I'm 21..he's 50...

[voi143]

True enough. But what a relationship with a married person lacks in sincerity and “commitment” ... it more than makes up for in nasty entanglements! Too many others involved in the mix to maintain your autonomy for long. If you’re the kind of person who’s phobic about close emotional attachments; if you’re the type who likes to make a clean getaway when a relationship becomes too uncomfortable ... than an affair with a married person (no matter their age) is probably the dumbest move you could make at this point in your life.

 

No matter how hard you try to keep yourself at an emotional arms length, it WILL get messy! It will be impossible for you to distance yourself from the reality (and the other people involved) in his other life.

 

Reading this, I have to admit that I’m surprised that an attractive young woman who just wants sex without strings attached is having such a hard time finding any takers among all the single commitment-phobe bachelors out there. Sorry, but as a fellow female, I can tell you that something just doesn’t jive. So now I’m left wondering if (subconsciously) you ARE looking for someone who is capable of “committing” ... which is why you’re attracted to an older man who has already committed himself to another wife and family. (???)

 

Personally, I just can’t see what this guy has to offer you that a thousand other guys couldn’t. With a helluva lot less hassle and trouble in the long run! I dunno... but too me, even considering your young age and inexperience, it just sounds really naive and suicidal.

 

 

It is hard to find someone expecially in los angeles. I do not want to waste time sifting from eligible bachelors who I simply do not know. Like I said eariler i've already tried entertaining this before with single guys but they always want more than just that. Plus you just don't choose anyone of the street like that with psychos and sexual deviants.

 

Sure there are thousands if not millions of guys who would agree to this with me but I'm very selective because it's my body. I'm not looking for anyone who is capable of commiting because I myself because of my own schedule and not being able emotionally invest in a meaningful relationship at this point, I' m not in the position to be in a commited relationship, hence hooking up with someone who is married. This guy can offer me what I want without feeling any sort of emotional obligation of a real relationship which is what I want.

 

Right now I'm too busy with work and relationships take a lot out of you emotionally..I just got out of a 2 year one adn need a break from such relationships. The only way for me to get in some sort of emotional destruction is if I play this up to be some lovely beautiful fantasy. It's not, I already said I know that we are using one and other and being honest with the situation and with yourself is the best way to avoid emotional entanglements. I don't have expectations of him other than the convenience of sex and the lifestlye that comes from his profession thats pretty much it.

[NoIDidn't]

Reading this, I have to admit that I’m surprised that an attractive young woman who just wants sex without strings attached is having such a hard time finding any takers among all the single commitment-phobe bachelors out there. Sorry, but as a fellow female, I can tell you that something just doesn’t jive. So now I’m left wondering if (subconsciously) you ARE looking for someone who is capable of “committing” ... which is why you’re attracted to an older man who has already committed himself to another wife and family. (???)

 

Have to agree with you there. At that age, there are plenty of SGs looking for strings-free sex. We already talked about the commitment phobic seeking MM before here, I just can't find the thread. Rio commented on it. I'll look for Rio's old posts.

[scaredinlove]

OMG can you even imagine how you would feel if you were a late 60 year old woman and discovered her husband was having an affair with a 38 year old? You two will kill this woman when she finds out. How very, very sad.

 

She Already know and she survived. she is P**** but I don't think the age was much of what makes her so angry. She is angry because he cheated and that is it.

[scaredinlove]

Right now I'm too busy with work and relationships take a lot out of you emotionally..I just got out of a 2 year one adn need a break from such relationships. The only way for me to get in some sort of emotional destruction is if I play this up to be some lovely beautiful fantasy. It's not, I already said I know that we are using one and other and being honest with the situation and with yourself is the best way to avoid emotional entanglements. I don't have expectations of him other than the convenience of sex and the lifestlye that comes from his profession thats pretty much it.

 

Void in the beggining 5 yrs ago I was like you, I was M and unhappy and I met this guy and thought it was good because of all the differences , there was no future, I didn't want him to be with me full time and so on... 5 yrs later it is a big mess and I am suffering a lot, so please think twice before you keep going. And my MM was very open about us and careless, he was my boss too. I become the offices's gossip and end up leaving the job because I was tired of the hostility. Because he was careless everybody found out he ended up demoted, his wife found out and so did my H. Big Big mess. I think when they get a much younger woman they want show up, they want people to know so they look good. Ego booster. So be carefull! This can become a big crazy mess. I am living it now!

[EnigmaXOXO]

Plus you just don't choose anyone of the street like that with psychos and sexual deviants.

 

Shoot, Voi. I’ve met plenty of psychos and “sexual deviants” who were married. As a matter of fact, the wedding ring and alter ego often provides a clever cover that most toxic bachelors don’t have the luxury of affording because they haven’t found someone desperate or numpty enough to marry them yet.

 

Sure there are thousands if not millions of guys who would agree to this with me but I'm very selective because it's my body.

 

Not selective enough from where I’m standing. Maybe I’m being overly optimistic, but I honestly think you have the potential to do better. It might be different if you were fugly or something, but I think you could certainly afford to raise your standards a little. And I’m not referring to his “age” ... I’m referring to the quality of men you allow yourself to become intimately involved with. And while you may be “selective” ... how sure can you be that he is as cautious as you when it comes to having sex with multiple partners? I think the fact that he is already lying to another woman about who he’s having sex with (his wife), should tell you all you need to know about how honest he is in that particular department.

 

I already said I know that we are using one and other and being honest with the situation and with yourself is the best way to avoid emotional entanglements.

 

Ahhhh, but being honest with yourself is the most difficult part; for all of us. As far as “entanglements” ... you’re already concerned about how to ask him to “tone it down” without hurting his feelings. You’re already worried about “appearances” and the possibility that your coworkers might catch on. This wouldn’t even be an issue if he weren’t already married with a personal and professional reputation to protect. As convenient as it might be to imagine that you can somehow separate fact from the reality of your situation ... you can’t. It is what it is.

 

I don’t know ... but I think if someone were genuinely looking for a simple, “uncomplicated,” no-strings-attached relationship --- than the LAST place they would find that would be in playing third-wheel to someone else’s dysfunctional marriage. Disengaging yourself once either of you becomes too emotionally dependant on the affair can be a messy, MESSY, business. You’ll get sucked into the vortex no matter how deep your denial or how independently strong-willed you think you are. Shoot. Just read all the threads on this forum from people who swore they were getting out of their unhappy affair situations only to fall right back into them, with sometimes devastating consequences.

 

So do you think you have what it takes to come out unscathed? Something that everyone else lacks? I don’t think you’re nearly as hard as you think you are. And certainly not as emotionally detached as you’d like to be. It sure would be nice if we all had an “off” switch like that, but most of us don’t. And those that do are usually medicated or institutionalized.

 

As an aside, I find it so interesting that those who put up the bravest fronts; who claim to be able to separate emotional intimacy from physical intimacy; who shout the loudest about how independent and strong-willed they are ... are usually the most sensitive people of all. They’re just afraid of getting too close and letting someone in because they might get hurt, again.

[whichwayisup]

It is hard to find someone expecially in los angeles. I do not want to waste time sifting from eligible bachelors who I simply do not know. Like I said eariler i've already tried entertaining this before with single guys but they always want more than just that.

 

I'm callin' bullcrap here. There are TONS of single men who are looking just for casual sex. You just haven't looked in the right places.

 

One day you're gonna regret what you're doing and wish that you didn't get involved with this MM.

 

As an aside, I find it so interesting that those who put up the bravest fronts; who claim to be able to separate emotional intimacy from physical intimacy; who shout the loudest about how independent and strong-willed they are ... are usually the most sensitive people of all. They’re just afraid of getting too close and letting someone in because they might get hurt, again.

 

Ain't that the truth.

[stillafool]

What is he doing that is so indiscreet about your affair?

 

I've lived in los angeles and if it's sex you want with no commitment you certainly don't have to screw a MM for that. You can find plenty of guys ages 18-90 who are single and would be happy to screw your brains out anytime you want with no commitments. Hell, they don't even want to know your name if that would make you happy. Slutting around with a MM is no excuse for what you want. There are 1,000's of beautiful women in L.A. so a pretty face is so common in this city it barely turns a head. I find it hard to believe that every single guy you meet wants to settle down with you in L.A.

 

It also amazes me that all you seem to care about is what you want. You have given no thought to how your actions with this man affects his wife and family. This will come back on you if not now later in life, it is guaranteed.

[Reckless]

I'm totally with Enigma and Whichway on this....The claim that there are no men (IN LOS ANGELES for gods sake) looking for no strings attached sex with an attractive young woman is a total red herring.

 

Voi,

 

You just got out of a difficult two year relationship and it sounds to me as if you are SCARED. Scared that the sex with anyone will lead to some kind of emotional attachment that would risk her heart again. And in that you're right - even "no-strings sex" can lead to something deeper if both are unattached; so you figure the safest way to protect your heart is to sleep with a married man.

 

Wanting to have your cake and eat it, not just any man (off the street as you say) but a stronge stable, attractive older man (yes men DO get better with age). One that probably doesn't resemble the young thing that caused so many "complications" with your heart before.

 

Fair enough... the warnings of the 'complications' ahead have been said loud and clear by the posters in this thread. You're making a bad choice but we are trained in life, not by are good choices but by our bad ones. You are in for a bumpy ride (no pun intended) - it should be a 'learning experience' for ya...

 

Reckless

[Topper]

Now I just need to find out where all these single woman are who want a no strings relationship with a rather distinguished looking not so older man?

Come Come Out where ever you are!

[Guest]

how would you feel if you were married and your husband cheated on you? you'd feel horrible. think about his wife and kids and the fact that he cheats makes him look really bad, not to mention you for being a homewrecker. i've been the married woman whose husband cheated and it's hurts so much. you need to think twice. i understand you are young and this is exciting..but you need to think about others instead of yourself.

[HappyAtLast]

I hear men get better as they age.......

 

At least I like to think we do.

[Lizzie60]

I think you're old enough to know what you're doing... I understand what you mean about the body language, etc. I find it weird that YOU have to remind me that it could be dangerous for HIM not you. LOL

 

But if I were you, simply tell him to tone it down that you do not want to have to quit your job over this affair, but I guess he's the one playing with fire, he's got more to lose but on the other hand it's your job too, so I am not sure what to suggest except to have a talk with him and to avoid him when there are 'clients' around.

[killed_the_cat]

Let me just say, I do not support this. I'm fifteen and my 48 year old father is married to a 21 year old woman. Since then, I haven't talked to him. If I had to give you advice I would tell him that your want to keep thinks strictly proffessional in the business area and keep personal affairs and relationships outside of work.

[burning 4 revenge]

Any guy over thirty messing about with a girl in her early twenties should have his teeth kicked in

[Touche]

Any guy over thirty messing about with a girl in her early twenties should have his teeth kicked in

 

I was 24 and my ex-H was 43 when we met...can you go kick his teeth in for me?

[Touche]

Let me just say, I do not support this. I'm fifteen and my 48 year old father is married to a 21 year old woman. Since then, I haven't talked to him. If I had to give you advice I would tell him that your want to keep thinks strictly proffessional in the business area and keep personal affairs and relationships outside of work.

 

You're extremely wise for a fifteen year old. I'm genuinely impressed. Excellent advice...wished I had followed it 21 years ago!

[voi143]

so....I don't know what it is i'm feeling. He surprised me with a romantic dinner and now caring thoughts are creeping into my head about him. I guess some of you guys are right you can't completly do away with feelings...but It's not a full fledge profession of love.it's still mostly sex...but then this morning I started looking at the pictures of his wife and kids and then... i mean I'd like to say i don't care but..I dunno..and then we were getting stared at in the resturant by various people. During the weekend we went sightseeing and freely being affectionate I always feel people's eyes. and i'm always being called MRS. "MM last name"....but I feel like once they look at my finger and realize I don't have a ring and see how young I am...oh lord..maybe I need to think twice about this..I know I can stop but I just really dont' want to.

[voi143]

slightly random but I think this lady is hilarious but speaks some truth..check it out >>

[stillafool]

Again, you live in Los Angeles where there are tons of single men (of all ages) who would just want to have sex with you and no commitment (like you want). Why not get involved with one of them and leave the MM alone. It's too easy to meet uncommited men here!!!!!!! What is the problem?

[Topper]

Any guy over thirty messing about with a girl in her early twenties should have his teeth kicked in

 

Gee what an enlightened concept. so tell me how are those young hard bodies who never got an Education going to make a living? They need us old guys with money. But it is best to stick to old men who still have our teeth and Viagra.

[stillafool]

Gee what an enlightened concept. so tell me how are those young hard bodies who never got an Education going to make a living?

Oh don't you know - Stripclubs, welfare, prostitution (oh yeah, that's why they see the older guys - scratch that one), phone sex, etc. Then there are those who become self-employed doing what they like and end up making more money than people who have doctorates.

[dropdeadlegs]

Oh don't you know - Stripclubs, welfare, prostitution (oh yeah, that's why they see the older guys - scratch that one), phone sex, etc. Then there are those who become self-employed doing what they like and end up making more money than people who have doctorates.

Lets not forget the world of porn, especially internet porn via web cams.

[Topper]

Gosh i feel so much better Knowing that The Bimbos of the world can support themsleves in so many ways. It kind of takes the pressure off me.

[burning 4 revenge]

Gosh i feel so much better Knowing that The Bimbos of the world can support themsleves in so many ways. It kind of takes the pressure off me.

If you need viagra you have no business being with any chick under forty

[Touche]

If you need viagra you have no business being with any chick under forty

 

Yes, and keep reminding yourself of that fact. Don't forget it. Remember this too...you have no business being with any senile chick over forty either. No one...I mean NO woman deserves that kind of deficiency in a man...no matter how deficient she is herself.