serial muse Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 My past relationships have everything to do with my present, my experiences and what I have lived I use as a roadmap for my future destinations. If I made certain mistakes in the past that I KNOW contributed to the breakdown of said relationships, it is safe to say that if x=y I better damn well not do X unless I wanted to see Y again. I take responsibility for my past mistakes and what I did to contribute to my rel .breakdown. And I don't blame myself to have some power over my past situation I blame myself because I was the contributing factor that pushed the man away, so much so that he acted in the most resentful manner possible, he cheated on me. I had more power in the situation than you wish to give me credit for, after all I WAS with him, that would make me the other half of the equation, no? Yes this may have NOTHING to do with my current MM's marriage, but I've seen enough to be the judge of that myself. moreso than you can see from a computer in god knows where. Yes. You blame yourself to take power, I think - because it gives you a sense of power in the CURRENT situation. YOu feel that, by identifying what you as a BS, and by extension ALL BS, do wrong, you can therefore avoid those problems in the future. But listen, tomcat, it really, REALLY doesn't work that way. I'm starting to understand that you may have this strong need to believe that if you just pour enough attention into another person, that will absolutely be enough to deflect any future need to stray. But the sad truth is, that you can't control other people that way, and so that's just not really how it is. Yes, it helps if people stay connected, but life takes many twists and turns and you can't be vigilant ALL the time; sometimes, people do unexpected things, sometimes they pull away, sometimes they push at you. You simply can't hold yourself reponsible for someone else's emptiness inside. Often enough, when a MM/MW strays, it's to fill a need that even they don't understand, and that has nothing to do with their spouse. Sometimes, it's just because they feel like they don't want to be married anymore. Sometimes, it's because they suddenly realized this is their life, and their dream of being a rock star or an astronaut isn't ever going to happen, and they desperately need to distract themselves. There are any number of reasons that the BS shouldn't hold him/herself responsible for. And, in the cases where two people do grow apart, of course, there is always the point of communication - like Trial said, it is incumbent on the MM/MW to COMMUNICATE that deep unhappiness to their partners. That is the responsibility of the MM/MW. Now. As for this: instead of spending your time arguing nonesense you might try taking the intiative yourself and ask you MM/H why you are not communicating. Instead of waiting around for things to fix themselves you might want to try to lead by example instead of waiting for the change to come from someone else. Just ugh. You are really kind of an ugly person at times. Not that I owe you any more information on myself, because it's already out there to be read. But I did lead by example - I left him, because I found his inability to face himself to be unacceptable. Feel free to read up on me. My story is in this very thread.
Trialbyfire Posted April 20, 2007 Posted April 20, 2007 You simply can't hold yourself reponsible for someone else's emptiness inside. Loved this. It's now my sig. Thanks.
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