deaconblues Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 Okay, so I am going to try my doctor's advice and try to just meet people and gauge their responses, because normally I just hide and don't interact for fear of rejection. This is not even for dating purposes...just so I don't sit alone every night in my apartment, scared. The question is, how does one build confidence? I don't know if I have the neccesary tools to even do so...what should I base my confidence in? I tried to come up with a list of good things about myself but it is pretty paltry and I don't know if it will be a good foundation to be confident in something. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 one builds confidence over time thru trial-and-error. this will give you experiences to draw on and make you more confident. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 Alpha, you only have half of the formula. There is a big behavioral component to gaining confidence, and trial and error are part of it. Additionally, there is a cognitive component. It doesn't matter how many risks you take behaviorally, if you aren't cognitively prepared to deal with failures (and successes) it will just feed back into poor behaviors. The best thing to do if you just want to increase social confidence join coed activities where you will see the same people at the same time each weekask acquaintances/friends to go do stuff, especially MALES so you can safely gain confidence before going after womenMake small talk with everyone you see, male and female. Girls at the register, barristas, the guy behind you in the checkout line wearing a yankees hat....everyone!While doing these things, it is important to work on cognitive characteristics too. I'd suggest a google search for cognitive distortions. Learn some basic cognitive behavioral therapy and learn how to recognize distorted negative thoughts when they happen and how to refute them and replace them with rational (and maybe positive) thoughts. With positive outcomes to your behaviors, yes, you will handle the cognitive part fine, but what matters is handling the rejections well and handling the anticipatory anxiety. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted April 16, 2007 Share Posted April 16, 2007 I agree with what oppath said, and wanted to add that when you join things, try at least one where you can draw on your own areas of expertise and really shine. That can build confidence quickly. For example, if you are a literate person, you can volunteer to teach adults how to read. Stuff like that. Link to post Share on other sites
succeedsocially Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 In my experience there are two basic types of confidence: 1. There's the short-term 'emotionally psyched up' kind 2. Then there's the longer term 'logical assessment of yourself' kind. You can improve the short term kind through positive self-talk, listening to psych up music, mental exercises, etc. It never lasts forever though. The second kind has to be improved over time through a series of self-improvement, success, getting your act together, and real world positive feedback. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted April 24, 2007 Share Posted April 24, 2007 Conquer your fear can build up confidence. can begin with small things. If you fear to talk to people, then begin to talk to them. If you fear to say NO, then begin to pratice it more and more. My confidence is my God, as long as I know Lord back me up, then I have nothing to fear:) Link to post Share on other sites
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