bf using crack and coke

[Mixedupwoman]

First, thanks for clicking, I am really in need of good advice. I am totally lost with my bf and his coke/crack. I need to hear some ideas or suggestions about what I should do.

 

 

We have been together for 2.5 years, he is 45, I'm 41. When we first met, neither of us was really looking for anything more than sex and fun. But, it evolved and we fell deeply in love. I have kids, live in the country and have a fairly sedate life. He lives in the city, owns a head shop, and has no kids.

 

 

From the first date, we have smoked pot together. I am fine with pot, I know this might be the wrong place to say this, but the pot is not a problem for either of us. He has been in AA for 20 years, btw, totally sober the whole time.

 

 

So, aside from the usual bf/gf problems, we have really had a strong relationship. My kids adore him and want us to marry.

 

 

Now the bad part! In September he tried coke for the first time. I had had a few experiences with it and I told him it was kind of a special occasion, every few years kind of thing for me. But I told him I would do some with him and so we did. Now, you have to see that I got in my car, drove back to the country, and went on with my life. But he didn't stop. He started carrying around a little sniffer thing and a box of tissues.

 

 

Then he learned to make crack. So, for a few months we would do it together on the weekends at his place and when he came to my house it was totally off limits. He was fine with this arrangement, and really so was I.

Until it became all we were doing all weekend. We used to go places, do things, and have sex for hours. I woke up one Sunday about 6 weeks ago and realized I was really wasting my time on this drug, I hated having 1-2 days of total crashing and my life was starting to be effected. I told him I didn't want to do it anymore, told him it was up to him what he did, but if we were together I just couldn't anymore.

 

 

So, the next weekend rolls around and he takes me out. Well, right before we got out of his car to go to the movies, he lit up the pipe! I was pissed, but he coaxed me into doing it. It is a very tempting thing after all. But after, I told him my little speech about not wanting to do it. I'm sure it was very believable at this point. lol.

 

 

He has lost so much weight, his amazing sex drive has practically vanished and he is so paranoid about crazy stuff. He is really not in control of it at all. During the past month or so, he has been at my house sober, or at his place whacked on crack.

 

 

Two weeks ago, we were in a huge storm, massive bad traffic, and I was very nervous. He was driving. Guess what? I bet you can guess! He pulled out his pipe and asked me to load it up for him- as we were driving in this mess! I refused and told him I had kids to go home to and if wanted to do it he could drop me off there and then. But, yeah, you see it coming, he loaded up the pipe himself and smoked away. I was so pissed!! But I was also really scared and didn't want to add anger into this, so I kinda played it off. We sat there in silence and I just closed my eyes and prayed we would make it home ok. The really awful part is he in his stupor did another hit like 5 minutes later and handed me the pipe, which I "dropped" too far under the seat to deal with.

 

 

I went home that night thinking I could never be with someone who could risk my well being like that. But, alas, he came over a few nights later, sniffling but not using, saying he was going to get off it. This was really the first time he had said anything other than how great it was, and that he was going to quit.

 

 

Cool. I thought it was done. But then he sorta stopped coming around every night. He would call me, but I can easily tell when he is on it and I think he has been on it constantly for the last month or so. He has also started dealing it on a small scale. He said he was just going to sell it, not use. I'm sure that plan lasted all of 1 minute once he had it in his hands.

 

 

So, last weekend I went to his place and he had some - a lot actually. I know I am weak, but I did it too. I did so much in fact that I blacked out at one point. At midnight I said I needed to sleep and he said he wanted to cook up the rest. I felt so bad and stayed up and watched him but didnt do anymore at that point.

 

 

Sunday I told him I was done with it completely, and that I needed the man he used to be, not the man he has become. I left and felt very strong about it. I really don't even like the stuff that much. I mean the first 60 seconds are fun, but then its just not so fun.

 

 

Yesterday, Monday, he called and said he was not going to do it, that he had made it through the day without and was doing really great. I told him that was awesome, but I needed to be away from it and from him if he was doing it. He said he was't going to touch it and since he was "clean" maybe he could come over tonight. I held my ground (at last) and told him I wanted him to be off it for a while before we can even consider being together. He said how long, and I said I dont know. He promised he was done.

 

 

So today, Tuesday, I call him and he picked up and I could tell immediately he was on it. I didn't say anything about it, just made it a quick call. I hung up and realized I cannot compete with this drug.

 

 

What do I do? I have suggested going to NA, since AA worked so well for him. He has stopped going to AA since this began, I said maybe you should just go to a AA meeting and work it that way. I also told him if he wanted he could come and stay here for a while where there is no temptation. I also suggested on Sunday that maybe he should think about checking into a rehab. I thought about the intervention thing, but I'm afraid I'm really the only one in his circle who doesn't want to do it.

 

 

I think he is in denial, even though he is losing me and lots of other things in his life are starting to really fall apart because of this drug. How do I deal with this? What can I do?? I feel sorta guilty for all of this since I have done quite a bit of it myself with him. But, for me I can see very clearly where my limit is- although he stretched it to the breaking point I'm afraid.

 

 

The thing is, I really love him. I am so connected to the good part of him, but not the crackhead, who seems to be in control. To me it seems like such a simple choice. I can give him a deep rich wonderful life, or he can go further into the abyss. Why would he choose that over me!! I am just so heartbroken now. I don't know what to do, I want to support him, but for my own well being I can't be around it or him if he is using. But how can I walk away? If I love him doesn't it mean I should stick by him?? We were talking about marriage for goodness sakes! Now what?? And even if he quits, will he stay quit? How will I know? I can't even bear the thought of him around my kids with even a remote chance that he will use. Even if I do take that risk and he quits tomorrow, what would be a reasonable amount of time for him to really be clean? I know it goes out of your system in a few days, but how long do people have to go before they are around the bend?

 

 

If you have read all of this and have a word or two of wisdom, please share it with me. My friends are all very straight and I need someone to help me now.

[jbmarine]

Well, after reading this, I must say that I'm wondering why you stay with this guy. It's only gonna get worse.

 

I picked up on the fact that you said that he wants to start dealing...

 

Even if he doesn't deal, but simply uses it, the law states that he could be prosecuted for possession with intent to distribute. Taking into consideration that he's dealing with cocaine and crack cocaine. You're looking at a LOT OF time.

 

He might try to get you to become involved in it. When you are caught, and yes, it's a when, the police and DEA will take away EVERYTHING. Your home, your car, your kids. It'll all just be gone.

 

Just stay away from this guy. I believe that he needs to hit absolute rock bottom before he has any true desire to wean himself off of the drug.

 

If you are willing to stay with him, then you need to look into rehab. Just sit him down and talk about it. If he's in denial, then you just need to leave. Is his addiction worth going to prison for?

 

 

Just my 2 cents.

[justpassingthrough]

Crack releases 100% of the dopamine in the brain; that's where the "high" comes from. And once the dopamine is gone, it's gone for a long time; that's where the "low" comes from.

 

It takes six months, free from crack, for the brain to get the dopamine levels back to normal again.

 

So, six months clean will get him feeling back to normal again. SIX MONTHS CLEAN.

 

You can stick by your man, but I can tell you from experience, sticking by your man inevitably turns out to be nothing more than enabling an addict.

[Ladywithafan]

....the crack posts in this forum...and you will see what you're up against...They don't say Cocaine is the Queen for naught.

 

You can not compete against a pipe...no one can...

 

My advice, short & sweet, having been there, smoked it, lost it & found it....run Forest run....

 

My own partner will not stop...so now that my current lease is up, I am not taking him with me. The responsibility is too much....I will reasses the situation in six months.

 

I've had enough...tough love time....and what will be will be. His family is sick of it, his own son doesn't want to see him...the list goes on...my love will end up dead because of a smokeable rock......

 

It's the stupidist thing ever, but one of the most hardest habits to break, especially, if you're an addict & you like it....me, I never liked it...and I'm not an addict.....

 

everyone's different.

[eraforevermore]

I was hooked on crack,I lost everything I had built (this was 4 yrs. ago)and I'm still rebuilding my life.I was so lucky to have the sense to just quit while I still had my health,I've seen too many lives destroyed by this drug!You need to tell him to get help and if he does not then you have to run!My best friend's marriage was ruined (his wife was hooked) and she has since died.I can't say enough and to anyone who will listen crack is the destroyer of all things you will ever hold dear.

Good luck and best wishes

[Fun2BMe]

Well, it's a good thing you didn't get addicted to it like he has. The part about him lighting up in the storm is scary and selfish of him to endanger your life. He is constantly lying about it and I don't know if you have the power to make him stop doing it if he doesn't want to quit himself, otherwise he'd go to get help.

 

My advice is for you to not let him come to your home so that he will not do anything crazy to your children since he was willing to get high against your wishes while you were trapped in the car with him. At this point as hard as it is for you, you have to let him go so that he won't drag you down with him.

 

Don't feel guilty and it doesn't mean you don't care of love him if you choose to be apart during this time. He's the one who should be feeling guilty! After all he is clearly choosing drugs over you, but you are not questioning his love for you, so why should you be the one to make yourself feel bad for no reason? For no other reason, you should do it for the sake of your children. Imagine if your mom was either doing crack or dating someone who was. I'm sure you'd thihk it was wrong and not like it.

 

It might not be easy at first, but it's the best thing for you to do, for both of you. Otherwise it shows that you accept his behavior and puts you at risk for doing more of it yourself. Count yourself for staying within limits, but why risk letting it take over you as it has him and millions of others?

[burning 4 revenge]

Jesus Christ, your bf is 45 and smokes pot and crack? WTF?