Sandy Posted December 3, 1999 Share Posted December 3, 1999 Hello, My problem is this. I have been with this guy for over 5 years. We are both 22 yrs old. We come from very different backrounds and have learned different ways of pursueing relationships. I know that I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him BUT only if he changes the way he treats me at times. I don't want him to change "who he is", I love who he is. But sometimes he acts very uncareing and distant. I think this is because of the way he was raised(in a very unloving family) but I know he could change this if he wanted to. The problem is that I think he is afraid to try. I think that if he changes this it will make him more vulnerable and still after being with me for five years he is not ready to take that chance. I have told him that I have a major problem with things and he says that he will try. We have had this discussion before and he has promised to change but it hasn't happened. My question is, should I give up on his changing and move on or just give him more time? Is it realistic to think that he can change after all this time? Link to post Share on other sites
Billie Posted December 4, 1999 Share Posted December 4, 1999 He will not change if he couldn't see in 5 years that you weren't going to hurt him and that you love him deeply he never will there is someone out there who will see that you won't hurt them and who will be as loving as you want, without them having to make promises they have no intension of keeping. I hope this helps... Link to post Share on other sites
carol Posted December 5, 1999 Share Posted December 5, 1999 Wow, I have the EXACT same problem. I don't know what to do about it either. Does it seem like whenever you feel like the two of you are getting really close and you start to think, ok maybe he has changed, then he finds a way to pull himself away from you again? men suck:) jk Hello, My problem is this. I have been with this guy for over 5 years. We are both 22 yrs old. We come from very different backrounds and have learned different ways of pursueing relationships. I know that I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him BUT only if he changes the way he treats me at times. I don't want him to change "who he is", I love who he is. But sometimes he acts very uncareing and distant. I think this is because of the way he was raised(in a very unloving family) but I know he could change this if he wanted to. The problem is that I think he is afraid to try. I think that if he changes this it will make him more vulnerable and still after being with me for five years he is not ready to take that chance. I have told him that I have a major problem with things and he says that he will try. We have had this discussion before and he has promised to change but it hasn't happened. My question is, should I give up on his changing and move on or just give him more time? Is it realistic to think that he can change after all this time? Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy Posted December 5, 1999 Share Posted December 5, 1999 Wow, I have the EXACT same problem. I don't know what to do about it either. Does it seem like whenever you feel like the two of you are getting really close and you start to think, ok maybe he has changed, then he finds a way to pull himself away from you again? men suck:) jk Yes, that is so true. I thought I was the only one with this problem. EVERY time I start to feel really good about things, BAM, out of the blue he pulls away, or does something to make me feel terrible. I can't stand it anymore and I definately don't understand. All men can't be like this. Can they? It's a no win situation. I love him, and I want to be with him, and them times when I feel like we are close are the happiest times of my life but when he pulls away again and again, I feel bad, like I must be doing something wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
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