rose45 Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 hey guys, i was wondering what other people would think if their b/f went on a week trip to a bike rally...where there are especially hot women working there wearing little outfits such as leather things or there are events such a wet t-**** contests and bikini bike washes. And of course women who just attend and want to party. It sounds like a spring break but a different kind to me. This is part of the event and i am still having trouble accepting it as it is getting closer to summer and my boyfriend is making it clear that he is entitled to go a week away. We had the argument over a month ago and it has not been brought up since and i have not asked if he is thinking of where he is going or if he is(im honestly hoping he doesnt--i just dont like this idea). We even made a deal a long long time ago no single vacations and i figured the bike trips would be ok but after looking online and finding pictures--it wasnt what i thought it would be and its almost like the trip with the bikes is a loop hole. Some of the major bike rallies have passed but there are some coming up that i am wondering about....help and what would you do if in my situation Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 If your b/f wants to cheat, he doesn't need to go to such an event. It can happen anywhere. If you make an issue about this, you're just going to come off as controlling and likely push him away further. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted April 16, 2007 Author Share Posted April 16, 2007 i know people dont need certain places to cheat BUT dont u think an environment puts pressure and helps it? I think a person even with great morals and reassuring their g/f nothing will happen can go into a situation like this---be there for a week..and all u see for a week is this and drinking is a major part of this thing too...wouldnt you at all be concerned rather than say he doesnt need to go there to cheat? a person can cheat anywhere even if they live a block away which is true...but you would be fine knowing the environment a b/f was going into for a week?...i think lines get crossed when u are away for a week partying--whether it is flirting a little too much, innocently touching or more so. Its also much easier to do so miles and miles away without any chance of me finding out. I am just having a hard time with this i guess.... Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 Put it this way: If your b/f is the type who would go to such an event and cheat on you, would you want to be with him in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted April 16, 2007 Author Share Posted April 16, 2007 my problem is the NOT KNOWING that would happen..most people dont admit to cheating..so my worry is a b/f going to such an event like this..and also never knowing if this person gave in to temptation. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 That's why relationships require trust. It's simply unrealistic to expect to know every single detail of another person's behavior. And it sounds like you just don't trust your b/f. In which case, I would be trying to determine the cause of that lack of trust. Is there something to do with his behavior that is causing a lack of trust? Or is it simply stemming from something on your end? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted April 16, 2007 Author Share Posted April 16, 2007 i think if you saw the pictures i saw, you would understand a little better what my concern is and why i am uneasy. His behavior for pretty much the most part shows that he does love me. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 Oh, I've seen the pictures so I know where you are coming from and why you would be uneasy. But at the same time, if he is into bikes and bike rallies then this is something that you may have to accept and be able to trust him. One of those keys in a relationship isn't just trust, but also accepting the other person for who they are. OOC, is there any reason you aren't going with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted April 16, 2007 Author Share Posted April 16, 2007 i honestly don't believe none of the guys he would be going with arent bringing their wives etc. Last year i found out wives FLEW DOWN TO MEET THEM. (b/c being on the back of the bike for hours and hour may be dangerous) But still..he never offered this info even after the trip b/c he knew i would say how come you dont want me to come even next time? I spoke to one of the wives and she did in fact say yeah it gets crazy down their and after she found out i did not know the girls flew down she said well he wasnt hanging out so much with the couples and more with the guys who didnt have someone with them maybe b/c they were single. He probably wants to be able to just have fun without me there..whether its looking longer than he should at the girls etc etc and to just be without me..i just dont like the idea of it.... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 Then next time, don't ask him, tell him you'll fly down with the other wives and meet him. If he makes a big issue of it, you've got a bigger problem on your hands than a guy's week off. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 So wait, he's already gone on bike trips while you two have been together? In which case, it's going to be that much harder if you make a big deal out of him going again. Really, the only thing you can do is talk to him about it. He's really the only one who can answer your questions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted April 16, 2007 Author Share Posted April 16, 2007 i didnt like him going last year and hated it all week and was suspicious one night but its a long story. I just dont see why its necessary for someone in a relationship or married to take a vacation like this without their s/o..somehow it just doesnt seem right. Im kind of in denial..thinking maybe he isnt planning one.... Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 Then next time, don't ask him, tell him you'll fly down with the other wives and meet him. If he makes a big issue of it, you've got a bigger problem on your hands than a guy's week off. I'd be careful with this, though. If she says she's going down there and he thinks she is doing it just to spy on him, then that could very well cause issues. And it wouldn't necessarily be because he was doing something wrong, but rather because he has an indication his g/f doesn't trust him. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 i didnt like him going last year and hated it all week and was suspicious one night but its a long story. This could be part of the reason he didn't invite you. If he thinks you have an issue with it, he's less likely going to make you part of it. I just dont see why its necessary for someone in a relationship or married to take a vacation like this without their s/o..somehow it just doesnt seem right. What is "right" depends on the individual. There is nothing wrong with going on a trip without your SO. It doesn't necessarily mean that there is anything wrong with the relationship. Different people have different interests, needs, etc, and sometimes those don't entirely mesh. What matters is whether or not the two people can accept who each other is. You can't expect to change another person's thinking if it doesn't jive with your own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted April 16, 2007 Author Share Posted April 16, 2007 yeah but littlepggy--a person may have to stand their ground a little..why is it other wives and tons of girls meet their b/f's i imagine at this thing--but every year i shouldnt be able to go? why wouldnt i be able to experience something of interest with him..it just seems weird..i dunno..just having a hard time accepting that he is using this so called bike trip as an excuse to go to bars probably for a week and see plenty of eye candy and possibly be interacting with them...and then when he comes back i should welcome him with open arms, sleep with him etc?? Link to post Share on other sites
littlepiggy1 Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 Has he explicity told you that he doesn't want you going with him? You said he went once and you hated the whole idea. If he thinks you are opposed to biker rallies he'll likely be less inclined to invite you along. Furthermore, if he thinks you want to go just to spy on him, he probably won't be happy with that either. Just to prepare you. Again, you guys have to talk and try to figure out a compromise. Can you accept this about him and/or can he give up something that he enjoys for you? Or can you reach a solution where you can be part of it? Or is the whole thing moot if he's not even going on them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted April 16, 2007 Author Share Posted April 16, 2007 well with the last argument he said well if u want to see what its like this time, pay the airfare and hotel and fly down..obviously not much of an invite but he said does this settle it...and its not that im against the biker rally..i just dont see it as a place u go to and tell your S/O im going alone. i even watched videos on you tube..plenty of girls girls girls..probably why he doesnt want me there..i went on a weekend one with him and he was trying to tell me it was no different than a rally..but give me a break..the place was so tame on the weekend one..its not considered a rally..no girls walking around wearing close to nothing..and all i see with the major rallies is just that and girls going wild..i have even posted on motorcycle boards and its not a place for kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Salicious Crumb Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 rose...why are you bringing this up again? You already convinced yourself when you brought this up in another thread that he won't cheat on you....so whats the problem? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted April 16, 2007 Author Share Posted April 16, 2007 SC i didnt convince myself of anything and im sorry to say this and i dont want to be mean at all..but i didnt like your posts when i wrote before..they were very blunt and almost sounded mean so i don't take your advice so seriously... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 SC i didnt convince myself of anything and im sorry to say this and i dont want to be mean at all..but i didnt like your posts when i wrote before..they were very blunt and almost sounded mean so i don't take your advice so seriously... He's been cheated on, rose. That's how you're going to sound if you ever discover that your bf cheated on you and lied about it. well with the last argument he said well if u want to see what its like this time, pay the airfare and hotel and fly down..obviously not much of an invite but he said does this settle it. Why don't you pay the airfare and go? I think that might be the only thing that really puts your mind at ease. But I don't see why you have to pay for a hotel...isn't he already paying for a room? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rose45 Posted April 18, 2007 Author Share Posted April 18, 2007 well he would be rooming with a guy or two. I just keep waiting for him to lay it on me one day--oh im not gonna be around so and so...norajane..i looked at some videos at youtube and it just looks like to me women walking around in underwear--some ugly, some hot..and men (ones who are young and much older(yuck)) probably so glad to see it. There is one rally in june....i hope he isnt planning on it..dont you think he would have mentioned it by now...maybe he is just waiting a week before so an argument doesnt drag on...i just see this thing as temptation island--when would these men even be thinking of their wives, g/f's when seeing this...the answer is they dont..i dont think women and men would think of their S/O as they see eye candy with every move they make. Link to post Share on other sites
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