Unbeleivable Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Well, if you are really bored you can search for my previous post which is lengthy but I'll summarize here. We were together a long time, just about 8 years to be exact. I'm 22 years old, she's 21. For about 6 months, she was having something on the side with a female she met online. They hooked up, etc. I find this out after noticing behavioral changes and lots and lots and lots of shady lies and stories. So in the end, she cheated on me with a girl for about 6 months. Sure guys say they won't care if they find out if their girl was hooking up with another girl, but when you are put in that situation, it hurts. It hurts knowing you weren't the one she wanted to call, you weren't the one she wanted to talk to, hang out with, be sexually active with. When you are away on vacation she's sneaking away sending emails wishing the other girl was there. That hurts no matter who the other person is, male or female. So we've been broken up for about 5 months. We remain in light contact. She has expressed interest in "trying things slow" and that it was just a phase. Something she experimented with since she was curious and feeling lonely (I'm away at school, she's home w/ no friends around). But why couldn't she communicate these things to me?! I told her before if she ever wanted to try it I would let her. The act of her hooking up with another girl doesn't really bother me (to a point), but rather the immense amount of lies. My trust is severely lacking. She remains in contact with this girl but says they are just friends now and that she told her she wants to get back with me. Let me throw a wrench into this: I found out about a week ago she's talking (just talking supposedly) to some 45 year old guy who's mutual friends with the girl she was hooking up with. He invited her to fly to his place and go to a concert with him and not to tell her "friend" (he thinks my gf and her female friend are just friends, he doesn't know they hook up). Remember, she's only 21. She says she's not interested in him, but why would she keep his number, text him on his birthday, talk to him occasionally despite living across the country from one another? That was almost too weird, I'm having trouble getting over that. If she wants to get back together, she should show she has changed her behavior to prove to me she's changed, but then she's talking to this guy old enough to be her father on the side? She says she's not interested, but then why save his number after you were visiting your friend and he gave it to her, text him on his birthday, and talk "occasionally" (she says < 5 times since January). What do you think? I'm so lost at the moment. When I'm around her all I want to do is be with her, but then I remember what she did to me, how I felt, etc. Also, if we got back together, I will always be wondering if she is wishing she could be with a girl (not necessarily the one she was hooking up with, but just for the girl-on-girl experience). Save me the "forget the drama and move on, too many girls out there" responses and hit me with something constructive. -un Link to post Share on other sites
jusified Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 this girl is trouble.... is that constructive enough? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unbeleivable Posted April 17, 2007 Author Share Posted April 17, 2007 Not really. I wouldn't mind hearing from some females who are "straight" but have experience girl-on-girl situations. Do you still look back with fondness? Does the feeling ever go away or is it something you always wish you can go back to/experience again? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Okay, just what you wanted, some tough love. Your g/f was bored and lonely from not having any friends so she met a girl online and cheated on you with her. She's now entered into another cyber-relationship with a 45 year-old guy who has offered her the opportunity to meet him, if she flys out to see a concert with him but she has to keep this information from the first girl. I've bolded the pertinent parts for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unbeleivable Posted April 17, 2007 Author Share Posted April 17, 2007 The 45 year old was a co-worker of the first girl. They met because she went to visit the girl for a week and went to work with her. The (small) office went out to lunch every day. One day they were leaving but the girl was finishing something so he tossed his card to my ex-gf and said "ok, call me when you guys are done and we'll tell you which restaurant we're at." That has spiraled into him trying to get her to fly back out there and see him. Not that it really makes a huge difference, just thought I would clarify since I must have not explained it too well above. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Since the two aren't seeing each other in real life, it's technically a cyber-relationship through text and phone, isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unbeleivable Posted April 17, 2007 Author Share Posted April 17, 2007 Since the two aren't seeing each other in real life, it's technically a cyber-relationship through text and phone, isn't it? Which two? My ex and the other girl or my ex and the other guy? My ex and the girl have obviously seen eachother. She flew there a couple times under the guise of visiting a college friend and the girl came up and visited a couple times up here. As for the other guy, you are correct, the extent of their relationship, as far as I know, is limited to text/phone. She says she's not interested, but that he calls from time to time. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Seriously what is your point in posting this when all you do is shoot down any advice people give you? I will throw my 2 cents in anyway. Your relationship is over. She cheated on you and is maybe going to fly somewhere to meet with another guy. That should be all of the information you need. There is no point in trying to understand why she cheated with you, she could be bi, she could have just been horny. If you really need to know, ask her. The answers you seek can not come from here. Good luck anyway Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 dude she cheated on you with another chick? while you two are together. This chick is not serious relationship material, she is a jump-off by all definitions! I would just distance myself for her and cut her out of my life if I was you. My ex did me dirty as well. She played me and made me wait for sex all the while she wanted to go back to her ex-boyfriend and you know what she did. Then when they broke up she tried to come back to me. Saying she was going to make it up to me. I told her the only way to make it up to me was to give me that ass. And a week later she did, after I was done running up in her guts for an hour. I made her leave and take the bus home alone. I treated her like a bottom feeding slut, because that's the way she looked like to me. She's playing you, playing the girl, playing the older dude. If she wasnt interested she wouldnt have taken the number from him. If she was interested in rebuilding with you she would have erased the girls number instead of being friends. You cannot be friends with someone you cheated with!!! Wakeup!!! unbelievable!!! It's time to let her go. Your both mad young dont be stupid and waste your time on a girl who cant think straight if you want a girl who's gonna be monagomous your gonna have to dump this one and find someone better! isnt that what you deserve. Do you really want to be second best to some closet nympho half a lesbo? It's time you left this girl alone. Erase her number, give her back her stuff and forget her. She's gonna try to blame it on you but clearly she's the one with the problems. Link to post Share on other sites
2ndIINone Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 I always wondered how I would handle a situation like this.... where my gf had intimate relations with another girl. Yes it's cheating... I suppose the hardest part is... most guys in a relationship have to worry about their girl leaving them for another guy. Now in your situation, you have to worry about her leaving for another guy, another girl... another bald old man.... with a little bit of money.... what's next??? she is what I call "No good" and if you keep the basketcase around... then you deserve everything she does to you. sorry bro.... but that's the truth. She's trouble, walk from this one. Link to post Share on other sites
2ndIINone Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Saying she was going to make it up to me. I told her the only way to make it up to me was to give me that ass. And a week later she did, after I was done running up in her guts for an hour. I made her leave and take the bus home alone. I treated her like a bottom feeding slut, because that's the way she looked like to me. ummm, uhhhhh..... irrrr... ugh. Wow... kinda speechless with this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 ummm, uhhhhh..... irrrr... ugh. Wow... kinda speechless with this one. I think everyone had that reaction Link to post Share on other sites
2ndIINone Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 I think everyone had that reaction a part of me wanted to say... "Right on bro!"... but another part of me felt very disturbed... Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 a part of me wanted to say... "Right on bro!"... but another part of me felt very disturbed... Yes, it was rather... graphic. Revenge is sweet but that just made me feel dirty Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Well running up in her guts is slang for like sex, IE going deep. Which I did. lol. The thing is I felt used and humiliated when she dumped me for a man who has three different kids by 3 different woman and she still had feelings for him after he cheated the last time on her. When I explicitly asked her the first time we got together does she love him, do you have feelings, she said no. .... She lied. So I did what she thought of herself. When she was with me I treated her good and like a queen. When she was with him, he treated like dirt and she secretly craved that. So I just gave it to her, treated her the way she felt like she deserved to be treated. It's funny me and the ex are still friendly to each other when we interact. I wish her no malace or harm. I wish for her all the best. In my moment of temporary madness I did her dirty. Just like she did me. I've moved past it. Much like unbelievable can get past it but he has to close his heart off on this chick, she's gonna keep hurting him. She's not wifey material Un. Please for your sanity, leave her alone. Find someone else, you go to school right? damn you know what college chicks do for a guy like you? Man in the words of stevie wonder: Live it up!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 oh um and when I said give me that ass I meant figuratively, not literally. but you know it would have been nice if she did. I'm always up for something crazy. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unbeleivable Posted April 17, 2007 Author Share Posted April 17, 2007 I'm not trying to shoot down every bit of advice, I'm just trying to make the situation absolutely clear. Its easy to read some text on the internet and say "Drop her she's trouble." but when you are actually going through this after a 7.5 year relationship its not so easy, so forgive me. Chrome, I appreciate the feedback. Jump-off is quite the fitting term unfortunately... Link to post Share on other sites
2ndIINone Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 actually, you couldn't make it ANY MORE clear. She cheated... with a girl. She's tempted to cheat... with an old man. Fact: she doesn't respect YOU or the relationship anymore. So, 1 yr, 7.5yrs OR 25yrs of marriage???...... why should you stick around? Blunt and brutal truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Unbelivable listen to the words we post, we're just giving you our honest opinions. 7.5 years and your like what 22? dude I'm 26 and they say I'm young. I know it's hard but some people arent meant to last for a long time. You have so much of your life ahead of you, you have no idea Let me ask you a question, now that you know she's into girls and cheating on you and whatnot. Could you see yourself having kids with her after what you know now? Do you think you can marry her honestly. Dude she went out searching for another woman, it didnt just happen!!! She has no idea of what it means to be in a relationship. She could just be weak and enjoying her freedom thinking your aint there and she can do whatever she wants but in all honesty do you want this woman to be with you for the rest of your life? In your school have you ever met somebody who you was attracted to? have you and this person talked? did this person feel mutual about you? I think you need to explore life and this prime example give you that opportunity. Maybe later on down the line you can come to a resolution and get back together. maybe she's confused about her sexuality. but you need to realize woman are crazy ass creatures. they compartmentalize, justify,rationalize, hate. I mean men do this too but the question remains. Do you want to live the rest of your life with this woman knowing what she did to you, and continues to do. I'm sorry dude but thank about it all. Link to post Share on other sites
corazoncito Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 un, I'm really sorry about what happened with your GF. But I just can't get over the fact you're 22 and hanging on to a relationship that began when you were 14. I assume she is the first and only girlfriend you've had. This may not be what you want to hear, but you need to spend some time casually dating other women. That's the only way you're going to grow and find what it really is that you want from a relationship. Neither you or your ex really want to be with each other, but it's scary moving on from what you're used to (although she seems to be making up for lost time very suddenly). Some people marry quite young and it works out for them. I think that's great. But I am of the personal opinion that no one should marry before age 30. You change so much up to that point (and you change beyond it too, but it doesn't seem as drastic). Looking back at age 18 I couldn't imagine still wanting to be with my BF that I had when I was 15. At age 22 I couldn't imagine being with my BF that I had when I was 18. Ditto 27 to 24. 31 to 28. And so on. Separate yourself from this girl, give yourself some time to heal, and then go have some fun. Take your time and don't jump into a relationship with the first person you hit it off with, or you may end up right back here again. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 oh um and when I said give me that ass I meant figuratively, not literally. but you know it would have been nice if she did. I'm always up for something crazy. lol. Hey, I can't talk, I have been one to "give my ass" to my boyfriend whenever he takes the fancy Link to post Share on other sites
Topper Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Don't worry , She will come around . She was just experimenting with her sexuality. As for the older guy? What could she see in some old dude? She just wants to soak him for a trip and a concert. It's all cool. You have nothing to worry about. She has been lonely. That's your fault. drop out of school run back to her and make sure you get her pregnant as soon as you can. That way you know that no matter what the two of you will be in contact for the next twenty years or so. If your really lucky she will meet another girl on line. This time she won't hide it from you. All three of you can have wild monkey sex. That is every mans dream isn't it? Now you see, You been looking at this all wrong. This really isa good thing. Isn't that what you want to hear? Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 *lil jon says: Yeaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Darlin coco your man is very lucky. lol:lmao: And topper if he plays his cards right he can have both of them. I should know I've been in a similar situation with an old flame of mine. I knew she wasnt bi-sexual anymore and now full blown gay but she always had a sweet spot for me. I knew she could talk her girlfriend into it if I asked, but I havent seen her in a minute and I've moved on. That's what UN needs to do because he's interested in a relationship and he needs to face the fact that his girl isnt monagomous!!! If she was her actions would indicate she would be. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 She's a cheater, regardless of who she cheated with. The love, companionship and physical relationship that was supposed to be exclusively for you she shared with someone else. She doesn't sound like she really regrets it. If I were you, I'd walk away. Period. Who cares if she was experimenting!? It doesn't matter if it's a girl or a guy. Cheating is cheating. Sorry, that's lame but it's true. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Do you remember the matrix when neo was first introduced to the oracle and she was asking him does he believe in his journey. And she told him what she saw. When morpheus was held by the 3 agents. Neo risked his life to save him not believing he was the one. And the part where neo dodged bullets and then grabbed the rope when trinity was about to crash into the building? It was then he finally realized he was the one he stopped fighting his destiny. Neo asked morpheus about the oracle and morpheus said the oracle told you just what you needed to hear. That's what everyone is doing now for you. Not telling you what you want to hear but what you need to. I know you want her back, I know your still in love with her. But is it worth the hurt and pain? I mean if you let this go the pain will go away. You know what you need to do. Keep us updated. and please take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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