Found out my boyfriend cheated on me.

[Guest]

Hey. I will try and make this short as possible but Im a gay man and have been going out with my boyfriend for two years now which is a long time. We both love each other alot and have the usual ups and downs any normal couple would have. However, when alcohol is involved and we both get drunk we tend to have big arguements and they usually come down to fact that he's been flirting with some guy, and I get accused of being too jealous and clingy. Recently (past couple of months), the arguements have stopped and things were going great, until sunday night. We went out and got drunk, and even though we didnt argue, I remember falling out with him and getting pretty upset. After a while, I went and snogged another guy and my boyfriend saw me. From what I can remember, he wasnt too happy and was throwing insults at me. He then came out and said he knows about the time I snogged a guy which was back in feb.

 

To cut that story short. I went out with his friends on a night out and met this guy. I dont know why I did it but he came on to me first and tried to snog me, so i reciprocated. I think his friends saw me. Anyway nothin much happened after that, and I went back to my boyfriend's house and decided to just forget about it and not tell him.

 

Moving on to the present day again, when my boyfriend said he knew about the time I snogged this guy, he then also said he shagged him! I felt completely betrayed. We didnt really talk about this till the next day, when I asked him if it was true, and he said it was true and that he met this guy a couple of weeks back wen he was on a night out without me, and found out that we snogged. He then said he got in a taxi home with him, they kissed some and did stuff. He said he gave him a blowjob, but thats all that happened. He then left his and got a taxi home. I never asked him why he did it but I was crying when he told me the details. Yes Im no saint and he caught me snogging some guy drunkenly, but for my boyfriend to actually go back to someone's house and have sex, well thats far much worse and I really dont know what to do now. I thought I could trust him, but after all the jealousy issues I had, I dont know if I can. He did say he was really sorry and it was something that he was not proud of and that it would never happen again, but he only said sorry when i prompted him for one.

 

Now hes saying that he wants to start again fresh, but I cant get out of my head what hes done. Kissing someone is one thing, but to actually cheat on someone and have sex is a completely different thing and much more of a betrayal. I think I can forgive him but it will take time, but how will I know he wont do that again?

 

Need your advice desperately guys......xxx

[norajane]

It sounds like you two had major trust issues even before he admitted to shagging the other guy. You didn't really trust him before, and you yourself were going around kissing guys.

 

I'm sorry to say, but I don't see a future here where you both mistrust each other, argue constantly, and are prone to seeking comfort with someone else, albeit drunkenly and briefly. A long lasting relationship has to be built on trust, honesty and communication, and both of you have issues with all three of those things. You have no commitment to each other if you both run off into another guy's arms when the going gets tough.