tealeafbud Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 Well, we were communicating for a while, and it was fun while it lasted. Now it's back to "reality" that you are in a relationship, and the "reality" that we cannot be friends since you keep dragging me into your problems. I thought we had an understanding that I didn't want to talk about him, but you insisted, so I've realized that we can't talk at all. I'm out of your life now. Link to post Share on other sites
FloraPost Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 Imaginary email: So, I'm writing you a long letter. You asked if you could hand deliver one to me and I said No. Our communication is only to be business or kids. I will not give you a gift of anything of me, not even knowing that I would read something from you. Cause I won't. You had 22 years. Yeah, 22 years. Do you know how many days that is? So I'm writing you a letter. It is long. It is two pages so far and will probably get longer. But guess what? I'm not ever sending it to you. Cause I don't want you to even know what I think or feel. I am a blank slate to you now. You can't have anything of me. Not one single thing. And I'm using this great thread to NOT tell you even more! HA! you won't even know about the letter. You get nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Raina Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 I'm sorry I was mean to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelso Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 Hey darling - Nice meeting you again last night. Looked nice as always. Would have liked to chat up a bit but the music was so loud that it was impossible for me to hear anything you said. Would you like to go out for a couple of beers on Thursday night? I'd like to catch up before I leave for Europe next week. (for 3 months). ---- Maybe I should send that to her ... 1,5 years since we broke it off. What do you guys think?? Link to post Share on other sites
Nevermind Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Sure. You met her in person, it's been a long time, you leave for a while. I'd send it. It's casual and nice. No problems. Unless you want to go on your knees and beg her to come back? J/K Link to post Share on other sites
littledream Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Ok so it's been nearly 13 days since we've started NC and y'know what? It's given me some perspective on us and just how selfish you were in this relationship. That's right, SELFISH. Selfish as in expecting me to adjust my entire schedule just to accomodate you and your impossible priorities. I understand that you have work commitments. So do I! You think you're the only one having to work hard for a living?! You were SO inflexible with your schedule that the only was we could meet was if I changed my life around. NO MORE! You selfish b******! You think the world should revolve around you? You think that I should be at your beck & call, waiting around for you! THINK AGAIN! Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 So, D... Did you have an absolutely wonderful Father's Day yesterday ? Did they go out their way to let you know how much they loved you and appreciated having you back ? Or, a year after I was put "out of the picture" have things gone back to "normal" for you and it was pretty much "just another day" like you complained about so many times ? I wonder....do you ever wonder in your quiet times if it was really worth it? If nothing changed, what was the point of all the pain and hurting? Link to post Share on other sites
CailinPig Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 I was so surprised when you actually answered your phone, surprised when you actually replied to my text today. But oh m God, telling me you've had the worst day ever since the day I kissed that guy when I was single??? All you have is a headache and a sore finger. You call that pain??? F**k, I really thought we could hang out today and I felt all hopeful and excited and then you dashed my hopes. Why do I want your company so badly??? You're with the wrong person and you don't even know it. You still have feelings for me. You've hurt her in a way you never hurt me. That must mean something. But everything's so tainted now. If we ever did get back together, I'd wonder would it be very different. But I don't think it would really. we'd just get back into our old routines and forget any of this nastiness ever happened. But I'm f**kin delusional, amn't I? Cos you're happy with her. Even though you've cheated on her. You're happy cos she's a gorgeous girlfriend to wear on your arm that'll make other men jealous. That's all it is. I miss you. I hate my life. I wish I was dead. I really do. Link to post Share on other sites
haleyblue Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 i hate him! i will never call him again, but i understand! :love: Link to post Share on other sites
inulg Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I dont even know why i want to communicate with you. You over and over after 7 years could never tell me you wanted me for the rest of your life. in your life. forever. I understand that you're getting your master's degree, and you're busy with school, and figureing your life out, but...why is it, that even if it wasnt about marriage you were never able to tell me i was *the one* for you? That i was special, and that you wanted to love me unconditionally the way i did to you? I was wrong to ask you for the past 3 years if you wanted to get married. but the promise ring you gave me represented your 'consideration' for marriage, and never the fact that it was a 'goal'. consideration...? you're 'considering' me? why consider? why not 'chosen'??? why couldent it have been a promise to love me forever? i was wrong to try to help you *figure* things out. but i loved you. and i had so many dreams that i wanted to become real with you. but instead i got you angry to the point that you didnt love me anymore. that you wanted to spend more time with your women friends instead of me. maybe you were realizing that i wasnt *the one* and that you needed to look for her. i'm sorry i went through your emails. i really thought you were cheating on me. i really thought i would find something. and i did find things. i found lots of things showing me that you no longer loved me, and you were flirting with other girls. even then, i still loved you. even after you hurt me physically, not even once. but twice. in the same month. why? why do i love someone who doesnt love me? who doesnt respect me? and who doesnt know what they want from life? i was the best thing to happen to you and you threw it away for your uncertainty, and your anger. maybe that was a good thing... i will not end up like my mother in an abusive relationship with a man who 'occasionally' loves her, and 'occasionally' puts effort into a relationship. i hope all men arent like you. i hope i can find someone who loves me unconditionally. and i hope i can find someone better than you. Link to post Share on other sites
inulg Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 i ****ing miss you. and i love you. and i miss you. and everything ****ing sucks. i wont try any more. the only way any of this will ever work out is if you make an effort. i will not call you. you should ****ing call me. i will not text you. you should ****ING text me. but you dont miss me. and you dont love me anymore. ****. Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I dont even know why i want to communicate with you. You over and over after 7 years could never tell me you wanted me for the rest of your life. in your life. forever. I understand that you're getting your master's degree, and you're busy with school, and figureing your life out, but...why is it, that even if it wasnt about marriage you were never able to tell me i was *the one* for you? That i was special, and that you wanted to love me unconditionally the way i did to you? I was wrong to ask you for the past 3 years if you wanted to get married. but the promise ring you gave me represented your 'consideration' for marriage, and never the fact that it was a 'goal'. consideration...? you're 'considering' me? why consider? why not 'chosen'??? why couldent it have been a promise to love me forever? i was wrong to try to help you *figure* things out. but i loved you. and i had so many dreams that i wanted to become real with you. but instead i got you angry to the point that you didnt love me anymore. that you wanted to spend more time with your women friends instead of me. maybe you were realizing that i wasnt *the one* and that you needed to look for her. i'm sorry i went through your emails. i really thought you were cheating on me. i really thought i would find something. and i did find things. i found lots of things showing me that you no longer loved me, and you were flirting with other girls. even then, i still loved you. even after you hurt me physically, not even once. but twice. in the same month. why? why do i love someone who doesnt love me? who doesnt respect me? and who doesnt know what they want from life? i was the best thing to happen to you and you threw it away for your uncertainty, and your anger. maybe that was a good thing... i will not end up like my mother in an abusive relationship with a man who 'occasionally' loves her, and 'occasionally' puts effort into a relationship. i hope all men arent like you. i hope i can find someone who loves me unconditionally. and i hope i can find someone better than you. (((hugs))) This sounds so sad. But it also sounds like there is a silver lining since there was abuse involved. You definitely don't want to end up like your mother, so in a way the universe conspired to make sure you won't end up like her! I know that's very cold comfort right now. With time and distance I bet anything you will come to believe that you do deserve better, and that you CAN and WILL find someone better than him. Link to post Share on other sites
inulg Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 (((hugs))) This sounds so sad. But it also sounds like there is a silver lining since there was abuse involved. You definitely don't want to end up like your mother, so in a way the universe conspired to make sure you won't end up like her! I know that's very cold comfort right now. With time and distance I bet anything you will come to believe that you do deserve better, and that you CAN and WILL find someone better than him. Thank you so much sunshinegirl!! its...hard... i didnt even know he was abusive... i mean i always new he had anger problems, but the last month...he became physical...and then told me it was MY fault... i think normally, had i been dating him for less time i would have been over him by now... but.. 7 years... is alot of time to not love someone...(for me at least! ) i just have to remember what you said!! ("the universe conspired to make sure you won't end up like her!") Link to post Share on other sites
Raina Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Oh my God. You're actually ignoring me on purpose. I guess that tells me everything i need to know about you. You'll never change. You self centered bastard. You could at least choose a better time to do this to me but no, that would be too much to consider. I'm sorry but we weren't made for each other. You prove it to me everyday. You're a bad person. You have no values or ethics and I dont like you. To be honest, the only reason why i didnt call this thing off was because I'm too busy and I can't cope with that crap right now. And how dare you accusing me of playing with your feelings? The nerve! **** off Link to post Share on other sites
Raina Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I'm not going to be near the phone like a pretty girl anymore. This is not my fault. Link to post Share on other sites
CailinPig Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 This question has been rattlin round my head the last few days and I really wanna ask you but I'm afraid it'll push you away even more, although I've no idea why I've hope, seeing as you've a gf who you love. I wanna sk you: Do you still think you're in love with me? Remember, about two weeks ago, you told me you think you are? Well, are you still? And are you more attracted to your new gf than me? Because sometimes I doubt that. I wish you would choose me. I really do. I miss my old life. I miss the old me. Link to post Share on other sites
critter909 Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Dear D, I love you unconditionally. I always KNEW it was the same for you, for the last 9 years. But now I MUST be wrong, you have undone everything in the last 2 weeks. I don't know if I can ever trust you and it feels like if I can't trust you there is no one I can ever trust. You have shattered my world. I am miserable and miss you terribly. I miss waking up with you and sleeping next to you. I miss calling you, I miss kissing you, I miss the way you smell, I miss taking showers with you, I MISS YOU. But it must be one sided because you know how to reach me and choose to stay silent. Eventually I will be able to move on, I know there will be someone else one day, but why does there have to be? What's wrong with people who love each other working their problems out? I will do my best to honor my promise to not call you and give you the time you need. I know you won't be coming home but I like to keep a little hope alive. Love you always, with my whole heart, I wish you well, T Link to post Share on other sites
inulg Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 i feel like i'm going insane. how can you not love me anymore??? how can you say you only love me as a 'friend' and expect me to be ok? i miss you. i love you. i hate you. **** you. Link to post Share on other sites
inulg Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 This **** is depressing. yeah but it feels better venting here than harassing my friends about it all the time plus... it keeps me from contacting the ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Karyyk Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I think I've been doing better lately, though I don't want to jinx it. The pain hasn't been so noticeable, I'm doing some things I used to enjoy, although some of those probably aren't good things (eating too much, heh). I still miss you, and hope to hear something from you one of these days, as you said you would, but I feel like there's a little life again. One of the things we both mentioned before parting was that we truly needed to find happiness in ourselves first, and I'm working at that. It's tough, but I feel a little something inside. Like I said, I miss you. I miss my sunflower (I can still see the sun shining through your hair that day). I'd give anything to talk to you for a bit, maybe play a game or go grab a bite, but I am managing. Sometimes I even feel guilty for managing, that I shouldn't be able to enjoy myself without you by my side, but I don't really have much of a choice. I still love you. I hope you realize that. I hope you haven't forgotten me. I'll talk to you at some point, because the kind of friends we've been never fade away completely. You're a part of my soul and you always will be. Goodbye for now, but not forever... Link to post Share on other sites
LikeCharlotte Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Needed to get this out. LT, Why couldn't you just tell me? I'd never judge you or be angry because you care for other people in your life - that would be silly. Take as long as you need to feel strong again. It can be hard to change something after so much time. You are doing the right thing. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here if you want to talk or simply laugh a bit. I know it's difficult right now but you took another big step. You are going to make it. I have faith in you. I've been listening the entire time and I am so proud of you for finally breaking free and deciding to be whole again. You are loved for who you are and who you've been, even though I can't be there to support you. Remember: When your nose is cold and wet it means you are healthy. -SM (Charlotte) _/|_ Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixFromTheFlames Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Dear Ex, It's bad enough that you have vanished without trace and left me broken, but now i'm being kicked when i'm down and I don't know why? Since you left EVERYTHING has been going wrong! From the moment you vanished, I have had a string of unfortunate incidents. I'm not imagining it, even my friends and family are starting to say that i've been increadibly unfortunate lately. It's insane. I'm doing my absolute best to get by without you there to support me, and i'm getting tripped up at every turn. Every time I fall, I pick myself back up, but it's getting harder each time. All I want to do is hear you tell me that everything will be ok, and then i'm reminded that you quit that job, you're gone. It's not fair, there is enough in this world to remind me of you, without being kicked when i'm down and reminded of your absence from my life. I know there is a reason for everything, but i'm struggling to see how this is helping me. It all started when you left. The way you left was incredibly hurtful, and i'm able to forgive, but not forget. If I wronged you in any way, i'm sorry. I know I reacted badly to the news, it's not an excuse but I was hurt and angry, but I did sincerely apologise and wish you a happy life without me. Incidently, you never wished me the same? Whatever is going on, if you have the power, please make it stop! Link to post Share on other sites
inulg Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 ****.... i'm trying so hard not to call you. its been 5 days streight. and only last week i went 5 days also, breaking it with that one day i saw you. ****. i miss you. ****. i can see you ... in a few months from now you'll be proposing to that girl. god. it hurts. why? why?? i dont want to call. i want to call. i miss you... Link to post Share on other sites
motive2002 Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Dear ex-monster.. I have a question. You think when your daughter gets to be, I dunno 12 or so you guys are gonna do some blow together and swap stories about all the guys you nailed? Yeah you're a great mom alright Did you lose the house yet? I know you've been under pressure to re-apply for the mortgage in your name only, which is never gonna happen on your income. Heh, maybe your ex-husband and his trampy girlfriend will get it and you'll be living in Ghetto Apartments next to Welfare Woods and Food Stamp Village. How I ever got involved with a stupid, white trash, druggie piece of **** whore like you is beyond me.. and to think they let someone like you teach elementary school.. ugh Oh and you think you're hot **** huh? How about you take a look at the jowls on your face in the mirror sometime. You're gonna look just like your mom soon. Oh and that flat, sagging grandma butt of yours that does not look "cute" in boy shorts, no matter what you say. But hey, hang in there! Who knows that awful butt-rock you listen to and that stupid haircut of yours just might come back in style someday! Link to post Share on other sites
FloraPost Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 So. I just sent you the divorce agreement. I feel just like a little kid at the top of the first really big hill on a roller coaster. I know I'm going to be thrilled and petrified all at the same time. My stomach feels scared and excited. Freedom is coming for me. The next piece of it. And some punishment is coming for you. While your mouth said one thing to me, all your actions, done and undone, begged for this moment, begged for rejection and a life without me and with minimal children. So guess what! I've just bought you what you always wanted! Your own freedom! I've just made an honest man of you! No one else on this planet could have given you that, could have made you an honest man. I just cut the first big shackle off of you. Just sign that puppy and we're on to the next step. Freedom is coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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