JustBecause Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 I will talk with him in just a little while. I'll ask him the 101 questions. We'll see. Link to post Share on other sites
Kwo-ne'-she Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 JB, he isn't just going to up and leave his wife. But, if he actually does - It will take time for him to deal with the loss of his marriage, his life that he built. There's so much he'll have to take care of, face and deal with before you and him could EVER have a real honest relationship. If he ups and leaves TONIGHT and comes to you, how the heck could you fully trust he'll stay with you? In a week, 2 weeks, a month, he could turn around and change his mind, go back to his wife...Or realize that the 'relationship' isn't like what the 'affair' does for him now...Hope that makes sense to you... I hope you don't "wait" for years and years on end, allowing him to feed you lines "I'll leave when...-throw in excuses here - " and you willingly wait. Good luck, and I hope one day soon you'll realize you're killing your heart and wasting time on a man who is a known cheater and a liar. *applause* My MM left his W, and was with me two weeks. Made a bunch of promises, etc. He went back to her. (said it was for the kids) Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Let me ask you this...If you can answer ... What if he tells you goodbye - That he is ready to end the affair and close the door completely. CAN you and ARE you willing to accept that? If he chooses that option, will you and can you respect his choice and leave him alone? Link to post Share on other sites
Cliche Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Let me ask you this...If you can answer ... What if he tells you goodbye - That he is ready to end the affair and close the door completely. CAN you and ARE you willing to accept that? If he chooses that option, will you and can you respect his choice and leave him alone? I don't know if this was a question to JB or if it is general, but I'd like to answer it. I WISH that exMM would tell me to get out of his life and stay out. I'm sick and tired of having to be the strong one. I would give anythign for life to just happen to me instead of me having to make it happen. As far as the connection, yeah, there's amazing passion, but the friendship I felt we had was really the hard part to lose. Our friends told us we were perfect together. We shared so many interests and ideas and laughs and just a really solid comfort and understanding. I know, I'm trying to tell myself that it is all a lie. That's the hard part, though...how can you believe that you're just being used as a sexual thing when it feels like so much more? Link to post Share on other sites
JustBecause Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Let me ask you this...If you can answer ... What if he tells you goodbye - That he is ready to end the affair and close the door completely. CAN you and ARE you willing to accept that? If he chooses that option, will you and can you respect his choice and leave him alone? ABSOLUTELY!! I will tell HIM goodbye though. Eventually, down the road, he will leave his wife. Or maybe she'll leave him. Link to post Share on other sites
rdnkgrl31 Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 JB, I am not going to tell you that he isn't going to leave, b/c every situation is different. Mine left, but then the minute we had our first/ only rift, he bam, went right back to where it is safe, and secure. He had left her for about a month and a half. So there is no guarantee. I am waiting until I get tired of it. Period, not depending on what he does, he may end it, he may leave, I am not guessing or analyzing it anymore, tired of it. I wish you luck either which way. Link to post Share on other sites
JustBecause Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Thank You RdNkGrl, I'll will keep everyone posted. I have to leave now. Meeting him to talk. Link to post Share on other sites
YoMomma Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Hi guys, I've read some posts where people say that the passion they experienced with MM couldn't be rivalled by anyone else, or that they are worried MM was their one great passion, and this makes it harder to move on...how do you all feel about this? My exMM and I had extreme passion, and when it was over I believed I'd never feel that again. Well, I was sooooo wrong! I have met a wonderful single man, we have so much in common and when we are together it's truly unreal. I love that I can call him and see him WHENEVER I want, and he calls me everyday... all day... every night... it's something I will never ever take for granted. Our relationship is REAL and based on mutual love and respect - that's so much more than the few tid bits of love and time that I had to accept with exMM. I know the exMM loved me, and I loved him - in our own way - but even if he left his wife and family we would have always had what happened hang like a cloud over us. My love and my life is so free now, and I am finally happy! Moving on took over six months, and I will be honest and say that I times I still think of exMM for a fleeting second or two. But then I remember the pain and hurt I had to endure to get OVER him, and I can say - what the heck were you thinking girl? !!!!!!!!! Never give another person the power to determine your happiness! :love: :love: :love: Link to post Share on other sites
Babybird Posted April 17, 2007 Share Posted April 17, 2007 Ahhhh...the passion. Whether its in the debates about life in general, or the searing heat when his flesh touches mine, I have never known anything like it. It never ceases to amaze me how the look in his eyes can send a shiver down my spine. When I hear his truck pull in the driveway I get butterflies. The emptiness I feel when I'm away from him for too long. How can two people that have known each other such a short time know each others thoughts, their feelings, their needs when they're together? Sometimes when they're apart. The unbelievable feeling that you have known each other before and something was left unfinished. I can't imagine something being more than that... but then again when you look back on old loves they don't seem like they were true love now do they??? Out of all my R and husbands I have never had the feeling that they were the 'one', until now. Because of the secrecy, challenge, rush, etc. even the lies I still believe that I finally met my match. Intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, sexually, you name it. Wow do I love that man. Link to post Share on other sites
rdnkgrl31 Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 Wow BabyBird, it's like you were reading my mind! Those are the same thoughts I have had. I know that I have never been so intuned to anyone like this. We've both said it many times, we click on EVERY level. The sex is great, yet that isn't all there is to it. Sometimes, I feel that maybe if we had kept it at that, then this would never have gone this far. Yes, I totally get what you are saying, it's all there. Not just the passion for sex, but the emotional passion as well. Link to post Share on other sites
sadbuttrue Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 i totally agree too babybirdl. it is exactly how you describe it. he looks at me and i melt. it is like i am always waiting until the next time i can be held by him. my heart still races when i see him. he can take one look at me and say "what is wrong, something is going on" he can read me like no one else. i have never felt this close to anyone before, i just wish it had happened under different circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
Babybird Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 i totally agree too babybirdl. it is exactly how you describe it. he looks at me and i melt. it is like i am always waiting until the next time i can be held by him. my heart still races when i see him. he can take one look at me and say "what is wrong, something is going on" he can read me like no one else. i have never felt this close to anyone before, i just wish it had happened under different circumstances. rdnkgrl31 and SBT: I'm so glad someone else feels the same. I really wish it would've happened under different circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
rdnkgrl31 Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 I really wish it would've happened under different circumstances. Boy, how many times have I said this same thing? We have "both" said a million times that we were made for each other, just 6 years too late. "Sigh" Link to post Share on other sites
sadbuttrue Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 unfortunately rdnkgrl and babybird i know exactly how you both feel because i feel the same way. i am so in love with him, it is undescribable. Link to post Share on other sites
JustBecause Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 He asked me if I was willing to wait a little longer & I said yes. He said he's gotta come up with a game plan on how to break it to his wife that he's leaving for another woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Freedom Now Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 And so the web gets more tangled.... Link to post Share on other sites
JustBecause Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 And so the web gets more tangled.... A little more tangled in the beginning, but untangled for me in the end:) Link to post Share on other sites
rdnkgrl31 Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 JB, wow, I really hope this works out for you! I haven't had the guts to tell mine that we are going NC, b/c I am quite frankly scared of the outcome. The funny thing is, I am slowly getting more irritated and tired of this situation. So it will come soon enough, I know I have to wait until I am ready, or I will never stick w/ it, b/c I am truly in love w/ this man. Anyways, just wanted to tell you that I think it's great and I'm happy for you, but also keep your heart in check as much as possible, just in case it doesn't go according to plan. BTW how much longer does he want you to hang in there? Did he give a time? Link to post Share on other sites
yousaveme Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 Wow. JB What did he tell you to wait for exactly? Just how to tell her? Link to post Share on other sites
Babybird Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 JB, wow, I really hope this works out for you! I haven't had the guts to tell mine that we are going NC, b/c I am quite frankly scared of the outcome. The funny thing is, I am slowly getting more irritated and tired of this situation. So it will come soon enough, I know I have to wait until I am ready, or I will never stick w/ it, b/c I am truly in love w/ this man. Anyways, just wanted to tell you that I think it's great and I'm happy for you, but also keep your heart in check as much as possible, just in case it doesn't go according to plan. BTW how much longer does he want you to hang in there? Did he give a time? Hello!!! Did I post that? Did you read my diary? It really does amaze me how much we all think alike. I guess it shouldn't when you consider how similar all of our stories are. Holy crap am I getting sick of it. I was rambling to MM today and said " Well if you'd get your head out of your a$$ and take a look around you'll see that theres a lot out there thats a whole lot better than waiting". He didn't like that. He knows I'm starting to get impatient and even more frustrated. His response used to be do you want to stop seeing each other. Then I finally told him yes. Of course that lasted for about an hour. Anyways he doesn't ask me that anymore. JB: Good luck! I hope that he follows through. Link to post Share on other sites
rdnkgrl31 Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 BB, that is funny!! Yeah, I guess we do all think alot alike considering the circumstances. I have asked mine to end it between us, b/c I knew I was too weak to do it, myself. Needless to say, he said that he can't, b/c he doesn't want it over between us. I'll say, he has the best of both worlds. A W at home, doing his laundry, cooking and taking care of his every need there. And then me, whom he can run to, when he is tired of the everyday bulls***, no arguments, fighting over money or everyday things. Just hanging out and talking and enjoying each other. This is going to come to an end one day. I know I will be torn up when it happens too. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 But WHY are you letting HIM have all the power and control? By doing that, he knows how to manipulate you and get his way, knows the right buttons to push. He knows you'll cave and he'll get what he wants. Well, when you get fed up being his side dish, I hope you tell him to F-OFF and NEVER speak to him or see him again. When that time gets closer, seek some therapy, gain your confidence and then just do it! Link to post Share on other sites
Freedom Now Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 Yes, when things end between the two of you, trust me, YOU will want to be the one in control. It is far more empowering to take the bull by the horns than let him decide the fate or demise of the relationship. Take control. I know it is hard, but there IS better out there than this MM. And to think differently is dangerous. You MUST have hope of a better future without him otherwise you will fall into the category of people who suffer from unrequited love. And don't do that. End it on YOUR terms. Link to post Share on other sites
rdnkgrl31 Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 This week I have been thinking about it more and more. I know ya'll are right definetly. I am normally a very strong person. I do know that I want to end it while we are not fighting, so that the wrong emotions are not the reason why I am ending it. I need to end it for all of the right reasons. My happiness being number 1,which is clearly not at the top of his list of concerns. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 18, 2007 Share Posted April 18, 2007 My happiness being number 1,which is clearly not at the top of his list of concerns. Hate to say it, but you need to hear it. His 'obligation' is to his wife, not you. And, you being the OW, you're there for HIM, not the other way around. From what I've read here by so many OW, it seems their MM expects them to be there 24/7, but when the OW needs or wants the MM, he is really no where to be found. What are the right reasons? Ending it while things are bad, is a good reason. I mean, most people in non-affair relationships end it when things are good, so why wait? IF things suck now and you're unhappy and your needs are not being met, end it because of that AND the fact he's married and not going to leave his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
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