My Long-Term Boyfriend and Weed and Me

[Guest]

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. We are very close and have a basically good relationship, but lately it has been shaky because I am thinking of him now more in terms of a marriage prospect, and it causes me to think about little things and be stressed (just like my mom does, ha). We are still young and have plenty of time to decide this, but I have just started noticing little things that he does and doesn't do...he doesn't have a steady job right now, has to be pushed as far as college is concerned, and I recently found out he has been lying to me and hiding from me for months that he has been regularly smoking weed because it supposedly helps his depression. For those months he would randomly ditch me when we had plans and I never knew why, so I thought it was my fault and got very insecure about his feelings for me. Now I know it was all for weed.

 

For the past couple of months I have nagged and picked at him to change, and when I discovered the weed thing I was extremely distraught and became bitchy and withdrawn and insecure. I felt scared that he got away with lying like that to me and ditching me for so long, and I told him I just could not trust him.

 

A few days ago we got into a huge fight about all of this and he basically said we would be better off as friends. He claims that he would really love to be in a relationship with me but it is too stressful...he says we need to take it down a notch and have a more "casual" relationship...whatever that means. He even suggested that we take a break and be friends for a while until he can "get his stuff together." What all does this mean? To me it basically means him making me wait around until he feels like putting in effort into our relationship. Or maybe he just wants to be able to smoke weed freely and do whatever he wants without hearing me be upset about it. I am not sure if I should move on or accept this and wait it out.