How can I communicate how I feel to my therapist?

[Fun2BMe]

Is there more than one clock in the room? I think it would help if you could also see a clock during your session.

 

It's funny you say this because just as I was taking a bath a while ago, I was thinking about this and thought that at my next session, I will wear a watch to keep tab on the time and not always wonder if the time is up. I think this will make me feel more in control of starting up a topic and feeling free to talk without fear that at any moment the time will be up.

 

In past therapy relationships I have been guilty of trying to please my therapist. That's a bad habit, but you can get out of it. For starters, you can simply admit it: "I've been trying to please you instead of telling you what's really on my mind." I said that to my therapist... it was easy, really.

You know, I really like that advice. I am going to write it down and really let it sink in so I say it. I think that will break the ice for me and allow me to be more honest with him. It may also inform him of how I am still keeping things and not opening up to him.

 

 

I also said "I don't want to go on meds." Fine. She came up with alternate treatment for me.

I'm scared to tell him this for some reason. It's like I want him to think I'm strong enough to be ok with taking meds but he has no idea how I will fall apart if he ever wants me to be on it. During my initial visits he was talking about potentially putting me on medication, but I disclosed to him that in the past I had considered suicide and ever since then he has never brought up meds. You'd think that would make him put me on it, but on the other hand he prob. fears I'd overdose because he asked a million questions about what I was planning on doing when I thought of it and I told him to take medication but I didn't have anything strong enough that would work. (this is nothing recent btw and I do not feel suicidal currently).

 

Nowadays I walk into my session and say "This week has been confused / horrible / better than last week"... whatever... and then we take it from there. My introductory statement sets the tone. Then we go to work on "Here's what happened and here's how I'm feeling about it."

Our sessions start with him asking what's new and I hate when he asks me that because I don't know what type of answer he expects. It's not like I won the Nobel Peace Prize. I always say nothing and feel like my life seems boring even though it's filled with work and busy things of that nature, but it's not like I have this wonderful boyfriend or anything "new" worth talking about, so I always hate how the session starts. Then he asks minor questions that have nothing to do with any problems I'm having and we just chit chat for most of the session until he'll hit a nerve about something and I might start crying but before I know the session will end and I will feel this emptiness.

 

To be fair to your therapist, you have to realize how many people he sees in a day. Those "hour" sessions are actually 50 minutes... he needs 10 minutes between each one to take notes and then refresh his mind for the next person. Most therapists see a therapist themselves. It's hard work and it can get emotionally draining.

 

That's good to keep in mind. We usually start a little late because he excuses himself to get some coffee or go to his secretary about something or answer/make a call. So it's good to keep in mind that it's actually a 50 min session so I won't feel like not only did we start late but he has to end it right on the hour.

 

I never see him take notes though with my sessions, which is something I wrote about in another thread. I feel like he must find them unimportant to not keep track of it in writing so that to hurts my feelings to a degree. And he has told me he sees a therapist. He is also married to a therapist so I wonder if that means our client/therapist privacy gets to be broken when he sees his therapist/wife and gets to talk about everything. I wonder about that. Or should I assume he is free to talk about our issues with his wife anyways, I mean I would understand considering the close relationship, so I wonder if that thought also keeps me from opening up too much. He always tells me everything we talk about is cofidential so maybe I worry for no good reason. I don't know.

[Fun2BMe]

My therapist just called to move our Monday appointment to Wed. It makes me feel so hurt, like a boyfriend canceling a date:( I can't deal with all this emotional ups and downs that come along with having a therapist. Is it just me who feels attached to their therapist? And how can I break free from that feeling?