Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[marley_86]

I miss you, and i hate you for making me date again. I look at your facebook often and it makes me happy to see that stupid story she wrote is gone, and you just started dating her oct.20. I miss your parents and just you. The accents you did, its been 5 months and not a day goes by i don't think of you. of course now its anger and bitterness that i'm feeling not love and happiness. But occassionally those thoughts creep into my mind.

It seems as if our two year relationship didn't even exist, i've been through so much in 5 months. I'm living on my own, have a job i love and had three boys tell me they love me. Two of which i've dated.

I'm an awesome girl, and i know when you broke up with me you said you'd miss my excenticites and weirdness but there is so much more to me. I made you laugh like no one else could, you brought out the best in me and i know i wasn't the typical gf but i tried my hardest.

You hurt me bad, and i know one day i will find someone who made me happy like you did.

[heart2]

Hi C. when you told me you liked someone else, it would have been ok with me. I always told you to tell me you wanted to leave me. We were together for 6 years! And I tried to break up with you but "you were not ready", now, I know what you meant by that.But, then, you packed my stuff and you said that I was lucky you didn't throw me out? What an ungrateful bitch you became. You had the nerve to tell me you had thought about leaving me for the last two years??? In the meantime, I helped you sell your house, move in with me, rent free, with your daughter, build your new home and help you purchase furniture for your house. All this time, you knew you were going to leave me. But, at the same time promising to love me forever.... I don't hate you. I just wish for you what I went through for a year.nothing more, nothing less. I lost myself. You didn't care. Good luck to the fool in your life now. You kept me on a leash for a whole year, as "friends" and now that you have a "boyfriend" you don't want to be my friend? like if you friendship counted in my life. By the way, you are a LESBIAN. You have always been known to be one. He knows about me and doesn't like it?? You are a good F**k, I guess. C, I am going on with my life. I know that I could have been the best thing in your life, b/c my love was unconditional, but God didn't think you were the best thing for me. I am looking forward to the wonderful and beautiful companion I will meet. And thanks to you, I know what I don't want in my life. Go on,continue telling people how this guy makes you so happy, and feel safe... you used to say the same to me.

C

[finallyhappyme]

I'm an idiot for calling you again. I was doing so well. A WEEK already I went without calling you and then I messed up again. Anotrher druken late night hook up leaving me feeling used and worthless watching you leave in the morning. I couldn't keep being my own murderer so I texted you with don't asnwer my late night calls anymore, it's not healthy and I need a clean break from you. I know pathetic, I feel pathetic. And all because I just wanted to be loved by you, but I really, truly see now that I have to move on. No one likes a sobbing pathetic girl around. I need to get my act together. I met a hot older guy too..Hopefully his sexy green eyes can distract me from the pain for a while. I hope you find everything you couldn't find in me.

[MrMichael]

Hi, I am not texting you to tell you I love you, I am not texting you to tell you I think we should get married either. Im texting you to say that I threw away all of your things you gave me and I hope karma comes around to bite you in the a--. I want my CD's back you are keeping for ransom, and if you hack into my computer again, like you did in July, i will drive down there and chop off your fingers with a machete.

 

merry x mas bi--h

 

ps I hooked up with the hot woman who posted above, so you can kiss these green eyes goodbye 4 good.

[Rowen]

I love big macs.

 

PS: I'm not contacting you.

[SmileyFace82]

Hey babe,

 

I don't know how we have got to this stage. It really has gone downhill between us in no time at all. There are so many things i want you to know but it has got to the stage now where i'm just tired of thinking about it all and using up all my energy trying to explain to myself the actions you took.

 

When you left me, you really did tear my heart in half and there i was trying my damnest to get you back. To prove to you that i'm the right guy and how i can improve myself... but you actually had someone else lined up. I don't know if you cheated on me but let's just say i'm better off not knowing now. I was in so much pain at the time... but to this day i still don't think you really care or have thought about me since you seem to be so happy with your "friend". I've been made to look like the bad guy somehow... but now i've had time to think about it, i've realised i've done nothing wrong. Maybe one day you will look back and realise what you did, and how you lied to me and feel a hint of guilt instead of just blaming me. At the moment you can continue blaming me cause i don't care anymore. Before it hurt, but now i'm moving on...that doesn't affect me.

 

Anyway, 2-3 months on now, and i've improved myself a lot as a person. This break up has been good for me on a personal level cause i feel the changes i've made in my life having a positive effect in my everyday life. I've now finally deleted you off my facebook, not because of any attention i'm seeking... and i know some may say it looks childish and petty but it's actually the complete opposite for me. I needed to do this to help me move on. I really shouldn't care what's going on in your life and to be honest i don't really need to know. i do still notice you say that you are single and same with your bf... but whatever...that's exactly why i need to delete you cause it's no concern of mine and this way i can just stop thinking about you...period! It is a shame it has come to this, i do love you but i have come to understand that it would never have worked... and you actually still have a lot of growing up to do. I thought you were exactly the person i wanted to be with but in hindsight...maybe it's a good thing we have now gone in the opposite directions. It will be nice to think that you will look back on our realtionship and think... i had some really good times... damn why did i do what i did... Ultimately, that's all it's gonna be between me and you now...just memories.

[randuff]

A

 

Please don't call or text me anymore.... It is torturing me and I can't get over you if I hear from you. I love you soooo soooo much but we know that it isn't ever going to work between us so please help to end this pain. I don't want you out of my life but I don't want to be miserable anymore. I know what happened happened and I may never forget, but I have forgiven you and now I have to move on. I can't be the one you depend on to fix things when they are broken. You chose him over me so please ask him now. I wish someday we could be friends but I don't see that really happening, I care for you all too much. Please remember the great times we shared and all of the happy moments we had. I will never forget the smell of your skin nor the softness of your lips when we kissed. You will forever be in my heart.

 

R

[mikerayne]

what were you thinking,your ex,o you mean that guy you left ten years ago that tryied to kill you,your sleeping with him now,ah thats nice,what about the two kids you abbandoned,the buisness you ran into the ground that cost us all of the equity in the house and all our savings ,77g to be exact,now we have to sell the house,you cant deal with now because,yah your in a mental institution,and you had to have an abortion,with whos i wonder,all this in three months,thanks for ruining my and my kids life you fu&^*&^ cu&^...hope u get well soon

[MacgyverThis]

I hate it that for no particular reason we can't be together anymore.

I keep seeing you as I walk through the building. I just want to run to you, tell you how I am hear about what you are doing. I want to feel your arm around me telling me everything is okay.

Why can't we be together?

Your'e in love with someone else I suspect, all that outpouring of emotion was meant for someone else. I know the truth but I am unable to walk away. I feel like a fish on a hook, you are the fisherman, you reel me in when your ego is need of a boost you push me away when she comes back, you run to me when you feel bruising. Oh man it hurts

This pain I am feeling, it reminds me of something, the way I felt when my dad walked out on me as a kid.

I looked and waited and hoped for him to walk through the door, for him to reappear and tell me everything was okay. I never did. My mom hated him , she told me to deny him, I tried and i pushed him out of my mind, made it so I never loved or grew attached so it couldn't happen again.

men loved it. I was their ice queen, the one they would score the ulimate victory over,they would thaw my heart. I would be theirs.

 

I gave myself to men I didnt love who were callous and heartless so that I could shock my neediness into submission. It hurt but I needed my need to be away , cause I couldn't stand it. I only had my mom, I needed her to love me. I needed her approval cause it was all that I had. Can you understand what i am talking about? No? well it doesn't matter anyway cause I am not going send it to you.

 

I decided to stop cause it hurt too much what I was doing. It was killing me and the feeling jut didn't go away . I found him again, the daddy of my dreams. I couldn't even recognise his face. He never loved me the way I needed but I found some Van Gotha comic that did.I found him but it didn't take away the pain, the damage was done.

 

You just remind me of that utter helplessness I felt at his hands, you made me want to feel again then you took it away. I could never be with you but everytime I look at you you remind me that I could be alive with happiness and emotion not a bruised shell of love. I want that back but I don't want you back but I miss you and I hate this confused state.

 

I need your support to help me heal, I don't need much just a few texts and your ams around me to say its okay. the way you kiss is pretty good too. I could love you I could make you just as happy as you could me. Turn around, look at me, come to me.

Be with me, I want to give my hert to you.

No-on else comes close...

[too old for this]

This is what I'd say to the ex

 

Remember when you wanted to be friends with me 5 minutes after you broke it off? Remember how you made the decision to break up all on your own and then informed me that it was over between us, but you still wanted me in your life? Remember how I almost fell for it and let you toy with my emotions for about a month after the breakup only to get hurt by you over and over again? Remember how when you broke it off with me in the past you jumped in the sack with the first person that basically looked at you and these people were our mutual friends? Yeah remember all of that? Remember how you said we'd be friends, but maybe not best friends where we would talk everyday. (how old are you anyway?) Remember how you were more concerned about how everything looked on the outside? Remember when you had no clue about intimacy? I'm sure you still don't. Remember how badly you treated me in front of all of your friends the day before you broke up with me? Remember the great dinner I cooked for you the night before you broke up with me and how the week before I went to your family reunion to meet all of you family. What a waste of time and money, since you dumped me the following week. I'm sure you do remember all of those things? I'm sure that you'll remember me too, as the one person that didn't fall for you bull****. You can't hurt me if I never see or talk to you again. Yeah remember after being together for almost 6 years you blamed me for everything that went wrong, yet you never really had both feet in the relationship because you wanted to still do your **** on the side.(I won't go into here). Yeah I know I was a fool for ever getting involved with such a player in the first place, but you were so convincing. But then again players usually are convincing. Now just the thought of you makes me sick. I can't even remember the good times right now, because of what a bitch you were to me. Remember all those times you'd looked at me and said I love you. Well, what a joke that was. Remember how you told me that you were not into the realtionship 100% for the last year? Yeah too bad you didn't tell me that before I wasted all that time with you. Anyway it took me some time but I finally realized that you never loved me because you can't do something your not capable of. The word shallow would be too deep for where you're at and when I look in the dictionary your picture is under the word vain. Well I hope you're enjoying you life in front of the computer (which is all you ever did). Who blogs while their on vacation in Mexico? Oh yeah you do!! Like people really want to know about how the humidity makes the curls on your hair look great. Give me a break.

 

So like Madonna says, "There's no greater power than power of goodbye"

 

 

 

Oh yeah and one more thing Suck It!!

[Mylife]

Hi baby

 

my sweetu...i really miss you...i wish you would talk to me....i wish we were friends again...i wish i could tell you all about school, about my friends at college, about the whole elle canada stuff, about how i mite go to ------- in dec and how excited i am about the results.

 

i wish i could tell you about how much i hve coped with everything else that happened and how happy i am with it all...i wish i could tell you about my soaring awsome grades, my wonderful new friends, my dance competition, my involvement in stuff and about all the stuff i am organizing. I wish you could share in my happiness on how i have brought myself up from the summer...the girl u tried to make me...the girl that was confident...remember i just asked to give me some time to do all that...to get over what was happening...and i will be fine. You didnt even bother to try and give me that time.

 

but anyway...i still care for you and want to be your friend, i want u to know that i am always going to be here as your friend...tum kehte the na...main tumhari sabse achi dost hoon...babe...i still am...and i want u to know that i am always and will always be here...and like u said...u will never lose this friend....same here baby......

 

i want to say gluck baby for your exams i know you have jsut one and i hope that goes really well...and i do wonder what your plans are for the dec break...

 

anyways...take care my sweetu...and always know...taht i still care...dher sara for you...mebbe dnt love you as much...but still want u to be my friend...

[MacgyverThis]

So, I found the truth that I was looking for. The truth that bridged the gap. My friend hates it that I wanted to know, she got mad and accused me of obsessing. i am sorry i really am, but most of my childhood I was never reassured about anything. If I fell I got told to be strong and move on.

I made it into adulthood, **** scared about everything and once I found I had the power to find out was hidden I used it. I use the internet to find out everything I neee. Everthing that ever worried me concerned me or irked me. I found out. I spent alot of time not knowing, hiding and now it was time to change. you think I am obsessive, I find that knowlege heals me. Perhaps I should just be more selective in what I tell, you, that's a shame cause you were meant to be my friend who I could tell everthing.

 

Anyhow, I was right you little ****, bastard ,lying, craeting confused little prat. I was so ****ing right and it made me feel like my heart was going to fall into my lapy when I found out but wow, did it bring me peace. I can't beive how much better I elt. Two days before I was sat at my desk unable to work cause Iwas bawling my eyes out, mow i am sitting here with only the venom and distance I should have felt months ago finally drifting back into my heart.

You watched me suffer but kept telling me how much you cared, my sitation, my siutation you kept saying to me. Wow, you moved on at the fist sign of trouble, you arelike a bitch on heat. I ****ing hate that I had so much affection for you. i hate the wild gestures of love I dragged out from the dusty depths of my heart to show to you. You made me so happy I forgot I was depressed about not being loved.

You spent all that time futiley persuing me with your eyes, watching me online, terying to figure out what I was thinking so you didn't need to think about your own situation.

You lied, you told people I said I wanted to get married to you from the first date. You are truly a troubled soul. You keep running but you still never find what you are looking for. I hate that I gave to you so much. I really really do. i wish now like i wished then that i could talk it all back. You embareass me, you remind me how vunerable I am. You remind me how decept human beings are.

You play women with this formula. I can't belive you did this to me, to yourself. i feel sorry for you and i hate you and I am angry that you lead me on just so you didn't have to think about the fact that the girl you love cares for you but is desperate to be rid of you. You don't want to think about the fact that your dad bet your mom and you were never able to do anything about it. You have never felt adequate and promised yourself to do better and you still **** up. oh i wish you knew that these are things that people do and feel all the time but they take more time to think and reflect and move on that's why they are not as tortured as you. Do you understand that?

I hate that even though you made me cry bucket loads of taers , I cried once till I had a nose bleed, do you know the last time I did that? Answer, never. You made me unable to sleep at night cause I was waiting for you to text me back. You did all that stuff and iIstill want to reach out to you to comfort you and I still want you to make me feel special again.

I don't even know what is going on here.

i have to go...

[sao2]

From Axl Rose

YESTERDAY, THERE WAS SO MANY THINGS

I WAS NEVER TOLD

NOW THAT I'M STARTIN' TO LEARN

I FEEL I'M GROWIN' OLD

 

'CAUSE YESTERDAY'S GOT NOTHIN' FOR ME

OLD PICTURES THAT I'LL ALWAYS SEE

TIME JUST FADES THE PAGES

IN MY BOOK OF MEMORIES

PRAYERS IN MY POCKET

AND NO HAND IN DESTINY

I'LL KEEP ON MOVIN' ALONG

WITH NO TIME TO PLANT MY FEET

 

'CAUSE YESTERDAY'S GOT NOTHIN' FOR ME

OLD PICTURES THAT I'LL ALWAYS SEE

SOME THINGS COULD BE BETTER

IF WE'D ALL JUST LET THEM BE

 

YESTERDAY'S GOT NOTHIN' FOR ME

YESTERDAY'S GOT NOTHIN' FOR ME

GOT NOTHIN' FOR ME

 

YESTERDAY THERE WERE SO MANY THINGS

I WAS NEVER SHOWN

SUDDENLY THIS TIME I FOUND

I'M ON THE STREETS AND I'M ALL ALONE

 

YESTERDAY'S GOT NOTHIN' FOR ME

OLD PICTURES THAT I'LL ALWAYS SEE

I AIN'T GOT TIME TO REMINISCE OLD NOVELTIES

 

YESTERDAY'S GOT NOTHIN' FOR ME

YESTERDAY'S GOT NOTHIN' FOR ME

YESTERDAY'S GOT NOTHIN' FOR ME

YESTERDAY

 

 

He says it all

[SmileyFace82]

Hi M,

 

I just want to start off by saying that i know we have completely drifted apart now and we have both moved on with our lives. When i deleted you off my Facebook and MSN, it's not because of any reason other than that i'm in my final steps of letting go and moving on. I needed to be selfish here and do it for myself. Everytime i logged onto Facebook i thought about seeing what you were up to, everytime you logged in onto MSN and i saw you online i felt the urge to contact you but i know i can't. I can never take those final steps this way. It doesn't mean i want to delete you out of my life. I hope one day we can be friends again but i know this can't happen anytime soon.

 

I know you are now in a happy place with your new bf, i should be happy for you. I know christmas and your birthday is coming up... i really want to contact you and wish you all the best but i know i shouldn't. I wonder to myself how has it come to this? I really don't know...

[MacgyverThis]

Sorry about the swearing in the earlier post, i have just seen the stars where words should be and realised I must have said something unpleasant.

 

Here I am again, spend more of my time articulating my feelings about ou. You loser. It's amazing the amount of havoc a confused, determined person can wreak isn't it.

I wonder how much did you actually feel for me? Was any of that out pouring of emotion and attention for me? Is it possible that someone can make me feel so great but not actually care for me? Oh it hurts too much. But I am going to have to think about it later.

I slept all night last night, I know everything I need to know about you, so now I am not wondering, hoping or waiting anymore, that is such a releif. I can get on wih the task in hand. Trying to heal my hurts.

It is such a task, I have come so far. I am hurt but I am happy and proud. I feel like braveheart. Yet I have done nothing as brave and heroic.

I am nearly over you.

I am winning.

[sevendaysoflonely]

I really want to hate you. You hurt me so much. You put on such a facade and lied to my face till the very end, so that you can protect yourself. You're so fake, and such a good actor. I was totally blind-sided. Good job I'm sure you can pat yourself on the back now, you can be the heartbreaker all you want.

 

I hope all the random hook-ups you find online will get back to you in the end. You wont' find someone like me again. I hope you go and meet some random person online for the sake of the orgasm and feel like **** afterwards. Because you're such a whore. You post ads online just for that and you're so ****ing disgusting. I can't believe you.

 

I'm over you. I'm done thinking about you. I don't want to spend another minute of my life being unhappy or upset because of you. Because you know what? You're not worth it. I really believe in karma and hope what goes around comes back around to hit you so hard you will know how it feels to be me, to know what you've done to me.

[Ashbash11]

J,

I really miss you today, but I am still going strong with NC.. It's only been a week, though. I bet I won't be able to follow through with the promise I made to myself to let you go forever. We've been doing this for 2 whole years and I'm sure i will get sucked back into the cycle again. I am going to try to stay strong and remind myself that it's better to feel the pain of missing you than the pain of rejection every time I talk to you. I hope you are happy and adjusting to a life without me in it. I am not happy, but I feel that eventually I will be able to live my life without you. One day at a time.

[watch]

Am i still mad about us?

Actually no, the way i look at it is nature has a funny way of working things out. Youll get what you deserve.

Do you need me to play out some possibilities?

You reep what you sew. so who knows, back on drugs, with a boyfriend that beats the **** out of you (which actually might be what you need or even want, cant tell), moving back to your little town into a ****ty trailer with some hillbilly.. Wow, actually those all sound very viable... You know some people actually try to improve themselves?! Others ahhem, are very self destructive and unfortunatly get other people involved in it.

To tell you the truth though it is quite satisfying to think about your downward spiral... The sad part, you know your life has taken a turn for the ****ter and you cant bring yourself to imrove your situation. You had something good and real but needed to throw it away for your white trash lifestyle. Have fun with that and live your pitiful life at the bottom.... To bad your family is so awesome. I feel really bad for them. They are great people and they have to deal with a complete peice of ****. Just try not to ruin everyones life around you... If your sociopathic ways catch up with you soon please let me know. nothing would bring me more joy... i was mad at you for breaking my heart and soul and actually making me feel hurt but now i just plain feel sorry for you. Hopefully one day when your looking back from your crappy life at what could have been youll finally realize your mistake. Until then....go **** yourself.

 

p.s. Drinking every night at the bar until you pass out really wont make that fat ass of your any smaller. just a tip.

[jimmer21]

hey babe how you doin im illatm and want you to be here with me i miss you so much i love you dearly, i hope you are well i feel like cryin some times when i think about you.

 

do you want to come over sometime we can hang out, maybe try see how things go, i know we have split 2 or 3 times now but this feels like the first time the others dint realy count im realy sorry i took you for granted i regret all the times i was a moody twat with you.

 

i love you babe more than you know

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

(dialing Number)

 

Ring!...ring!..ring!

 

him: ...hello

 

me: Hello...watz Up?what You Doing?

 

him: Shyt...

 

me:..wow Sounds Interesting...well Im Just Calling Because I Need To Tell You How Much U Disgust Me Right Now...so Please Just Listen And Dont Hang Up Because This Will Be The First And Last That Someone Will Actually Be Honest With You Like I Will..

 

Ahem....what The **** Is Wrong With You.. How Can U Waste 1 Year Of My ****ing Life Like That Huh?? Tell Me..how Can You Tell Me One Day That You Want To Spend The Rest Of Your Life With Me But Then Months Later Throw Everythig All In The Trash... Do You Remember Everything We Have Been Trhough Nigga???? Huh?? Huh???

 

I Took You Back After You Cheated On Me When We Were Just Turning 1 Month With That Nasty Ass Biitch! You Cried Like A Little Bitch To Me Wanting Me To Take Your Cheating Ass Back!! When You ****ed Her 3(that I Know Of) ****ing Times!!ggrrrrr...i Was So Stupid For Liking You So Much And Taking You Back...how Dare You Carve Your ****iing Name And Mine Saying

"c+i=love 4 Ever..11/13/06" On A ****ing Tree Huh?? When You Never Meant It.. Why?? What Is The Point Of That...well Now Guess What It Doesnt Exist Because I Went Yesterday And I Carved Through It With Something Sharp That I Found...i Killed The Shyt Out Of That Tree I Didnt Want Nothing Left To Show Of That Bullshyt....!!!

 

Your A ****ing Biitch Man I Thought U Were Different...but Now I Know That Guys Are The Same In Different Ways...how The **** Are You Going To Play With Me Like That Man When I Gave You My ****ing Heart I Loved You More Than Anything I Did So Much For You I Was So Confortable With You And I Pictured Myself With You Sitting On A Rocking Chair On The Porch Of Our House, Old And Wrinkly..dying The Same Day Holding Hands..like "the Notebook"..we ****ed On The Last Week Of Our "break" And I Tell You I Love You And All You Do Is Laugh And Change The Subject???? And Then I Ask You If You Love Me And All You Do Is Turn Ur Naked Ass To The Other Side And Tell Me "why Do You Have To Talk About This Now?"????.....how Do You Forget Someone So Fast Huh?can You Teach Me Because I Want To Have A Heart Made Of Steel Too...

 

You Have Seen Me Cry For Your Ass And You Still Doubted Me And Thinking That When I Said I Love You I Was Probably Lying!! What The ****??? Just Because One Day I Kissed This One Nigga When I Was Feeling Like You Didnt Want To Be With Me No More...i Kissed Him I Didnt **** Him Like You Did With That Biitch!! We Went Through Alot..other Than The Cheating..and We Got Through Everything...why Now Huh??? Why Now???...

 

I Changed You.. Even Your Frienda Told Me.. That You Were Different Ever Since We Started Going Out.. Remember Before.. You Used To Smoke Like Every Day.. U Were A ****ing Pot Head...you Were Such A ****ing Player.. You Used To Steal Cars And Phones And Ipods At School Went To Jail For A Couple Hours...i Changed You.. You Started Going To School Again Because Of Me...i Always Had Those Talks With You Telling You To Behave Good That I Loved You And I Didnt Want Nothing To Happen To You...and You Stoped...and Now Look At You Ass.. Now That Were Done Your Back To Where You Were..

 

Your Going To Miss Me Biitch You Will See...your Going To Regret Letting Me Go...i Told You Once And Im Telling You Again...no One Is Going To Love You And Care For You So Much Like I Have (other Than You Mom.. But Thats A Different Feeling)..no One Is Ever Going To Be So Honest With You And Loyal To Your Ass Like I Was...no One Is Going To Commit To You Like I Did...no One Is Going To Think About All Day Every Day Every Minute Of Their Life Like I Do...no One S Ever Going To Catter You Like I Did...no One You Understand?? No One!!!! And You Wil Regret It... You Wil Come Back Saying Sorry To Me.. And When You Come Back I Will Be A Bitch To You...and Tell You All This That I Am Not Telling You....i Will Learn To Hate You.. All That Love That I Have For You Right Now Will All Turn Into Hate I Promise You...

 

Well I Hope You Have Nice ****ing Life And Thanx For Wasting 1 Year Of My Crappy Ass Life...thats Just What I Needed..thanx Alot...

 

Bye!!!

 

him:(stays Quiet..spechless...because Everything I Said Was The Truth!! And He Knows It)

 

Click!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

me: (throws The ****ing Phone To The Wall......oops! It Made A Whole In The Wall..but Phone Still Lives....grrrr!!!!!)

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

continued...........oh yeah nd because of u now i am just going to commit to el alcohol!!!! to the alcohol...thats the only thing that i have that is loyal to me..it never lets me down..it makes me throw up all those sweet things i used to say to you...and your nasty ass spit i swalloed not knowing where your nasty ass tounge has been!! eeeew!!!.....shut tha **** up dont even try to say nothing because everythign that comes out from your mouth is bullshyt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pc out nigga!!!! kiss my ***iing spanish tan phat ass (moons him like shyt!!!)

[cant let go]

Hi sweetheart, I know I'm not allowed to call you sweetheart anymore. I saw you today eating lunch late by yourself. I see you must have had a meeting that ran into your usual lunch time. It was hard to pretend that I didn't notice you. Did you notice me there? How are things going? Are you happy these days? Have you given any more thought into where you would like to find a new job? How are things with J__? Are you in love with her already? Do you have something special planned for her birthday? For Christmas? You always did go over the top with gifts. I guess exam results are going to be released soon. Is your mind going through crazy scenarios like it used to? I remember the way you would just dwell and dwell on things like that. I really miss talking to you. Most of the time it was more like just listening to you, but I loved hearing you talk. I had a dream last night that we were back together. We were kissing and I told you that I loved you and you told me that you loved me back. It was as wonderful as I always remember it being. Take care of yourself pumpkin. Love always, cranberry.

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

Hey..do You Have Any Idea What Your Doing To Me Right Now?? I Try So Hard To Not See YOU In School Anymore Because The More I See You The More I Miss You...you Probably Dont Even Notice That I Havent Been Around You Lately....man I Never Thought IT Was Gonna Be Like This...i Never Pictured Us Apart...

 

I Guess Things Really Do Change.....i Cried Again Today You Know...i Was So Sad And Quiet And So Deppressed That Every Little Thing Made Me Wanna Cry....last Nite I Had A Dream..it Was More Like A Nightmare....where I Was With You And We Started Fighting And I Was Crying And YOU DIDNT REALLY CARE....i Woke Up Crying And I Fell asleep Doing So....im Tired Of Having Those Dreams.. I Have Been Dreaming About U Everyday Ever Since We Went On The "break" Which No Longer Exists...SOMETIMES I DREAM ABOUT ME HAVING YOUR BABY BUT YOUR NOT WITH US....i Told You You Werent Going To Come Back..i Knew It..it Was Too Good To Be True....

 

I Really Miss You Baby...i Miss Being WithYOU, I Miss Talking To You Late At Night And Only Getting A Couple Hours Of Sleep Because The Next Day Theres School And Id Have To Wake Up At 5 Am...it Didnt Matter To Me As Long As I Woke Up With You In My Head....right Now Probably Your All Happy At That Talent Show At School With Some Girls Or That Girl You And Your Twin Brother Are Talking To....supposedly Shes Your Friend Or Whatever....well Have Fun With Her Ok Do What You Want.. But Just Remember That I Told You That You Will Miss Me And You Will Miss Those Times We Spent Toguether.. Remember? The Beach....we Used To Go To The Movies Alot.....and We Used To Use The Back Seat Of The Van My Mom Lets Me Borrow To Do Our Thing Lol...do You Remember??? To Me It Didnt Where We Were As Long As We Were Toguether........ Will Always Love You Baby....i Will Never Forget You But I Just Hope That I Stop Hurting Soon Because I Feel Like I Am Dying Alive Without You.....be Careful Ok Baby...dont Get Into Any Trouble...i Dont Want Nothing To Happen To U Because If It Did I Would Rather Be In Your Plcae And Hurting Than You...anyways Nothing Can Be More Painful Than Not Having You With Me Anymore.....ill Love You Always Beautiful Liar....i Dont Want To Let Go..but I Guess We Were Just Not Meant To Be......bye Bye Mamurshii....il Love You Forever.....your Baby C.

[kitkat289]

I know you miss me but not even close to as much I miss you.It's been hard not to call you but when I just cry for awhile and control myself.You know I miss those days so much whenever I did something silly and thought you'd be upset but instead of thinkin how stupid I was, you just hugged me and made me feel so much better.I was always so careless about things and so messed up but the way you made me feel that you love me for the way Iam and told me that Iam the cutest things in the world...blah blah.I felt like if there's someone who would never ever leave me no matter how the situation is.that person is YOU and no one else can bear with me the way you do.I always felt that may be I didnt love you the way you loved me.You always made me feel so very special with your words and for coming 1400 miles just for me and making the most of those 2-3days.Remember how you used to get mad when I didnt remember something that you wanted me to recall...like what we wore on our 2nd date or when you kissed me for the first time and all those details.I cant believe you are still crazy about sharing those memories and cherishing the smallest details.I know Iam still the same old Cutie for you and Iam still as forgettable as I was before and I dont remember as clearly as you but you know what...even when Iam loaded with my thesis submissions, I only do one thing except breathing and workin...and that is Missing you and wishing to talk to you soon.

I cant understand this hide and seek game where you talk to me for 2-3 hours continuously some day and never talk until I call you.You still love to talk to me but you dont crave for me anymore and I know that phone friend of yours is more interesting...I should finally accept it.

I dont know what to say but Iam sorry, this time when you come after 23rd dec. I wont be able to meet you...ever!

It would be hard for me when you'd be here within just 30km of distance and all I would be doing is thinking as to where you must be hanging out with friends and I feel you would tell them to ask me to meet.I know they are coming here in south on the 23rd but I told them that I would be busy(I dont know when exactly you are coming but I'll try my best to not see you and not to show you my face either).

This addiction of talking to you for hours and hours is taking a oll on me,my studies,my daily routine and now I dont wanna trouble my soul more by seeing you after 5months.I have exams in few weeks it would surely be very hard if I met you.I'll pray to God to give me more will power so that I come out as a strong person and n ot keep hanging on to hopes and not to let things happen the way you want them now or for future.(How the hell did you say that night that we are like friends cum-gf/bf?? when you did not even ask me If Iam moving on or how I feel now...you think you are God or what!)

[sulis]

It is a searing pain... it comes over like a faint, then it tears through everything. Then I recover, I find myself welling up, crying, reaching for us, where are we, what did we do to eachother. It started long ago. It started in Olivebridge. No olive leaf did we offer. What were we doing. Why were we both okay with being miserable about eachother. Pouting and withholding communication, harboring grudges.

 

I don't ever want to do that again. I'm so sorry that we were both so good at that. It is mean. It is a violence upon the spirit. How much of it we did to ourselves and then held up accusingly to the other.

 

Both so hurt inside, so angry, so sad. And as you said earlier, so lonely. I think, so desparate. We wanted it to work desparately, we both wanted to be a couple. We felt warm and comfortable with eachother, you said you didn't allow other women to touch you, but you felt very comfortable letting me. So why, with some one we felt so comfortable with, did we get so warlike, so pouty, so begrudging? Who cares, we did, it's in us to do that to our dearest people. We need to know that, we need to do something about that. We need to make ammends, not to stay together, but to stop, and to acknowledge and own up. If we don't own up, it won't stop.

 

Perhaps there was a way to stay together about all this, but I think we passed the exit. I think we played eachother too hard and there is too much done. In addition, I went and told everybody, so there is no backing down now, or choosing an alternate path. I did it, I did it. I did it. Pulled the plug on the whole light show. Then I wanted back, then I was horrified, shocked. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to wake up and it'd all have been a bad dream. It's not a dream. It's real life. And it hurts like crazy. That searing pain. Eventually we will become bored with it and will be happy and smiley again. A bit broken and diminished, but we'll grow new shoots. Then life will start another show for us. I'm going to watch very carefully what role my character plays in the future. I don't think I want to be in the limelight anymore.

 

It's hard to say it, it's hard to apologize when I feel like I'm the only one apologizing. This was most certainly a dance with two people in it. There were so many other ways to respond to each other, so many other ways weI could have been dealt with. We may not have known about those other choices. I know I didn't, even as I sit here and type I'm saying "no, I had no other choice, how else was I supposed to react". But there were other ways, and I want to learn them, because I do not want this pattern following me any further in this life. I have hepled create a train wreck of a very strong attachment and commitment. I am not asking that you give me a chance to learn th eother ways with you. I am merely wanting to learn them in honor of the disaster that is you and me. We are the remains from a passing tornado. We are a wreck. Why does it hurt so much to face that?

 

Anyhow, I apologize for pouting, silent treatments, holding grudges, collecting reasons to feel hurt by you, get loud and anxious when I felt unheard, invisible, not understood and unloved. All those things I felt, I apologize for making myself feel them. I apologize for using them as a retaliation. I apologize for retaliating. I apologize for not stopping us and asking us to get back to center, to balance. I apologize for drinking so frequently. And if I drank to excess, which I think I did sometimes, I apologize for that. I apologize for letting my manners slip. I apologize for being so emphatic and volatile. I apologize for needing to be taken care of all the time.

 

Oh it goes on. Do you want more? Do you have any to share?

 

It feels like you are angry with me when I spoke to you on the phone. I am so tired of this. We're divorcing, I'm getting out of your life, you will be free of me... why do you have to be angry? Why is it any of my business? Why am I still trying to soothe you? Why can't I just leave you alone and let you be angry? What is this called? I apologize for it, whatever it is called.

 

I apologize for my tendency of letting you past my boundaries and then getting really hurt and angry about it later. I apologize for my pattern of agreeing to things I didn't really want and then freaking out and crying or yelling or judging about it later. I apologize for dragging you into my dramas, I apologize for being a supporting actor in yours.

 

I apologize for telling people about your secret.

 

And then there are things I feel I am owed an apology for. We were bad children, we did things we shouldn't have done, and now we are blaming it on eachother. Can't we just learn? Can't we just sit down and say, there was something not right in that wasn't there? Wow, let's not do that again.

 

I also apologize for trying to rescue you, trying to fix you, trying to heal your wounds. All I did was give you a distraction from the inner work that needed to be done. I apologize for being a distraction. Remember, when I lived with Jay and Katy, I said you were a rescuer and so was I, and that it really isn't a good thing to be or do? Well I went ahead and did it, and played right into you doing it for me. I knew better, I am sorry for that. I apologize for trying to rescue your son. I quit that one soon enough, but still, none of my business.

 

So much time spent, so much gone through. Now we say goodbye. It's a wreck, it is a tragedy. I am so resistant to letting the hooks you have in me go. I want to keep them there no matter how much pain. I know I should not, it's only a pain I am inflicting upon myself. Why? Because it at least feels like you, and I'm attached to you. It's like the body's memory of a limb that has been amputated. It's like that. It's like we've undergone surgery, and we're still in recovery. How long does this go on? When can we take the stitches out. When can we remove the casts? Why couldn't they put us in the same hospital room?

 

Okay, there is your long email that you didn't really want. You only sarcastically asked me to write it to you. YOu think they are dumb and pointless. Well okay then. Wasted words.