I screwed up so badly, but i love her

[iscrewedupsobadly]

I have been dating my girlfriend for almost two years, and I really love and care about her so much. I could definately see us having a great future and getting married. But last week when she went home for the weekend, I was drinking a little bit with my friends and by the end of the night I ended up doing something really stupid and sleeping with another girl that I do not know.

 

I spent the next four days in tears and couldn't believe what I had done. After confessing what I had done to her, we have both been upset for the past two days. I understand that I couldn't have done anything worse and that I screwed up so badly, but I love her so much and care about her so damn much. After talking to her and spending so much time apologizing to her and explaining how much I cared for her and explaining that I loved our relationship and that nothing was wrong and that I thought our relationship was perfect (which really bothers me that I just screwed up).

 

I had no motive behind this and I'm really upset about it. She finally decided that seh still cares about me very much, but said she doesn't trust me and can't see her trusting me. I've told her that I would do everything I can in the world to earn her trust back and make her happy again. I was wondering what I could do to earn it back? I konw it will take a really long time, and she agreed to see counseling with me, but still is skeptical that this will work? I was wondering what I can do to earn her trust back?

[vivrantflo]

Dude, it's gonna take a lot of time, and effort to earn her trust back.. The fact that she's agreed to go to counseling with you is a positive. You're in a tough spot, cause you REALLY hurt her by cheating on her. All you can do is answer ALL the questions she'll have for you, and be as honest as you can. You say you didn't have a motive for what you've done, and that looks REALLY bad to her, cause that means she didnt do anything wrong at all, and still got burnt by you. Which means you could do it again whenever u may be out with your boys and drunk. Just be there for her, answer all her questions, and ANYTHING she asks of you, make sure you do it.. whether she asks you to be by her side 24/7, or to leave her alone.. In terms of you two getting back together, the ball is in her court, so time will only tell man.. cause a lot of time is needed for her to heal from this and move past it.. IF she can.

 

Good luck though man, I'm in the same boat.

[norajane]

How old are you and your gf? Is this the first time she's been cheated on?

 

I ask because it sounds like you may be young, and if this is the first time she's experienced something like this, you've got a long, long road ahead of you. You just ripped her faith apart and it's so hard to get those images of you screwing some other girl out of her head.

 

I had been dating a guy seriously, someone I met while in college. We had been together for over 4 years, but he did the stupid kind of thing you did, except all they did was kiss and pet a little, but she was a mutual friend of ours. I can't even begin to tell you how devastating that was for me - suddenly I realized that this guy I loved with all my heart and who I had trusted completely could actually do something he KNEW was wrong and knew would hurt me terribly. And for what? He had no reason and no answers to my questions.

 

Thus followed a long, hard time for us - I was in anguish imagining the two of them together, he had to keep listening to me cry and yell and doubt him. Eventually, I did forgive him, or so I thought. A year and a half later, I fell totally out of love with him and left him. I'm not saying she will ultimately leave you, but be prepared for her to put you through hell as she goes through her own hell in coming to terms with this.

[Guest]

your not alone with this.

 

Read the thread " i cheated 5 yrs ago and needed to come clean to marry my"wife" " and the one called " my husband and my friend " those sound like your situation

[megnog]

I'm sorry to hear this bad news, you sound so sincere. But the first poster was right - because you have no reason for what you did, it will make it hard for her to trust you to go out again and drink. this was an act based on alcohol, and while i admit alcohol will make us do things we wouldn't normally do, it can't be a reason..

 

what i would suggest, and if you are truly sorry and want to make this relationship work beyond anything else is to not drink unless she is around. it will be way too hard for her to deal with this otherwise. at least for the next few years..

 

i'm sure this has ran through your head before, but imagine it the other way around and how insecure you would feel if she ever were to go out again and drink with you not around. what is to stop her from doing those same acts as the first time? not much since she wouldn't be thinking clearly from all that alcohol in her bloodstream.

 

suggest this idea to her and it might make her feel a bit more at ease, although right now nothing can heal this except for time. time for you to prove your love to her and promise to her nothing like this will EVER happen.

 

i wish all the luck to you..

[Salicious Crumb]

Dude, you are going to have to bend over backwards until your spine snaps under the pressure....and when that happens, and she still doesn't trust you...you're going to have to then cut off your right arm.

 

You can't ever have the attitude like.."well I'm bustin' my ass and this isn't worth it" because then you will have shown her that she isn't that important to you.

 

And I wouldn't blame her if she never trusts you....but in the chance that you ever gain her trust back, it will NEVER be 100%....maybe 95%. You'll just have to understand that if from this point on if she questions where you go and what you do.....you are the one that put the doubts in her mind. So I think you can expect forgiveness...maybe, but don't ever expect 100% trust.

 

So if you think she is the one, then you'll have to bust your ass for 95% trust back and you should be happy with that.