JustBecause Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 I am so happy I found this site. I became involved with a married man about 14 months ago. I meet him as I was interviewing for a job. Well, I didnt get the job but I got his number and a lunch date. Readers Digest version: We fell in love. He hasnt left his wife because she has a severe depression problem and with the kids so close to leaving the home and heading off to college he doesnt think it would be in their best interest. I have never worried about her finding out since she has been known to have delusional thoughts and no one would ever really give her the attention on the subject. I never thought I would find myself in this situtation but yesterday I found out I was pregnant. I have called my doctor. To get examined. But I havent told my MM yet. He has so much on his plate right now. One child is graduating and heading off to college this year and the other next year. Plus his wife has really been off the rocker lately. They are unable to keep her on the meds and are trying to prolong hospitalizing her. The plan has always been that the kids would be off to school , she would be hospitalized and he would start divorce proceedings. Everyone would understand that this would be for the best. But now I am having his baby. I would love to share every moment of this experience with him. I just am not sure how to approach him with the idea of leaving now. I hope someone can help me work this out before I have the talk with him. I really would like to bounce some ideas around. Link to post Share on other sites
Izzar Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 For real? You're kiddin' me right? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Though it's understandable that you would want the man who is the father of your child to be by your side in this special moment, unfortunately that same man is already involved in another family, his own. You should just tell him and see what he decides he wants to do. It seems that for the time being you will have to embrace the idea of becoming a single mom until he is able to close the chapter on his unfinnished business, should he decide to do so. In the best case scenario he will be by your side when the time is right, in the worst case scenario you will have to assume the role of single mom. Of course there is always the "other" option if you dont want the baby at all. But no matter what the expectations are on your behalf, unfortunately you do not have much say in the matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Jinxx Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 When do you plan on telling MM? How do you know his wife suffers from severe depression? That could be a line. Link to post Share on other sites
Izzar Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Depression & delusional thoughts:rolleyes: Who told you that? Link to post Share on other sites
yousaveme Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Are you going to tell him NOW or not at all? What are you thinking? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Never mind bouncing ideas around, you could be bouncing a baby on your knee in a few months time. What happened to contraception? Please don't tell me that you got carried away and forgot to take precautions, because I really have no time for that. If that's the case, then you deserve the quandry you are in--I'm only sorry for the poor human being you have created. I managed to have an affair for 8 years without getting pregnant! And I was having lots of sex! I am sure your mm will be over the moon with your news-NOT. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Get an abortion. By mucking around with a married person, you've already both crossed a bunch of lines and complicated your lives. Do you have any concept of how much more complicated your life is going to get if there's a baby involved? To say nothing of the fact that, if his wife's condition improves (and he may well be feeding you a line about how bad she is, to string you along and get you to wait for him -- married cheaters do that all the time), you will be Public Enemy #1 in her book. And you'll be stuck having to deal with her sometimes, because you'll be the mother of her husband's other child. To say nothing of the fact that you'll be knowingly bringing an innocent child into a sh*tstorm like this. What kind of life is that for him/her? This is going to be an absolute f*cking train wreck. Consider yourself warned. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Make sure you do tell him and if he baulks, do the paternity test so there's no mistake. He needs to be prepared to financially support your child, until the child is of age. Link to post Share on other sites
Kwo-ne'-she Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 I too am curious who told you his W is depression/delusional and going to be admitted to a hospital. MM lie, obviously. Otherwise he wouldn't be with you. I suppose none of that matters. You say you are pregnant. Wow. Tell him now. He deserves to know. And it will give you more time to figure out what is going to happen, and where your life will be when the baby arrives. Don't be too surprised if he ends the A. Link to post Share on other sites
Kwo-ne'-she Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Get an abortion. By mucking around with a married person, you've already both crossed a bunch of lines and complicated your lives. Do you have any concept of how much more complicated your life is going to get if there's a baby involved? To say nothing of the fact that, if his wife's condition improves (and he may well be feeding you a line about how bad she is, to string you along and get you to wait for him -- married cheaters do that all the time), you will be Public Enemy #1 in her book. And you'll be stuck having to deal with her sometimes, because you'll be the mother of her husband's other child. To say nothing of the fact that you'll be knowingly bringing an innocent child into a sh*tstorm like this. What kind of life is that for him/her? This is going to be an absolute f*cking train wreck. Consider yourself warned. Yeah, think of how complicated your life will be. How complicated it will make things for your MM and his W. All of you will just be SO put out....kill the baby. Are you f*cking serious? This is a human being. Link to post Share on other sites
Izzar Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 How far along are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Kwo-ne'-she Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Justbecause, surely you realize what a mess this now is. Number one on your list should be taking care of the innocent child you and MM have created. See a doctor. If you plan to keep this baby, start preparing for your life (keeping in mind you may be a single parent) with a child. Tell the MM, as he does have the right to know, and you will need to seek support once the baby is born. If you do not want the baby, please look into adoption. There are a lot of loving couples out there who are unable to have children, and you could make their dream come true. Link to post Share on other sites
yousaveme Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 I agree with this also. This is a human being not something you discard of like a used tissue. Yeah, think of how complicated your life will be. How complicated it will make things for your MM and his W. All of you will just be SO put out....kill the baby. Are you f*cking serious? This is a human being. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 While there's no harm in illustrating all options and consequences open to her, this thread should not be about the morality of abortion. It's about what the OP wants to do. From the sounds of her post, she wants to have the baby so this is her choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustBecause Posted April 20, 2007 Author Share Posted April 20, 2007 I know she has depression problems since I know a few people that are friendly with her. She use to be a pre-k teacher but lost her job for not showing up to work and days that she did she would become delusional towards the children. Thinking they were making fun or her , etc... She is on disability and her teachers license was revoked. As far as someone mentioning an abortion. This child was created out of love and passion. Not a mistake or any regret. We are planning on being together. I have thought about calling and bringing the relationship out in the open to her. Giving her the extra push in the direction she is taking, but I dont want anyone finding out I did it. I was planning on telling him about the baby after the doctors appt and I know how far along ect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JustBecause Posted April 20, 2007 Author Share Posted April 20, 2007 Abortion Is Out Of The Question. I Cannot Afford It On My Own. Link to post Share on other sites
Kwo-ne'-she Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 While there's no harm in illustrating all options and consequences open to her, this thread should not be about the morality of abortion. It's about what the OP wants to do. From the sounds of her post, she wants to have the baby so this is her choice. *deep breath* You are correct. I have a huge problem with killing babies because they are "inconvient". I shall refrain from further comment about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Jinxx Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 I have thought about calling and bringing the relationship out in the open to her. Oh God -- no, don't do that. That would be cruel for you to do given she is already suffering from severe depression. That is up to her husband to do. You need to tell MM and then both of you figure out what the future holds. I do wish you the best in whatever happens. It sounds like you are in for quite a roller-coaster ride down the road. Link to post Share on other sites
Izzar Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Down hill roller coaster ride is what it seems. Good Luck to you JB. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Jeepers. The baby was created out of "love and passion"... Most are my dear... Funnily enough, the fires of passion and "comittment" can be extinguished by those two little words.. "I'm pregnant". OP- good luck. I fear you are viewing this thru the rose tinted spectacles of the OW who hasn't wised up yet.. As the others say- tell him. But prepare for a potentially negative reaction, and the fact that you may end up a single parent. And I would hide from his wife when she finds out... if she is as unhinged as you say, who knows what she will do. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 I just need to ask, but were you two using birth control and condom broke? Or were you using nothing? It isn't your place to tell her, that's the MM's choice. Stay out of that part but definately tell him. If he wants to leave his wife and kids to be with you, he will - But, if he doesn't, then make sure you talk to a lawyer and know your rights. He may/may not want to be part of this child's life... Good luck, you're gonna need it. You're in for quite the rollercoaster ride, I hope you have a supportive family and close friends around to help. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Please make sure you have your bases covered, and make plans as if the MM isn't going to be around. Make sure you have insurance, or at the very least WIC and Medicaid. Start looking around for good deals on baby furniture and clothing (unless your family plans to have a shower for you and with this type of circumstance, that is iffy at best). Start putting aside a little money here, and a little money there for future cost. You will most certainly want to get some legal advice, and plan on getting a paternity test. Like it or not, he has to provide for this child for at least the next 18 years, and it will take proof of paternity and child support proceedings for this to happen. Basically, you'll need to plan your life as if you are a single parent with a check in the mail every month to help you cover expenses. You cannot and should not count on MM. There is almost a zero chance that he will abandon his wife, and walk out of his childrens' lives (even though they are in college, there will be weddings/grandchildren/etc. that he will not want to give up on) to be with you. He has 'been there, done that' with the kid thing. Do not for a second expect him to be happy with having to start all over again with a new child, much less a child who represents the end of his life as he knows it. I'm not saying he won't love the child, but I'm telling you - he isn't going to be too happy about it. He may beg you to have an abortion. At best he will resign himself to his obligation, and go from there. He may not be enthusiastic all all - some men have trouble caring for a pregnancy (especially an unplanned on in a situation like this), but maybe when the baby comes along and he meets the baby, and holds the baby he will at least find it in his heart to want to be a parent in some way to this child. The thing is, is that you can't count on that. So don't. Have alternate plans ready. He may have said that he will hospitalize his wife, and walk away when the children leave, but do you really believe he is going to do that to someone he built a life and a legacy with? Dump the mother of his children in a hospital, drug her up and forget about her? Surely you don't think he's capable of that - and if you do, why on earth would you consider this to be "keeper" type material? Just take care of YOU. Make your plans, and keep those bases covered. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 I hope this isn't another BBG story... Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Get an abortion. By mucking around with a married person, you've already both crossed a bunch of lines and complicated your lives. Do you have any concept of how much more complicated your life is going to get if there's a baby involved? To say nothing of the fact that, if his wife's condition improves (and he may well be feeding you a line about how bad she is, to string you along and get you to wait for him -- married cheaters do that all the time), you will be Public Enemy #1 in her book. And you'll be stuck having to deal with her sometimes, because you'll be the mother of her husband's other child. To say nothing of the fact that you'll be knowingly bringing an innocent child into a sh*tstorm like this. What kind of life is that for him/her? This is going to be an absolute f*cking train wreck. Consider yourself warned. Abortion/killing the baby is never the answer. Who are we to say what kind of life the baby will have....so this is a criteria that determines who should live or die? Very scary. Link to post Share on other sites
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