strip clubs, lying, private dances. ok or no?

[halfarock]

Hey I never said they have sex with them. They just get on top of them and rub their naked body all over them.

Around here that is illegal. The strip clubs make most of their money off of the sale of over priced alcoholic drinks and hosting the state gambling machines. What ever they get from stripper's stage fees is insignificant. It is in the vital interest of the clubs that no illegal touching happens.

[rainfall]

Around here that is illegal. The strip clubs make most of their money off of the sale of over priced alcoholic drinks and hosting the state gambling machines. What ever they get from stripper's stage fees is insignificant. It is in the vital interest of the clubs that no illegal touching happens.

 

Well I guess the sc where you live are different from the ones where i live.

[cutegirl]

For some guys strip clubs can be just harmless fun with the buddies once in awhile. For some guys it's really a hobby.

 

There are forums out there where men review strip clubs, (it's all divided by state and city) and review specific dancers at certain clubs, guys will rate dancers who give better "mileage" higher and give out names of dancers that will do "extras" so that other dudes can enjoy her services... There ARE dancers out there that do "extras" and go pretty far and I have heard of guys getting bj's in the vip room (this was in Vegas). Of course not ALL dancers are like this, but quite a bit do.

 

For some of the guys on these forums, it is a thrill to see how far they can get the stripper to go, it's like a challenge and a hunt for them. It's too easy for them to just go get a hooker, they like to play games and see what they can get away with. It's more exciting for them...

 

At Ecstacy which is a club in Orange County, the even have "bed dances" where you lay in a bed and the dancer gets on top and simulates sex. They even advertise in the Orange County Register...

 

I learned a lot about men from reading escort/prostitution/stripper boards... It's a good way to glimpse into their true natures, the side they like to hide.

[cutegirl]

What are you talking about? The fact that I've never seen these dry hump clubs means that they don't exist? No, I happen to have pretty good sources on the matter. One of my best friends goes all the time and tries to get me to go. I also know the owners son. I just forgot to mention it when I said that your not allowed to touch the girls. Some places you are, I've just never been there.

 

I heard that most dancers tell the guy to put their hands on her hips/waist during the dance, while she's grinding. They usually don't have free reign to grope everywhere unless the dancer gives permission...

 

Almost all strip clubs have lap dances/grinding... I also used to read this stripper forum regularly and the strippers where saying how some girls are making it harder for them to work cause they were doing extras and that these days they have to give lap dances to make money, not "air dances".

 

I researched a lot about strip clubs cause I had an ex that went and it pissed me off...

 

Also, when a guy likes a certain dancer, he will get like 10 dances from her, from the same girl. For me that is beyond just entertainment but more for personal satisfaction.... Some guys have favourites that they like to visit frequently... To me that's almost like having a mistress... Seeing the same woman every time. And some guys will buy gifts for the strippers too... There was a topic on the stripper board of "What have customers bought for you" etc

[Anka]

Okay Rainfall.

 

I have been a stripper for while. No wher in my job discription is 'dry humping"

 

I consider what I do an erotic art. I dont dry hump anyone except my fiance, lol. Nor does any other stripper in my club.

 

If he is going to them on business, they are going to higher end clubs in which things like dry humping are not allowed.

 

This is what you look for. To much money being spent at the clubs. I mean about an abnormal amount of money. Over a grand. If he is spending like crazy at the clubs he has spending to much time in VIP or has found a hooker.

 

If its just table dances, you really need to relax. Its a GUY thing. Boys will be BOYS. Try to stop it and you are just putting up a wall, trust me, he will resent you. Do you have any idea how men interact with eachother when woman are not around? They will bash him like crazy if he says that.

Maybe you should go to a club with him and see for yourself what its about. Its way more than "dry humping"

 

I dont think my fiance would appreciate me dry humping poeple, lol.

[bish]

Thanks for your input, reefman and dough-guy. But I have a question. I would like to know how you are supposed to screen men for their morals and respect for women (especially when these things can change from moment to moment, situation to situation, and that on a certain level, we humans generally have a side to us that we keep well hidden from others). Seriously, what are the clues to the fact that you are dealing with a trustworthy (or untrustworthy) man?

I appreciate your insights.

 

You don't screen them for strip club desires. You have to wait and see after you are dating them.

 

If they go to them, and know you are hurt by it, don't care and go anyway...then you kick them to the curb.

 

Its about respect. If he doesn't respect you enough to take your feelings seriously and not want to do something that will hurt you, then he isn't worth 2 squirts of piss.

 

Same goes for women who go to strip clubs and their men don't like it.

[bish]

Okay Rainfall.

 

I have been a stripper for while. No wher in my job discription is 'dry humping"

 

play on words...it still is what it is.

 

 

I consider what I do an erotic art.

 

No. Its someone doing a job to make money because they have no other skills.

 

 

I dont dry hump anyone except my fiance, lol. Nor does any other stripper in my club.

 

You don't give lap dances? Hmmm...I thought you all did. Cuz thats what a lapdance is. Straddling the guy, rubbing your t!ts in his face...oh wait...its art...LMFAO.

 

If its just table dances, you really need to relax. Its a GUY thing. Boys will be BOYS.

 

Exactly, I agree, but not for the reason you think. Boys will be boys.

 

Translation: she doesn't have a man, she has a boy. If he was a man, he'd care about her feelings.

 

 

Try to stop it and you are just putting up a wall, trust me, he will resent you.

 

So what? The guy obviously doesn't care about her anyway if he knows she is hurt by this and he goes anyway. At that point, a strip ho is more important to him than someone he is suppose to be committed to.

 

So her mindset should be. Too bad. If he resents her for feeling the way she does because of his insensitivity and selfishness, then he isn't someone that deserves a good woman in his life.

[Anka]

Really Bish? No other skills? So, I must have imagined 5 years in college then, okay.

 

You need to stop the stereo type. I don't dry hump, and erotic dance IS an art, like it or not. Dance is a form of human expression, as is sex. Hence, it is an ART.

 

I strip. I also have a happy healthy family. I have a degree and am persuing another degree. Working at night 3 days a week gives me more time with my family and I make enough money to do whatever I want.

 

Have you had a lap dance? Have you given one? Customers NEVER touch me. I dont rub my boobs in thier face either. You dance for them nude, you dont grind for them until mess thier pants. Difference between the lap dance and table dance is you dance closer in a private room.

 

Sure every stripper has thier rules BUT dont go assuming everyone of them grinds and/or has no other skills. That is just ignorant rubbish.

 

Sorry but he ONLY goes on business. That means the people he goes on business with go to the clubs. IMO, she is being insecure and insensitive to him by asking him to lose the respect of his business associates over something as piffle as a guys night out.

 

Men are going to watch porn, jerk off and go to strip clubs. Get on board or become a lesbian. These things are normal guy crap, NOT cheating.

 

While I agree that he is wayyyyyyyyy in the wrong for lying, I dont think its fair for her to demand where he can go. She should show him some trust and not use her insecurity to play mommy and control how he does business.

[rainfall]

Okay Rainfall.

 

If its just table dances, you really need to relax. Its a GUY thing. Boys will be BOYS. Try to stop it and you are just putting up a wall, trust me, he will resent you. Do you have any idea how men interact with eachother when woman are not around? They will bash him like crazy if he says that.

Maybe you should go to a club with him and see for yourself what its about. Its way more than "dry humping"

 

I dont think my fiance would appreciate me dry humping poeple, lol.

 

 

So you don't give lap dances at your club I am guessing? No I don't need to go to a strip club. I am fine with my sex lif the way it is and don't need outside help to turn my man on. I really don't care if my man's friends bash him. If he is more worried about that then he is about being faithful to me then I don't need him.

Strip clubs are not a guy thing. Guys don't need to look at naked chicks besides their women to live. I am hot and there is no reason that he should have to pay another women money to dance naked for him.

[Anka]

Okay, I reread what I had said and it came out a tad insensitive.

 

Rainfall, if he only got table dances, you can be sure he wasnt dry humped lol.

 

He is very much in the wrong for lying. I agree with that 100%.

 

On the other hand, if he had told you how would you have reacted? He probably didnt want to make a mountian out of a mole hill. He no doubt thinks of this as a mole hill.

 

Men do the sc thing on business all the time. If I were you, I would dig down to find out why this bothers me and work on that. You will not get far trying to control someone(this is how it will be percieved).

 

You must find a compromise in relationships. Break the walls down. Somethings your partner thinks and feels can be painful. But part of loving someone means that you must accept them in all thier tainted human glory.

If he is turned on by strippers, strip for him. Go with him to the club. I have found that when you make an effort to get inside your partner they become very honest and follow your lead.

 

You do have the ability to choose who are with. You could kick him to the curb for acting like a jerk, sure. OR you could take this as an opportunity to deepen your relationship.

 

You cannot change people. You cant love someone and say "I dont like this part of you change it" He is a man, and when he is with other men they get the "pack mentality". In my experiance the men on these trips are the best behaved(and the cheapest lol) They just go cuz its the guy thing to do.

 

I can say with confidence that that stripper tried to get him into VIP and/or into the private room. He didnt go, he probably just got table dances to stop the hussling.

[rainfall]

You need to stop the stereo type. I don't dry hump, and erotic dance IS an art, like it or not. Dance is a form of human expression, as is sex. Hence, it is an ART.

.

 

Its not art. Stop lying to yourself. He is paying you money to do a sexual service for him which I think most people would agree a lap dance is sexual.

[Anka]

So you don't give lap dances at your club I am guessing? No I don't need to go to a strip club. I am fine with my sex lif the way it is and don't need outside help to turn my man on. I really don't care if my man's friends bash him. If he is more worried about that then he is about being faithful to me then I don't need him.

Strip clubs are not a guy thing. Guys don't need to look at naked chicks besides their women to live. I am hot and there is no reason that he should have to pay another women money to dance naked for him.

 

Okay, Im sorry. I thought you were in a grown up relationship. My bad. Carry on.

 

You really dont get why they go do you? Its not about you being hot enough. Jeeezzz NM.

[rainfall]

On the other hand, if he had told you how would you have reacted? He probably didnt want to make a mountian out of a mole hill. He no doubt thinks of this as a mole hill.

 

You must find a compromise in relationships. Break the walls down. Somethings your partner thinks and feels can be painful. But part of loving someone means that you must accept them in all thier tainted human glory.

 

 

.

 

My compromise is if you ever go to a strip club we will no longer be together. See compromise,

[rainfall]

Okay, Im sorry. I thought you were in a grown up relationship. My bad. Carry on.

 

You really dont get why they go do you? Its not about you being hot enough. Jeeezzz NM.

 

So adult relationships involve women besides me touching my man? I think you need to admit that strippers AREN'T a neccessity of life. So far my man has been to one strip club and if he ever thinks I will stay with him if he goes to another he is crazy.

Someone said a while back (to lazy to find it) men will go to get turned on by the stripper then come home and do their unattractive wife. Sounds to me thathas to do with how hot someone is.

[Anka]

Look, he only went with other guys on a business trip and you are freaking out like he is regularly attending whorehouses.

 

It isnt about him going to a sc. Its about how you rate yourself according to other woman. You are angry because you you feel you should be enough for him, he should have to go pay to see what he has at home.

 

BUT what isnt getting through to you is that he is NOT rating you. He doesnt NEED to go to look at other woman. He went because his business associates went becuase it is a guy thing. A guy thing that as woman, we dont completely understand. NOT to oogle naked chicks.

 

I do not think that strippers are a necessity to life. However, I think trust is important to a relationship.

 

I dont like everything my fiance does. Somethings he does drives me nuts. Do I have a right to change him? Control him? Nag him to death?

 

What you need to try to understand is that men enjoy looking at woman. They could have Angelina Jolie in bed next to them and still notice the attrative woman on TV. It doesnt mean your man isnt absolutley in love with you and isnt faithful. It has NO reflection on how he feels about you or how attracted he is to you.

 

All he did was look. He didnt have sex or cheat. He looked. Kick him to the curb if that is what you feel you need to do. Im just saying there are way worse things that people can and do in relationships.

[annieo]

"While I agree that he is wayyyyyyyyy in the wrong for lying, I dont think its fair for her to demand where he can go. She should show him some trust and not use her insecurity to play mommy and control how he does business."

OK could someone please re-read my posts. I don't make "demands" about where he goes (within reason, just like I probably shouldn't go out for dinner and long walks on the beach with other men). I have BEEN to strip clubs with my husband. I didn't mention this before, but once, when rather drunk I willingly had a lap dance from a female dancer while my husband (then boyfriend) watched. My idea completely. It was silly, kind of embarassing and fun.

We had talked very openly about what would bug either of us in terms of behavior, and I had made it pretty clear that while I didn't love the idea of him going to a club without me, I was ok with it providing he was open about telling me. No lies to poison the well, so to speak. And he also knew that while I understood that he might go to a club now and then while on business or for a stag or something, I really wasn't cool with the idea of him having a dance (lap or table, and at this point I am still under the impression that it was a table dance because I have been told (by him) that in the state of Georgia where he was at the time, only table dances happen in the main area of the bar, and he says he did not go to the VIP (too expensive). Good thing we're not rich!

I'm sorry, but when did I tell him where he can go, what he can do? I've always thought I was generally pretty open-minded and realistic, I've never given him major headaches over this kind of stuff.

Also, this was not an entertaining the client night but a night out with his boss who, at the worst, would only be a little disappointed if my husband had been a party pooper. He wasn't going to lose his fricking job or anything. My husband said yes because he wanted to go, not because he was roped into it by male peer pressure.

And as for all this crap about men looking liked whipped little boys for saying, "No thanks" my own husband once spoke admiringly about another guy we know who chose not to go to the strip club the night of my husband's stag party because it would upset his wife. By the way, I never threw a hissy fit about that pre-wedding club visit because HE WAS HONEST WITH ME ABOUT IT! Don't you online sociologists get it. It's the lying that screws things up. I feel like I'm being turned into some kind of cliche of the uptight shrewish wife. I don't think this describes me at all, do you?

And by the way, one rock short of a boulder or whatever your name is, if he were to go out and get all worked up at a club, he comes home to pretty, althletic, adventurous, juiced up blonde who would enthusiastically finish him off, not a not so attractive wife, as you so wrongly stated. FYI

[Anka]

Sorry about the hot thing....

 

Im sure some guys do that. Go to get turned on by strippers. BUT your guy just went on business. So this probably isnt the case here.

 

Why not ask him why he wants to go? Ask him if he gets turned on by it and why. It would do your relationship better to understand him then to yell at him and make him ashamed.

[Anka]

Im sorry Ann, I was adressing rainfall.

[rainfall]

Look, he only went with other guys on a business trip and you are freaking out like he is regularly attending whorehouses.

 

It isnt about him going to a sc. Its about how you rate yourself according to other woman. You are angry because you you feel you should be enough for him, he should have to go pay to see what he has at home.

 

BUT what isnt getting through to you is that he is NOT rating you. He doesnt NEED to go to look at other woman. He went because his business associates went becuase it is a guy thing. A guy thing that as woman, we dont completely understand. NOT to oogle naked chicks.

 

I do not think that strippers are a necessity to life. However, I think trust is important to a relationship.

 

I dont like everything my fiance does. Somethings he does drives me nuts. Do I have a right to change him? Control him? Nag him to death?

 

What you need to try to understand is that men enjoy looking at woman. They could have Angelina Jolie in bed next to them and still notice the attrative woman on TV. It doesnt mean your man isnt absolutley in love with you and isnt faithful. It has NO reflection on how he feels about you or how attracted he is to you.

 

All he did was look. He didnt have sex or cheat. He looked. Kick him to the curb if that is what you feel you need to do. Im just saying there are way worse things that people can and do in relationships.

 

Where did I exactly say he went on a business trip? I NEVER said that. He went with a friend one random night. I trust my man but if he is going to go to a strip club he has already broken that trust.

 

Just to clarify I am not the op of this thread. I just think a commited man has no reason to go to one of those places.

[Anka]

Oh sorry, lol. I thought you were the one who started the thread. I have been busy so I didn't read all the comments.

 

So your boyfriend went some random night with a friend and your trust is shattered. Fair enough.

 

Just a question, how was his commitment broken?

[rainfall]

Oh sorry, lol. I thought you were the one who started the thread. I have been busy so I didn't read all the comments.

 

So your boyfriend went some random night with a friend and your trust is shattered. Fair enough.

 

Just a question, how was his commitment broken?

 

His commitment was broken because he went to a place where a commited man had no reason to go. Lap dances are cheating and if he is going to go to a strip club theres a chance he'll get a lap dance therefore cheating on me.

[bish]

Really Bish? No other skills? So, I must have imagined 5 years in college then, okay.

 

Yup...exactly what I said. If you stripped before you went to college, you had no skills.

 

If you stripped after you went to college, then hey, what can I say....what a waste.

 

You need to stop the stereo type. I don't dry hump, and erotic dance IS an art, like it or not.

 

No, its not.

 

Dance is a form of human expression, as is sex. Hence, it is an ART.

 

If you really want to think so.

 

Have you had a lap dance?

 

Nope. Only went to a strip club once in my life when young and unattached because it was my friend's bachelor party. I didn't even agree he should be there. If he is about to marry his one and only, why does he have to get his rocks off with a stripper?

 

And no, I didn't give a lapdance, but saw it all around. Looked like dry humping to me.

 

Sure every stripper has thier rules BUT dont go assuming everyone of them grinds and/or has no other skills. That is just ignorant rubbish.

 

 

Ok then, what skills other than getting naked do you have?

[bish]

Oh sorry, lol. I thought you were the one who started the thread. I have been busy so I didn't read all the comments.

 

So your boyfriend went some random night with a friend and your trust is shattered. Fair enough.

 

Just a question, how was his commitment broken?

 

Lying....feeling the need to go see other women take their clothes off and get lap dances by them.

 

I know I know, this doesn't happen, but don't tell me that a guy that goes to a strip club....lets say, gets a private dance, and the stripper whips out his member and starts sucking on it that he will say, "oh sorry honey, I just don't do that...please stop, I don't like it".

 

Bottom line, if a man loved his wife/gf and cared about her feelings, and her feelings are that she doesn't want a man of hers going to strip clubs, and he does it anyway, then the trust is broken. plain and simple.

[bish]

His commitment was broken because he went to a place where a commited man had no reason to go..

 

EXACTLY. I am a man and I don't condone it.

 

If a man is single, then fine. But if you are committed to someone and their feelings are they don't want a man that goes to strip clubs, then respect the person you claim to love and don't go. If you don't want to respect that person's feelings, then you have no business being in a committed relationship.

 

I even think a bachelor party is a lousy excuse to go to a strip club. I took my guys to a casino on my bachelor party.

[Miss Jane]

Can a guy go to a strip club and just watch the entertainment? I didn't know this lap dance thing was such a big thing. Of course it turned into a "big" deal for me when I found out my husband had a "private" lap dance while in a club, out of town, with guy friends. This was my husband's first trip to a strip club in 22 years--since we got married. I was floored that he would do something like that. How do you feel about it when a 49 year old gets a private lap dance from a teenager--the same age as one of his daughters? I really have a problem with the whole thing. Once I found out about it my husband argued with me about it because he was so pissed off that I was so upset. Does that even make sense? He certainly showed me how much he cares about my feelings. He even "polled" his co-workers to find out what they thought. Of course, I'm the one that's "wrong". And, no. . . I'm not an unattractive wife, nor is there any lack of sex in our relationship. I think it's pathetic that some men have so little control over their sexual desires that even when in a committed relationship they still have the need for porn, strip clubs, etc.--the subject of numerous threads on this site and sadly, many, many hurt people.