inulg Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 ****.... i'm trying so hard not to call you. its been 5 days streight. and only last week i went 5 days also, breaking it with that one day i saw you. ****. i miss you. ****. i can see you ... in a few months from now you'll be proposing to that girl. god. it hurts. why? why?? i dont want to call. i want to call. i miss you... dammit. i just called. luckily he didnt pick up ... although i shouldent have sent that email that i missed him still.... what kind of idiot, **** head, RIDICULOUSLY CLUELESS man would ever leave ME??? i'm AWESOME, and he was stupid to not have realized that!! HA! I hope his next relationship sucks!! i hope he beats the next girl just like he did to me!! i hope THE REST OF HIS LIFE IS HORRIBLEEEEEEE.... *sulk* why do we miss these pathetic losers? Link to post Share on other sites
Nevermind Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 You hope that I will find someone who will give me what I gave you, this is what you said once. Haha! What I gave you wasn't enough. Even my therapist agrees. I feel so ridiculous still, that I thought someone could really love me. But I am really hurt that you did turn to make me a joke. This I never expected. If you had fallen in love with someone, if you had just cheated... but making me a joke to others...is what hurts. And laughing when I was crushed, when I found out. I need to remember this. This is the face you have shown me. Disgust, Detest, you despised me. You found me ridiculous. I need to remember this. And finally rip out my heart and be over with it. I was just a joke. As I should have known. I need to focus on this. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Y, when you gonna choose to move on? You need to. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Y, if you're seriously asking me this question, I will answer you. I haven't gotten to know you at all here, b/c almost of the posts of yours I've read have been 100% anger with little introspection. I know there is a sensitive, caring guy beneath the anger. The way to get over her is to first really understand that you will not be togethr again. Really understand that. She's with this "Mr. Wonderful," I guess. Right? So she's got someone else. Her being w/ someone else is none of your business. As a human being, she has the right to live her life the way she wants to. And she's chosen not to be with you. Big blow to the ego? Sure. Does it mean you are worthless? Not at all. I'm sure you are a great guy. But you need to let go of the anger you've shown on this board, and try to have a sense of acceptance and peace. Link to post Share on other sites
pickingupthepieces Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Did ever tell you I LOVE this THREAD!!!.. Seriously BEST thread ever! Ok here we go.... Hi its me.... Well I guess you know that. I REALLY thought I was getting over you.. I thought you would drop my stuff off (maybe a hug) and that would be it! I NEVER thought I woudl be "here" and the only one I have to blame is myself... because I let you in. I believe(d) all your words.. the crying about how you haven't moved on, how you don't know if you ever can.. you''ve never loved someone like you loved me. This caught me SO off guard.. this was NOT what I was expecting.. AT ALL. So I have listened to this a couple of times now.. I WANT to believe it... You say you have changed.. I mean you have slowly followed through with your word... which is definetly a step forward for you. Not just in regards to me but everyone. I believe that you love me and it just feels so good that you don't HATE me like I thought you did for SO long. The thing is now I have no idea what to think... we go for lunch, hang out but what does it all mean? REALLY? you have made a couple of references to things like we are together.. is it just habit, or is it what you want.. because honestly I don't know what I want... but I know what I don't want... I DON'T want to be FWB... I don't want to be used, until you find someone else to move on with. I KNOW you could be with a couple of other people now (found this out in my past "stalker" days) .. but choose not to be. You could still be hanging out with these people and REALLY that is NONE of my business. I don't want to be your security and I genuinely want you to be happy. Things have just become to much for me right now.. talking EVERY day this week (may not seem like alot to you guys, but it's a big difference from before). We went for breakfast, lunch you stayed over... I LOVE you and LOVE talking to you.. I just don't know how things are and I can't let myself get attached to something that isn't going to go anywhere.. I don't know how to talk to you about any of this 1) because I chased you for so long before and you denied me... that was SO hard to move on from. 2) I don't want you holding on to me for the wrong reasons. 3) I love you but I love myself more and I do not want to go through all that pain again 4) I worked HARD to pick myself up everyday and JUST go to work, I don't need to fall back into this crazed mess. 5) You still have a hold of my heart.. the more time I spend with you the more I want to tell you how much I miss you and love you too! 6) What if I am wrong and "we" are just nothing... you are just saying I love you.. and confessing everything to me "just because".. I don't want to look like the weak one.. even though I AM!! I miss you SO much right now.. it sucks... I have NO idea what to do, I feel like WHATEVER I do do is going to be wrong!.. if I talk to you I risk looking like an idiot.. if I go NC ... maybe I'm throwing away the love of my life... I just wish you would communicate with me. I mean I have not made it ANY easier on you.....you already think I have moved on... You are jealous... because you think I am have been with other people... Do I tell you the truth? Well I have NO idea.. .but for some reason I DO feel better.. a little anyways. I haven't talked to you for a day and a half and it has been so hard not to pick up the phone. I missed you last call so I was tempted to call just to see what you wanted... should I of? I don't know muffin... my heart misses you I love you... Today, Tomorrow and Always Snuggles Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 E: Do you ever think about me? What do you think about when you do? Do you feel guilty? Do you miss me? Do you compare the hooch to me? Are you relieved? Or do you not let yourself think about me at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Teacher's Pet Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 B: I just was wondering if you've shaved your box in the last 2 years. You sure as hell never did it for me. -tp welcome to the jungle! Link to post Share on other sites
Issues & tissues Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 D, I miss you. And hell it hurts. No matter how much I pack into my new "wonderfully busy and independent" life, there is still a void, a place that was yours and was meant for you...forever. I still think of you often. I hope you sometimes think of me too... In spite of everything, I still love you... Link to post Share on other sites
Nevermind Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 You should be chasing me. You loved me once. Link to post Share on other sites
serratededges Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Hey B, its been five days since you dumped me on the telephone. I know I said I was a big girl and could handle it but thats not working out so well. At least when I have broken up with people i actually have a valid explanation. When did you first think about this while we were ****ing a day before you did it? when? I apologize but "sorry I am just not feeling it........... I don't see the long term potential.................We always got along really well but the timing was off..................MAYBE IN ANOTHER LIFETIME. I did not get clingy. You called me twice a day, you introduced me to your family, said I was the first girl you had ever known you would even be able to imagine marriage with (ok that comment freaked me out then too), your friends love me, You cooked for me, complimented me, and are the only person who doesn't cuddle with me at night in the bed (which is great since sleep is sleep), then all of a sudden with no warning you act distant one day, and dump me the next. I am not a piece of garbage to be thrown away. Good luck at finding another woman who cooks, fishes, has fun, and loves sex like me. Good luck at finding another woman who doesn't get clingy, is gorgeous, and has a 183 iQ. I know, I'm the one thats always rational in relationships but you hurt me. I hate you for not being a bigger assehole, because another girl, inattentive, ignorant behavior would at least explain the end. So instead I keep crying, yelling, and acting like a lovesick teenager. I wish that I stayed just friends with benefits with you and then that I left you when you broke your hip at 21. NO instead, though i hate being the one to cook, I nursed you back to health, dealt with that pretend bull**** sweetness, and I don't even know which part was real. When i get over it then maybe we can go to a hockey game together or something. As it is now i would be wishing it to hit you upside your head. I hate you for making me cry. I hate you for making me act irrational around my family (and on an online community site), when I should be laughing and kissing you. So are you proud that you dumped me, ruined my dump free record, and made me feel like s****. And why haven't you called to beg my forgiveness, I know i can't make you care if you don't . You can say you do all you want but actions speak so much louder than words. Link to post Share on other sites
inulg Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 "I don't normally do this. I really feel like keeping my personal business personal and private, and I never talk **** about anyone I know in a public place, but this has to be said apparently. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD -- Do NOT. Do NOT. DO NOT talk about me to my ex. You have no idea the kind of damage you're doing or what kind of fuel you're throwing on this NUCLEAR-BABY KILLING-CATASTROPHIC-DEATH fire. Jesus. - WHOEVER you are. STOP. Thanks." look how lovely my ex is... posting this message about me on his facebook. lovely lovely lovely. 7 years of dating. and this is it huh? Link to post Share on other sites
inulg Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 "I don't normally do this. I really feel like keeping my personal business personal and private, and I never talk **** about anyone I know in a public place, but this has to be said apparently. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD -- Do NOT. Do NOT. DO NOT talk about me to my ex. You have no idea the kind of damage you're doing or what kind of fuel you're throwing on this NUCLEAR-BABY KILLING-CATASTROPHIC-DEATH fire. Jesus. - WHOEVER you are. STOP. Thanks." look how lovely my ex is... posting this message about me on his facebook. lovely lovely lovely. 7 years of dating. and this is it huh? then again, i shouldent have tried to contact him. he's been ignoring my calls for the past 2 weeks...and now, he ****ing thinks i'm the one with problems, not HIM. that I'M the one who should be OK and get over him. just because he's ****ing already over me. not that i give a **** what he thinks about me... ****ing destroyed my life. i need to ****ing recover. maybe the only way is to move to another part of the country... or world. sigh... advice to anyone trying to contact an ex who doesnt want to talk to you: not worth the time. they're going to talk **** about you to your mutual friends and try to make YOU out as the *crazy* one because youre still in love with him/her. Link to post Share on other sites
inulg Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 then again, i shouldent have tried to contact him. he's been ignoring my calls for the past 2 weeks...and now, he ****ing thinks i'm the one with problems, not HIM. that I'M the one who should be OK and get over him. just because he's ****ing already over me. not that i give a **** what he thinks about me... ****ing destroyed my life. i need to ****ing recover. maybe the only way is to move to another part of the country... or world. sigh... advice to anyone trying to contact an ex who doesnt want to talk to you: not worth the time. they're going to talk **** about you to your mutual friends and try to make YOU out as the *crazy* one because youre still in love with him/her. and he's so ****ING paranoid!!! wtf. PARANOID that I'M STALKING HIM. wtf. WTF. because i text you saying you're an alcholic and abusive person. you THINK I WANT TO STALK YOUR SORRY ASS? ive never done anything other than try to get in contact with him for the last week. not even TALK to anyone about him. (except for my friends, complaining how sick i felt and how depressed i was, NEVER asking how his stupid life is going) WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF i'm glad i'm out of this stupid relationship. so ****ing paranoid Link to post Share on other sites
FloraPost Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Happy Anniversary. 22 years. Wow. Congratulations. Look what you did. You sure worked hard on this little surprise for me... Kept such a great secret for so many years! Just so that the surprise would have maximum impact. Thanks for the STD. Looks like I'll be OK but boy, what a gift! You sure were creative and thoughtful with that one! I only want one more thing from you in this life. Sign the papers. Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 This new CD is really good. The new songs remind me of you. Wish you could hear it. Oh well, you're too busy. Have a nice ****ing life! Selfish ****er. That is so bittersweet. Hallmark should take note. Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Girl Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 I hate that your parents abused you... And now you are still attracted to toxic relationships... A person that uses you and abuses you.... How sad is that... Forever being with someone that hurts you, blames you, makes you feel guilty and yet you want the drama want to be that knight in shining armour... She is a F&&&ing alcoholic, jail bird, and she has that hold on you... She is so manipulative... Help me, making you feel guilty... She sure knows how to push your buttons... Co-dependent at its worst... You know you can not put up with her Sh**t for to long yet you keep going back.... When will you recognize I never cheated on you, stole from you or did all the hurtful things she did.... I hate the drama... Why can't you be in a healthy relationship... So So SAd.... Link to post Share on other sites
inulg Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 why is it i've lost my name when it comes to your post about me? you call me 'ex' ...like i meant nothing to you. ever. i think i'm slowly becoming more numb to everything. nothing you do is starting to phase me. i will not let you get to me. i will not care whom you spend your time with. i dont care about your new girl. i dont care about you. and i hope i dont wake up tomorrow thinking about you, because its just a big waste of hurt that i didnt deserve. your new girl will see your issues, and hopefully she's dated enough people to be able to spot them quickly before you damage her the same way you damaged me. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Hi! Thanks for leaving. I'm pumped about life and I owe it to you. Our daughter rules. Link to post Share on other sites
fran82 Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 i miss you, your voice! i want to call, but i know you wont pick up, and then i'll feel worse! my bestest friend just got engaged to a guy she just met, im so depressed! y does that magic love story always happen to everyone else! i feel like im the bitter single friend that is so cumbersome and in the way Link to post Share on other sites
LikeCharlotte Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Dear XSO- I saw you yesterday and wanted to vomit on my dress, just as I'd expected. You didn't so much as look in my direction being in the same place as me for over 4 hours. I had to drink to stop my hands from shaking from fear and anger that you didn't even acknowledge me. I felt better after a few drinks but just barely. I had to stay away from you all day because you couldn't be nice enough to just try to be decent to me. I just wish you would treat me like a person. It's just awful. How long can this go on? Please stop this. Its not right! I am a good person and I don't deserve this. I wish I didn't care but how could I not care? Its just such intentional coldness. I am not a stranger. I am the woman you slept with for all that time... the person you talked to every day. I have feelings. I don't want anything from you but decency and the ability to make this awkward situation better. Every time you treat me as if I don't exist I just feel so f****** used and it really hurts. -Charlotte Link to post Share on other sites
FloraPost Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 So, in one of my recovery books, it talks specifically about what is happening in the mind of a man like you. How instead of actually being secure in your virility and mature manhood, often men who play around, particularly with younger women, need MORE and more intense stimulation because they are actually LESS able to be aroused, to feel great about sex and relationship and all. Compensating... Those little erotic/relational receptors are callused or feeble and they are little. It sure helps me understand why you risked not only your own marriage but that 25-year-old newly married waitresses marriage. Poor baby. Needed to use up other people to try to feel something... anything... I can only imagine what your future is going to look like now that I've made an honest man of you. I can only imagine the hoops you'll now be jumping through. God help you. Link to post Share on other sites
ioncebelieved Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 I'm really disappointed, ____. I really valued our friendship, and I thought you did too. You were somebody really special to me, but I guess I was just being dumb. I still miss you and care about you, so go ahead and wipe your feet on me some more. Whatever. Y, actually this post made plenty sense!!!!!!!!!!! The friendship thing starts to become the worst pain after you stop thinking about the love and great sex and what not. For me, I miss the **** out our friendship!!! That rips me to the core!! For almost 2 years we built a fabulous, never before friendship for you to throw it all away!!! Y, for once you have made me understand why you lash out like you have! It ****ing hurts and I know all too well about it. So here is my post instead of being lame and trying to contact her. Link to post Share on other sites
inulg Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 What's up, *******????? Yesterday, it had been one month since your first bull**** call that you wanted me back. I was thinking I was gonna hear from you for some reason, but that's not gonna happen, you got a new life. You know what I did last night? I sat here. ALONE. That's what I do with a lot of my time now, since, you know, my other friends are married with kids and ****. You know what else I do a lot? THINK ABOUT YOU. Yeah. It's gay. You don't care, so I'm gonna try to stop that. I might as well fantasize about some celebrity or something, 'cuz I have just as good a chance making things work with them, as I do with you. I'm just really hurt that you don't miss me, not to mention that you, um, HATE me. So, yeah... It only matters to you if YOU'RE happy, so, okay, I guess I'd better go do something with my day besides sit here and pine over your ass. I'm really disappointed, ____. I really valued our friendship, and I thought you did too. You were somebody really special to me, but I guess I was just being dumb. I still miss you and care about you, so go ahead and wipe your feet on me some more. Whatever. hah! i love this. i wish i could send this to my ex... but i've been sending alot of those kind of emails lately (with no response! lol) he's blocked me on facebook, on an artist community, and probably my emails. (even though i've only tried contacting him through facebook only TWICE, and never tried contacting him through the artist community EVER, but i can understand the angry emails .. )... Link to post Share on other sites
fran82 Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 i miss you being my best friend Link to post Share on other sites
LikeCharlotte Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Dear XSO- Yesterday is exactly why I wanted to just do all of it at once and get it out of the way when we first broke up. I was fine and I spent an hour last night and half of today in a tailspin because I got hit all over again. I know you don't agree with me but can you see now why I just wanted us to get passed it right away? We weren't together long enough to let this consume more time. You drive me up a wall sometimes but I still like you. I mean it. I understand where you are coming from but could you meet me half way and try to understand as well? Yesterday was crazy. We are adults. I was trying so hard to respect your space but I don't feel like I should have to do that for you when you can't even try to be nice to me. I feel like so much of what you've said is lip service. Is it? I'm sorry that I was angry. I'm over it again. I'll try to do that again because we have to... and because I really do hope we can be friends someday. Let's try it again? See if it gets better? How did we get here? I'm sorry. I'm sure you are fine, but if you aren't... I never ever mean to hurt you. I'm just such a mess when it comes to you. I literally thought I was going to have to tie myself to the chair to stop my nerves for the first few minutes. I know I look fine but you know better. Maybe you are right... maybe its hopeless. I'm very grateful for sunglasses. I'm completely full of s*** and I knew it as soon as I saw you and you probably know it too. I just won't throw myself on the fire anymore. -Charlotte ps. the numbness will set in again within hours, and I will probably go right back to not caring so savor this moment. I won't be this weak. I just can't. "I am the ground zero ex-friend you ordered. Disguised as a hero to get passed your borders. I know when I’m wanted, I’ll leave when you ask me to. Mind my own business and speak when I’m spoken to. I am the tower around which you orbited. I am not proud, I am just taking orders. I fall to the ground within hours of impact. I hit back when hit. And attack when attacked." -Truce Link to post Share on other sites
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