strip clubs, lying, private dances. ok or no?

[CaringSoul]

I'm in just tell me where to sign up.....I had a similar thing happen to me. I feel so different toward my SO, but do not know why? Is it because he had a nude 21 years old strippers grinding his personal area, and her boobs on his chest, and her nipples rubbing his face...I think yes. I am sooo angry, how do we get rid of this feeling? It has been almost a year now, you cannot tell me by having someone do this to you you were not aroused. He claims no, says he is sorry...just curious. I heard them all, after I found out everything, on my own, no help from him. He is still lying, says its been so long now he doesn't remember......what a line of crap. Yes I am angry, he broke our wedding vows. Why can't I be curious about other men, I am like you I have no interest, I thought I found the love of my life. Now something is missing! I am lost, alone, and tired and angry.

[LakesideDream]

Ladies, you all are doing a real service for the males who visit LS. As I have posted previously.. I was in a "strip club" once in my life (I'm 57), as a sober designated driver for a bachelor party. I didn't enjoy it, it was just blah.. boring.

 

I realize that I'm probably in a minority amoung men. Regardless. Any man who reads LS has to be aware that there is no upside to visiting strip clubs. Seeing teenagers, or youngsters cavorting around, much less "lap dancing" isn't worth the havoc it creates in relationships. If a guy wants to do it.. get it out of your system when you aren't in a committed relationship.

 

A second thought... at my age, I find myself noting that women do not become attractive until they are "forty something".. which is kinda cool. It lets a man be nice and polite to all the pretty "young un's" out there waiting tables, checking groceries and stuff, without sexual tension. The concept of having sexual feelings (attraction) with "girls" as young as or younger than my daughter (27) would be creepy.

[CATENZA]

Catenza--Congrats!! You still sound angry--what can we do? I think we should start our own club of SO's who feel cheated on and come up with something that would piss off our husbands because I'm thinking that until I I have some way of getting back at him and making him hurt as bad as I do, he will never understand or care. He knows he hurt me, but isn't sorry because he thinks there was nothing wrong with what he did--"all the guys were doing it and their wives don't care". The being at home being "good little wives" while our husbands are out stroking their male egos and soliciting sex acts from other women is totally unacceptable!!!

 

Thanks!! The anger is slowing going away. After the baby was born I lightened up. 2 weeks after my husband and I had sex and it was the best sex ever!! Even the kisses were incrediable... Its like we hadn't seen each other in years and missed each other! I also had a few drinks that night because I was scared of what my reaction would be while we were intimate.

 

My situation now is that I don't want to let my guard down and I want my husband to understand that i will NEVER forget!

[littlepiggy1]

2 weeks after my husband and I had sex and it was the best sex ever!!

 

Makeup sex is the best sex ever.

[Miss Jane]

Ladies, you all are doing a real service for the males who visit LS. As I have posted previously.. I was in a "strip club" once in my life (I'm 57), as a sober designated driver for a bachelor party. I didn't enjoy it, it was just blah.. boring.

 

I realize that I'm probably in a minority amoung men. Regardless. Any man who reads LS has to be aware that there is no upside to visiting strip clubs. Seeing teenagers, or youngsters cavorting around, much less "lap dancing" isn't worth the havoc it creates in relationships. If a guy wants to do it.. get it out of your system when you aren't in a committed relationship.

 

A second thought... at my age, I find myself noting that women do not become attractive until they are "forty something".. which is kinda cool. It lets a man be nice and polite to all the pretty "young un's" out there waiting tables, checking groceries and stuff, without sexual tension. The concept of having sexual feelings (attraction) with "girls" as young as or younger than my daughter (27) would be creepy.

 

To Lakeside Dream and all others that have been posting on this topic:

 

I wish more men would read this. I found the article in GQ magazine about how 32% of men consider receiving a lap dance cheating. I guess you are in the minority--unfortunately, my husband is in the majority. I found the final statement of the article to be totally ridiculous because the writer TOTALLY FORGOT TO CONSIDER WHAT THE SIGNIFICANT OTHER FEELS!!! And if you are in a relationship--the other person's feeling SHOULD matter! My problem is that my husband and I never sat down and discussed "rules". I guess you can't rely on the understated. I just trusted my husband so much that I was truly shocked to find out he would get a private lap dance. After 22+years of marriage. The article tried to touch on an explanation of that too--that all men want to cheat so the line is drawn to whatever extent men can justify that what they are doing is NOT cheating--which is pretty broad. In the same GQ poll, 65% of men think Cybersex is cheating. That is surprising to me that more men would think this is cheating then a lap dance--at least it is not actually, physically, being with a naked woman who is in your face trying to sexually arouse you. There is a morning show called Mike and Juliet and they have interviewed a few "experts" who have commented on this topic. If anyone is interested you can log into their website and view the video footage. I guess I need to discuss the boundaries of cybersex with my husband. What next? Is oral sex cheating? Bill Clinton says it isn't. Is a hand job cheating? Many men don't think it is. Does every possibility need to be discussed and boundaries laid? I never thought I needed this is in my relationship--I guess in that respect I am "old fashioned." And how about internet porn? Doesn't that just open up a whole new "box of worms"?

 

A relationship is between two people. I just don't see how one person can be so selfishly self-gratifying without consideration for their partner. I don't care what "male" excuse is used.

[Lizzie60]

in my life... there is no big deal... I remember one time ... I was sitting there with my bf...watching the other men in the place... some guys stopped there after work for a few beers... they hardly look at the girls... they are so 'consumed' in their talks about their work...LOL that they hardly even notice when the girls come to the table for the drinks and almost 'park' their boobs on their backs while putting the drinks on the table.

 

Plus what I don't understand is that women are expecting their husband to tell them when they go to SC... gimme a break... do you think that any 'normal' guy is going to tell his wife that he was at a SC and had a few table dances... come on!

 

Doesn't matter whether you get mad or not... that won't stop him to go again... he got caught... next time he'll be more careful and destroy all evidence...

 

What I did before... I told my bf that if it was OK for him to go in these clubs, then it was OK for me to go too... He said fine... I knew he was extremely possessive but he agreed...so I went (only once) and we laughed about it.

 

He was going too from time to time but I always knew when he did... he would call me.

 

I know damn well that even if I throw a fit, get mad, blablabla..if he wants to go, he'll go and he will just keep it secret...

[annieo]

Lizzie, you've contradicted yourself. You said that any "normal' guy would not tell his wife/girlfriend, but then you went on to say that your guy went and he told you about it. Why, isn't your boyfriend "normal"? I'm sick of the word normal being used to excuse men's slutty and unfaithful behavior.

I think I already mentioned this, but I, too, have been to strip clubs a few (like 3 or 4) times with my husband and I did not previously have any major qualms about him going occassionally, like maybe 2 x a year, assuming that he told me about it and that he didn't get a dance. I'm sorry, but you cease being a tourist when you pay for one on one attention. The girls are no longer eye candy. You are having a paid for moment with a person who works in the sex industry, brief and limited in scope though it may be.

What infuriated me mostly about my husband's behavior, however, was his brazen and repeated lying to my questions. In the end he admitted to the three table dances, but this was after a couple of horrible days. It has had the effect of making me wonder what else he lies about. I am still amazed at his persistance in lying to me when he knew that I knew something was up.

Do I know why he lied? Partly, yes. He didn't want to deal with my displeasure and hurt. But you know what, if you do something disloyal to the person you supposedly love the most, then maybe you just have to grow some ****ing balls and take a little grief. I would have gotten over it in a day - now it's 6 months later and while I have calmed down ALOT and things are pretty cool with us again, I still don't trust him the way I used to. Maybe I never will, and maybe that is a good thing, considering his behavior.

Also, it isn't like he just forgot to mention it - when I was asking him if he went and what he did there (while holding a pack of matches with the name of the club and a graphic of a naked girl riding a bucking bronco, no kidding!) he said things to me like, "Do you want me to make something up?I can invent some story if you want to get mad at me." and other such total bull****.I could not tell you how many times he repeatedly lied to me in that 48 hours, but it was ALOT.

So get off your high I'm-so-cool-and-tolerant horse, Lizzie. You are not the only open-minded, experimental woman in the world. There are alot of us out there. And I'm not some precious baby who thinks men should never look at another woman or that going to strip clubs is cheating. I like looking at/flirting with other guys. I get it! But the lying is just plain ****ty. I would imagine that if your boyfriend stopped telling you he was at a club and then started lying in your face when you asked him, over and over again when you know he's keeping something from you, you wouldn't be so understanding.

[reef man]

Bottom line. Going to a strip club is disrespectful to your SO, man or woman.

[playdoughdays]

One more bottom line,,find a man with morals and values,,who don't objectify women,,and you won't have to worry..

[annieo]

Thanks for your input, reefman and dough-guy. But I have a question. I would like to know how you are supposed to screen men for their morals and respect for women (especially when these things can change from moment to moment, situation to situation, and that on a certain level, we humans generally have a side to us that we keep well hidden from others). Seriously, what are the clues to the fact that you are dealing with a trustworthy (or untrustworthy) man?

I appreciate your insights.

[shadowofman]

I don't think Lizzie contradicted herself. She created an environment where her man was not afraid to tell the truth. I think she did a good job in creating an equal playing field. Knowing that her man was possessive, it caused him to walk a mile in her shoes. She forced him to experience empathy. Bravo, Lizzie!!!

You may not be able to change, or help how you react to the truth. If you are known to be possessive and jealous, than you will not get the truth. If you are known to be understanding, curious, willing to give (up to a certain extent), than you are just more likely to get a bit more of the truth than you normally would.

You husband didn't tell you because he knew how you would react. He also decided that what you didn't know, wouldn't hurt you. He may have done more, but I wouldn't assume. I have done some things that my wife would concider cheating, though getting a lapdance is the worst. I wish I could tell my wife. I want to tell her. Hell, I wish she was with me at the time. I understand that my wife wouldn't get excited about the prospect, but that doesn't change the fact that I am.

Want to hear a funny story?

I'm a big dork! I love to play Dungeons and Dragons. Have since I was 12. Lots of my friends like to play as well. My wife hates it. She thinks it's so nerdy. She refuses to try it. She won't even let me play!! Rarely, when it's possible, and I have the opportunity, I will sneek around, behind her back and play D&D. What she doesn't know, won't hurt her, right? I would love for her to try it. But more than that, I want her to like it as well. It's not group sex, but it's really the same idea.

I want to do things. I want my wife to do things with me. I would rather do all the things I want to do with my wife rather than without. I want my wife to want to do all the things I want to do (if she's gonna bitch, I don't want her there). I understand that my wife couldn't possibly like everything that I like, but that doesn't change the fact that I really, really like to do things. My approach should be to stick up for myself, and not let my wife tell me what I can and can't do, but I'm a coward. And love is a battlefield!!!!

[bish]

Help! Am I right to still feel so pissed off? If I wasn't sharing a home with him (and kids) I would have dumped him when this **** hit the fan. I still love him, but everything has changed.

Please advise.

 

Yes, you have a right to be pissed off. I'm a man and I don't go to strip clubs. don't need to.

 

You think he'd like knowing you went to a male strip club and licked whip cream of a guy's d!ck? Its no different than him getting tits in his face.

[Anka]

Honestly, i dont see what the big deal is.

 

Im a stripper. Men come in, hang out, maybe get some dances and leave. Thats it. Its NO BIG DEAL.

 

Nothing goes on in there that could be called cheating. Its a job to sit and talk to customers. Its not like we like the guys really, some are nice but its our job.

 

So he got a table dance. Its our job to convince them to do that. Most of us are good at it. Its a novelty for the ocasional customer, nothing more.

 

Guys on business trips go to clubs. This is something they do. Most customers I get are on business. What is he supposed to do? Tell them he cant go becuase his girlfriend will get mad? Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is for a guy?

 

I really think you need to ask yourself why this very popular male tradition bothers you so much. Is it the club or the lie? Woman have things they get together and do, it could be shopping, going to the salon, book clubs, whatever. For guys its poker, golf, strip clubs, yanno, guy ****.

 

He went to SC on business. RELAX. The important thing is he was at the club with guys. NOT on a vaca with another woman.

[shadowofman]

Listen to Anka. I've been to clubs. The girls aren't interested in the dudes. They are trying to pay the bills. And it's very, very, very, very, very imasculating to say. Sorry guys, I can go to the club. ESPECIALLY if it's on business, out of town. HELL, a dude would probably loose business if he turned down a clients invite.

Yes, you have a right to be pissed off. I'm a man and I don't go to strip clubs. don't need to.

I don't have to go either. It's really pretty lame and a waste of money.

You think he'd like knowing you went to a male strip club and licked whip cream of a guy's d!ck? Its no different than him getting tits in his face.

First of all, your not allowed to touch the girls almost everywhere. And, the point is, he DOESN"T really have a right to get pissed off if he IS going to clubs. If he is going to clubs and it bothers you. Turn the tables. Do something that bothers him. Relate the issues. Both of you will promise to never do that ever again. And then you'll have him followed by a PI cause he will try to get away with whatever he can and women know this.

[cutegirl]

Sometimes stuff does go on in strip clubs. One guy I know told me a stripper grabbed his dick and bit it over his pants and put her mouth over it (also over his pants). I know some guys CAN ejaculate from lap dances, in some seedier clubs they grind until the guy cums.

 

As for Maxim, that's just a guy version of Cosmo. The pics in there are so tame. I look at them for work-out inspiration. Also, Maxim has the most interesting articles ever, Cosmo is junk with the same crap month in month out. Maxim is actually very well written.

 

Even though the guys are technically not allowed to touch the girls, some girls will let them on the down low for extra tips.. Not all but some. I would be SERIOUSLY pissed off my bf got a lap dance and got his penis grinded by some naked chick. It's dry humping.

[shadowofman]

Your right cutegirl. For some reason I was only working with my own personal memories of strip clubs I had been to. There is a really crappy place in my town that will do the dry hump thing. It's actually really gross. The guys can have sex with any crevice of the girls body that is not a hole. Like the boobs, back of the knee, ect. And the girls get ejaculated on. Not very healthy. There is also a "Healthclub" for rich guys (massage parlor). Most places your not supposed to touch and the bouncers regulate pretty heavily even in the private rooms. Also most of the time, the girls are strickly business.

[rainfall]

Nothing goes on in there that could be called cheating. Its a job to sit and talk to customers. Its not like we like the guys really, some are nice but its our job.

 

So he got a table dance. Its our job to convince them to do that. Most of us are good at it. Its a novelty for the ocasional customer, nothing more.

 

Guys on business trips go to clubs. This is something they do. Most customers I get are on business. What is he supposed to do? Tell them he cant go becuase his girlfriend will get mad? Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is for a guy?

 

I really think you need to ask yourself why this very popular male tradition bothers you so much. Is it the club or the lie? Woman have things they get together and do, it could be shopping, going to the salon, book clubs, whatever. For guys its poker, golf, strip clubs, yanno, guy ****.

 

.

 

 

Are you serious? Nothing that goes on that is considered cheating? What exactly do you call dry humping him (lap dance.). I;m sorry but if any women besides me is bouncing up and down on my man he is a cheating dog.

Yes if my man wants to stay with me he better tell his friends he can't go to a strip club.

The things women do together usually don't invlove disrespecting your SO by having someone try to get you off.

[halfarock]

Bottom line. Going to a strip club is disrespectful to your SO, man or woman.

What if your SO is a stripper? Is it disrespectful to go see them?

[halfarock]

I would be SERIOUSLY pissed off my bf got a lap dance and got his penis grinded by some naked chick.

So, why don't you do it yourself? Sit him down in a chair, put on some music, dance around as you take your clothes off and once you get naked, grind away.

[halfarock]

For some reason I was only working with my own personal memories of strip clubs I had been to.

Yes, just ignore reality as you know it and replace it with some nonsense someone told you.

[shadowofman]

Yes, just ignore reality as you know it and replace it with some nonsense someone told you.

What are you talking about? The fact that I've never seen these dry hump clubs means that they don't exist? No, I happen to have pretty good sources on the matter. One of my best friends goes all the time and tries to get me to go. I also know the owners son. I just forgot to mention it when I said that your not allowed to touch the girls. Some places you are, I've just never been there.

[halfarock]

Honestly, i dont see what the big deal is.

Im a stripper.

 

Over the course of my life I have dated several women who just happened to be strippers. Consequently, I’ve been to strip clubs, I’ve hung out with and lived with strippers. Ever so often I hear someone going on and on about how horrible strippers and strip clubs are. The strippers that I’ve known were some of the sweetest, most honest women I’ve known.

 

First thing, most strippers are strippers just because it’s easy money. Most strippers, at least 95% have no desire to touch, let alone cause to ejaculate, their customers. Most of them are just normal women trying to make their way in the world. If my current girlfriend wanted to be a stripper it wouldn’t bother me at all because I know that the sex that goes on in strip clubs is almost entirely in peoples’ imaginations.

 

Are you serious? Nothing that goes on that is considered cheating? What exactly do you call dry humping him (lap dance.). I;m sorry but if any women besides me is bouncing up and down on my man he is a cheating dog.

Yes if my man wants to stay with me he better tell his friends he can't go to a strip club.

The things women do together usually don't invlove disrespecting your SO by having someone try to get you off.

Or is just insecurities on your part?

 

Dry humping? That sounds so funny.

[rainfall]

 

Or is just insecurities on your part?

 

Dry humping? That sounds so funny.

 

I'm not insecure just don't see why I would want to waste my time with a man who doesn't want to be faithful.

Dry humping is what they do so sorry if it sounds funny to you.

[halfarock]

What are you talking about? The fact that I've never seen these dry hump clubs means that they don't exist? No, I happen to have pretty good sources on the matter. One of my best friends goes all the time and tries to get me to go. I also know the owners son. I just forgot to mention it when I said that your not allowed to touch the girls. Some places you are, I've just never been there.

Like I said, Just throw out your own experiences. How much sex have you seen in a strip club? None, but a friend said there was. Funny how you changed your tone right after cute girl spewed her bit. Do you always buckle so easy? I hear she’s looking for a man without too much ambition that she can control.

 

Because of people like rainfall the police are always investigating strip clubs, always. If the girls were causing guys to ejaculate, they would be arrested as prostitutes and the club shut down. It happens but is so very rare that it is essentially a lie to characterize strip clubs as a place where sex, paid for sex occurs.

 

The more likely scenario is that a guy goes in, sees some stripper, possibly gets one of those private dances, gets turned on and then goes home and jacks off or does his not so pretty wife.

[rainfall]

Because of people like rainfall the police are always investigating strip clubs, always. If the girls were causing guys to ejaculate, they would be arrested as prostitutes and the club shut down. It happens but is so very rare that it is essentially a lie to characterize strip clubs as a place where sex, paid for sex occurs.

.

 

 

Hey I never said they have sex with them. They just get on top of them and rub their naked body all over them.