No Contact? I WISH I had that luxury!

[sb129]

Ho hum the OP hasn't returned. to this post anyway, but she HAS posted on other threads since starting this one.

 

Me smells a troll..

[Sk8away]

I'm not even going to try to figure out this situation but what might help to improve things is for you to move a distance away.

 

I am considering it, even though it is difficult and expensive to break a lease (mine doesn't end until the fall, and I dislike this apartment company, so moving into another of their buildings is out of the question). I did do some apartment hunting over the weekend--I really am that desperate to get out of this place!

[Sk8away]

I don't know what to say about his behavior, very odd that's for sure. The fact that he started to invoke a fight or flight response in you should tell you something, to get away from him. When you start getting the fight or flight response what are you afraid of? Do you think he would hurt you?

 

When is your lease up? If it is up soon move into a different neighborhood, if it is not almost up can you possibly break it early and move to another of the company's buildings (assuming that they have more than the one you already live in and the one he now lives in)?

 

He's never indicated in any way that he's violent, or been physically threatening. No, I don't think he'd hurt me. I'm aware that the fight-or-flight response has more to do with ME than it does with him, but I'm not sure why I am having this reaction. No doubt it has something to do with my past, but it's been many years since someone triggered so much angst and anxiety.

[Sk8away]

Wow... It would make it a lot easier for me if you could just take the novel you wrote and give me the cliff's notes versions.

 

WTF? The guy is a wacko and I would recommend not even giving him an iota more of your time or attention. All he does is talk about himself and he sounds to me like the textbook NPD (narcissist Personality Disorder)...

 

You are so much better off without having anything at all to do with him.

 

LOL! After I hit the "Submit Reply" button at the end of my original post, I was absolutely mortified to see how long I'd rambled on! My only excuse is that this had been eating away at me for months, and I had no one to talk to about it and really needed to get it out of my system.

 

This guy definitely has issues, and believe me, I would LOVE to have absolutely nothing to do with him. Now that he is dating someone in my building, he is here all the time, apparently, it's almost impossible to avoid him. I have radically altered my schedule (again!) since I've noticed he is always going in and out of the building around the same time as I'm going in and out of the building (skating, tennis lessons, etc). It's freaking me out that he's gone from extreme avoidance when he lived here to being "around" where he can bump into me at certain times of the day. Coincidence? Maybe. All I'm saying is, it's weird.

[Sk8away]

I enjoyed the read, didn't mind the length, it definitely helped to get a feel for the guy, after reading it all, I felt he has a mental disorder, bipolar comes to mind. I don't think anything you did differently would have effected the outcome, I think it's just him. Especially the part where he accused YOU or trying to lure HIM! WTF! It was clearly the other way around. Definitely read up about bipolar or even schizophrenia, either/or sound like something "Heathcliffe" may be affected by.

 

sb129, she didn't go on about how hot she is, I believe she mentioned being attractive once, twice? Also, she said she's been reading here for months and just wanted to unburden herself, your response feels like you're attacking her. I think you're wrong, the guy seems disturbed for sure and I'd be wondering the same things as Sk8away.

 

Thanks, AFarAwayPlace! I did feel that the previous poster judged me way too harshly--that's the chance you take when you bare your soul on a message board. I'm sure I DID include a lot of irrelevant detail--problem is, I'm not sure what's relevant and what's not. Blinded by my own reactions to this guy's behavior, I came here hoping for more objective and balanced insights.

 

I won't respond to the previous poster's attack. I do want to say this: we all came to this board for a reason--most likely because we are/were searching for answers because we couldn't think clearly or rationally because we were blind-sided by our emotions. We're all human, we're all fallible, and we're all susceptible to the same mysterious forces. Knowing I have the same vulnerabilities and weaknesses as everyone else also makes me compassionate to others.

 

That said, it did cross my mind that Heathcliffe could be bi-polar or depressed. I've known people with both, and he has some classic symptoms. Don't know if that would explain some of the behaviors though.

[Sk8away]

Ok, so attack me then. I am not "wrong" its just my perception of the story.

 

Ok great, but do we really need to know such details? I look good for my age would have sufficed. The above paragraph to me comes across as conceited and boastful, and doesn't endear me to the OP.

 

 

The thing that I find wierd is that this is SUCH a long post about something relatively minor. The woman has been thru a divorce, which was skimmed over yet she devotes paragraphs and paragraphs to some nutter who lived her building who she misread, and now bumps into alot. So he has mental health problems (you think). So what? He is entitled to live his life.

 

She needs to stop obsessing over this, ignore him, forget him and move on.- or if it IS GENUINE stalker-like behaviour, get a restraining order.

Its not that complicated.

 

Perspective anyone?

 

Next thing we know Heathcliffe will be being compared to Mr Cho, and everyone will be running for the hills.

 

Note to OP: I know you are new to LS, but long, ultra (unnecessarily) detailed posts like that will get you fewer responses. Speaking from experience.

 

Hey SB!

 

Well, I guess you forced my hand (lol) and I had to respond after all. By the way, I know it was a long post and you were rather fixated on my physical description of myself but just for the record, I'm not divorced. I'm sure I've just given you more ammo to attack me with, but your judgmental remarks say more about you than they do about me. May I ask why you reply to posts on these boards? And more importantly, why did you come to these boards in the first place? Perhaps YOU were dealing with some relationship issue that you were too embarrassed or too overwhelmed by to share with even your close friends? If so, then welcome to the human race! That's why most of us are here, and people who are hurting, suffering and trying to find their way out of darkness and confusion don't need the added burden of being judged!

 

I think you remarked down the thread that I haven't returned to this thread but I HAD posted in other threads. Your point? Offering other posters positive and empathetic responses takes my focus off my own issues and helping others helps ME heal.

 

If you have a problem with me responding to other threads instead of lurking here waiting for people to post on MY thread, or if you think that makes me suspect, I'm sorry you see things in such a negative way.

[Sk8away]

I seriously thought/think this was just an story as it is written as such. "our eyes locked" etc., etc. reminds me of fan fiction.

 

I too, thought the OP went way more into detail about how she looks etc. The whole thing is way to contrived to be "real" to me.

 

However, it very well could be, I'd like to see Sk8away respond to what we have written.

 

(my BS detector is on high though).

 

So two quotes set off your BS detector?

 

I've presented all the facts--and yes, probably way too many of them--as they are. If you think they're contrived, what can I say? That's how it happened, and that's how I laid it out.

 

You can see my responses throughout.

[Sk8away]

I was thinking that also but sometimes people play situations so many times over in their head in hopes the can make sense of it all. When it comes time to tell the story to others they feel that every detail does matter.

 

 

You put it very succinctly. And as mortifying as it is to admit, I've allowed myself to get obsessed with this. I have no idea why or how.

[Sk8away]

It could be BS, but some how I doubt it. If true, I would call the cops and file a restraining order, dude sounds like a serial killer.

 

 

He's not a serial killer, and I don't think the cops could do anything.

[Sk8away]

Me too.

I got sucked in by BBG's flowery descriptive prose initially, so anything as well written as the above story (and its extensive details) sets my radar going.

 

 

I also have an issue with the OP calling no contact a "luxury".

 

It isn't a "luxury" to the hundreds of people on LS who are going thru NC. Its a very very painful and difficult part of a breakup.

Some people on here are really struggling with NC, so don't devalue it by calling it a luxury.

And comparing your situation with that of an actual breakup of a bona fide relationship is generous to say the least.

 

I certainly didn't mean to be insensitive to anyone going through "NC." God knows, I've been in that awful state of limbo myself. What I meant was that I needed NC in order to detox from the unhealthy situation I got myself into but now that he's around the building all the time, it seems like a luxury I'm not going to be allowed to have.

 

And I didn't compare my situation to an actual break-up--I said that my response was like going through an actual breakup. Two different things.

[Sk8away]

you're 44 .. he is 26 or 27...? What are you thinking!?

 

And your husband is 11 years younger also?

 

Hmmm.. you should probably get some counselling.

 

oh..and a car might be handy.

 

Wow, I am amazed at how judgmental people can be here. Do you have a issue with age differences? When I was in my 20s and early 30s, I ONLY dated older men (8-20 years wasn't unusual) because I was very mature for my age and was attracted to the fact that men those ages were usually pretty grounded, had a strong sense of who they were, and didn't need to play as many games.

 

As I've gotten older, I'm more attracted to younger men. Why? They can keep up with me better than guys my own age or older (I don't mean just sexually). They have less baggage. They're less bitter and more open to adventure and trying new things (and I am NOT talking just about sex here). And do you think a guy of 26 or 34 can't be mature beyond his years? Sure, they're the exception, but they do exist.

 

So I should get some counseling because I like younger men? Do you give the same advice to older guys who dig younger women?

[Sk8away]

After Skimming, (mostly) your BOOK! I suggest to Divorce your husband BEFORE you do ANYTHING with this guy. Or, go to marriage counseling with your husband.

 

I've tried both, Sup. He is in deep denial and won't agree to either. I'd prefer the latter, actually, but he has to be willing to do his part too. For the time being, we're stuck in limbo.

[Sk8away]

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... Booooooo... I could've saved 5 relationships here on LS in the time it took to read that story.

 

What? No sadness? no funny parts? No divorces... not even sex up on the damn roof? Ya could've added that in just to spice that story up a bit ya know. Shheeeesh.

 

What I gathered.... you're fixated on 'looks' and you like attention and have one hell of an imagination.

 

Sorry to disappoint. I could've spiced up the details, true--but I'm being accused of doing that already by some of the posters on this thread.

 

Damned if I do, damned if I don't, I guess.

[Sk8away]

I agree that this guy is either bi-polar or has some other mental health issues. It is unfortunate. There are few if any affordable resources for such individuals, and they are sick, just like those with other diseases.

 

Feel sorry for him, but stay away. There is nothing but toxicity and heartache in the situation. Involving the authorities may be premature-- but keep your radar up and watch where you go alone.

 

As for the length of your post -- I was able to skip parts and still get the critical stuff. This is a place we seek encouragement-- so don't let the criticism get to you.

 

As for your attraction to men 10 years younger-- so what. I'm 43 and also a very fit sk8er. It is sometimes hard to find men my age with the energy to keep up with my degree of physical activity. (and I don't mean sexual.) By our age a large percentage of men are overweight, under-active and therefore not terribly fun for high-energy, fit women. I'm lucky to have a husband that is also fit, plays ice-hockey with men 1/2 his age and still acts 28! 40 is the new twenty!

 

Bones

 

Thanks for your kind post, Bones. And I agree: 40 is the new 20! I know literally dozens of women who look and feel fantastic for their age (and many of them are skaters too, lol). You sound like a lucky lady--and your husband is a lucky guy!

[Sk8away]

Get the context right --

 

The first post was from a person dealing with an ex who had come to her house and THEN thought he or possibly someone else WAS BREAKING INTO HER HOUSE.

 

This one --- I state she should move and then if he resurfaces at her new place -- she should call the police.

That would be stalking which is against the law -- because people actually get hurt by crazies that exhibit just this same kind of behavior.

 

And here you are defending this weirdo -- see a bit of yourself maybe?

 

Seek help.

 

Hey IslandGirl!

 

I've seen your posts on other threads and I think you have lots of good advice to offer. I found nothing wrong with your reply--it seems like pretty sound advice. And I understood the context in which you placed calling the police. Unfortunately, some posters are too quick to take things out of context, as I am learning the hard way!

[Sk8away]

You're definitely one of those cougar gals.

Look, hon, you say you're all secure with yourself and such, but you're not, or you'd be confident enough to see that it's not going anywhere with him and he's not interested.

 

I know it was a long post, but it wasn't about the situation "going anywhere" or him being "not interested." Didn't I see you make a similar reply to someone in another thread? Can you be more creative in your posts than "he's not interested?"

 

p.s. I'm almost afraid to ask...what's a cougar?

[Teddy and Jane]

I know it was a long post, but it wasn't about the situation "going anywhere" or him being "not interested." Didn't I see you make a similar reply to someone in another thread? Can you be more creative in your posts than "he's not interested?"

 

p.s. I'm almost afraid to ask...what's a cougar?

DUDE, HOW OLD ARE YOU AGAIN? HE'S SEEING SOMEONE ELSE...HOW MORE NOT INTERESTED IN YOU CAN A GUY GET? NO OFFENSE.

[Sk8away]

DUDE, HOW OLD ARE YOU AGAIN? HE'S SEEING SOMEONE ELSE...HOW MORE NOT INTERESTED IN YOU CAN A GUY GET? NO OFFENSE.

 

Ummm...Dude?

 

Yes, he's seeing someone else--and I have no problem with that. Except that he started seeing someone in my building AFTER he moved out--and now he's here all the time. I have a real problem with that, especially since he always seems to be going in or out or lurking around the building during the times he knows I'll be entering or exiting the building. Coincidence? Maybe, but I can't be sure.

 

And sorry, but you do offend. First, get your facts straight. Second, stop posting the same tired old responses in every thread. Third, stop SHOUTING (i.e, typing in caps).

[Ssheena]

Sk8away,

 

There were more than just two lines in your post that I thought were "flowery embelishment" but perhaps that's just how you write. I don't think you can blame any of us for suspecting that it might have been made up.

 

Regardless...if you are still married, I would suggest dealing with that first. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to your husband. Get a divorce.

 

Two, this guy is a loser. Do not change your life in anyway for him - whether to avoid him or whatever. He is loco. You are better than him and I'm sure he couldn't handle you (I sincerely mean that in a good way - I had a bf who couldn't handle me either). Why should you avoid him? He is the one that is a freak!

 

Three, a cougar (of which I am also a member of) is a polite way of saying a older woman who likes younger men. Look on amazon for all the books!

 

If you go back to your pre-freak way of doing things, taking the bus you would normally take and he continues to be around all the time, you are just going to have to figure out a way to either confront him about it or learn to ignore it. Just think to yourself... I bet he has a really small <> whenever you see him and you can pretty much bet he knows nothing about women and how to be in bed... I'd just laugh at him. Or fart in his general direction like Monty Python. He's a chump..

 

Figure out how you want the rest of your life to go. Married? Unhappy? Either work on it and make it better or get out of it. Life is too short.

[sb129]

Hey SB!

 

Well, I guess you forced my hand (lol) and I had to respond after all. By the way, I know it was a long post and you were rather fixated on my physical description of myself but just for the record, I'm not divorced. I'm sure I've just given you more ammo to attack me with, but your judgmental remarks say more about you than they do about me. May I ask why you reply to posts on these boards? And more importantly, why did you come to these boards in the first place? Perhaps YOU were dealing with some relationship issue that you were too embarrassed or too overwhelmed by to share with even your close friends? If so, then welcome to the human race! That's why most of us are here, and people who are hurting, suffering and trying to find their way out of darkness and confusion don't need the added burden of being judged!

 

I think you remarked down the thread that I haven't returned to this thread but I HAD posted in other threads. Your point? Offering other posters positive and empathetic responses takes my focus off my own issues and helping others helps ME heal.

 

If you have a problem with me responding to other threads instead of lurking here waiting for people to post on MY thread, or if you think that makes me suspect, I'm sorry you see things in such a negative way.

 

I wasnt' fixated on your physical description at all, I felt it was unnecessary.

I like the way you have now criticised ME, when I have actually said similar things to Island Girl and Ssheena, just in a different way.

 

You can't accuse people of being judgemental simply for stating their point of view. As you say, if you bare your soul on a board, you have to be prepared for what comes your way.

I felt that your post could have done with a little more humility- if it had maybe some of us would have empathised with you more.

 

Offering other posters positive and empathetic responses takes my focus off my own issues and helping others helps ME heal.

It sure does, and I am very capable of doing just that, and have been ever since I first joined LS. My original reason for joining LS was complicated and painful, and I had to face up to ALOT of home truths.

I wasn't too embarassed or overwhelmed to share it with my friends and family, quite the contrary, however LS gave me MANY different points of view, and I found that fantastic.

And I have healed, and moved on with my life, and have just as much right to offer my POV in this forum as anyone else. So thanks for judging me!

 

I apologise re: divorce mistake, the post was so long, it was tough to remember all the details without going back thru it again. I do remember you saying you had parted ways with your husband am I right?

[sb129]

A few more more things-

 

You are new, so you might not know, but there have been cases of people making up elaborate stories on here, getting a whole lot of sympathetic people on board for weeks (me included) and then it turns out it was all a big hoax, and the OP laughed at all of us for being sucked in.

 

And "trolls" happen now and then, who post once, get everyone else arguing, and never come back to post. So that wasn't an insult per se.

I can see you aren't a troll now.

 

Also- POV that can be perceived as judgemental is par for the course here. You do have to accept that not everyone will see it as you do, and others may say things you think to be harsh.

 

Finally, if you read some of my other posts, you will see that I can empathise as well as the next person. Its all there laid bare for you to see- so maybe do that before you judge me.

 

I hope the situation comes to a satisfactory conclusion for you.

[Ssheena]

That's absolutely correct. Sb129 has given good advice and has shared a lot with LS.

 

Don't worry, sb.. I still respect you!

[sb129]

I still respect myself!

[Teddy and Jane]

Original poster, the problem here is that you are extremely jealous that he found someone to date that he wants to spend significant time with and it's driving you crazy. You say it's weird that he walks in and out of the building....well there's no way he can plan that,hon. He's not stalking you, he's living his life. If he runs into you, whatever, he's not going to change his day to arrange to not run into you, why should he, you're a married woman who just happens to live in the same bldg. as his girlfriend. He's not dating her to get you jealous or anything, you are deluding yourself that his actions of dating her and being around the building to be with his girlfriend have anything to do with you and they don't. You are not the center of his world, she is, sorry, get over yourself.

[Sk8away]

Sk8away,

 

There were more than just two lines in your post that I thought were "flowery embelishment" but perhaps that's just how you write. I don't think you can blame any of us for suspecting that it might have been made up.

 

Regardless...if you are still married, I would suggest dealing with that first. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to your husband. Get a divorce.

 

Two, this guy is a loser. Do not change your life in anyway for him - whether to avoid him or whatever. He is loco. You are better than him and I'm sure he couldn't handle you (I sincerely mean that in a good way - I had a bf who couldn't handle me either). Why should you avoid him? He is the one that is a freak!

 

Three, a cougar (of which I am also a member of) is a polite way of saying a older woman who likes younger men. Look on amazon for all the books!

 

If you go back to your pre-freak way of doing things, taking the bus you would normally take and he continues to be around all the time, you are just going to have to figure out a way to either confront him about it or learn to ignore it. Just think to yourself... I bet he has a really small <> whenever you see him and you can pretty much bet he knows nothing about women and how to be in bed... I'd just laugh at him. Or fart in his general direction like Monty Python. He's a chump..

 

Figure out how you want the rest of your life to go. Married? Unhappy? Either work on it and make it better or get out of it. Life is too short.

 

Thanks Ssheena. I think you made some good points. I guess we can both agree a Harlequin romance writer I'll never be!

 

Regarding my marriage, I think that sooner or later something will have to give. I'm a woman of action and I don't like being in a perpetual state of indecision. But that wasn't the reason for my original post.

 

I avoid the other guy because his behavior makes me extremely uncomfortable. I'm not good at faking or pretending something I don't feel. Besides, I just want to get as far away from this guy as possible. Don't ask me why, but he has triggered my fight or flight response in a big way!