strip clubs, lying, private dances. ok or no?

[Anka]

Fair enough. Everyone has the right to have thier limitations in a relationship. Im trying to tell you that just because he gets a lap dance doesnt make him a bad partner and it isnt the worse thing that can happen. A relationship can survive a trip to the strip club, and I have met some men in there that were married and great guys. There with friends, happily married, showing pics of wife even, and getting a table dance because the guys pushed it.

 

Have you been cheated on? I have. My ex had a affiar while I was pregnant. It was HELL. I guess you comparing a lap dance to cheating has me slightly offended. As does the assumptions that I shouldnt take any sort of pride in myself because it takes no skill to dance. Since you have done it, you really wouldnt know.

 

It took hours and years to learn some of the things I can do. I pride myself on everything I accomplish, and I have a very fun life.

 

It also brings in more money then if I followed my BS and was working mental health. So dont assume its "taking off your clothes for a dollar" lol

 

I have a friend who dances and she also owns several properties, from the french quater all down the GC. Many self respecting, educated woman do this.

[new_stella]

hopefully, into something that can actually help someone.

 

As a stripper, Anka, how do you feel about men who come to SC?

• Do you feel good about yourself and the fact that they pay to see you?
  
• Do you feel flattered by their admiration?
  
• Do you ever feel disgusted by the fact that they only want your body?
  
• Do you sometimes think about their wives/girlfriends?
  
• Do you feel superior to them? Do you pity them? Do you envy them?
  
• Can you actually respect those men – apart from the fact that they pay your bills and your education?
  
• Do you ever feel that you exploit those men?
  
• Do you ever feel that those men are stupid or at least silly?
  
• Are you afraid that one day they will turn their attention to something younger and better looking?
  
• Once you are old(er) and not so good looking to work in SC, will you still be OK with your SO going there while you sit at home and wait?

And the most important – I’d like to hear how YOU feel about them?

 

I was never a stripper or anything close, but I attracted a lot of attention from men in my life – most of them were married or in relationships. Depending on the period in my life, I felt most of those things I mentioned (and more) – not at the same time though.

 

I believe you can offer an invaluable insight into the whole thing.

[annieo]

Thank you for your input, new stella. But I would like to make the point that as the person who started this thread (has anyone here read my original post???? Does it even matter anymore???) I can honestly say that anka's answers to these questions don't really help me to resolve any of my issues. I have never been concerned that the women who danced naked for money for my husband respected him, thought they were exploiting him, etc.. I don't care if they had high or low self-esteem, or if they got a little ego boost from his (or anybody else's) attention or money. I only care about my feelings, his feelings and whatever it was that made him lie to me.

I have asked him (recently) if he didn't tell me because I have been too possesive or controlling. I know I'm not perfect, and I do get jealous sometimes, but I have never thought I was extreme (as I imagine rainfall and bish are. Sorry, girls). He said no, that it was just a little hassle he wanted to avoid. He went on to say that he actually likes the fact that I care enough about him to not want him to "be" with other women. I think his exact words were, "I like that you think of me as your man."

What does this mean? It kind of bugs me to think that HE got an ego boost by my anger, jealousy. That's a little sadistic, don't you think. Maybe it was his own insecurity about himself and his appeal to women that put him in the position of paying for female attention (and nudity) in the first place.

And anka, you're absolutely right. you don't have to defend your educational specifics to anyone. I was just pointing out that interior design is not a degree. That's all. It's not that it isn't a fine, respectable and interesting field. Good luck with it.

[annieo]

OK I am potentially wrong about the degree thing. My husband has just informed me that here in Canada it is possible at some institutions to get a degree in interior design (but not interior decorating). If I have misjudged, I apologize.

[new_stella]

You’re right Annieo. Sorry!

 

I feel for you. I think what your H did is disrespectful and I would feel bad in your situation. Unfortunately, I don’t feel competent or strong enough to give you any advice on your situation as I am still straggling with the similar issues myself.

 

What I was trying to get from Anka’s input was something that we cannot see from the outside that may help to understand our men.

Anyway, I can start another thread to ask my questions.

 

Again, I apologise for getting off the subject.

[ridingthebulls]

WOW.. a lot of people seems so jealous and threatened by ANKA.. possibly rightfully so as your husbands would rather get "strange" than deal with your cranky self-righteous snotty azzes. Look at yourself if you wonder why they go.BTW, there IS such a thing as a degree in Interior Design. But as Anka said, this would be her SECOND degree. Interesting.I guess it's easier to blame the stripper than for once in your life have some self-respect and dump the "loser" bf or hubby when he strays against your ethics and morals.

[annieo]

OK I am potentially wrong about the degree thing. My husband has just informed me that here in Canada it is possible at some institutions to get a degree in interior design (but not interior decorating). If I have misjudged, I apologize.

Thank you riding the donkey I already apologized for that mistake. When I make a mistake, I admit it.

So it's "snotty" for me to be a little upset over being lied to, is it? Re-read all of my posts and you will see that I am not giving anka a hard time. Jeez, read before you judge.

[annieo]

Oh, and thanks new stella. I agree that answers to your questions could be very illuminating. No need to apologize.

[Anka]

hopefully, into something that can actually help someone.

 

As a stripper, Anka, how do you feel about men who come to SC?

• Do you feel good about yourself and the fact that they pay to see you?
  
• Hmmm. Nope. I feel good about myself because I am secure and happy. I feel good about the fact that I make money and take care of my family. Honestly, the fact that Im being paid to be looked at isnt much a big deal. They should pay, its my job.

• Do you feel flattered by their admiration?
  
• Nope. But I do feel good about being able to gain admiration after having two kids. And I mean admiration of my fellow strippers and my management
  
• Do you ever feel disgusted by the fact that they only want your body?
  
• Nope. I dont think about it. You would be suprised how many customers want someone to talk to, they dont all come in looking for a body. Besides, what do I care what they think as long as they are spending, after all, that is all I want.
  
• Do you sometimes think about their wives/girlfriends?
  
• This one is touchy. I think about them when they come up in conversation. Sometimes Im thinking they are lucky, other times I wish I knew who the wife or GF was so I could tape her SO behavoir and send it to her.
  
• Do you feel superior to them? Do you pity them? Do you envy them? Depends. Most of the time, I view it as fishing. Some I pity, some I admir, and some I feel superior to. I try to stay away from the ones that disgust me
  
• Can you actually respect those men – apart from the fact that they pay your bills and your education? Okay, first off, *I* pay my bills. The men come to pay for entertianment, the money they pay me is earned. And yes, I have met a few that I do respect.
  
• Do you ever feel that you exploit those men? Yes, sadly. The ones that come in acting like jerks.
  
• Do you ever feel that those men are stupid or at least silly? Some are, usually the much younger ones, they think they will get sex, or get dates, or they have a chip on thier shoulder.
  
• Are you afraid that one day they will turn their attention to something younger and better looking? I have learned in this job not to compare myself with other women. One guy my think Im totally hot, while another guy prefers a different type. Some like them young, some prefer older. So, if I get turned away by one customer, there are more that will like me. I dont fuss about it or take it personally.
  
• Once you are old(er) and not so good looking to work in SC, will you still be OK with your SO going there while you sit at home and wait?
  
• Well, if my mother is any idication of how Im going to age, I will look 30 when Im 40, lol. Im 27 and most think Im 19 until they talk to me. But Im not going to be dancing past 35, so Im not worried about that. I know a lot of strippers in thier 30s that do very well.
  
• And I would go with him. Screw sittin at home while your BF has all the fun!!! Or I would make my own fun with friends or my kids.

And the most important – I’d like to hear how YOU feel about them?

How do I feel about strippers? Some I like. Some are messed up. I go into work to make money, not friends. I dont trust them off the bat because you never know. I dont feel there is anything wrong with stripping itself. Some girls do a lot of drugs and drink a lot, dont save thier money, dont have a good work ethic. But these girls normally do not do well and do not last.

 

My mother stripped and my grandmother did burlesque. They are strong inteligent woman who I do look up to. I have also met other dancers that have my admiration. But, generally, I watch my back around them unless I know them well.

I was never a stripper or anything close, but I attracted a lot of attention from men in my life – most of them were married or in relationships. Depending on the period in my life, I felt most of those things I mentioned (and more) – not at the same time though.

 

I believe you can offer an invaluable insight into the whole thing.

 

Well those are my answers.

[bish]

So what about me bothers you so much? That Im a stripper?

 

Well I wont lie, I have no use for them.

 

 

That Im also educated and have family, therefore shooting down your stereo type of what a stripper should be?

 

"stereo type" is one word.

[bish]

WOW.. a lot of people seems so jealous and threatened by ANKA.. possibly rightfully so as your husbands would rather get "strange" than deal with your cranky self-righteous snotty azzes. Look at yourself if you wonder why they go.BTW, there IS such a thing as a degree in Interior Design. But as Anka said, this would be her SECOND degree. Interesting.I guess it's easier to blame the stripper than for once in your life have some self-respect and dump the "loser" bf or hubby when he strays against your ethics and morals.

 

In one breath you are calling these women "self-righteous" and "snotty".

 

And in another you are calling their bf's and H's losers...therefore making their case that they are insensitive to their feelings.

 

Make up your mind. Are they self-righteous and snotty, or are their feelings justified?

[Anka]

Bish, Im not just a stripper. Its not your thing, thats okay. Not everyone goes to strip clubs.

 

But your attitude towards me and the assumptions you have made about my skills and life, are rude and uncalled for.

 

You are stereotyping. Its obnoxious.

[new_stella]

Thanks, Anka!

[rainfall]

Fair enough. Everyone has the right to have thier limitations in a relationship. Im trying to tell you that just because he gets a lap dance doesnt make him a bad partner and it isnt the worse thing that can happen. A relationship can survive a trip to the strip club, and I have met some men in there that were married and great guys. There with friends, happily married, showing pics of wife even, and getting a table dance because the guys pushed it.

.

If he gets a lap dance it makes him a cheating loser who I want no part of. It might not be the worst that can happen but it is still cheating and a deal breaker. No my relationship can not survivie a trip to a sc because I will not compromise my beliefs for some pathetic shallow loser who wants to pay some chick money to hump him.

[rainfall]

WOW.. a lot of people seems so jealous and threatened by ANKA.. possibly rightfully so as your husbands would rather get "strange" than deal with your cranky self-righteous snotty azzes. Look at yourself if you wonder why they go.BTW, there IS such a thing as a degree in Interior Design. But as Anka said, this would be her SECOND degree. Interesting.I guess it's easier to blame the stripper than for once in your life have some self-respect and dump the "loser" bf or hubby when he strays against your ethics and morals.

 

I'm not threatened by her. I can turn my man on far better then she could ever hope to and I don't expect payment later.My man I have right now has only been once and has said he will never go again since it bothers me ,but I have friends who have broken up with their bf's over this and I have been their while they were brokenhearted so it does still bother me.

[bish]

But your attitude towards me and the assumptions you have made about my skills

 

Final time, stripping is not a skill...strippers are a dime a dozen. End of story.

[bish]

Maybe that means you particular WOMEN are very well matched for your loser husbands.

 

I'm not a woman. Barking up the wrong tree here bud.

 

Does one side have to be perfect and only right for me to make sense to you? Thinking only one side causes the problem in a marriage is what makes you sound pretty silly and in denial. I see how you women treat people in general on these boards; not just with your husbands. So I wasn't just referring to the circumstances originated on your first post. I don't see either of you as anyone decent.

 

Again, I'm not a woman. So you are way off base. See, I'm a man and I understand perfectly what these women are talking about.

 

Its about so-called "men" not caring about their womens' feelings.

 

As a man, if my wife/gf...whatever, was hurt by me going to strip clubs, then as someone who loved her, I wouldn't go. I'd expect the same consideration in return.

 

But when a woman is hurt by her man's actions and her man does it anyway, then he is nothing but a jerk that needs to be kicked to the curb.

[Anka]

I'm not threatened by her. I can turn my man on far better then she could ever hope to and I don't expect payment later.

 

Im not worried about how you turn your man on girlie. I can turn my fiance on far better than you could ever hope to and I dont expect payment either.

 

Do you think strippers really care about the customers? Do you think we care how turned on they are?

 

Its a job, and its legal. Its about the money. And I don't freaking dry hump so GET OVER it.

 

Im not saying that you should change your beliefs and your expectations but you should really try to open your mind a little.

[Miss Jane]

I'm not threatened by her. I can turn my man on far better then she could ever hope to and I don't expect payment later.

 

Im not worried about how you turn your man on girlie. I can turn my fiance on far better than you could ever hope to and I dont expect payment either.

 

Do you think strippers really care about the customers? Do you think we care how turned on they are?

 

Its a job, and its legal. Its about the money. And I don't freaking dry hump so GET OVER it.

 

Im not saying that you should change your beliefs and your expectations but you should really try to open your mind a little.

 

These posts have gotten pretty "heated". Thanks for all of your input Anka. For someone in your occupation you sound like a pretty decent person. There are always a few "bad apples"--probably more than a few in your business. As far as people opening up their mind a little--I'm a lot older than most who seem to post on this topic. There are a few of us who are trying to understand why our men did whatever it was they did at a strip club--everyone seems to have a little different circumstance. I've been married for 23 years to a man who went for the first time since we were married and got a private lap dance. For months I was trying to understand why he got a lap dance. Honestly, I thought men went and watched women strip--I wasn't aware of the lap dance as being something most do. My husband hadn't had one before and it bothers me that he went for this private entertainment not really knowing what was going to go on in the private booth. Besides, he says that that's what all the other guys were doing so whatever goes on in a strip club is okay because that what a strip club is. I've worked through the fact that he didn't tell me about it and that the stripper was in high school and the same age as our daughter (which to me is troubling). But I'm having trouble getting over feeling like this has somehow invaded our intimacy. When I asked him how old the strippers were he told me that of course they were young because no one wants to look at 40 year old strippers. Point taken, but what does that say about me? I'm 48 and I look really young for my age. I know I can't control what goes on in his head but some of the things he said to me while trying to justify the whole thing has me really confused. I'm trying not to take it personally, but when you're my age and have been a loyal wife--I think this was a big slap in the face. And tell me why girls can strip at 18, but you have to be 21 to go into strip clubs in many states? I volunteered in my daughter's high school quite frequently and can hardly believe girls that age could be strippers.

[rainfall]

 

Im not worried about how you turn your man on girlie. I can turn my fiance on far better than you could ever hope to and I dont expect payment either.

 

Do you think strippers really care about the customers? Do you think we care how turned on they are?

 

Its a job, and its legal. Its about the money. And I don't freaking dry hump so GET OVER it.

 

Im not saying that you should change your beliefs and your expectations but you should really try to open your mind a little.

 

I would hope you could turn your man on better then anyone.

But see I don't care if you care about the customers. You still take your clothes off and get on top of them and grind away. (at least thats what a LAP DANCE is). You want my to open my mind a little? With that same advice why can't you open your mind to see that their are some people who view strip clubs are dirty places and what goes on there as cheating.

[Anka]

Its like this rainfall.

 

I do not work in fast food. I have no idea what you do. But I could say based on beliefs that Fast food is bad for you and you are helping to kill millions of people. I could say that fast food places are disgusting and any one who indulges is a disgusting pig that doesnt care about thier body and health and you are just as bad for contributing.

 

I could call you filthy. I could say people spit in the burgers and thier hair falls off into the food and you are just as bad and gross because you work in the same field.

 

Would I be right? Since I do not work in a fast food place, do I have a right to say what goes on in there? I do not eat fast food either.

 

See you have said you have been in ONE sc a long time ago. And because some strippers grind customers, that means they all do. You are telling me that I do that, even though I have said I didnt.

 

You saw ONE lap dance and now you are an expert on SC and strippers.

 

Go spit in a burger. I mean, since some people are gross enough to do that that must mean you do it to, since you work there.

[annieo]

Sorry for assuming you were female, Bish. My mistake. You sound like a really interesting, decent, head screwed on right sort of person. A little judgemental, perhaps, but we all have a right to our opinions. I find it very intriguing that you are so, well, sensitive to how women might feel in this situation. Thanks.

Rainfall, why are you so confrontational? Let's face it, if men weren't willing to go to SCs and pay for lap/table dances, they wouldn't happen. It's not the stripper's "fault". I think you are getting angry at the wrong person, if you want to get angry at all. I mean, from what you've said, you've never had to deal with the crap that I, Anka (especially you - your ex is a complete ****. I am in my second marriage and my first was a jerk as well, but not in the same way. Just a controlling, small minded bastard) and Miss Jane have had too. What's your friggin' beef?

And Miss Jane, I know how you feel. I am confused, too. Not as much as I was initially (maybe time does heal all wounds), but it is very weird to think you know someone, and to trust that at the very least they'll be honest with you, and then see this completely contradictory side.

On the other hand, I know that I have my shadow side as well, not so much in what I have done but what I would sometimes like to do, so maybe I do get it after all.

At the risk of sounding kind of naive, can't we all just be a little more open without the nastiness? I thought this forum was for creating understanding.

[Anka]

Yanno I have stripped off and on for years and I still dont get whay some men do what they do, lol.

[2sunny]

Yanno I have stripped off and on for years and I still dont get whay some men do what they do, lol.

 

please elaborate - i am confused as to your term "why men do what they do"?

 

what do they do?

[Anka]

Have you been following the topic?

 

I dont get why some men would lie to thier SO about going to SC, or why they lie at all.

 

I also dont get why if they are happily commited they go to the club and get dances.

Not that I see it as cheating.

 

They can act very 'cavemansish" in those places. That I dont understand. The whole "pack mentality"