How to Realize it's Over

[amaysngrace]

But sometimes I feel letting someone have it.... shows an angry emotion letting the recipient know he/she is getting the best of them... know what I mean?

 

 

I know just what you mean. I don't say that to just anyone. Hardly to anyone really. But if someone disrespects me you better believe I will get my self-respect back by claiming it for myself in just that way.

 

I know you know what I mean.

[2ndIINone]

I know you know what I mean.

 

F'nA I do. :laugh::p

 

South Or North Jersey shore?

[amaysngrace]

I'm from the deep south, you?

[2ndIINone]

I was close to philly.... still have family in Margate and Cape May... but now I'm really in the deep South. ( I moved )

[amaysngrace]

wow...small world...my parents live in longport and i'm in cape may county myself. i grew up near philly, camden county. anyway, i don't think we should be saying all this on this thread but i see i can't send you a PM cause you must be a newbie around here. did you just get your cable installed or something??

[2ndIINone]

camden county

scary.... me too.

 

Actually, I've been on here for years off and on.... just changed names recently.

 

 

back to Heartache....

Forget this guy!

[AriaIncognito]

Ariawoman, it seems like you have been that doormat before. What finally made you realize to stop? I think that's where my problem is, when enough is enough.

 

Heartache11...i'd not classify myself as totally out of the doormat phase, but I'm hoping I am. I have walked away from him before, but I always was a dumba$$ and went back and let him take advantage. No more.

 

Basically, you get tired. You get tired of walking on eggshells due to someone you "love". You get tired of being afraid he's talking to other women. You get tired of wondering why he's not responding to your texts even though you thought he was home. You get tired of wonder who he's IMing with when he's home alone and online until 4am every night on work nights.

 

At least, that's part of what did it for me. I just know I deserve someone way better than him. He was treating me like crap, and I was dumb enough to allow it. But, I hope no longer. I'm doing all I can to make sure this is a done deal. He's not worth it. Anyone that knows I love them, and takes advantage of that love, isn't worth it.

[AriaIncognito]

Haha amaysngrace, we are acutally from the same state so I know what you mean! He is a waste of my life and his life. But at the same time, a part of me thinks he will come around being a whole new person that will communicate. I guess maybe because the whole relationship past the first 9 months was a fantasy of who he could be, not who he was. I guess I saw his true colors?

 

Wow all 3 of us from the same state :-)

[AriaIncognito]

I don't think it's so much about thinking of them as it is about thinking of ourselves.

 

It's like we give them so much of our energy when we should really focus on us. Cause we're great. We're worthy. They're not. If they were they'd be treating us great, ya know?

 

So I don't think it's about their colors at all. It's about our own. We know we're fabulous. And they're stupid if they don't see that. So even if we are alone we're still with someone fabulous...ourselves.

 

And it's better to be alone than with a loser who doesn't treat us like the fabulous creatures that we are

 

 

Amen. If i spent even HALF as much time thinking of myself as i do thinking of being in a relationship/my ex/men in general, lord i'd be a great shape LOL

[AriaIncognito]

wow...small world...my parents live in longport and i'm in cape may county myself. i grew up near philly, camden county. anyway, i don't think we should be saying all this on this thread but i see i can't send you a PM cause you must be a newbie around here. did you just get your cable installed or something??

 

 

Guess i'm the only northener here. I was born raised near Trenton, but now I live up in Middlesex county :-)

 

We should all meet someday hehe.

[Heartache11]

scary.... me too.

 

Actually, I've been on here for years off and on.... just changed names recently.

 

 

back to Heartache....

Forget this guy!

 

 

Well, I can definitely join in the New Jersey discussion except I am from central/north!

[Heartache11]

Thank you everyone for your input. It's good to know I'm not crazy in thinking how he is treating me is wrong.

 

He did call tonight and I picked up. We talked a little about our own lives and then he said something along the lines of I really got to go now, there's some show I want to watch on tv. You know how I am. I said yup, do you still want to talk to me and he said yes but not now. I said goodnight and that was that.

 

I went and did work for the rest of the night and just got back. I feel like talking to him puts me on these artificial highs.

 

Well, I think I know what I need to do now and that is not contact him. I shouldn't have let him get away with just saying "Oh, I'm sorry" when I confronted him about not calling last night when he said he would. I guess it's time to take a stance for myself. I hope I can do it. Begins N/C day one?

[amaysngrace]

Yep you know how he is...a piece of sh^t. He has to go now to watch TV? Nice. Nice of him to call when he only could give you a little bit of his time, huh?

 

Definitely try to do the N/C thing. If he calls, don't pick up...Please....

 

If you must, just answer in a hurry "what's up?" and then when you find out it's nothing tell him you "have to go". Please....

 

You're gonna be okay. You're gonna be a whole lot better without this guy, I just know it.

[2ndIINone]

We talked a little about our own lives and then he said something along the lines of I really got to go now, there's some show I want to watch on tv.

Again, on his terms. You see the selfishness? Brutal truth= tv show is more important then your feelings and your time.

 

You know how I am. I said yup, do you still want to talk to me and he said yes but not now.

This is where you have to toughin' up a bit. You shouldn't have asked him if he wants to talk to you on HIS time. The second he said he had to hang up to watch the show, you should've agreed as well.... because you had to run out for a bit or something... or you have another call.

 

We need to start working on YOUR importance of this relationship. Your time, your worth... you as a person with your own mind and your own independence.

 

Today, you should think about HOW you want to be treated from him.... what's acceptible and what isn't. Set yourself some boundaries.... and stick to em...

 

Here's a goofy, yet somewhat good analagy...

I bought a puppy... 8 week old Golden Retriever... yea , she's cute/adorable, I love her to death, but she's bad... and not because she's just bad, but because she doesn't know any better yet. If I allow her to mess on the floor, then she'll continue to do so. If I allow her to chew my shoes, then she'll think it's always ok to chew. See where I'm goin' with this???? I have to praise her when she's good, and let her know when she's bad. Boundaries. I have to train/teach her who is boss.

Just like you have to set some boundaries for this guy ... not to show him YOU are the boss of him, but rather, to show him that YOU will not take any crap from him. You are the boss of yourself... you are #1.

 

This is the same with raising kids at a young age.... if you don't teach them to respect you and enforce 'time outs', with some subtle smacks on the @ss once in awhile....(timeouts - this is how NC first started... ya see how far back it goes??? :laugh:) they will test and walk all over you... constantly pushing the limit to see how far they can push you.

 

Set some boundaries for yourself.