loquaciousl Posted April 15, 2007 Share Posted April 15, 2007 Hey there LJers... I'll try to make this as brief as possible... I was dating this guy for a month. From the get go we hit it off and established that we had a lot in common. He's college educated, hard working, fun, and had been honest with me about some pretty brutal stuff. A few weeks ago we had a discussion about how his last relationship had ended. Evidently he had cheated on a girl he had been with for a year and a half and she dumped him flat. That was three months ago. I wasn't thrilled with this information but was happy that he had been honest with me. Anyway, we had never established exclusivity at any point. Last Tuesday I received an email from him on a dating site that I am on but not "active" on, per se, meaning that I don't go on to search for potentials. I didn't even know he was on there and might not have if it hadn't been for receiving an "icebreaker" from him. After getting that icebreaker from him he called me later that night. He sounded rushed, and said he had a few minutes to talk. He then said in almost a contrite voice, "Miss you, miss your smiling face, hope to see you soon..." The way he said it irritated me because it felt contrived. Anyhow, we got off the phone with me being annoyed and bitchy. So I called him back to apologize for being bitchy and he answered the phone, "Yeah, M!" (my name). I then apologized and he said sorry as well for being jerky. He then said he'd call tomorrow and that was Wednesday. No word from him since. Finally yesterday I had had enough. I don't handle, lack of closure real well. I know his actions (or non actions) convey his lack of interest, or whatever. Up until that point he had regularly been calling me and we'd seen each other once a week. So, I emailed him and told him that I had not been honest with myself in that I don't like serial dating, and that I knew (from what he had told me) that he had a lot to deal with in regards to guilt and such from his last relationship. He had initially told me that he adored me, that I was a girl he could see committing to, etc. After I thought about my actions on the phone the other night I realized that it was going to be hard for me to keep going out with him and not develop some sort of fondness for him. I guess the purpose of the email was to tell him that I thought we were on different pages (which was clear by his being on other dating sites.) This might sound confusing, but I thought his idea of "taking it slow" meant with the potential of more. He had even told me last week that he can't just see us being friends. Anyway, part of me misses him. But part of me also knows that I deserve someone who can be there emotionally. I also have had the pattern of being around men who aren't emotionally available. I think I did the right thing in a sense, but I still am upset....I guess my request is to ask why I think I "miss" him. I am not going to contact him further but I don't understand what happened. I just want to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Ssheena Posted April 15, 2007 Share Posted April 15, 2007 Be glad you found this out about him after only a month. You deserve someone who is there for YOU and YOU alone. Of course you miss him. I think that's only natural...but I think you are smart enough to see it's not what you want and deserve. Please give yourself a big hug and pat on the back for realizing this now before you got any further into it. His loss. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loquaciousl Posted April 15, 2007 Author Share Posted April 15, 2007 Don't take this the wrong way, but I love you! Thanks for the support. Phew. Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted April 15, 2007 Share Posted April 15, 2007 You are a smart woman! You did the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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