suicidal mother, backstabbing sister, and a love so far away

[Bogus4]

Dear loveshack users,

My life has reached its lowest and its hardly begun. im over depressed in this hell hole i live in. and when i fine a way out im no happier. things have been terrible for a while. my coping habits a decent but im too upset that they hardly work.

 

For me my life began going down hill when my family forced my to break up with the best guy in my life i have ever met. he cared deeply for me and he wouldnt lay a finger on me until he was sure it was fine with me. Everytime something went wrong he was there for me 100%. Awkward silences did not exict and our convorsations were deep and open. He was the first guy i ever feel in love with and made each hug meaniful.i did try to work around my parent but it was useless and i broke the kids heart. the one thing i regret though is not telling him know how i truely felt after i broke up with him and that it was because of my strick parents and my sister, erinn, who encouagered my parents to get rid of him. Breaking up with him was the worst deciesion of my life.

 

then during the summer my mother decided her life was not worth living. she became overly selffish and shoved bottles of pills down her throat to attempt suicide. Luckily we saved her but she ****ed the whole family up on levels.after that tragis day everyday passed through silent tears. the worst part is she had to do this at the same time my grandfather was trying to survive in the hospital. that summer was filled with depressing trips to phyco places and hospitals.

 

Once school started chris and erinn, mybackstabbingsister, meet and became close immediatly. chris forgot all about me everytime erinn walked in the door. he made sure before they were dating that it was fine for me. thats when i started lying again and said it was fine. though that was all i could say before i'd burst out into tears. erinn didnt care how i felt. she pratically laughed at how every night i cried myself to sleep. after months of dating (still going) the both of them grew extremly distant from me. Erinn tends to chat horrible things about me to chris every chance she can to chris and to my face. she tells me things like "chris is glad he isnt with you", "youll be alone forever" and " youll never even have friends who can take your weirdness." She also made chris stay away from me or else they would get into a fight. i dont understand why erinn hates me soo much for i didnt date her ex. and chris..we hardly talk. his mind is set on erinn 24/7.He is so happy he finally found himself in relationship and stopped the lonliness. THe worst thing is i think i still like chris a lot. HE treated me so nice. it was the pictuer perfect relationship. he has made it impossible to like someone else. I miss the kid like crazy and he doesnt even know i exist. ((what do i do?))

 

 

i want to live a different life or move out. i need help. ive been trying to cope with all of this for quite a while but its useless.

please help me!