what to do

[jenny867]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. Before we met, his mom was one of my coaches at school and we didn't get along very well. When we first started dating she didn't like it at all but I was invited to family functions and holiday events.

 

 

My boyfriend and I have had struggles but we have managed to get through them and become closer. I guess through all of this she has developed a grudge or something towards me. The other night he told me that he wished I could go to his neice's 1st birthday party, but it was at his mom's and I wasn't allowed to go because her and his stepfather didn't want me there.

 

 

My feelings are very hurt by this. He told me that she was still mad at something I had done before we were together. I don't know what to do. I can go eat at his g-ma's w/ him if she isn't there. I feel like she is trying to get me to get him not to see her.

 

 

I know how much his mom means to him and vice versa. It seems that so much is lost by excluding me from her side of the family. He has tried to talk to her but she is still mad. I thought about writing her a letter but I don't know if that will work. It seems like she is hurting him as much as she is hurting me.

 

He will be leaving shortly for the military and I want to keep in touch with his family while he is gone. I just don't know if its possible. What do I do?

[CityGyrl]

I think if you are not able to talk with her one on one than a letter might not be a bad idea. She obviously needs to get over whatever feelings she may have against you. That was in the past. You guys have moved on from that and she should to. As long as her son is happy than I don't understand why her bloomers are in a bunch. The past needs to stay in the past. I would tell her how uncomfortable you feel being left out or not being invited to various family functions. And that whether she likes it or not, you are a part of her son's life and she must accept that. I wouldn't break my neck to get back into her "good graces." But I would do little things to kind of quietly rebuild her faith in me. Maybe like sending her a "thinking of you" card/birthday card or sending her a dish (w/o the cyanide *smile*), inviting her to dinner or lunch or shopping. If she does not respond to that than I think she is a lost cause. As much as it will hurt not being included or feeling like a party of the family, it might be in your best interest/relationship to steer clear of grumpy old woman. Maybe you can invite other family members over to your house for dinner leaving her out. And just nicely (but with a twinge of sarcasm) say, "I really wanted to invite you over but I know how you still feel about me that I decided on having a dinner with people who would actually enjoy my company." People don't like getting a dose of their own medicine.

 

She needs to stop drinking Hatorade and learn a lesson in forgiveness. Because life is too short.