Sexual History

[batman]

I am in a relationship with a girl that I love, and I try to be open minded with her about our sexual histories. I don't really bring the subject up, because what I don't know HOPEFULLY won't hurt me, but it seems whenever the subject comes up..either through friends talking or watching tv..she always makes comments as to how bad she was or how she regrets her past. When we first started dating I asked what her "sexual number" was just because we weren't that serious and she kept lamenting on the point. I then decided not to worry about it, because we all do things that we aren't proud of and I am not different..at 31 my "number" is right around 20.

 

Well this New Year's Eve she was complaining about how absent minded she was and started saying that she couldn't remember how many people she'd slept with so she made a list. I didn't want to ask, but I was very curious so I did. I thought that since she kept bringing it up she must have wanted me to know to see if I'd run or whatever. Well her "number" is 31 in 25 years. I kept the open mind and didn't get mad, but I have to wonder if 31 isn't a bit high for someone so young. It may sound hypocritcal, but I have been trying to keep my cool and not say anything stupid about it so I don't ruin things. I guess I just want some other viewpoints.

[Bill]

Assumptions run rampant in your mind...

 

Sexual number... is that how many partners you've had?

I don't think it really matters what a person was like in the past, as long it doesn't carry serious implications to the present and future.

 

Really, does this really matter. You two are in the same ballpark of numbers there, so you both are at fault. You can't blame her for something you did as well. If she's a lost cause, so are you buddy. 31 does tell me that she is easy, but so what?

 

And for your number.. I'm not even going to say anything as to what I think you seem to be. Anyway, that's not my style, just talk with her.

 

 

Seek the help you needed where the problem arose.

[Just A Girl2]

I'm 35 and I've slept with 6 guys to date (all in serious relationships), so to me, her number (for her age) is extremely high, but hey, that's just me. I never did the one night stand thing, never slept with someone on the 2nd date, etc. It's been about self respect and valuing what sex really *is* for me....

 

Anyway....this constant need of hers, to bring up this subject.....even going so far as to tell you she's made up a list.....she sounds a little cuckoo, and obsessed with it all. What's up with that? If she's feeling guilt for having been so promiscuous, then she should speak to someone about it....not keep bringing it up with you, her boyfriend.

 

Making a "list", on New Years Eve, of the people one has slept with...is just pretty weird and inappropriate. If it were me, I'd have simply come right out and asked her why she's obsessing about it all......what she's hoping to gain from dwelling on this. Sounds like she's got some major issues.

[Tony T]

People's sexual history is entirely personal, except to the extent that possible diseases could affect the other party to a relationship.

 

This kind of discussion and behavior is, in my opinion, rather immature.

[batman]

I appreciate all the response. different viewpoints help to remove some of my personal bias. I thought about my "number" and realized that I had only been with 17 people, this was my first list. I remember several instances that could have gone all the way that I pulled out of due to my own standards and self-respect. While my # isn't something to be proud of either way, it very easily could have been higher. My only fear is that she has some deeply rooted self-esteem issues and needed to be validated through sex.

 

I am just scared and every time I see her I put think "30 people."

I never wanted to be a pioneer, but I certainly didn't want to be the 31st flavor. I am setting an appointment to get tested.