Jackie Posted December 26, 2002 Share Posted December 26, 2002 Ok quick rundown on my realtionship w/ my girl... Dated for 2 years, nice realtionship, fought here and there.. Split up in June b/c we just couldn't get it right.. Then in Nov we decide to try it again, we have been happy, and on our way back to tryin to build a strong bond between us... I figure since we have dated before and have been together the past 2 christmas' that I should get her a little something for the holidays, so I get her a guess watch and a coach bag, w/ a card telling her how much she means to me and that even tho we have had our ups and downs, that I wanna make this work.. She's happy for her gifts, but she didn't get me anything.. I'm not mad about no presents, b/c I like giving gifts, but she could have at least got me a card, just so I know she was thinkin of me... She explains to me that she has no money, which is fine w/ me, b/c she does have alot of bills... Then later on in the night she explains that she didn't get me a gift b/c she thinks that you should only get gifts for a bf/gf if you are in a serious realtionship... which I can see, we are taking it slow to try and build our bond again.. My question to you is, should she have taken my gifts that I got for her, or is her reasoning just bull, b/c she took my gifts??? What is your take on this, I know it's kind of a vague story, I am just lost tho?/ Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 26, 2002 Share Posted December 26, 2002 If you can't give gifts freely, without expecting anything in return or with strings attached, don't bother giving. Giving with the expectation of getting in return is not sincere. It would have been extremely rude of her to not have accepted your gifts and you would have been hurt much worse. While it would have been very nice to get a gift from this lady, her motivation...or lack of it....was pure and sincere. It doesn't make any difference whether her action was right or wrong, for her very own reasons (whether financial or if what she said is what she really feels) she was being herself and real. She was not trying to impress you or conform to ideals she doesn't subscribe to. So rejoice that you have a lady who lives according to what she feels is correct. It would be my feeling that if she really cared about you and had sufficient funds, she would have gotten you something. And if she didn't have the funds to get you a present, she would have at least spent some quality time with you over the holidays. Pay lots of attention to how she treats you in the upcoming weeks and months and just forget this gift stuff. If someone gave me a present and then started obsessing about me not giving them anything, I would give their tarnished and conditioned gift back to them and tell them to stick it! Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted December 26, 2002 Share Posted December 26, 2002 I think it's more than obvious that you didn't give her gifts to "get" gifts in return...and that you're not hung up on the fact that you didn't get "something".....you're more bothered by the principle.....and what her NOT having given you anything, might mean. Very legit. Yep, even if she didn't have any money, what does a card cost? $2? $3? Obviously affordable. Or hell, she could have made you one for pete's sake. Gifts aren't just about "getting something"...I think they are very symbolic. It shows that that persons cares about you enough to have put some "thought" into giving you something....whether it be something very small and perhaps meaningless to others, or whatever. And yes, along her line of reasoning......then she's a bit of a hypocrite for having so freely accepted your (very nice) gifts to her. After more than 2 yrs together......more than 2 yrs of knowing each other, if nothing else, even just as a 'friendship' thing to do, she could have gotten you a card, or offered to make you dinner some night this week, or hell, the list of "free/cheap" things someone could do for someone they care about/while having no money, it's really endless. Is this out of character for her at all? Or is she the type to expect you to spend money on her? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 26, 2002 Share Posted December 26, 2002 In my opinion, it's pretty hypocritical of a very large part of the population to be sweet and kind around Christmas time and give gifts at that time but be selfish buttholes the rest of the year. Giving is a generous act of love that should never be limited to a particular day or season. And expecting something in return...or expecting anything at all anytime...is setting oneself up for grave disappointment. If somebody doesn't want to give a gift, that's their business. It may send a message and it may not. There are a lot of things in the world that would be nice...but things don't always happen as we want them and to demand that people behave the way we want them to is simply insane. Link to post Share on other sites
Jackie Posted December 26, 2002 Share Posted December 26, 2002 I'm not worried in the least about a gift or anything like that.. I just think she was hipocritical to accept my gift and then say that she didn't get me anything b/c that would mean to her that we were too serious.... The whole money thing went out the window when she told me that she bought christmas presents for her co-workers and she spent 350.00 to get her hair done last Saturday, I'm not buyin that excuse, she had 350 for her hair, but not 2.00 for a card... Once again, I am not mad about the no gift in return, b/c I like giving to people, I am just upset that she is hipocritical about us being "serious".. I wouldn't care if it was that she just had no money, thats no problem at all and very very understandable, but her other reason has got me hung up Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 26, 2002 Share Posted December 26, 2002 Yes, I have to agree. If she thought the gift idea was inappropriate for the stated reason, she should not have accepted yours. Kind of nuts. Link to post Share on other sites
Jackie Posted December 26, 2002 Share Posted December 26, 2002 Yes, my thoughts exactly, but she fails to see my point of why I am a little hurt by the actions...and she thinks I am selfish b/c I brought up the fact that she accepted the presents and then she tells me about "people in serious realtaionships buy each other gifts"...obviously we were serious when my gift was given, but 5 minutes later, we must have cooled off a bit.. Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted December 27, 2002 Share Posted December 27, 2002 Um, I know how expensive upper-end hair salons can be, but $350 in one sitting, for their hair? Uh, that sounds a little far-fetched to me..unless of course, she had a full hair-transplant done. :-) You said you understand that she had no/little money, because she has a lot of bills...well, if she really DID spend $350 on her hair, then her other problem is the problem of overspending and the inability to prioritize. You really want to date someone who'd spend so friviously spend such a pile of cash on their stinkin' hair? That's highly insane. It's unbelievable, almost. (not saying you're overexaggerating, but I wonder if she is?)......unless maybe of course she got an entire head of hair extensions put in, or some kind of fancy hair weave? But yeah, based on everything, she IS a major hypocrite. Now the question is....do you want to continue sharing yourself and your time and your life and your money on a hypocrite......??? Can you respect someone like that, who changes their tune when it's "convenient for them"? I'd have no respect for a person like that. I'd think they were some big conniving flake. Don't you think you deserve better from someone whose life you've been a part of, for over 2 yrs? I'd say so ! I'd say your gal there knows exactly what she's doing. She's cheap and tacky and digs getting nice gifts from others (you), but she changes the 'rules' when it suits her pocketbook/priorities. And unless she's J. Lo or Madonna, spending $350 on her hair is outrageously insane. Link to post Share on other sites
BiancaRura Posted December 27, 2002 Share Posted December 27, 2002 me and my mother both got something for my sister in law for christmas bt she didnt even bother to get us a card.... I think she could have gone to the store and bought a $.29 card and I would feel better, I spent like $30 on her. Do you guys think its OK to feel upset over this? Link to post Share on other sites
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