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polywog

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You told me that this was bye for now, but not forever, that there were things you needed to take care of on your own, things I couldn't help you through. That's a hard pill to swallow, but I trust you, and I respect you enough to do what you've asked. Do what you need to do, take care of yourself, learn to love yourself and see yourself for the wonderful person you are. Know that if you need me, I'll always be there for you and know that I love you, know that I'll always be your friend, that I'll always be the man you came to know and love. I will talk to you, perhaps not soon, but I will talk to you. *HUG*

 

All my Love,

*ME*

 

Kaaryk your whole letter was beautiful... I'm in tears right now. My ex and I also told each other bye for now but not forever - and in our last exchange I told him I now realized that I wasn't ready for our R when it happened, and that there were a lot of things I needed to work on, on my own. He always wanted to do everything for me, but the fact is I was going through a burn out when we met and I was the one who needed to pull myself out of it.

 

I can't help but feel, somehow, that my ex would say those exact words to me.

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JustPassingThru

Only 2 days of no contact and I'm already losing my mind.

 

Normally you'd be here, my arms around you, smiles, laughs, kisses......

 

It burns inside knowing that what we had could be lost. We had something that most people could only dream about.

 

Why you decided to give up, I'll never know. I'm just left with questions...

 

I'm missin ya babe. It's still hard to believe I won't be seeing that beautiful face, smelling your skin, hearing your voice, feeling your lips.

 

I can only hope that some good will come from this distance between us. I know the love is there. Only time will tell.

 

I Love You, and I wish you the best.

 

-Me

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tealeafbud

WHY wHY WHY in the HELL did you text me ? You want to know how I'm doing? I should ask you what your Live in Boyfriend thinks of you texting your Ex Fiance....Hrmmm?

Just send my guitar and stay gone. please?

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0hpenelope

I had a bad day today.

 

Then I missed you all over again.

 

It makes me so upset when I feel that way. Getting over everything is taking longer than I wish it did.

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Mini Cardigan

Hey ML

You may never guess I found out so much about you lying. You have a ****ing small dick. I hate you for dumping me and not beautiful enough to work things out. You became more promiscuous and one day you are gonna regret for dumping cos you will realise what you had thrown away. I curse you will never get so comfortable with any women again and you will come begging for me back and by then I am with someone everything you are not.

Thanks for using me like a sex slave and you are gonna be ashame for it. Cos your dick never satisfy me at ALL. Its so ****ing tiny that a hamster will feel nothing. All in all I will post here again. I will really like to say you are the cum your mum should have swallowed!

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So... Did you suck him off, and everything's alright now? Did you cry and cry, and beg and beg, and tell him everything he wanted to hear? I'm sure you did. Don't want to give up that free room & board now, do we? You know, you are so stupid for even letting me know he got the e-mail. If you wouldn't have let me know, I wouldn't have known ****, and I wouldn't be so damn happy. Well, I was yesterday, but I figure you guys are back together today, but whatever, damage is done. he he he But I wish you would let me know something else... C'mon! I need an update! What's going on??? lol Did he take you back? I guess this means we're never getting back together, huh? heh You fricking text me, "I'm sorry that I hurt you, but this is just BS what you did". HA HA HA HA HA PLEASE. I'm sposed to feel SORRY for you? I'M the worst person YOU'VE ever met??? Gimmie a break. Hurry up and give me some kind of update. You know I'm dying to know that you're crying yourself to sleep at night now, wondering why you're such a ****-up. Please send me some more hateful text messages. Those were funny. Well, I'm sure you got Mr. Wonderful back, but if I was goin' down, I was goin' down shootin'!!!!!

 

Man, your avatar made me laugh out loud today. :laugh:

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Mouldylocks

Last night, a part of me died. It's plain now just how little I mean to you, how little regard you have for what you've done.

 

P, I laid everything on the line for you, because I believed in you and I believed in us. You were the first one to utter the word 'forever'. You told me that I'd never lose you, that you'd never loved anyone the way you loved me. You said I was your one, the one you'd been waiting all your life for. You told me I was your soulmate, your best friend, your partner for life.

 

And now you're gone.

 

You can't contact me via the usual method now. That email address is dead, deleted and gone for good. You could call me, but you can't face doing that. I've told you to post my key back - and that you could burn the rest of my stuff, dancing on the ashes like you've danced on the ashes of my love. Your stuff is waiting here for you. I'll be damned if I'm going to creep like a dog in the night to leave it at your door. If you want it, you need to grow some balls and come and get it. You dumped me by email and have refused to face me since. I was patient, true and kind. I knew you weren't without your issues, just as I wasn't without mine. And I would have worked with you, every step of the way. I was always on your side. I told you that I was with you and for you. You held me and cried, telling me no one had ever said those words to you, or made you feel they were true. I did mean them then, but not now. You've left me no choice but to cut you out of my life completely.

 

You made so much effort to get to know my son, to gain his trust. He really liked you, he accepted you - mainly because he saw how happy you made me. You went all out at Christmas to buy him presents. Yet mere weeks later, you ended it with me. What you've done to me is bad, but to gain the trust of a child only to disappear? That isn't someone I want in my life.

 

I don't know what's going on in your head, but I know you're not a healthy man. No emotionally mature 42 year old dumps his girlfriend by email, refuses to talk to her and then does what you've done.

 

I don't wish you harm, but I don't wish you well either. I need to obliterate you from my life, forget the past 2 years happened. You've tainted so much for me. My graduation now means nothing. I was so happy that day. You came, my son was there, my father - the three people who meant everything to me. And now I can't even look at the photographs. I see my smile in those pictures and I know that that day I was so elated. I felt I had everything. And now I have nothing.

 

I hope you get your issues sorted out. I doubt you will. I'm working so hard to get over the abuse of my past and become the person I've always deserved to be.

 

I never want to see you or hear from you again.

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You need to stop.

 

Now.

 

You are getting insane. And I mean clinically insane.

 

Why another e-mail? You have no more power over this. What you're going to write him will not add anything to the situation, but put you in a shady light. He has the information already.

 

Let go.

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You know, I've never understood the concept of wanting revenge after a breakup. If you said you loved a person, if you truly care about them, do you really want them to hurt? Do you want them to hurt just because you're hurting, because they made you hurt? What's to be gained in that? They're not going to want you back because of it, it doesn't make you a better person, it's not going to stop you from hurting. It might give you some type of temporary satisfaction, but the pain will just come back, and if you really love them still, only make you regret doing such a thoughtless thing and loathe yourself.

 

That's just my opinion of course, take it with a grain of salt, but it just seems to be the worst thing that can be done. I understand it of course, but I don't think it does a bit of good for anyone...it's self-torture as much as anything. Once revenge enters into the picture, I think true love has already exited. Maybe that means you're closer to getting over this than you think. I hope it means that.

 

I'm hoping you're posting this here so that you don't actually send the e-mail, as is the intention of the thread. At this point you're contributing to your own personal hell as much as anyone.

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motive2002

I want to know what happened that Monday night. The night of the school's skating party you said you were going to. The night you neglected to call me back when you said you were going to.

 

The night before you flipped a 180 and needed space.

 

WHAT HAPPENED?! Was it another man? Did you get hit on the head with something?

 

 

Did you... kiss someone?

 

I may never know what flipped your switch. You declared that I belonged with you on your kitchen chalkboard the last week we spent together. You talked about the commitment to each other we were making. We even booked a future flight while I was still there in your town!

 

What was it that made you flip? I really want to know. If you never speak to me again, and we keep this NC business going I guess I'll never know. I'll always be left wondering what the hell happened. I thought I knew, but I really don't.

 

I'm only left to pick up the pieces and try my hardest to move on. It's been really rough and I'm really resentful for the things you said and did.

 

I want so badly to talk with you again, but I know that this is for the best. I miss you. I miss what we had.

 

You have a nice life. I hope you and the little one are happy and well. I hope you think of me fondly.

 

PS the "rocket" misses you.

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LikeCharlotte

Dear XSO-

Do you remember the night I said I'd stay here until you came to see me? Sometimes I think that night never ended.

-Charlotte

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0hpenelope

I'm sick right now.

 

You know what helped me with the aches that were in my belly? Your hand.

 

For cramps (sorry for the guys reading this), I have never known that a human touch can work far more wonders than medication.

 

Actually, your presence helped me through a lot of things. Life cramps, so to speak. Were they real or am I just making them out as what I wish they were?

 

...I don't know. All I know is when I'm down or sad...

 

Missing you intensifies.

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pickingupthepieces

Awww Muffin..........

 

Here I am at work where just the other night you stood behind me with your arms around me helping me with reports. You were drunk.... but so open. I never realized I ever hurt you, I thought it was only me with the stabbing pain in the heart. After almost two months of not talking spending that time with you meant so much to me. I tried to not get caught up in the moment, but the moment you left I missed you. You said you would call me later (which I never actually expected). You called me the next morning to say you coudn't find my stuff. I didn't even care ...it was just so nice to hear your voice... I didn't want to feel any of this I tried to fight it so. You waited on the phone until I said "I love you" before you hung up. I didn't see you for a couple of days but it didn't even bother me, not like it would of before. I was obsessed with you for SO long... I chased you ang you ignored me like I was nothing... so I let go (or I thought I did) and it took everything I had. I didn't talk to you for 2 months..when I did it was for a brief second. I never dreamed you would ever call me LOL how sad is that?!? I day dreamed of how I would act if yoiu ever did try.. OHH I was going to put you in your place!! Well I didn't even though you were drinking when you first stopped by, I didn't know how to take it...you never left..... you just waited with my cat! Everyone says that you shoudl never meet with an ex when they or you have been drinking, but I did. you came over to me right away and put your arm around my waist and gave me a little squeeze, not in an arrogant way in a genuine way. I still can't believe that you called. We talked a couple of times on the phone and then you came by yesterday to drop my stuff off, but only showed up with one item! you stayed. Savannah ran up to you and gave you a huge hug and told you how much she missed you (I bet that was hard!). I didn't want you to go, but I didn't want you to feel obligated to go. I kept telling you should go becuase you had to get up and go volunteer at that camp this weekend. you didn't really want to go and I didnt want you to go...so you didn't. You stayed and snuck out before Savannah woke up this morning. You said you were going to call me later. Will you call before you think I am going away. I'm glad you still think I'm going away and that it's cancelled. I never stopped loving you. I can feel myself slipping. The more I see you, I more I touch you the more I want to. So even if I'm NOT going away, I still need that month to not be around you... to regroup. If you think I'm away still you won't call, or try and contact me. If you new I ended up not having to go, you would probably try and even the POSSIBLY of having you contact me would play with my heart. You know what sucks?! We can't be together...no matter how much we love eachother. We are just to complicated and to much has happened PLUS our families HATE eachother. We both are good people..we just arn't good together! So are you going to call before I "leave"? Are you going to bring the rest of my stuff like you said you would? I'm not counting on it..its just the way you are, the way you have always been. I would like you to though... and that scares me! When you said you would miss showing up at my work at 4am when we were talking about me being one for a month, was that your way of saying you would miss me? I miss you and you haven't even been gone for 24 hours. I guess thats why everyone is so sure of the whole NC thing.... contact just messes things up no matter how much you want it! I love you!

Have a good weekend............

 

 

Today, Tomorrow and Always

 

Snuggles

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I worked my ass off around christmas time, to be able to get you a great gift. (You already got a great gift, a christmas calender, with 24 small things and 24 letters, which along with shipping was worth 100 and more, I made the boxes myself).

I bought you a watch, an expensive watch, and I had nearly no money left. You knew this.

I gave it to you in february, on your visit. You had been ****ing the other girl already, loving her maybe, maybe not. You took this watch, we had it fitted (another small fee paid by me) and you wore it. Then you went to see her. Wearing the watch. Telling her you got a sweet deal. I believe you're wearing it since, you really loved it.

 

How dare you? I am a student, I cannot afford such things. You lazy bum haven't worked in years, but I did. You should have given it back to me then or when we broke up. But you are greedy. It was shiny, and you can't not take something nice. I got nothing from you for my birthday, for christmas, or valentines day. Nothing. You bought me a jacket, when we were out shopping for you. During sales, it was a great deal. But it was cheap, cheap in effort, cheap in meaning.

 

It is not about the watch, it is about doing the right thing. You can't give it back anymore. If you're checking these boards, fine. I don't want the watch anymore. I want you to be a decent person. "I'll write you a letter *tearyvoice*". I told you I might have a ****ing tumor, and you didn't even bother calling. Write me that letter, surprise me once in a positive way.

 

But we both now that you won't. And you know what? You were never good enough for me. You just had me down and kept me down for so long, I thought you were the best thing that ever happened to me.

 

You are not.

 

You are not loving her either. All the times you had both of us...you can't do that to a person you love. You stayed with me before going with her, told me you loved me, before kissing her. Told me now, that she was just a way to pass time (this one a lie, your nervous laughing betrays you). Not your lies tell me that you don't love her, but your actions. You're just in love with being loved. Guess what: you can only love a person you really know. I never loved you. I loved the person you played. Maybe one day you'll become him. But I doubt it. Too much effort.

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It's a gorgeous morning and I am out on the deck having tea. Was just thinking that a year ago on a Saturday like this we might be sitting outside together making plans for the day.

 

Closer to the truth is that I would have been sitting out there alone while you were in bed, hungover from the night before. You would get up around 3pm, go get some groceries and head right back to the bar. Then you would turn off your phone and I wouldn't see you for the rest of the night. Maybe if I went over there to find you I would be lucky to get a little smirk from you and a hard time from the regulars for wanting you to come home to be with me.

 

Why did I stay with you? I wish I would have left before you screwed me over.

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I woke up missing you a lot today. I wonder how you're doing, how you're feeling, I wonder if you're happy at all, or if you feel sad and alone. I wish I could talk to you, I wish I could run to where you are and put my arms around you. I wish I could just sit with you and hug you in the morning twilight, like we've done so many times before. There are so many things I wish for, and all of them involve you. It feels so good when you're in my arms, like nothing else I've ever felt, and the thing that gets me, is that I know you feel the same way. I wish there was something that could be done, some easier way for you, but I know there isn't. I wish I could help more, I wish I could do something, but again, there isn't, at least for now. I miss you so much, every single day. Know that I love you, and learn to love yourself. You know I'll be there if ever you need or want to see me. Bye for now...not forever...that's my hope.

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I ****ing miss you so much. Those voicemails that you left me are heartbreaking. I'm gonna listen to them. You're saying you love me. You're saying you miss me so much. You sound so sad. You sound so urgent, and sincere. Saying please call me, and you're so ****ing sorry. You just needed some time to realize what you had, and you miss me and love me. You sound so serious. What the hell happened? Why have you done this? I can't take this. I ****ING MISS YOU SO MUCH I WANT TO THROW THIS ****ING KEYBOARD THROUGH THE MONITOR I WANT YOU TO CALL ME AND TELL ME YOU LOVE ME AGAIN I WANT YOU TO COME OVER WHAT THE **** I THOUGHT WE WERE MAKING ALL THESE PLANS I WANNA SEE YOU SO BAD PLEASE WHAT THE **** WHY ****ING CALL ME BABY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PLEASE COME BACK TO ME I CAN'T TAKE THIS IT'S JUST LIKE THE BEGINNING OF THE BREAK-UP AGAIN PLEASE WHY DID YOU DO THIS I WANNA ****ING GO NUTS I WANNA COME AND FIND YOU AND ****ING HOLD YOU AND CRY WHY DIDN'T YOU LET THAT HAPPEN PLEASE DON'T HATE ME I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PLEASE IF YOU LOVE ME OR MISS ME PLEASE CALL ME PLEASE DON'T HATE ME PLEASE DON'T CARE ABOUT MR. WONDERFUL HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU LIKE I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LET YOU GO OUT AND **** OTHER DUDES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO ELSE IS GONNA LET YOU DO THAT????????? PLEASE BABY I JUST CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS HOW CAN YOU ???????????? PLEASE IF HE WONT TAKE YOU BACK I WILL BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PLEASE GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE TO BE YOUR LOWLY DOORMAT BABY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COME TO YOUR SENSES AND REALIZE YOU LOVE ME FOREVER PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CALL ME OR I AM GONNA END UP CALLING YOU. If I call you, are you gonna hang up on me? I want you so bad. Please talk to me baby. I miss you so much. Please love me again. Please I hate this. I feel helpless. Please I love you and miss you so much please call me I love you. I miss you so much please call me. I love you.

 

2 words for you man, GET HELP!!!!

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Far Behind

Wow...I really dodged a bullet I guess. I am still a little shakey, but I have to tell you I am so grateful that you bailed on me rather than doing anything worse. That is not to lessen the pain I felt in any way, but now I no longer need closure, I no longer need anything from you. I was tempted to send the information I discovered to R, but then decided it's just not worth it. They will figure out who and what you are really all about, if they haven't already done so. I think you tried to tell me, but I just brought you back for more and let you do it again. You must have honestly felt something for me, though, since you know my family situation and you didn't stick around to see if you could get your hands on any of it. And I'm grateful for that, too. I know that whoever posted that on ddhg could have been stretching the truth, but I also know that I did not lie on there, and she/they figured out it was you. I know they are talking about you on there because they mentioned NC and I never did. You probably did me one of the biggest favors anyone has ever done for me. Well, J, do me one more...stay the f*ck away from me. Not that you've tried to contact me in two months, but just in case the urge ever hits you, since you professed to love me so much and said I was the best thing that may have ever happened to you in your life, don't do it. Stay far away from me, my girls, my dog...and please, don't do this to anyone else. It just isn't right. You worried about rotting in hell...well, I think you've already set that path in motion. Instant karma's gonna wrap you right in the head.

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God damn you.

 

I let you talk to me, you get my hopes up after weeks of NC, you tell me all sorts of stuff, then you ask me to come over. I say sure. When I ask what time, you ignore me all day, and then guess what I see? I see you and your new boyfriend in your car...which you're letting him drive.

 

Why the **** am I so hung up on you? Why can't I let you go? I broke up with a girl this week, and that's that. With you, you broke up with me and I'm still reeling, and it's been almost 6 months.

 

I flipped the car around to make sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me...and sure enough...out of the corner of my eye there you two were. I know damn well you saw me. You most certainly heard my car.

 

Why do I feel like I want to just kill myself right now? I can't find anyone decent enough, and I put you on a pedestal for some reason when you still treat me like ****. Why do I still love you after all this. Maybe I'm the one who's bi-polar or has BPD instead of you. I hate this.

 

I'm so full of frustration and confusion I could just scream. Part of me is angry at me, the other at God. Why can't I get past you, why won't He hear my prayers in all this? Why the hell did you even come into my life. I have so many questions, and none of them can be answered.

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LikeCharlotte

Charlotte-

Hide the phone. Do not search the contacts. Do not reach out. Do not do anything. You don't need to know. He'll figure it out. It won't change anything. He might not even believe you. Put down the damn phone Charlotte! I mean it! He knows where you are and he hasn't tried to contact you. He doesn't even want to be your friend. You are not a person to him.

-The Charlotte that is thinking!

 

Dear XSO-

There are sharks everywhere, be careful. I have a sweet tooth today...

-Charlotte

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Does she know why your hair is funny? Does she know the names of your body parts? (Did you tell her?)

Does she make you giggle and smile? Does she bring you breakfast? Does she smile at you while you are sleeping? And does she like your smell, even after you step out of plane, dirty and tired?

Does Mr. Fridolin lie in a corner, dusted and forgotten? The letters shredded? I take back that I want you to throw them out. Keep them. They will remind you one day of what you lost. But then again...you had them while you did it...even send me some old e-mails again, saying how you always read them before going to sleep.

Now I wonder...did you read them to get some inspiration?

 

How much you loved it. The little book close to the bed? My pictures? Well, they probably are gone now...the little book. Who knows? My book? It's German, you can't read it. But maybe it will remind you of me, when you're moving to Rome.

 

I tried so hard. I loved you so much. I believe it is the one thing you were honest about to me: that you never felt so loved. But "I would never hurt you"...you said that to her as well. I thought, when you said it, you referred to my past. That you meant it sincerely. You didn't.

 

I would have stuck to our promise. "If there is somebody else, we will break up right away. But we will be friends. Because *sob* I could never be without you. I always want you in my life." I would have forgiven you in time, had you told me right away. It would have hurt. Like crazy. I would have cried. Like crazy. But none of the bad things would have happened. None of the bad things.

 

I want to call you, or write you. Not really you...but the guy who seemed to care. I won't.

 

How will you remember me? As the girl who went crazy and tried to kill herself when she found out? It's all long past for you already. You think you did right. You think you just stayed with me because I needed you. I didn't. I just loved you.

 

You made a clown out of me to everybody you knew. Told everybody that I was a lunatic with a depression (while telling me I was simply a bitch when I was feeling down) and this was why you didn't leave me. That's mean of you, because it makes me believe it was all my fault after all. I know it's not true. Because I didn't bother you with any of my troubles. And if you had been so worried about me (ha!) why didn't you treat me better? Why didn't you at least care when you realized that you were pushing me over the edge?

 

I really wish you would write that letter. It would be the first letter I ever got from you. I really wish there would be something that gives me hope that you didn't despise me during the entire time. I really will believe whatever you write, unless it is an old lie. One I already know.

 

But you will never write. I am not worth your time in your eyes. And you'll simply forget.

 

You know what irks me? That you're so sure about the exam. The thing is...I still believed that it was hard and important. But you were casual when I was decent enough to wish you good luck with that. You're not nervous. You never were.

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For all you knew I could have been dead, and you went back with her.

 

I just realized it "we got back together a couple of weeks ago" what the ****? It happened on friday 9th of may. You said this sentence he 29th of may.

 

:sick:

 

You didn't get any contact to me for a week. And then you were with her again, already. Moving on faster than light speed. Booking holidays. And telling me you would never forgive yourself. And yet you played the same game, told me you wanted us to be together in the future. How pathetic did you think I am.

 

I told you that was not what I wanted.

 

And when I told you, I wanted to forgive you, you said you didn't care.

 

Why? How can you hate me so much? Despise me so much?

 

Why try to hurt me further? And further and further?

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