Possible second chance or not ??????

[PAS]

Can you offer me some advice on the following matter involving my girlfriend who I will call Dee for simplicity.

 

Dee (29) and I (34) have been seeing each other for 6 months and things have been going quite well.

 

Dee spent about 1pm till 4pm for lunch on Friday (being the last working day this year) where she drunk alot of wine. It would be fair to say that she was drunk.

 

I picked Dee up from work at about 6.30pm (it would be fair to say that she was still drunk at this time) upon which we ended up going to my sisters house for some dinner. My sister, Dee and myself had some dinner and one bottle of wine (we equally shared the wine) between 8.00pm to about 9pm. We then decided to go to the local pub where my sisters boyfriend was with all of his mates.

 

We eventually got into the pub and had a few drinks. I had enough by about 10.30pm and ended up leaving at 11pm. Around this time Dee had a bit of go at me saying it was the time of the year to be merry, happy and have a few drinks, etc. The others also tried to get me to have a few more drinks. However, I do not (and never have) enjoy hanging out at this venue and didn't want to drink anymore and by 11pm I had enough and said I was going home. Dee asked if I wanted her to come with me and I said its up to her and I simply left as I had enough. I went straight back to my sisters house (where I was spending the night) and Dee and my sister got back about an hour after. When Dee came into the room she was obviously very drunk and struggled to find the bed after asking if I wanted sex (I said no), ie. she was not so coherent. I was rather pissed off at her for her performance at the pub prior to me leaving, and I was pissed off that she did not come home with me.

 

Anyway, to cut a long story short, the day after I found out that some **** had gone down at the pub after I left as follows -

Story 1 (the guys story) goes that Dee ended up eyeing this guy, close dancing with this guy and ended up in the females restroom with him where she gave him a blow job and dropped her pants turned around and asked him the **** her but he had no condom and she told him he was a young loser. My sister clearly saw then leave the restrooms and she had a smile. My sister approched her and she denied everything.

Story 2 (Dee's story) goes that see barely remembers being in the restroom with the guy but does not remember giving him a blow job and/or asking him to **** her.

 

The guy involved is a young moronic footballer who claims he is saying the truth. My sister spoke personally with him today and he said exactly the same story. My conclusion is that they were clearly in the rest rooms together and Dee did what the guy said based mainly on heresay.

 

I told Dee she has a possible drinking problem in that she continues to have far too much when she is already drunk and she becomes loud and somewhat obnoxious.

 

Dee told me that she does not remember hat went down especially when it occured in the presence of my sister, and she blames the alcohol.

Dee is begging for my forgiveness.

Dee wants to get help about her drinking.

Dee claims she loves me and says this is not her character.

Dee claims she is a good, genuine, honest person.

Dee has helped me with some work and loves kids.

Dee is sexually openminded.

 

It was our 6 months anniversary together yesterday and she had booked dinner at a great restaurant, which was obviously cancelled.

 

I thought we had got along together very well for 6 months becides her occasional excessive drinking behaviour. I thought she was a good person.

 

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ???

 

SHOULD I CONSIDER GIVING HER A SECOND AND FINAL CHANCE OR DUMP HER ???

 

ANY COMMENTS ???

 

ANY QUESTIONS ???

[travel_chick]

Either Dee is depressed or Dee just wants to have fun because its Christmas. Getting drunk and going to pubs IS fun. Does she work hard? Sounds like you were being a bit of a wet blanket too. You didn't want to drink and you left early purely because you didn't like the place. You have to be sympathetic to her wanting to have fun...why didn't you join in?! Don't you like fun?!

 

Sounds like you have trust issues with her due to her getting drunk and being 'sexually open'. She shouldn't have messed around with some other guy like that. She has apologised for it...and appears to be truely sorry...are you prepared to forgive and forget?!!

 

Time will tell if she has a serious alcohol problem.

 

The question I put to you, is she worth your effort?

[Tony T]

If she is all the great things she claims to be and you feel that she is a great person and could be all the things you listed if she does not consume alcohol, then I would give her another chance. However, I would make it a condition of the continuance of the relationship that she get treatment and/or counselling for her excessive drinking problem and that she never, ever again has any more than two drinks in one day. Get her this treatment even though these episodes don't happen very often.

 

That would be the deal. If she doesn't agree, dump her.

 

You have absolutely no idea how being with a drunkard can totally ruin your life. I would also look into her background and see if any of her relatives are alcoholics. If so, she may be an alcoholic. You don't have to drink to be a biological alchoholic with that personality. lf that's the case, counselling should detect it...but once an alcoholic, always one and you'll have to monitor her drinking until she dies. Her handling of alcohol and attendent behavior may be a very difficult thing to monitor and control. Do you really want to take on that responsiblity?

 

Who is this guy she allegedly had the sex with? He's either got one hell of a big mouth or one hell of a giant imagination. He's got worse problems that you lady does.

[Just A Girl2]

Originally posted by travel_chick

Either Dee is depressed or Dee just wants to have fun because its Christmas. Getting drunk and going to pubs IS fun. Does she work hard? Sounds like you were being a bit of a wet blanket too. You didn't want to drink and you left early purely because you didn't like the place. You have to be sympathetic to her wanting to have fun...why didn't you join in?! Don't you like fun?!

 

Don't you think it's just a wee bit rude, to respond to PAS, calling him a tart? Calling him a 'wet blanket'? In case you didn't know, as people grow up, they often come to the place where they realize that there's much more to life than getting drunk to "have fun." It doesn't make them a wet blanket, it simply means they just don't have to drink copious amount of booze, killing copious amounts of brain cells, to have a good time. Apparently you haven't gotten to that place in life/maturity yet, maybe?

 

You're implying that PAS is a stick in the mud and sort of selfish because he wasn't supposedly 'sympathetic' to her need to start getting plastered at 1pm in the afternoon.........well, come on!! It's obvious she doesn't use her brain too much when she's drinking, given what she did in the bathroom...which I DO believe.

 

He's mentioned that she's drank excessively before, too. So is this a real pattern? And you ask if she's "depressed".....what, are you saying that depression is a suitable reason to get p*ssed? If anything, it's not...as alcohol is a depressant.

 

PAS.....only you know this girl's situation and history.......is this getting hammered thing, frequent? Is she the kind of person who can't just have ONE drink but instead, has to have a lot and get drunk?

 

I'll tell you from experience, being with an alcoholic is not fun. My ex hubby was one, and so was a guy I dated and lived with 4 yrs ago. At the time, they were very much into "partying" and that scene...and whether it was a coincidence or not, they ended up 'crossing the line' when out drinking, too. (cheating) Both had grown up in homes where their Dad and other relatives had been alcholics. I'm sure to this day, they're both drunks...and no closer to admitting they have a drinking problem.

 

Only you know how serious her problem is.

 

I tend to very much believe that she screwed around with this young guy in the bathroom. It all fits, based on what the guy said, and the way they both looked when your sister saw them coming out of the bathroom. Your g/f is obviously so out of control that she's not even capable of keeping her behavior in check when your OWN SISTER is present...geez, that's unreal.

 

It's possible, too, that you and g/f are just at two completely different places in life. She's still young, still likes to party lots, not very mature, living only for today and having fun fun fun....not thinking about what kind of circumstances she puts herself in..or you........and at 29, you're maybe past that stage.

 

I think you need to do some thinking and soul searching here. Only you know how much drinking she does/and whether this 'out of control' stuff is becoming more of a pattern.

 

I wish you the best.

[travel_chick]

Sorry..I didn't mean to be rude. I was calling his girlfriend a tart not him. I guess I didn't make that clear. And maybe PAS was being a wet blanket. Only he knows that. Sorry PAS.

 

I personally think you should give Dee a second chance. If she mucks you around again, finish it.

 

And I still stick by what I said that drinking is fun! Especially with all of your friends and workmates. In London, drinking is a huge part of the culture...maybe its more acceptable to be drunk here?! All I can say is people in England regularly get drunk in the afternoon. Sometimes my room mate gets completely plastered in the weekends. His girlfriend doesn't like it, but she tolerates it for now. PAS, note, he would never kiss another girl while he was drunk. He is completely faithful and committed to her. Its just that he is Irish and enjoys drinking. He is NOT an alcoholic.

 

Merry Christmas and good luck PAS...hope you sort it out with Dee.

 

Remember...is she worth your effort?

[ACE123]

PAS....Dont even bother with this one!

 

If things change, and she stops drinking, and being a little SLUT, then maybe, but I say these are all just signs of bad things ahead!!! (whoops, I suppose I should restrain from mentioning anything regarding head!)

 

Chalk this one up to a 6 mo. experience and move on, the last thing anyone needs is a relationship without trust....take my word for it, I've learned some of these things the hard way.

 

I hope you find a girl who ain't a drunk tart!

 

Cheers!

ACE123