If your MM could read your posts...

[Kenzo]

I was thinking of sending MM a link to this site, I'm sure he'll figure out who I am, but I also think his reading here would give him a better understanding of what I'm (we're) going through...I've seen some "couples" post on the same threads and it seems to be looked down upon.

 

Just wondering if anyone thinks it's a good idea to let him inside this little world, a kind of safe haven for some, and help him gain some perspective?

 

And to those who have been on here together...how did that affect your relationship?

[whichwayisup]

By allowing him access to your posts, you're giving up your privacy...Just FYI...

 

Ask yourself this - If your MM read your posts - What would you expect of him afterwards? Because chances are he isn't going to do anything different and go out of his way to change things. His first obligation is to his wife and to his children...

 

Sure, he may 'get' that you're upset, hurting etc., but what would change?

[Kenzo]

I absolutely get what your saying, it's just a thought that has crossed my mind more than once.

 

It's not as if he doesn't already know how I feel, and I don't know if anything would change for him, maybe he would get mad that it was all out there somewhere in cyberspace, and never speak to me again, maybe the little lightbulb in his head would start flashing about what all of this is doing to me, or maybe absolutely nothing and we would continue on in the same fashion we are now accustomed to.

 

Maybe if they knew what was going on in our heads when they were not around and that we have nobody else to talk to about this, maybe just maybe it would be an eye-opener for them.

 

Don't really know how I would feel about him posting his POV, though...I've seen that and it doesn't seem to work out well here.

[whichwayisup]

Remember though, many men do not like drama. They like things simple and they don't like to open up and talk about 'feelings' and 'what is going on inside their heads'...Odd seeing as he is in the midst of an affair which creates drama and alot of unsettling feelings....

 

And, who cares if he gets mad that you're posting on here? If he did stop talking to you over something like this, then that's just more proof you weren't meant to be where you are with him now...Right?

[Art_Critic]

Don't really know how I would feel about him posting his POV, though...I've seen that and it doesn't seem to work out well here.

 

A MM's POV is already known to you... He is married and has a commitment with another person.

 

You would lose your place to come and talk about your feelings..

 

LS isn't a medium for 2 people to hash out their relationship.. that should be done in person.

[Kenzo]

Remember though, many men do not like drama. They like things simple and they don't like to open up and talk about 'feelings' and 'what is going on inside their heads'...Odd seeing as he is in the midst of an affair which creates drama and alot of unsettling feelings....

 

And, who cares if he gets mad that you're posting on here? If he did stop talking to you over something like this, then that's just more proof you weren't meant to be where you are with him now...Right?

 

If I knew you I swear I would love you!

 

 

Art--Yes, what I mean is that if he could see (hear) what I'm saying without his interrupting and justifying and being responded to by people in the same position and those on the other side showing the other side to the coin. Actually it might make him see his W's POV, being the unknowing victim in all of this. I certainly would not to re-hash anything with him publicly (yet anonomously) we've been over it 1000 times, quite counter-productive.

 

Sometimes I wish he would just find this place on his own and wonder if it was me, is that crazy?

[Freedom Now]

My xMM DID read my posts and I felt emotionally raped. He was privy to parts of my life and emotions that I didn't want him privy to.

 

And that is why I changed my screen name.

 

I would never want him to read my thoughts again. He should not be allowed to have access to that.

 

IMHO.

[Kenzo]

Freedom Now- was he your xMM when he read them? If so, do you think it would have made you feel as bad had he read them when all was well between the two of you?

[Freedom Now]

He read them when we were "together" and read them after we split. He told me.

 

We were traveling together and I had gotten on LS when he was in the shower. He was able to scroll through his computer and see what sites I had been on....and he admitted that he read every single one of my posts under my prior user name.

 

So, Freedom Now was born.

 

Not too long ago, he told me that he still peruses through LS to see if I have posted. He has no idea I am still here under a different name.

 

I hated that he knew about this site. I needed a place to vent when were involved and after I walked away. And my deepest pains and feelings were revealed here.

 

And after we split, he should not have been allowed access to my feelings. He didn't need to know how I was doing.

 

I thought that maybe he would get some understanding about what we OW go through by reading LS, but he just read MY posts. He wasn't interested in what anybody else had to say. And, once again, he admitted this to me.

 

No, my life is not for him to dissect. He is allowed NO ACCESS to my life, not even on LS.

 

No contact is No contact.

[Guest]

honestly, that's probably not going to make him change his actions. i know u probably want him to think "oh man...she's been going through a lot. i respect her so much now. now i really need to leave my wife, family, home, my life"

men don't normally work like that. especially if they are having their cake and eating it too. ask any of ur guy friends.

[smartgirl]

Kenzo, I have to believe that sending your mm here is unnecessary. I'm sure he does know how you feel -- he just doesn't want to deal with it. The fact that he cuts you off indicates he just doesn't want to hear it, doesn't want to talk about it and doesn't want to have to do anything about it. The word for that is "selfish."

 

I am assuming this is a current relationship. So, he doesn't care what you think and obviously doesn't care what his W thinks. He doesn't sound like a good person to continue in a relationship with.

[empty906]

.. that should be done in person.

 

As a MM if I were to read about the emotional stresses and wandering ideas an OW I was seeing had posted, it would make things awkward for me when we were together. I would know too much, or too much of the stuff guys don't need to know about in the first place.

 

Like WWIU said, we like things simple even when that statement appears to be totally contradictory to our current situations. Knowing your every thought and emotion would overload his image of you and all the mystery would be removed. Part of his attraction to you is the mystery you hold, you can't lose that. He would now know everything about you without your control over how he gained the information.

 

If telling him how you feel about certain situations is critical to you right now then it would definitely be best, for him, to cover those in person. Not even over the phone, that way you can read his body language as you confront him.

[empty906]

Well, Kenzo, I read the original thread where you described the A with MM and I have to change my mind on the advice/opinion I posted above.

 

The part I have to change is the 'in person' part. Don't go meet this guy in person!!! You will break! You are at a difficult transition period and talking with him will stir all those good feelings back up and, believe me, I know!

 

If you have continued NC over the past couple of days then please stick with it. My overcoming the attachment to OW only began after weeks of NC. Many weeks of NC broken only by a couple of happened chances seeing each other in public. And those two times we talked killed ALL the progress I had made up to that point. Each time I had to start over dealing with it.

 

You do not need him here, Kenzo. Do not let him see that there is still a weakness for him. I know you have had your world flipped upside down and being back with him would make things easier, it seems, but you know it is not what is best. You know this...

 

Maintain NC, Kenzo! You can work through it here on LS. Don't give in yet!

[SoxPrincess]

I truly hope that my exMM never makes his way here and figures out who I am. I made sure I used a user name that I have never used before and I didn't put any private information in my profile area. This is where I come to vent and where I let my guard down; if I he knows I am still hurting, it gives him power back and I will never, ever do that again.

[Kenzo]

Maintain NC, Kenzo! You can work through it here on LS. Don't give in yet!

 

We are not in NC, although we both know the end is near. I tried, but I guess not hard enough. It's not that I would send him here, I was just wondering "what if", that if maybe he had this kind of insight not only into our situation but if he read about some others then he might see that he needs to stop contacting me. He has said so may times how selfish he is, yet I still see him with stars in my eyes...

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Maybe if they knew what was going on in our heads when they were not around and that we have nobody else to talk to about this, maybe just maybe it would be an eye-opener for them.

 

Don't really know how I would feel about him posting his POV, though...I've seen that and it doesn't seem to work out well here.

 

 

Kenzo,

 

I thought a thousand times that if my WH could only feel my pain then he would change. THEY DON'T CARE. They want things just the way that they are or they would change them. His R with you isn't supposed to be about feeling pain, its an escape from the other half of the life he chooses to live. Trust me, he is not going to have some revelation of your feelings and decide to become a person who he is not. He has shown you how he deals with things and the sacrifices that he expects people to make just to be a part of his life. No words, spoken or written, are going to change that.

 

 

He has said so may times how selfish he is, yet I still see him with stars in my eyes...

 

 

Gag me with a spoon. The old "you don't deserve me" line! Let's take a poll, who HASN'T heard this line in some form or another, BS's and OW alike.

[Freedom Now]

IWWH:

 

Truer words have not been said.

[empty906]

We are not in NC, although we both know the end is near. I tried, but I guess not hard enough. It's not that I would send him here, I was just wondering "what if", that if maybe he had this kind of insight not only into our situation but if he read about some others then he might see that he needs to stop contacting me. He has said so may times how selfish he is, yet I still see him with stars in my eyes...

 

Why did you decide to begin talking with him again? Is it only talking or are you meeting as well? Or are you not contacting him, he is only texting and calling every thirty seconds still?

[Kenzo]

I am not sure that I ever REALLY decided to stop seeing or talking to him. I don't want to continue this. He did bombard me with calls and texts, and like I've said before I am just weak. I have seen him as well, I have no excuse for this except that I am weak when it comes to him...and yet so strong in all other aspects of my life. If anyone (that really knew me) knew about this situation I have gotten myself into, they would never believe that I could not walk away from it.

 

Empty--How are you doing?

[rdnkgrl31]

I don't want my MM to read my posts. Although he knows everything that I have said, b/c I have said it all to him as well. This is just a place I can vent, and see that I am not the only person going through this. Sometimes you do feel that you are the only person in the world who has went and fallen in love w/ someone you may possibly never have fully. I did tell him about this site though. He asked what everyone's thoughts were on our situation and I told him the truth. He is so hillbilly-ish, he doesn't know how to use a computer, so I have no fear that he will EVER get on this, lol. I do understand what you mean though about wondering what he would think about the things you have said and your thoughts, but mine knows already, even w/out me telling him. He's making a choice, and unfortunately it's not with me.

[Babybird]

Empty: How are you doing???

 

I have told MM about this site but he always forgets the name of it. Whenever he asks me what it is I tell him he wouldn't want to come here anyway. He asks why and I tell him because it'll piss him off to hear what a dog he is and how he's never going to leave. He would figure out who I am in a heartbeat.

 

I wouldn't want him to come here because I do vent about him. I spill my guts to him about a lot of things but not the insecurities. I don't want him to see the entire vulnerable part of me. Just a little.

 

Although I would love to have him post here and not know who I am so I could get the complete dirt on what's going on in his head. Wouldn't that be the sh*t?? To get MM to spill his guts and tell the complete truth when he didn't know you were reading it. It would be interesting to know what they said. I bet most of the OW's here would realize we don't know our MM at all. That could be all the good, mushy thoughts that we all want to read or those evil, manipulative, all for sex thoughts that would probably be posted.

[rdnkgrl31]

There are times when I wish I could get in my MM's head, just to see what he is truly thinking. Then again, I don't want to out of fear, that I wouldn't like what I saw. It's scary to feel that you are the only one who is truly in love and that you are just being played. And while I want to know, I don't want to know, scary, and stupid I guess.

[Babybird]

There are times when I wish I could get in my MM's head, just to see what he is truly thinking. Then again, I don't want to out of fear, that I wouldn't like what I saw. It's scary to feel that you are the only one who is truly in love and that you are just being played. And while I want to know, I don't want to know, scary, and stupid I guess.

 

Makes perfect sense to me.

[empty906]

I am not sure that I ever REALLY decided to stop seeing or talking to him. I don't want to continue this. He did bombard me with calls and texts, and like I've said before I am just weak. I have seen him as well, I have no excuse for this except that I am weak when it comes to him...

 

Your nuts, Kenzo! I did the same stuff you are doing with him when it came to the OW. If you REALLY, honestly want to begin detaching from this guy you have to stop seeing him, texting, chating, calling, and looking at his picture. And that will be hardest thing you will have ever tried to do.

 

I struggle every damn day not calling OW, or driving by her house to see if H is home, or emailing her, or whatever. Sometimes things are easy because I have my mind on a million different things and I am pressed for time and I don't have a minute to spare. But the quiet times suck; the alone moments which would have been spent with her are still feeling empty. Even after many weeks of NC.

 

Back on your MM, I am still not convinced that he shares the same level of commitment that you are experiencing. And I can be totally of base here but when he got angry, or jealous, that you weren't responding to him any longer it showed a side that I don't think would be there if he cared (had love) for you like you show towards him.

 

All I have to compare your relationship with is my own and OW and I had a lot of deep feelings shared between each other. Her pulling away hurt but the last thing I wanted to do was lash out towards her, you know? I knew why she was pulling away and I hated it but the love for that person kept me from wanting to hurt her. So I wonder if he isn't sharing the same love for you that you are seeing. His actions seem to say it isn't. What do you think, Kenzo? And if I am wrong I apologize.

 

 

Empty: How are you doing???

Well, thanks for caring, Kenzo and Babybird! I am alright but I don't want to hijack your thread here ranting about my crap. W goes for a sonogram in the morning and she is bouncing-off-the-walls happy. She has been saying 'I love you' more often lately, too. I hate it when she says that.

 

I am not usually depressed as I sounded in those other posts. When the whole deal starts getting to me I vent it by posting how I feel and it helps me to work through it. Like one poster said, I must sound like a woman.

 

I still don't have a game plan anymore but I won't try and figure things out until the baby is born, or is atleast much further along. Anything can happen this early on.

[empty906]

Although I would love to have him post here and not know who I am so I could get the complete dirt on what's going on in his head. Wouldn't that be the sh*t?? To get MM to spill his guts and tell the complete truth when he didn't know you were reading it. It would be interesting to know what they said. I bet most of the OW's here would realize we don't know our MM at all. That could be all the good, mushy thoughts that we all want to read or those evil, manipulative, all for sex thoughts that would probably be posted.

 

There are times when I wish I could get in my MM's head, just to see what he is truly thinking. Then again, I don't want to out of fear, that I wouldn't like what I saw. It's scary to feel that you are the only one who is truly in love and that you are just being played. And while I want to know, I don't want to know, scary, and stupid I guess.

 

If both of you knew what MM was thinking do you think would it make things between you better?

 

I think it would DEFINITELY help us men in trying to figure you women out! With all of your subtly, your signals, your interpretations, uhhh!, you keep us constantly confused and guessing. Guys just aren't usually like that, seriously. You should easily be able to tell if we like you, it's all over our face. If we remember things you said, we like you. If we know you like this but not that, we like you. If we commit your life details to memory we like you. We aren't complicated with subtle hints or signals, usually what we are thinking shows. But the same doesn't apply with you, does it?

 

Rdnkgrl, you think maybe MM doesn't feel the same as you? Why would you think that?