Wasting time or not from Tokyo

[Ruby]

I met this guy, age 26, at the bar. I am 29. We slept together at the second date. We dated exclusively first 2 months. He introduced me to his friends, roomy and his co-workers. Sometimes on weekends, I stayed over at his apartment, also invited him to my place to cook for him once.

 

Then, suddenly he ignored my call a couple of times - he never called me back. When I finally got him, he asked me what he is for me, a future husband, boyfriend, sex friend(I can't believe he said this), or just a friend. I answered I thought he is my boyfriend, then he said he treated me like a girlfriend first but not any more, he can't guarantee anything about our future, doesn't want a serious relationship now and asked me to start over again as a friend.(he said this does not mean a breakup.) I was confused. I never, even once, asked him about the future of our relationship or a marriage stuff and never asked him any guarantee(he admitted it). Finally he confessed that he is scared to leave because in the near future he must go back to the States if the company asked him. He is American living in Tokyo, already for 1.5yrs, on business and I am Japanese.

 

I stopped calling and 3 weeks later he called me to say "Let's try to see what happens". We met twice in that month. Last time we dated, he said he would call me but he never did. So, I called him two weeks later, he was just fine. Conversation was wonderful and I think I could feel his affection, but he never asked for a next get-together. I was sure I never put any pressure on him and he appreciated my call but I strongly felt like we would never talk or see each other again if I don't contact him. Then he ignored me again though he said he would call. I tried to go out with my friends, do hobbies so as not to stick to his call back. A 1.5 month passed after the last time I called him, he suddenly called me and my machine got it - saying I haven't called him long and he hopes I am ok. I've ignored his call 4 times already(I have caller-id).

 

Now, I have no idea he is just afraid of commitment or just wants what he can't have now. I am tired of chasing game. I maybe hoping getting back together again like before, but I'm afraid being neglected again. Don't know what to do. Wondering this is wasting my time or not.

[Ryan]

Whether or not all of his motives are outlined to you, this is shaky at best and dead at worst. He has a legitimate concern of trying to make a relationship work at a distance. That often is a big killer. He may also have something else going on the side. I'm not certain of it, but the possibility seems apparent. Obviously you aren't happy about all of the charades being played out here, and that's enough to say it's time to move on. I don't see that you have much to build with here, and it would be your hopes frantically glued together by his scarce teasings of caring. The right guys for you won't put this level of stress on your heart.

[WildFire]

Hiddy-do!

 

I was just reading through these and came accross yours.

 

If you truely love this guy and think there's a posibility in the future...then you would be able to wait for eachother or one or the both of you would be making plans to be able to stay together...he doesn't seem to express that kind of deep comitment...yet he wasn't rooted to Tokyo in the first place..

 

If you do try and make the relationship a go...your in for a big rude awakening...long distance relationships seldom work and when they do they requier alot of time, commitment, care and sensitivity and a who other bunch of things you couldn't dream up with out having tried a longdistance relationship...

 

I'm not saying don't try it..I'm only giveing a bit of caution...

 

another thing you may..well most likely unless you're deeply comitted and headed towards the alter..you may run into the question something like this: I don't really want to break it off with you cause I like(or love) you so much, but because of the distance would you mind if we were only friends and had the freedome to see others??

 

Instead of risking that heartbreak later on, it might really be best to use the title "friends" anyway. You can basicly remain at the same levle you are..excluding all physical and visual contact...

 

anyways...these are some points to ponder...i wish you good luck in any desision you make, neither is right or wrong...it's a matter of choosing the way you wish to live your life...either way may end up really good...

 

all the luck and a *hug*

 

write again if you want to go futher with this..

 

ciao for now!

 

Theresa:)