Feeling guilty over nothing?

[Guest]

Long- sorry

 

One place you'll hardly ever find me is at bars. I guess this past weekend was an exception. I went out with a couple girlfriends and we found some of our guy friends that happened to be at the same bar. We hung out, good time, etc. Hours later we are super wasted and unable to drive to our place of sleeping so our friends offered to let us stay there. I've been there before, as I know the group of guys fairly well.

 

Apparently one of the guy friends was trying to be a little more than friendly to me, and I just ignored the situation. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years now, and I know he is the man I will be marrying in the next few years. I have never cheated in my whole life, not even coming remotely close. I love this man with all of my heart and would never do anything to hurt him.

 

I remember getting to their house and all of us girls passed out on the couch. I remember waking up to see the guy who I guess wanted to be more than friendly, and he was laying right by me. I'm not 100% positive since I was blacked out, but he tried to kiss me and I think he might have? I feel so..... numb. I was completely blacked out and I know he was drunk too but it ticks me off because he knows I am in a long term relationship and love my boyfriend very much.

 

Memories are so sketchy considering I was trying to SLEEP while passed out and he was taking advantage of that fact. I remember at one point saying "------, NO!" and all he kept doing was trying to convince me. It was horrible. Telling me that nobody has to know and giving me compliments and blahblah, and I remember saying "no just leave me alone!" I then proceeded to tear up in my passed out-ness just telling him I miss my boyfriend and want him to come home (he's overseas, and is in the military). I woke up the next morning still on the couch and he was sleeping on the floor- which confirms the fact I made him move.

 

I'm just so upset. I feel like *I* cheated, but I didn't! I emailed the guy who tried to press himself on me, and all I wrote was "what happened, you need to explain this to me". I think it was my innerself trying to figure out exactly what he did so that I can make sure that there is no reason for me to feel guilty. I know we didn't have sex at all, nothing even close. I have been sick to my stomach ever since the incident.

 

I don't like this guy AT ALL, and then of all people he has to be the one to jeopordize my relationship. I have this lump in my throat.. I can't even think of anything else. I think this is haunting me since I'm an honest person. I really don't think I can tell my boyfriend because he would either a) want to kick that guys butt, or b) break up with me. I'm sure it would be blown out of proportion.

 

I don't even know if there is reason for me tell him anyways, since I think the guy forced himself on me and I was too passed out to move away from his kissing, and attempting to kiss and go farther. I think by telling my boyfriend it will just make him upset for no reason. He isn't due back in the US for several months still, so I'm hoping I can just forget about it and realize I didn't do anything wrong.

 

This isn't cheating right? I didn't do anything. Ugh. Help.