Out of the blue message...Reply or not reply?

[loveisallaround]

It's been two years. My "Mr. Big" and I have remained mostly with no contact for this time with the exception of a few exchanges after the break-up. He claimed he wanted to remain friends, didn't, wrote some nasty words to me an e-mail... the break-up wasn't pleasant but wasn't THAT nasty.

 

As the two years have gone by, I think I've really grown as a person. On the outside, I've also really cleaned up. I was very much a child then, now I'm an adult. He was very much a catalyst for this. There's no hard feelings anymore, but still perhaps a flicker of interest.

 

I never thought I'd hear from him again. Tonight, however, as I got home from work and was checking my various e-mails, I found a message from him, saying basically: "I saw you Saturday night getting into a cab, but I guess you didn't notice me. I also saw you on this reality show you did. Oh, by the way who is Susan Silverman?" Susan is a friend of mine I have on my profile, by the way.

 

So what's going on here? He's in a relationship now and seems very happy. He always struck me as the person who's kinda shallow and when something is pleasing on the surface (I've came a long way since we went out) he'd jump all over the band wagon. Should I even reply?

[CaliGuy]

I wouldn't. He's in a relationship and poking around. Think about all the mean things he said to you. Does he even deserve a reply? If you are over him and matured then there's someone out there better for you.

 

Also, I think it's kind of rude of him to email an ex girlfriend while he is in a relationship. It's a form of emotional cheating.

[AFarAwayPlace]

Yeah, definitely don't reply, he doesn't deserve one. Sounds like a jerk!

[loveisallaround]

This Susan friend of mine seems to have him as a friend and knows nothing about it. He sent me another message saying he's "trying to get to the bottom of this", why they're friends. Extremly odd considering she's a close friend and they've never met.

[Fun2BMe]

It sounds like your 'friend' Susan and him might have something going on. I'd remove her from your profile (I don't know what profile you are referring to, maybe myspace?). She might think you 'found out' and ask how you know about them. You can say you are aware she is in contact with your ex. Bluff and see her response. You can always say it was a misunderstanding if you're wrong.

 

As for responding to his email, if you feel you have to, write something like you didn't notice him because you don't notice insignificant things around you, something like that so he gets the message that you're over him and I agree that's low of him to be in contact with his ex while he's seeing someone else. He sounds like bad news.

[loveisallaround]

It sounds like your 'friend' Susan and him might have something going on.QUOTE]

 

She's a lesbian, haha. She has been in a relationship for quite a few years now.

[dropdeadlegs]

Answering him depends on just how over him you are. You said there's a flicker of interest but no hard feelings. I don't think it's horrible to contact an ex after seeing them getting into a cab, unless the motive is rekindling a romantic relationship. Some relationships end with never wanting that person in your life again, some die a death that requires apology and true closure.

 

If you want to respond in order to rekindle anything, I think it's a bad idea since he is in a relationship. If he is interested in that way he would contact you again if he became available.

 

If you want to be considerate and have truly moved forward with no intention of taking steps backward, write him back. Something along the lines of "Hope you are well. Didn't see you, but take care."