Greatest passion with the MM?

[torranceshipman]

Hi guys,

I've read some posts where people say that the passion they experienced with MM couldn't be rivalled by anyone else, or that they are worried MM was their one great passion, and this makes it harder to move on...how do you all feel about this?

 

I think maybe its been much easier for me to move on that it is for others, as I think of it a different way. It felt so amazingly passionate being with MM at the time...I thought our feelings ran so deep - but now I look back and think that because there was so many lies coming from him, that the whole thing was cheapened and now I think of it all as being a bit sleazy, to be honest. Plus, the guy was a coward and had no integrity or backbone, and is now still lying to his long term G by not admitting to the A, etc (or not admitting that he is unhappy as he is probably too scared to be alone) - all his friends know what he did and he looks like a bit of a fool now, as he always went on and on about how he would leave his G but now it's clearly he is way too scared to do it - really sad for a grown man to act like this, I think - and I think it's a bit hideous that I ever let someone like that be intimate with me! My mistake, but I've learnt from it! If more people could think of it in these terms, surely it'd be easier to move on??

[SoxPrincess]

Hi guys,

I've read some posts where people say that the passion they experienced with MM couldn't be rivalled by anyone else, or that they are worried MM was their one great passion, and this makes it harder to move on...how do you all feel about this?

 

I think maybe its been much easier for me to move on that it is for others, as I think of it a different way. It felt so amazingly passionate being with MM at the time...I thought our feelings ran so deep - but now I look back and think that because there was so many lies coming from him, that the whole thing was cheapened and now I think of it all as being a bit sleazy, to be honest. Plus, the guy was a coward and had no integrity or backbone, and is now still lying to his long term G by not admitting to the A, etc (or not admitting that he is unhappy as he is probably too scared to be alone) - all his friends know what he did and he looks like a bit of a fool now, as he always went on and on about how he would leave his G but now it's clearly he is way too scared to do it - really sad for a grown man to act like this, I think - and I think it's a bit hideous that I ever let someone like that be intimate with me! My mistake, but I've learnt from it! If more people could think of it in these terms, surely it'd be easier to move on??

 

I could have written the exact same words. All of the "passion" exMM and I shared is cheapened because of all the lies he has told and continues to tell. I was never proud to be involved with him but now I am there is no way I would ever use the word proud and my exMM in the same sentence in any regard. Personally, it wasn't losing the exMM or the loss of the A but more so the blow to my self-esteem that makes it difficult for me to move on. It makes you question yourself when you believe so many lies for so long and when you finally find out about them, it really messes with your mind. I don't sit around and pine about "oh why oh why did he leave me", but I think about what in my own head was so incredibly demented to get involved with someone who was married and why I believed so many vicious lies. It really makes you put up all sorts of walls, it messes with your sense of trust and it is quite the blow to the self-esteem.

 

Very interesting question though, I am looking forward to reading the responses!

[Kwo-ne'-she]

I was with a MM, he had lied and said he was long seperated & divorcing, so I didn't enter into the relationship thinking in terms of an A. The passion and love I had for him will never be equaled. It simply won't, I have come to accept that. Two years out, and involved with someone else now (who treats me very well), I can look back and see things with my ex MM differently. I am disgusted with the lies he told, the cowardance he showed, and feel a general disappointment in his actions. But that doesn't lessen the love & passion I felt, which was pure.

[Freedom Now]

The love and passion I felt with my xMM was unrivaled in my life. But I was heavily seduced and single guys just don't go to the extremes that married men do.

 

I, however, believe that due to the extreme amount of deceit that my MM used to "obtain" me, the passion and love was cheapened.

 

I firmly believe that I can surpass that love and passion with another man.

 

My xMM is NOT the end all, be all for me.

[addicted2love]

my MM and I had the same passion 17 years ago when we were dating. It lasted non-stop for over 4 years back then. We were still passionate about each other toward the end of the relationship there were other factors that broke us up.

 

When I saw him again years later it was still there like no time had passed at all. Never before and not since have I felt that "heat" that "desire" and that all out want to be with someone so badly. For me he's definately the "one".

 

it's the kind of passion that won't let you let go of each other. That one person you keep coming back to. These days I also know that there is more to it than the physical. It's a connection between two people. A bond, a friendship etc. But if it's real...it never dies.

[Kwo-ne'-she]

my MM and I had the same passion 17 years ago when we were dating. It lasted non-stop for over 4 years back then. We were still passionate about each other toward the end of the relationship there were other factors that broke us up.

 

When I saw him again years later it was still there like no time had passed at all. Never before and not since have I felt that "heat" that "desire" and that all out want to be with someone so badly. For me he's definately the "one".

 

it's the kind of passion that won't let you let go of each other. That one person you keep coming back to. These days I also know that there is more to it than the physical. It's a connection between two people. A bond, a friendship etc. But if it's real...it never dies.

 

I'm afraid you're right. I walked away from my MM when I realized he was still with his W and had no intention of divorcing her. Fortunately, my ex MM lives on the opposite side of the country, so chances of us running into one another in person are nonexistant. However, I am a bit concerned that he will contact me again one day, and what my reaction will be....

[Guest]

I am new to this so please bear with me. I can totally 100% share the same exact feelings of Addicted2love. I was sooo deeply in love with a MM 16 years ago. We had the most passionate relationship I've ever experienced. Our A ended my marriage and his 3yrs later.

 

When we parted ways I was totally devistated almost non-existent. Fast forward now years later there have been so many times I have tried to find him through classmates or on the internet. Driven by his house, bought his cologne just to be reminded of his smell. Durring this whole time I have also been remarried now 14 years.

 

My husband is a wonderful man, but I have never felt the "fire" I felt with my past love. Well its been almost 8 months now since the past caught up with the future. MM and I found eachother again finally, thru classmates. He is also married again but in the process of another divorce, his 3rd. We have carried on a somewhat emotional A over the internet, and cell phones as well as a little sex fantisy talk, via both.

 

We have not seen eachother except from photos. I am a little reluctant to see him as I have gained allot of weight compared to what I used to look like. He on the other hand is in even better shape than before. We do have pending plans to go somewhere in the next 3 weeks for my birthday. No where private, a museum.

 

I miss the passion we had so very very much. I felt so completely alive when I was with him. I do not experience any of that in my marriage which is on the rocks right now because my husband found out that I have been talking to him and he knows of our past and what it mean to me. I am so confused lately, feelings are rushing back and forth. My marriage means something to me yet I am very unfullfilled on many, many aspects.

 

So many of my needs are not met, emotionally and sexually. He suffers from ED and has for many years, so of course this has only made things worse. Yet the MM has his hang ups too. He is a little narcassistic sometimes, moody, socially snobby, yet probably the most passionate man I've every known. And the sex was absolutley mind blowing. I sometimes wish I could walk away from both.

 

I guess when It actually comes down to it I actually wish I could have both!

But that isn't reality now is it.

Thanks for listening

[JustBecause]

I am also afraid that if/when he calls me, I'll go running to him because of the deep passion & intimacy we shared.

[whichwayisup]

But the thing is, passion aside, or whatever it is that has kept the connection going - IT isn't a healthy relationship. ALL of you have suffered alot of pain, heartache and loss by that person and the passion that it brings.

 

IF these guys were the "ONE", wouldn't you all be married already and having babies with them?

 

By hanging on and letting 'it' happen over and over again, is only doing damage to YOU. It's preventing you from closing your heart and moving on, finding a TRUE and HONEST, a healthy relationship with someone else.

[Kwo-ne'-she]

I am also afraid that if/when he calls me, I'll go running to him because of the deep passion & intimacy we shared.

 

Exactly. So, not only have I moved states away, I changed my number, and email address. I am doing everything I can think of, to make sure he can NOT contact me.

[Kwo-ne'-she]

But the thing is, passion aside, or whatever it is that has kept the connection going - IT isn't a healthy relationship. ALL of you have suffered alot of pain, heartache and loss by that person and the passion that it brings.

 

IF these guys were the "ONE", wouldn't you all be married already and having babies with them?

 

By hanging on and letting 'it' happen over and over again, is only doing damage to YOU. It's preventing you from closing your heart and moving on, finding a TRUE and HONEST, a healthy relationship with someone else.

 

In my case...he was "the one" that I loved with all of my being. Doesn't mean he was "the right one", but the one for me....if that makes sense.

 

And I do want to let go. Have tried every way possible. No contact, blocked all possible ways of communication, etc. But....there isn't an "ignore user" button in your heart.

 

I moved on. Am involved with someone else, in a healthier R. And am happy most of the time. But the part of my heart that is with my ex is still with my ex. Two years later. It's not like I want to live this way....I just have been unable to stop loving him.

[JustBecause]

Exactly. So' date=' not only have I moved states away, I changed my number, and email address. I am doing everything I can think of, to make sure he can NOT contact me.[/quote']

 

I don't want to do what you did. I don't wanna move states away & change #'s. I'll be right here patiently waiting.

He will leave her. He will.

[Kwo-ne'-she]

I don't want to do what you did. I don't wanna move states away & change #'s. I'll be right here patiently waiting.

He will leave her. He will.

What if he doesn't? Are you going to sit there, alone, the rest of your life? Not allowing yourself to take a chance at whatever happiness you can find with someone else?

[JustBecause]

What if he doesn't? Are you going to sit there' date=' alone, the rest of your life? Not allowing yourself to take a chance at whatever happiness you can find with someone else?[/quote']

 

What if's don't seem to be an issue in my mind right now. So I will wait for him. He'll be back. I just know it. I can feel it.

[whichwayisup]

I don't want to do what you did. I don't wanna move states away & change #'s. I'll be right here patiently waiting.

He will leave her. He will.

 

And he knows this, and will keep you as his OW IF you let him...I doubt very much he is going to leave his wife for you - And it's sad that you'll sit and 'wait' for him. You gotta pick yourself up and go on with life...You can't waste your love and energy on a man who is married and can't offer you what you truely deserve.

[Kwo-ne'-she]

What if's don't seem to be an issue in my mind right now. So I will wait for him. He'll be back. I just know it. I can feel it.

How long out of the R are you, if you don't mind my asking.

 

I ask, because when I forced D day (after learning he was not seperated & divorcing as he had told me), I spent about 8 months in hell. Not eating much, lost a lot of weight, barely sleeping, dead inside, thinking of suicide, all the while....telling myself he would leave her.

[yousaveme]

I think everyone needs to support her. But remember just like she stated in another thread this break-up is only days old. The hope of him coming back to her is very fresh in her mind

[JustBecause]

I think everyone needs to support her. But remember just like she stated in another thread this break-up is only days old. The hope of him coming back to her is very fresh in her mind

 

Yousaveme,

Yes it is only since yesterday that we split.

Aren't you waiting for your man to leave also? How long have you been waiting?

[herenow]

I have actually discussed this with my H. He said that he felt his affair was exciting. The excitement for him was because of the secrecy that went along with the affair. It was a fix or a rush for him and he was able to compartmentalize and live his life with me as though nothing happened. I'm still working on understanding how people can do that.

 

The OW described it as love and passion. The reality was neither was true for my H, but the feelings for her were very real.

[yousaveme]

My situtation really here isnt the subject at hand.

 

But you need to do what is best for you.

 

 

Yousaveme,

Yes it is only since yesterday that we split.

Aren't you waiting for your man to leave also? How long have you been waiting?

[JustBecause]

My situtation really here isnt the subject at hand.

 

But you need to do what is best for you.

 

Your sit. is not the subject here but i read thru some of your posts & it seems similar to mine.

Just wondering how long you'll be willing to wait???

[yousaveme]

I have a time frame. He is well aware of it. I will wait no longer than that.

 

 

 

 

Your sit. is not the subject here but i read thru some of your posts & it seems similar to mine.

Just wondering how long you'll be willing to wait???

[JustBecause]

There's no time frame in my situation. There shouldn't be one. He needs to just leave NOW.

He called me here & asked if we can talk & I told him Of course. I'll see him in about 30 minutes.

[whichwayisup]

JB, he isn't just going to up and leave his wife. But, if he actually does - It will take time for him to deal with the loss of his marriage, his life that he built. There's so much he'll have to take care of, face and deal with before you and him could EVER have a real honest relationship.

 

If he ups and leaves TONIGHT and comes to you, how the heck could you fully trust he'll stay with you? In a week, 2 weeks, a month, he could turn around and change his mind, go back to his wife...Or realize that the 'relationship' isn't like what the 'affair' does for him now...Hope that makes sense to you...

 

I hope you don't "wait" for years and years on end, allowing him to feed you lines "I'll leave when...-throw in excuses here - " and you willingly wait.

 

Good luck, and I hope one day soon you'll realize you're killing your heart and wasting time on a man who is a known cheater and a liar.

[Kwo-ne'-she]

I have actually discussed this with my H. He said that he felt his affair was exciting. The excitement for him was because of the secrecy that went along with the affair. It was a fix or a rush for him and he was able to compartmentalize and live his life with me as though nothing happened. I'm still working on understanding how people can do that.

 

The OW described it as love and passion. The reality was neither was true for my H, but the feelings for her were very real.

 

You make a good point. Maybe the MM cheated for sex, or out of boredom, or to feel he "still had it". That does not negate the feelings of real love an OW may have felt for him. Just because he was on some type of ego-feeding trip, does not mean the OW was. I fell in love with a man who presented himself as "seperated, soon to be divorced". I was not playing games, or out to steal anyone's H. I fell in love. Turns out, it was with the wrong guy.