How to bring him back to me?

[Island Girl]

Island Girl ~ Thanks so much for everything you've written. Especially thanks for the wonderful photo idea... I'll definitely do that at the first opportunity. He told me he keeps the little seashells I sent him right on his desk next to his computer.

 

You're very welcome. I have had to be pretty creative when it comes to doing nice things for my husband since we are in a LDR right now.

 

Do it when there is an occasion to do it. Like a warm feeling and congratulations when he gets a job.

 

He emailed earlier today and said he wants to phone me tonight (in about 3 hours from now), so I'll follow your suggestion and reminisce about some happy memories before we hang up.

 

Great. Let me know how it goes.

 

Just remember you are still in low contact. I anticipate he will be trying to have contact more often with having good conversations.

[Faith2]

Great. Let me know how it goes.

 

Just remember you are still in low contact. I anticipate he will be trying to have contact more often with having good conversations.

 

So far it hasn't been going very well. I'm going to pull back for a while.

 

He's still feeling really lousy and demoralized about the job loss. We had one fairly good phone conversation a couple nights ago, but he's very depressed so it was hard to get him into a warm fuzzy mood. I finally got him there and then said goodnight while the good feeling was still strong.

 

All the other nights he's been out late drinking with his buddies. Today he said he's been procrastinating to avoid having to start another job search again. I'm guessing that he's also avoiding being around his parents, who are probably giving him a bad time, telling him what to do. However, I have vowed to myself that I will not let the words "your parents" pass my lips.

 

In fact, I haven't commented on any of this except for one time when he said he was planning to ask a colleague for a letter of reference, then I said, "That sounds like a good plan."

 

I've been trying to keep it light and upbeat without being annoyingly cheerful, since he's feeling so blue. But now I think I'll back off and go NC for a while until he's finished moping. His bad mood is beginning to drag me down, too.

 

Fortunately I'm busy these days with work and friends. Whenever I mention any of my activities, he just gets sullen.

 

His recent emails have been a strange mix... sometimes they're sweet and funny and signed with kisses... but more often they're dull and disconnected and signed only with his name, or not signed at all.

 

So as I say, I'll back off for a while and let him pull himself out of his bad mood.

[sb129]

Imagine, if you will, a childless couple in their mid-40s being presented with the opportunity to rescue a 1-day-old illegitimate baby boy by adopting him, showering him with every indulgence, and smothering him with way too much care and control. They "spoiled" him in the very real sense of the word... creating an adult child who has not yet learned to stand on his own two feet because he has never yet had to.

 

He knows this, he knows that it has hindered rather than helped him. That's why he's so unhappy about this job offer falling through. It was his ticket out. Now he's still stuck there until he can find another ticket out.

.

 

Good point. It doesn't make it right though. However, his parents will be very stuck in their ways by now, and are unlikely to change.

 

IGs posts were great, and I don't really have anything to add except I think that you are doing well considering.

 

I would be concerned about his drinking, but you can't really do anything about that, and saying something will probably start a fight.