Head or Heart? I can't decide....

[loquaciousl]

Okay, some of you might have kept up with the newest and truest in regards to a guy I've been dating for a month or so. But for those of you new to this, a quick recap:

 

I met J over a month ago. We hit it off from the beginning. He's 34, I'm 28. We have seen each other four times and talked on the phone numerous times. From the beginning, we both agreed taking it slow was the best thing. Additionally, he is starting his own business and had told me it would take a lot of his time. I am supportive of that. Anyway, we have the best time when we're together. We haven't slept together yet.

 

Anyway, about two weeks ago we were talking about relationships. I asked him how his last one ended and he said that he had "messed up" and cheated on his girlfriend. He explained the whole story to me. He explained that he was still dealing with what he had done and wasn't ready for a relationship although he could see being with me and that he adores me and thinks I am wonderful. While I am not thrilled with this info, I was happy he was honest with me.

 

Anyhow, I am not a subscriber, yet a member, to a particular dating site. I get home from work the other day and there's a mail to me, from him. He has posted a personals ad on this site. His "icebreaker" to me was, "You look familiar, have we met?" so I icebroke him back. Anyhow, he calls me later that night and we chatted for a few. He sounded rushed. I had had a few to drink and when I do I get a bit emotional. He said, in like one breath, "I miss you and your smiling face and hope I can see you soon," but the WAY he said it sounded almost contrite and sort of devoid of the same tone that I usually hear. He also apologized for some advice he had given me earlier in the night and said, "I care about you and you're my friend, I don't want to see you get hurt," (in regards to a different situation entirely). I don't know why but I felt annoyed by the friend term and the lack of emotion in his voice. We got off the phone in a rush and I think I was bitchy. So I called him back to apologize and he answered the phone, and said, "Yeah, M!" (my name) in an annoyed voice. I apologized for the bitchiness and he apologized for being rushed. He then said he'd call me tomorrow....and now, no word.

 

In any event, the quandry I have is this. We have talked about how we're both free agents and can see other people. My heart, however, already likes him although we're not exclusive. My head, however, is thinking that he has a lot of baggage and wants to play the field until he gets over his hurt. I can tell he's not emotionally there; and so for that reason, I think I should see other people. It's difficult though because we have a lot in common and he's a good guy. I just want a simple and honest answer and wonder what I should do next. Should I ditch him and date others? Should I tell him how I feel? He knows I like him. But I'm not sure where his head space is entirely...Advice, please!

[squeak]

Okay-#1-I am not a big fan of meeting on internet sites, I have come to the conclusion the guys who meet and date on the internet personals are doing it for the sheer number of available women and never ending women to date. Not too serious.

 

#2-He knows you like him, he is still actively going on dates. Don't corner him to press for answers, he is playing the field. Don't wait for him, date others. Listen-no woman ever wants to believe this is true-but it is: when a guy wants you, he WILL go after you in a consistent manner, setting up dates after you put the vibe out.

 

#3-The cheating on the ex doesn't exactly spell "keeper" in my book. 34 and ending his last relationship by cheating? Lame lame lame.

 

#4 -or you can press him for answers, you'll get evasiveness or he'll back away to your every move forward. Picture the reality, do you think he is going to breathe a sigh of relief and say "phew, I was waiting for you to tell me how you felt and ask me, now I can stop dating and going hot and cold on you."

 

I don't mean to sound sarcastic, but his actions don't really sound like much of anything. Cool off to him, don't call him unless he calls you, and don't wait around for this ex cheater to get his stuff together, it could be a long long time.

[squeak]

PS-I just noticed you said " He then said he'd call me tomorrow....and now, no word."

 

then:

"Should I tell him how I feel? He knows I like him. But I'm not sure where his head space is entirely...Advice, please!"

 

His head space is he was annoyed when you called him back, then got off the phone promising to call you thee next day, and did not.

 

This is not real, nothing is there.

 

And you think he is a good guy-yet he doesn't call back when he said he will (most likely because he is dating too many girlies to care) and he cheated on an ex.

 

He is NOT a good guy. You are in lust/hunting mode, snap out of it before you get played.

[loquaciousl]

Touche.

 

Nothing like a little tough love to get one thinking. You're absolutely right! Thank you. I think I was hoping there was more there. Sometimes it's hard to see things for what they are. But thanks again.