Should I be mad at him?

[fancybird]

Happy Holidays All,

 

I've been dating a very nice guy for a month. We spend nearly every day together and exchanged small Christmas gifts before he left the city to see his family.

 

We spoke on the phone the first two days after he left, but he didn't call me on Christmas Eve or on Christmas Day and I'm very dissapointed. Do I have a right to be upset that he didn't call to wish me a Merry Christmas? Also, was sick over Christmas, I thought he would have called to see how I was feeling.

 

Do I have a right to be mad at him? He's left a message on my voice mail tonight, and I don't know if I should tell him how I feel when I call him back?

 

Any and all advice would be much appreciated.

[Tony T]

I've had the same experience a time or two. Yes, it would have been very thoughtful and really nice for him to have called on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day and, yes, it was very disappointing for you that he didn't, I'm sure.

 

That he didn't call may or may not have been a message. Only time will tell.

 

If you're like me, this is really bothering you a lot and eating on you. You owe it to yourself to let him know you were very disappointed that he didn't take the time to call you to wish you a Merry Christmas. You may even tell him that you thought you were just a tad more special to him than that...then just drop it. Don't get into a discussion. Just tell him enough to get him thinking.

 

If he shows this kind of lack of consideration and thoughtfulness in the future, I would dump him. Some things are important and having that special person in your life be a part of your life during holidays is important.

[fancybird]

Thanks for your response Tony, your advice is so sensible.

 

But I'm hesitant to mention how I feel, for fear he'll think I'm an overly sensitive nag?

 

Tony, you're a guy right? If a girl you'd been dating for a month got upset because you called her the day after Christmas not the day of, what would you think?

[Just A Girl2]

Hi Fancybird,

Don't mean to butt in here, I know your last question was directed specifically at Tony (yes, a guy)......but I just felt compelled to say this.....

 

Whether a "guy" would find a woman to be a nag, all because she brought up the fact that she was a little hurt/disappointed because he didn't have the courtesy to call and wish her a Merry Christmas...that's really irrelevant. The point of the matter is, YES, it was inconsiderate of him. And you owe it to yourself and him, to bring it up.....and if he is quick to label you as "whatever", all because you were open and honest and explained how it made you feel, then do you really WANT someone like that in your life, period?

 

It's not like you're going to make a huge dramatic scene out of it...you're not going to start crying on the phone and telling him how devastated you are.......you're not going to make World War III out of it.....you're merely going to work into the conversation, somewhere, the fact that you were a little surprised that he didn't think to call you Xmas Eve/Day.........so that you could wish each other a Merry Christmas, and maybe for him to see how you were feeling (Not sure if you would want to bring up the latter...then it might sound like you're too needy?.....I'd let the latter 'slide'....and just keep your eyes peeled in the future, in this regard).

 

Could be something harmless like, "I obviously had no way to contact YOU, so was trusting that you'd give ME a call......so that we could wish each other a Merry Christmas......so that I could see how you're doing, etc"

 

Considering you've spent a month together, and see each other almost every day, it sounds like you know each other pretty well....it's not like you're just some casual acquaintances.

 

I learned a long time ago.......don't keep your feelings in if something/someone hurts you or lets you down.....while on the same hand, make sure to pick your battles. Some things are not worth making a big deal out of, but some things are.........and we 'teach' people how we want to be treated. And also, some people are just inconsiderate and don't have a lot of common sense when it comes to common courtesies in a friendship/relationship.........bring it up, get it out in the open. If they head for the hills, well then you know they're trouble.......if they don't, then hear them out.....and watch for any future patterns.

 

I'd most definitely bring it up and I wouldn't worry too much about coming across as insecure or overbearing or a 'nag'......you have a very legitimate issue. But who knows? Maybe he has a half-reasonable explanation? Maybe he had hoards of family breathing down his neck the entire time, and he didn't have a moment of privacy to call you......and knew that if he did, they'd be on his butt with 200 questions about you......and teasing him, wanting to know all about you.....and maybe he's just a private kind of guy in this respect...so he waited for the opportunity to call?

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Tony, you're a guy right? If a girl you'd been dating for a month got upset because you called her the day after Christmas not the day of, what would you think?"

 

Yes, I'm a guy.

 

If a girl I'd been dating called me the day after Christmas instead of Christmas Day, I would be annoyed but I would also understand that Christmas Day is usually pretty stressful and filled with activities. I would also possibly think that they didn't want to interfere with what I had going.

 

If they had wished me a Merry Christmas in advance, I wouldn't have too much problem with them calling the day after.

 

A lot of times, people just don't think. We really don't live in an age of thoughtfulness and consideration. I think a lot more people used to have those qualities than do now. The best thing you can do is try to be understanding and flexible and consider what you have to work with.

 

It would have been lots nicer to have gotten a call on Christmas Day...absolutely!

[fancybird]

Okay,

 

I'm going to call him now and mention my dissapointment....I'm nervous because I hate confrontation.

[fancybird]

Tony & Just A Girl2,

 

I just wanted to say thank you for being my sounding board last night.

 

I spoke with Paul and mentioned that I was a bit suprised that he didn't call me on Christmas. He mumbled something about not knowing when I'd be home... blah, blah, blah. He ended up confessing that he should have called.

 

I guess that's all he really could say. I wasn't expecting much, but I feel better knowing that at the very least I did express my feelings.

[Debster]

He might have been waiting for you to call him.

 

I too, like a call to say Merry Christmas but if they called the day before and said something along the lines of

 

"I wanted to make sure to wish you but I knew I'd be very busy the day of and didn't know if we'd be able to touch base."

 

I'd be fine with them not calling on xmas day.

[fancybird]

Debster,

 

I did have the number to his parent's house, but he is spending xmas with large number of relatives, whereas I live on my own.

 

If I were to call him, he'd likely be in the middle of some kind of 'family thing'. On the other hand If he were to call me at home he knows he wouldn't be interupting anything.