posted April 8, 2007 There's always subtext to a comment like that, even if meant in sarcasm and jokes. Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 Finally, women are not service stations for men's excessive sex drives. So often women are made to feel they must comply, no matter how much more their husband's want it than they do. I have to limit my husband or I won't enjoy it at all--I might as well give it out most when he is nicest. Um, why do you define men's sex drive as excessive? Why not just accept that men and women have different sex drives? Mismatched sex drives or not, withholding sex leads to the end of affection. And withholding is not the same as not being in the mood from time to time. It's a deliberate strategy of manipulation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bridget_jones Posted April 8, 2007 Author Share Posted April 8, 2007 Actually, it has the opposite effect. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have started this thread being there are men on here.....oops. Link to post Share on other sites
Jane22067 Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 Um, why do you define men's sex drive as excessive? Why not just accept that men and women have different sex drives? Mismatched sex drives or not, withholding sex leads to the end of affection. And withholding is not the same as not being in the mood from time to time. It's a deliberate strategy of manipulation. Generally couples don't have the same appetite for sex and it is the man that wants more. Men expecting women to bend to their needs, rather than limiting themselves to their wive's inclinations is excessive. Rationing what they get leads to withholding. After all you are going to give more and better when they make you happy. And already be satiated when they don't I agree with Bridget. I would have preferred to have discussed this just with other women Link to post Share on other sites
Topper Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 Don't you think it is ironic that in genral woman havea lower sex drive then men? Yet it is woman who can have mulitipel orgasms and could have sex continuiuslly for hours at a time. While guys would need some time to recover. Also there are many threads here by woman who are very unhappy about thier SO lack of a sex drive. Would it be fair to them for their SO to withhold sex? if they wanted something from them? in about 30% of todays households woman now earn more then men. So the economic dinamic is less of a factor. Link to post Share on other sites
Jane22067 Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 the source for that statistic please? Link to post Share on other sites
suchislife Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 It's stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Jane22067 Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 what is stupid? Link to post Share on other sites
Topper Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 The US census Link to post Share on other sites
suchislife Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 I think it's stupid, or perhaps the better word is immature, to withhold sex to get what you want. If you are sick, whatever, that's different. Link to post Share on other sites
Jane22067 Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 Link please--that is too broad Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 I think it's a potentially interesting debating topic, but a difficult one to pursue helpfully as there's a temptation for people to get caught up in venting anger about/fears of being manipulated and controlled by the opposite sex rather than trying to gain a bit of insight into an alternative perspective. Generally if one person is avoiding physical intimacy I'd see it as a sign of emotional/communication problems or unexpressed hostility within the relationship. Perhaps they're feeling overwhelmed by some need that is currently going unmet, and this is the know how to draw attention to, and express their feelings about, that problem. In some relationships, though, a game like this could be played by silent mutual consent and enjoyable to both parties. Setting up, and being presented with, a challenge as a method of recovering some of the earlier romance and excitement in the relationship. It might not be everyone's idea of a healthy or politically correct dynamic but nor are a lot of other scenarios that are played out by couples who are nonetheless perfectly happy with their own individual "arrangements". Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 Generally if one person is avoiding physical intimacy I'd see it as a sign of emotional/communication problems or unexpressed hostility within the relationship. Perhaps they're feeling overwhelmed by some need that is currently going unmet, and this is the know how to draw attention to, and express their feelings about, that problem. perhaps, LINDYA, they are just not physically attracted to thier partner anymore (or never were to begin with). Maybe their partner has packed on the pounds? Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 perhaps, LINDYA, they are just not physically attracted to thier partner anymore (or never were to begin with). Maybe their partner has packed on the pounds? Well, that could be the case too. There are all sorts of reasons why one person in a relationship might behave in this way. Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 I would never withhold sex from my man to get what I want. I feel that is immature and is a way to hurt my relationship more then help it. If I have a problem with something he is doing I will talk it out with him instead of withholding sex with the hope that he will change. I kinda like having sex with him so I'm not going to deny myself just to prove a point to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted April 8, 2007 Share Posted April 8, 2007 What the hell rainfall. Stop making sense, it's unlike you and I'm scared Link to post Share on other sites
milvushina Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 Here is my two cents- my husband can be a jerk and yes it puts sex out of my mind when I'm mad. Then when he wants some I want to get him back by rejecting him until he starts doing stuff that makes me happy. That sounds tempting ...you know "I'll show him" but instead I try to be the bigger person. Even if I am mad, give him a big hug and tell him he's hurt my feelings or whatver but I still love him and think he's the best husband. Pretty hard to do sometimes but diffuses an argument almost every time. Then instead of witholding we normally have the "make up" sex. It makes him happy and makes me feel better and its easier to talk rationally after being intimate. Plus since I refuse to escalate a power struggle, I'm more likely to get him to see my point of view, of his own free will. Much better to sweetly ask for what you want after sex, than with-hold until your demands for what you want are met. I dunno, is that manipulation too? It is so hard to tell sometimes. But my intentions are pretty much good. Link to post Share on other sites
milvushina Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar I guess is what I was trying to say in my last rambling post. Link to post Share on other sites
Jane22067 Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 I find both approaches work--especially alternated sporatically Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted April 9, 2007 Share Posted April 9, 2007 Well, I think this whole thread is further validation of the 60% divorce rate (1st time marriages)...FYI I got that statistic from Rooster, or Gunny in another thread in Separation/Divorce. How's that for pristine stats? No offense Rooster or Gunny. I trust your numbers, guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Desperate HH Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Link please--that is too broad Winkler, McBride, and Andrews, "Wives Who Outearn Their Husbands: A Transitory or Persistent Phenomenon for Couples?" in Demography, August 2005. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bridget_jones Posted April 10, 2007 Author Share Posted April 10, 2007 Winkler, McBride, and Andrews, "Wives Who Outearn Their Husbands: A Transitory or Persistent Phenomenon for Couples?" in Demography, August 2005. Also known as "The Lazy Bum Husband Report" Link to post Share on other sites
VirtualInsanity Posted April 10, 2007 Share Posted April 10, 2007 I would never withhold sex from my man to get what I want. I feel that is immature and is a way to hurt my relationship more then help it. Forgot stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
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