Would REALLY appreciate some here

[Guest]

K. Its abit of a long one but PLEASE hear me out.

I'm 17 years old and a very deep thinker, sometimes I think too much and hurt myself and I think that may be what's happened here.

Basically I'm a straight guy, always hapilly dated and been attracted to girls, although also always masturbated about both sexes. This never bothered me, I accepted I wasnt 100%, though I didn't see myself as bi, as the thought of actually being with another man, or anything emotional e.g. passionate kissing, holding hands, etc. is really offputting to me.

 

Around 2 years ago I started dating the girl of my dreams, things were great. I lost my virginity to her and fell deeply in love. However it is since we broke up that things have been going wrong.

As soon as we broke up I went from girl to girl, each very attractive but with every one I lost my erection at the point of intercourse, which never happened with my ex. This was very confusing to me, as I found the girls immensely attractive.

Now, I've always watched gay and straight porn, and have always been a bit bi-curious. After failing with the girls, I decided it was time to 'try out'. My fantasies involving men have always only ever been focussed on the penis, mainly giving head. I'd say its more of a fetish than an attraction to males in general, I have never actually fancied another guy.

However, having the homosexual experience just made things worse. I now can't keep repeatedly calling myself gay. It hasnt made my feelings any clearer, I still feel straight yet I am still failing sexually with women. More and more I find it easier to masturbate to thoughts of men and less to women, but it is always because even in my fantasies I am scared of failure.

I am now trapped in a vicious cycle where I get depressed because my straight life has been effectively shattered by my actions so I resort to being gay. But being gay doesn't feel natural to me and I just wish things could go back to the way they were.

Basically I want some advice on what to do, and what's wrong with me. It's not so much a question of 'am I gay'. I am pretty sure I know what I am but still I worry that I may have changed due to my experiences. I don't want to have another gay experience but sometimes I get urges to give head again even though the consequences are not satisfying, I want to have the healthy sex life like I did a year ago. Some people say this is all due to the fact I am not over my ex. Admittedly this seems like quite a possible reason, but I want to know what I should be doing.

Thanks