hurtbeyondwords Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 I used to frequent this site last year religiously. If anyone is using this site for the first time be rest assured that you will find no better support resource. I was dumped one year ago last Jan. I took advice from everyone and did something for myself for once. I moved to BC and set myself free. I saw the ocean for the first time and hiked countless mountains. It was easily the best experience I could have ever given myself. Unfortunately my ex was with me every step (in mind at least). I couldnt do one single thing without wondering how she was; wishing she was there to experience it with me. I learned to deal with it and have truly grown. I am a much stronger person now. I am truley happy being me. Something that I couldnt say before. Ive had absolutely NC since before I left one year ago. Something I had to do for myself. I have no regrets. Lately I find myself awake at 4am crying. Even after everything Ive done to better myself Ive been unable to let her go. I want nothing more than to have her free from my mind. I really want to meet someone that can show me that there's life beyond her. I just wanted to share how Ive been feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 Oh, hurtbeyondwords, I am sorry you feel so sad still. Sometimes it can take ages to get over a breakup. I was once with a guy for three months, and it easily took me over a year to get over him! Some of your post is very positive- you have maintained NC for a year, and anyone that has done that knows how strong you have to be to do that. You are also looking out for yourself, which is great. And there is life beyond her, you have shown yourself there is in the last year, despite the difficulty and pain. Do you have friends in BC? People you can call on to do stuff with, or just hang out? Waking up early in the morning with feelings of sadness can be a symptom of depression, and mild depression after a breakup is very common, even after a year. I am not a doctor, and you can't diagnose depression from that one thing alone, but maybe if you think you are experiencing some of the other symptoms of depression you could consider seeking professional advice? Counselling isn't for everyone, but have you considered it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtbeyondwords Posted April 22, 2007 Author Share Posted April 22, 2007 Thanks SB129. I should say that I moved back to Ontario in Jan. Im staying with my parents to save money for school in the fall. One more thing that Im doing for myself. I kept putting it off; Im now 25:p 2 things have contributed to me feeling this way 1)I have friends to hang with but unfortunately for me they are all in relationships and I feel like a third wheel. 2)Facebook. Every single person I know is in a serious relationship or married. No lie. I feel like the only 'single' person on the planet. Sorry if my writing is scattered, it is 4:44am;) Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 Ok dude. 25.!!!???? Don't worry about being single, its the best time of your life TO be single! I turned 29 and all my friends were getting married and having babies...woe was me... and I met the man of dreams the day after my birthday. And he is 32! So don't be so tough on yourself mate. So what if lots of people are in Rs. Chances are a good few of them won't last the distance anyway. When you get to school, it will be a totally different story, you will meet so many new people, your girlfriends memory will be banished! Stay away from Facebook if it depresses you. I know alot of people love Facebook and Myspace etc, but I have heard so many negative things about these sites lately! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtbeyondwords Posted April 22, 2007 Author Share Posted April 22, 2007 I really dont feel as young as I should. I know that I have a lot of life ahead of me but it's hard to convince myself that. Im sure that school will change a lot of my thoughts. What to do in the meantime... Thanks for listening. It helps to have someone to listen when everyone else's sleeping:) Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 I just got up. its 10am here! No problem mate. I know it hurts, I really do know how you feel. It does get better tho. Promise. Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 HurtbeyondWords, Know that you are not alone in this. I have been NC for over nine months with an on and off again ex of two years before and still find myself thinking about her most times of the day. Life does go on for me as well yet constant thoughts of why and how she is doing occupy me. Although I know that I did everything in my power to show her I cared I continue to question my own actions and even go so far as to blame myself for her wanted to be free to go out with friends, date others (including an prior ex!), who knows what else! Ironic thing is after all this time I am now thinking about contacting her...........although I know if she had a change of heart she would have contacted me by now I am sure. When thinking about this rationally I am able to see that it is my lack of acceptance as well as my fear to go out there to find what I really want in a person......too bad my thoughts are irrationail 99% of the time! Have you been dating at all during the time you have been single? Link to post Share on other sites
Kwo-ne'-she Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 Two yrs later here, and NC. Part of me still loves him. I think that sometimes we fall so hard for someone, and our feelings are so deep....it isn't something that we ever completely "recover" from. For a long time, I was trying SO HARD to get over him. It was all I could think about. I finally accepted the fact that, despite my best efforts, I still loved him. And I decided it was just something that I was going to have to live with. It's hard to describe exactly how I reached that point, or how it helped me personally. I suppose it was accepting my "flaws" (which I viewed my love for him as), and realized that my life could still go on. I'm sorry you are still hurting. I'm sorry that you still shed tears for her. Sorry that you are still sad. FWIW, you are not alone. Just keep moving forward, a day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 know, Have you begun dating someone else? Was it you that initiated no contact or your ex? Good for you either way! Link to post Share on other sites
Kwo-ne'-she Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 know, Have you begun dating someone else? Was it you that initiated no contact or your ex? Good for you either way! I am in a serious R now yes. I am the one who initiated NC. Long story made short: I got involved, later found out he was VERY married, and after a few heartbreaking months, found the strength to walk away. He kept trying to get me back, and I refused. I'm happy now. Living with a wonderful man who loves me, and whom I love. A part of my heart will always be with my ex, I think. He crosses my mind every single day, at least once. But, I know it was not meant to be, and I have to continue moving forward. Just keep your chin up, it does get a little easier each day. I won't promise that you will stop loving her, but it will stop hurting as much. Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 Would it have been just as easy for you if he did not continue trying to get you back? That's what I deal with each day.......that I was a perfect gentleman with a person who spent two years with me on and off (because of continued feelings for an ex) and was told I was everything she could ever want in a man yet she just was not content...........then bam I hold off talking to her to see if she would make an attempt and nine months later here I am. I am not hoping for the call anymore as I know better yet it still stings terribly that she could walk away like that. MY self esteem is still shaky as I always ask myself what I could have done differently. Link to post Share on other sites
LaughMachine Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 You seem like your doing good man! and yes there is life beyond her. Doesn't feel like it at all I know, we all know but in more time to come you'll slowly realize that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtbeyondwords Posted April 22, 2007 Author Share Posted April 22, 2007 HurtbeyondWords, Have you been dating at all during the time you have been single? I have not dated a single person. I had an interest in someone a few months after the breakup but she ended up being a total b*tch. I find myself unable to find anyone that meets my wants. I do unfortunately find myself comparing women to the ex however, I dont think that's the reason why I havent found anyone Im interested in. I just dont want to settle. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtbeyondwords Posted April 22, 2007 Author Share Posted April 22, 2007 Two yrs later here, and NC. Part of me still loves him. I think that sometimes we fall so hard for someone, and our feelings are so deep....it isn't something that we ever completely "recover" from. Im mad at myself for feeling that way towards someone that could care less if she ever sees me again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtbeyondwords Posted April 22, 2007 Author Share Posted April 22, 2007 MY self esteem is still shaky as I always ask myself what I could have done differently. No regrets my friend. That is one thing that I've learned. You should live your life without regret, only lessons. Why dwell on the past when it only limits your future. I know it's easier said than done. You did what you did and you need to accept that. Im sure there were other factors for any of your actions that you're not looking at. Confidence comes with the ability to trust yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 No regrets my friend. That is one thing that I've learned. You should live your life without regret, only lessons. Why dwell on the past when it only limits your future. I know it's easier said than done. You did what you did and you need to accept that. Im sure there were other factors for any of your actions that you're not looking at. Confidence comes with the ability to trust yourself. What lovely advice...... read it back to yourself HBW.... You could benefit from your own post! Just pretend I wrote it. Link to post Share on other sites
Kwo-ne'-she Posted April 22, 2007 Share Posted April 22, 2007 Im mad at myself for feeling that way towards someone that could care less if she ever sees me again. I was angry at myself for awhile. I think that is what took me so long to start healing. I kept beating myself up over giving my heart so freely to the wrong man. I felt like an idiot for still loving him. The thing is, what I felt for him was pure and true. He lied, cheated, and a bunch of other things, in the end. But that did not negate the fact that MY loving feelings were honest & with good intentions. I simply chose the wrong man. So, I stopped beating myself up over it. Accepted that it was okay to love him still.....just so I wasn't foolish enough to attempt to get back together with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtbeyondwords Posted April 23, 2007 Author Share Posted April 23, 2007 What lovely advice...... read it back to yourself HBW.... You could benefit from your own post! Just pretend I wrote it. Thanx SB129, such wise words I honestly believe what I wrote, however it's difficult in practice. We are human afterall. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted April 23, 2007 Share Posted April 23, 2007 I was reading some soapbox magazine at the gym the other day which really helped me deal with the fact that it was taking me so long getting over an ex of mine. It said something like there is no preset period for grieving and in fact, instead of trying to escape from grief, we should recognize that sadness is often a way for us to honor an important part of our lives. It made sense to me, and I am now approaching 7 months since the break up. And it made me feel better to realize I didn't have to cast all memories of my ex out of my life. I just have to accept that it can be important to me even though it wasn't as important to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtbeyondwords Posted April 24, 2007 Author Share Posted April 24, 2007 I was reading some soapbox magazine at the gym the other day which really helped me deal with the fact that it was taking me so long getting over an ex of mine. It said something like there is no preset period for grieving and in fact, instead of trying to escape from grief, we should recognize that sadness is often a way for us to honor an important part of our lives. It made sense to me, and I am now approaching 7 months since the break up. And it made me feel better to realize I didn't have to cast all memories of my ex out of my life. I just have to accept that it can be important to me even though it wasn't as important to him. I am who I am because of the last 3 years and I am greatful for that. I think acceptance is that hardest thing to master. I need to accept the events in my life and move forward. Im slowly learning how to. LS definitely helps me do that. Link to post Share on other sites
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