Would you have let him go?

[loquaciousl]

Hey there LJers...

 

I'll try to make this as brief as possible...

 

I was dating this guy for a month. From the get go we hit it off and established that we had a lot in common. He's college educated, hard working, fun, and had been honest with me about some pretty brutal stuff.

 

A few weeks ago we had a discussion about how his last relationship had ended. Evidently he had cheated on a girl he had been with for a year and a half and she dumped him flat. That was three months ago. I wasn't thrilled with this information but was happy that he had been honest with me.

 

Anyway, we had never established exclusivity at any point. Last Tuesday I received an email from him on a dating site that I am on but not "active" on, per se, meaning that I don't go on to search for potentials. I didn't even know he was on there and might not have if it hadn't been for receiving an "icebreaker" from him. After getting that icebreaker from him he called me later that night. He sounded rushed, and said he had a few minutes to talk. He then said in almost a contrite voice, "Miss you, miss your smiling face, hope to see you soon..." The way he said it irritated me because it felt contrived. Anyhow, we got off the phone with me being annoyed and bitchy. So I called him back to apologize for being bitchy and he answered the phone, "Yeah, M!" (my name). I then apologized and he said sorry as well for being jerky. He then said he'd call tomorrow and that was Wednesday. No word from him since.

 

Finally yesterday I had had enough. I don't handle, lack of closure real well. I know his actions (or non actions) convey his lack of interest, or whatever. Up until that point he had regularly been calling me and we'd seen each other once a week. So, I emailed him and told him that I had not been honest with myself in that I don't like serial dating, and that I knew (from what he had told me) that he had a lot to deal with in regards to guilt and such from his last relationship. He had initially told me that he adored me, that I was a girl he could see committing to, etc. After I thought about my actions on the phone the other night I realized that it was going to be hard for me to keep going out with him and not develop some sort of fondness for him. I guess the purpose of the email was to tell him that I thought we were on different pages (which was clear by his being on other dating sites.) This might sound confusing, but I thought his idea of "taking it slow" meant with the potential of more. He had even told me last week that he can't just see us being friends.

 

Anyway, part of me misses him. But part of me also knows that I deserve someone who can be there emotionally. I also have had the pattern of being around men who aren't emotionally available. I think I did the right thing in a sense, but I still am upset....I guess my request is to ask why I think I "miss" him. I am not going to contact him further but I don't understand what happened. I just want to move on.

[imonyourside]

well it sounds like you know everything you need to do. bottom line is, you didn't want to date him and others while he dated you and others, you want committment, right??

 

and thats perfectly natural. it depends on what point of your life you are and also the connection between two people. if you want a boyfriend, then you made the right choice in letting him go.

 

what i admit i'm confused about is ... he messaged you from an online dating site, knowing who you really are and knowing that you guys were dating? and you got upset now knowing that hes on this dating site? is that right?

 

also, he said he would call you but he didn't? so a few days later you emailed him calling it quits? is that right? i'm sorry, i'm not trying to sound mean, i just didn't understand exactly what you were saying. anywho, like i said, you did the right thing and there are plenty other men out there that can be just as charming and intelligent that are ready to be committed.