Never talks to me

[JMay]

I have been dating the same man for the past 10 years. My problem with him is that he NEVER talks. He says he feels that mostly when people talk it's a waste of breath, and if I want to talk to him, he'll listen no problem, but I shouldn't expect him to respond. He says "when I need to say something, I will." He doesn't talk in the car, when we're out to eat, or at home. In fact, the one place he's most able to talk is in bed, but that happens rarely. There have been many times when I ask to talk about something serious, and he agrees, but I wind up talking the whole time. I have asked questions at times and waited over 30 minutes for a resonse. Often, instead of a response, I get "what do you want me to say, huh?" I find this very frustrating.

 

 

To add insult to injury, despite the fact that he is shy, when we are social with friends or family, he talks, laughs, and makes eye contact with just about everyone but me. I asked about the discrepancy, and he finally told me that he was his real-self with me, but with others he feels he needs to put on his "social" mask. He said "I can say whatever I want to you at any time, so why would I say it in public in front of others?"

 

 

This is not a new thing, it's been going on for years. I guess it's always bugged me a little, but recently his behavior has been getting on my nerves - especially his lack of eye-contact with me while out-and-about. I never have a problem being social myself, but I usually feel like I'm out alone without my partner. I don't want him stuck to my hip, but a wink across the room or a conversation that included both of us would be great. Does anyone what to take a stab at helping me figure out why he does this?

Thanks!

[Tony T]

It makes absolutely no difference why he won't talk. The fact is that he just doesn't talk much...to you.

 

So you have to decide if that's what you want for the rest of your life or not. You have put up with this for TEN years!!! What's another 50.

 

There is simply no way you're going to get him to talk any more than he wants. You've tried. What did you expect from a message board. We have no recipes for magic spells.

 

Your life is going to be very lonely, indeed. But, on the other hand, it is my understanding that women mostly want to be listened to. In that respect, you have died and gone to heaven.

[Girl]

This has "been going on for years" but it's just recently gotten on "your nerves"? WOW!.

 

Not telling you anything you don't know.... an intimate relationship is NOT based on sharing a home, a bed, a bathroom or the remote control. It's based on sharing feelings. You want a mate who has feelings, knows WHAT he is feeling, chooses to SHARE those feelings with you, knows HOW to express those feelings to you.

 

There is NO purpose being with someone who is so emotionally shut down... continuing to stay with someone this cold and emotionally stingy is a form of self-punishment.

 

He shows non of his "love" freely, abundantly or without restriction, he does not apprectiate you or even sound like he knows you exist.

 

He's got you practically begging for some display of his love, trying to pull his feelings out of him and I expect when he does offer you some tiny scrap he'll expect you to make a big deal of it.

 

Surely you like yourself a bit more than this? Please stop letting him treat you like this, this is NOT the guy for you, don't know if he ever was but that's irrelevant, you're only dealing in the here and now and the fact is you can't change anyone, you can only change yourself. Don't put up with anything less that someone who gives you access to his inner world freely.

 

Good luck

[JMay]

Tony -

 

Just want to reply to your question about what I was expecting from a message board, i.e. magic spells and the like...

 

I am not looking to change him, I was only looking for insight into the male psyche so that I might understand him better. I'm sorry you did not understand that.

 

Thank you for your opinion.

[Tony T]

This is no ordinary man. Most men talk to their partners. I have no idea why he doesn't talk. Some people are just like that. There is simply no human way we on this board can do anything but speculate on his problem. He is not representative of the "male psyche" as you put it.