Tomcat33 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 LOL...I'm sure you two are fantastic women...but if I ever get divorced...I'm done with dating..even at the age of 38. I'll have my boys and thats all I need. But thanks for the offer. And when you are 50 and the boys are gone and they are living their own lives you are still going to be sitting here like a grumpy old prune, insulting everyone who comes by for something your woman did 40 yrs ago? What a waste of a life, to let someone ruin you like that. BUT as I am a firm believer that people will do as they please no matter what anyone says, in true Tomcat style I say: "Go for it!" Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 I don't feel sorry for her at all. But the funny thing is, I don't feel that she is responsible for the demise of her MM's M. He is. She only helped keep him from fully engaging back in it. She provided the getaway car, if you will. Still not honorable, but definitely not her fault, IMHO. Who's asking for your pitty? Your pitty is not going to change my situation at all. If I said it once I will say it a million times more, I may have been the catalyst that pushed him over the edge to take the leap of what he wanted to do for a very long time, if that at all, but I had 0 to do with the breakdown of his marriage, they both let it go to s**t together to such point that there was no turning back from all the damage they did to it, they fell out of love and realised what they did wrong, way too late. By that point he had fallen in love with someone else and was really even LESS interested in coming back home. They should have gone to councelling three years ago when they started drifting apart and living in seperate parts of the house instead of accepting a job that takes you out of the country for months at a time. NOT when he's moved out and in love with someone else. By that point it's too late. The fact that he developed feelings for me and this made him realise she was not who he wanted to be with is ALSO not my fault because those feelings could have been developed for me or anyone else...it was his decision to stop loving her and love someone else, not mine. So all this nonesense in this thread started because I am supposed to ACCEPT fault in his marriage breaking down, and I don't, I simply don't. I don't FEEL at fault for that. But that doesn't mean I haven't learned what I need from the experiece and that I am not capable of personal growth. But that doesn't really concern you, it's for me to know and for me to take on board. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Now I have that in my head and it won't stop repeating in my mind! Nah, I'd date HN, you'd just be part of the show...Noone said anything about dating you! hehehe! Well now THERE is a proposition... Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Originally Posted by whichwayisup Now I have that in my head and it won't stop repeating in my mind! Nah, I'd date HN, you'd just be part of the show...Noone said anything about dating you! hehehe! Well now THERE is a proposition... Oh terrific the circus is comming to town!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 And when you are 50 and the boys are gone and they are living their own lives you are still going to be sitting here like a grumpy old prune, insulting everyone who comes by for something your woman did 40 yrs ago? What a waste of a life, to let someone ruin you like that. I don't consider it ruined to decide to live alone...date again?...maybe..maybe not. Regardless...one thing is for sure...no more committments for me...EVER! Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 I don't feel sorry for her at all. But the funny thing is' date=' [b']I don't feel that she is responsible for the demise of her MM's M. He is[/b]. She only helped keep him from fully engaging back in it. She provided the getaway car, if you will. Still not honorable, but definitely not her fault, IMHO. TC I was going to ignore you, still might, but I had to highlight my post that you quoted. Again, I don't think its your fault. I said as much. Stop being so reactive and read with some comprehension. I don't feel you are responsible for what happened in his M. It wasn't your M to make or break. You simply didn't have that much power. He was doing what he wanted to do, not what you wanted him to do. I don't know what that tirade was all about because I don't think you were at fault in his M. Where have *I* said you needed to accept fault for his M? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 I don't consider it ruined to decide to live alone...date again?...maybe..maybe not. Regardless...one thing is for sure...no more committments for me...EVER! If that's what you're happy with (being alone) then that's what you're happy with, and it doesn't matter what others think... Although personally, I think if you did find yourself alone, after a while, you probably would find someone else to date again...but since you're still unhappily married, you can't imagine being committed to another woman in the future for obvious reasons... And since you are the marrying kind AND you're sticking with it through REALLY tough times, I think that you would find yourself committed again, because you KNOW HOW TO... Plus, a lot of women won't have sex with a man if they know there is no chance in HELL that he'll ever be serious with her...so, unless you're willing to be celibate or date women I'm sure you wouldn't want to be caught dead with, your views would change after awhile... Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 NID that wasn't to accuse you I know you made that point I saw that which is why I quoted it. it was just an addition to your quote for all the others who wanted me to accept blame and thats' how it all started. At least you can see it for what it is. you can seperate your pesonal issues from what it is. But I don't expect everyone to see that, it was just annoying to have them all harping on my a##s for pages that I should feel guilt and responibility for his marriage ending. i don't and that's what pi$$ed them off. I am well aware I don't have that kind of power, pure and simply because I was not a PART of that amrriage. oF course my attitude peeved them off too but it it takes two to argue, I don't care what anyone says, and they were doing as much attacking as I was. In all the other threads I can post differing opinions that might not gel with the rest of the posters but they don't take it so damn personally. unless of course the littel "clan" follows me into the thread then that's when it all start to derail again. Others take it for what it is and argue the point. I respect that. If you go back pages here and see how it all started I was actually being really nice to OOD I have nothing against her I always had very sympathetic words for her situation. But she didn't like the fact that I said I don't feel responsible for the marriage of MY particular situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Plus, a lot of women won't have sex with a man if they know there is no chance in HELL that he'll ever be serious with her...so, unless you're willing to be celibate or date women I'm sure you wouldn't want to be caught dead with, your views would change after awhile... Excellent point! unless of course she is "easy" or just looking for sex, there are women who just look for sex.... I think he'll change his mind if he ever divorces, no one likes to be alone forever no matter what's happened in the past. Plus you learn to trust again. Love is always a risk no matter how much we set ourselves to be 100% honourable, reliable, respectable (all the "ables" you can thing of ;-) we never don't know what life has in store for us as far as our partners go. You partner may not cheat on you in your next rel. but you could grow to really love her and she decides one day she doesn't love you an just leaves you high and dry and hurts you just as bad as your current W hurt you. The point is life is filled with pain and unpredictability. AND I UNDERSTAAAAND you will never do anything wrong SC I GET IT. but you don't know you might do something or maybe did something just as hurtful to another woman who also loved you dearly. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 NID that wasn't to accuse you I know you made that point I saw that which is why I quoted it. it was just an addition to your quote for all the others who wanted me to accept blame and thats' how it all started. Gotcha! I misunderstood. Sorry. I might disagree with you on a lot of things, but this is one where I agree with you on. Plus, I recall you saying that he was separated and living away from the marital home when you started seeing him. I hardly consider THAT being an OW, accept that he started waffling. But, even then, that doesn't make you an OW. That makes him a coward and waffler. Me, myself, would NEVER date even a separated guy, because you never know what will ultimately happen with the D. I would only date a D'd guy after he'd been D'd for a couple of years and made peace with it, regardless of why it happened. But again. That's just ME. TC, have a good day. I am having a crappy one. Someone deserves to have a good day. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Excellent point! unless of course she is "easy" or just looking for sex, there are women who just look for sex.... Yeah, I know...but from what I can glean from SC's posts, he'd rather walk on glass than be with a woman like that... Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Gotcha! I misunderstood. Sorry. I might disagree with you on a lot of things, but this is one where I agree with you on. Plus, I recall you saying that he was separated and living away from the marital home when you started seeing him. I hardly consider THAT being an OW, accept that he started waffling. But, even then, that doesn't make you an OW. That makes him a coward and waffler. Me, myself, would NEVER date even a separated guy, because you never know what will ultimately happen with the D. I would only date a D'd guy after he'd been D'd for a couple of years and made peace with it, regardless of why it happened. But again. That's just ME. TC, have a good day. I am having a crappy one. Someone deserves to have a good day. Oh no NID why? Are you ok or just having one of those days....? Well I TOTALLY agree on the never dating a seperated guy lesson learned, no matter how you slice a rebound is a rebound. I had chances to date seperated guys in the past and ran as fast as I could. I suppose this situation just developed like it did and quite frankly I made a few justfications in my head for it that it could work out, sepecifically the getting out of one rel and so soon starting another, part, but for the pure and simple reason that it was a rebound scenario it couldn't have worked. Add to that the waffling and lies and it it was enough for me to see the light. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 If that's what you're happy with (being alone) then that's what you're happy with, and it doesn't matter what others think... Although personally, I think if you did find yourself alone, after a while, you probably would find someone else to date again...but since you're still unhappily married, you can't imagine being committed to another woman in the future for obvious reasons... And I won't be committed to anyone in the future. And since you are the marrying kind AND you're sticking with it through REALLY tough times, I think that you would find yourself committed again, because you KNOW HOW TO... I know how to jump off a skyscraper...but I'm not going to do it. Committment in the future dependent on the outcome of my marriage is something I can honestly say I am not interested in. I definitely learned my lesson and that is shi!t I don't ever need again. Plus, a lot of women won't have sex with a man if they know there is no chance in HELL that he'll ever be serious with her...so, unless you're willing to be celibate or date women I'm sure you wouldn't want to be caught dead with, your views would change after awhile... If they don't they don't.....besides...aint nothing a woman can do for me that I can't do for myself better. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Yeah, I know...but from what I can glean from SC's posts, he'd rather walk on glass than be with a woman like that... Tomcat <------ picturing that brown gremlin cartoon thing (what is that thing by the way, SC? ) walking on glass.... Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Tomcat <------ picturing that brown gremlin cartoon thing (what is that thing by the way, SC? ) . That gremlin IS Salicious Crumb....Jabba The Hut's little freaky tail companion. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Tomcat <------ picturing that brown gremlin cartoon thing (what is that thing by the way, SC? ) walking on glass.... He's from Star Wars...he was like Jabba the Hut's pet or something... Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 That gremlin IS Salicious Crumb....Jabba The Hut's little freaky tail companion. OHHH I thought it looked like a Star Wars thingie...sort of like a mean looking Jar Jar Binx Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 besides...aint nothing a woman can do for me that I can't do for myself better. THIS EXPLAINS IT!!! I've figured out why you're so grumpy!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Anyway ladies and gremlins, off to the gym to blow off some steam that way I won't have to come back here and fight with anyone else. ;) kidding! later Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 27, 2007 Share Posted April 27, 2007 Well now THERE is a proposition... Take it to the HOT Friday Thread! Link to post Share on other sites
vanilla chai Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 And when you are 50 and the boys are gone and they are living their own lives you are still going to be sitting here like a grumpy old prune, insulting everyone who comes by for something your woman did 40 yrs ago? What a waste of a life, to let someone ruin you like that. BUT as I am a firm believer that people will do as they please no matter what anyone says, in true Tomcat style I say: "Go for it!" Hey tomcat name sure does fit. Did you forget to take your meds today? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 Hey tomcat name sure does fit. Did you forget to take your meds today? I would ask you how old you are but I'm sure you can't count that high. Link to post Share on other sites
will2power Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 I've read a portion of this thread and others. I've not been here for a while. I lurk once in a while and have not been on this site for quite some time. I didn't realize how this board which indicated is a support for people who are in a relationship with a married partner has turned into a hate spewing forum for those who need an empathizing ear. OP... how are things going for you? Link to post Share on other sites
vanilla chai Posted April 28, 2007 Share Posted April 28, 2007 I would ask you how old you are but I'm sure you can't count that high. Don't fear I count very well thanks. You on the other hand would benefit greatly with a lovely hospital stay. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted April 29, 2007 Share Posted April 29, 2007 Don't fear I count very well thanks. You on the other hand would benefit greatly with a lovely hospital stay. And you would benefit greatly from a second lobotomy, clearly the first one didn't quite do the trick. Link to post Share on other sites
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