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LikeCharlotte

O-

I saw the most beautiful thing tonight. I see that someone is willing to do so much just to be with me for a brief time. I know that I deserve more than what you could do. Right now I am grateful that you ran away and withdrew. If you hadn't I would never be here. I would've missed something great. I'm not going to thank you because you really hurt me and continue to be awful toward me for no reason but I will say that you were right about one thing. I was scared of having to wait another 7 years to feel anything at all. I feel something and although it is not nearly what I felt for you it is not the numbness I have felt most of my life.

 

I'm not scared, I am still trying and I have been rewarded for keeping hope. I've had an adventure and I have hope that someone can reach the bar I raised to include hope and emotional integrity. I am a lucky girl (you know what that means) despite the terrible things I've survived. I don't know why I feel more comfortable wanting to tell you (indirectly) than just making a regular post. Why do I want you to know? Would it matter to you that I am really ok? I know you were worried. I shouldn't care but that's not me. You know that.

-Charlotte

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hey, it's been so long since I last seen your beuatiful face. I know your doing good with your man, I heard you got engaged, Im not happy honnestly I wanna placate the guy's face into a mirror and smash his every living piece of happy life he has. It's been 10 months we finished but your telling everyone its been 11 months you're with your bf... doesn't make sense. It doesn't mather, i realized today I still love you. I hope to god that one day you'll realize I how truly sorry I was and that I was ready for anything. I don't know the future, you thaught me to live life and enjoy and what will happen will. I accept that now and I do hope that in the future I will maybe get to hold you again and hear you tell me you love me.

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rocketgirl138

Whats up? Remember me? Yeah i'm the girl who wasted 7 long years with your deadbeat a**. How are things going for you? I see that you STILL live at home w/ mommy and daddy at your advanced age. Just so you know, our son is growing up beautifly without your alcoholic a**. Remember Mikey? Oh, how'd you forget? I guess all of the drug and alcohol abuse gave you an early onset of Alzheimer's. So you are in a punk band. How punk! So punk that your band consists of privileged brats such as yourself. LAMO! Just so you know, You are an old fool and everyone knows it. Nobody takes you seriously so get over yourself and get a job for crying out loud. Hows my replacement Olive Oil doing? She's a real catch. Its funny that someone as herself can even form an opinion on me. Oh wait, she was manipulated and lied to by you. Thats ok, she can say whatever she wants. After all, just look at her. How do you wake up every morning next to that without vomiting? The fact that you went from me to HER is quite amusing. So. does she like what i taught you in bed? Technically i paved the way to a better sex life between you two cause you didn't know what the hell you were doing.

I hope you still think of me every time you f*** her because you realize what you are missing. Whether you like to admit it or not, I was the best B**** you ever laid eyes on and you know it. You will never find or experience any chick as cool as i am or find a decent girl that would put up w/ as much bullsh** as i did. Thats right keep that pic up of us on myspace cause its the closest thing resembling our bond as a couple that you will ever have from now on. I'm glad i finally saw you for who you really are and glad that i lowered my standards for a night just to make you go away. Maybe the next women you beat will actually put you in jail.

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nowhereman82

A,

 

I don't even know what I want to say to you. The urge to reach out just sit's there. Guess in a way I want to remind you I am here and well enough without you. So you don't start to forget me or what you left behind.

 

Your birthday is in September...I am tempted to send a Birthday card but I know I shouldn't. I wouldn't really expect a response but I know deep in my heart it would do nothing to effect how you feel about me....I don't even know if it would bring a smile to your face.

 

I have not heard anything new on you are your new love interest. I don't know why you are doing that to yourself. You know you needed this time for yourself yet you found a distraction right away. I am miserable but trying to grow from it and I think you just put on your blinders and you're ignoring yourself. I am sad for you that you are holding yourself back for a piece of **** like him.

 

I wish you were taking off to med school already. Cause then I would have nothing left. And until that time I will move forward but never be over you.

 

I love you.

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Good Morning A,

 

This weekend had to be the hardest weekend I have ever had to spend away from you. Knowing that since I hurt you the way you hurt me this pain of mutual hurt and want is the same, part of me hates you for the person I perceive myself as now, and part of me is dieing knowing I can't see you anymore. I tried to stay away and I can't You have no idea how much you meant to me as a human being, as a partner as a love. I prioritized you more than anything in this world and that was my mistake. I should prioritize myself, love myself embrace myself and do not allow negative thoughts inside my mind that consume me. I have no idea what you have been up to or what you maybe feeling but if it is anything close to what I am feeling I am sorry for causing it. I know we have had our share of rough times and I wish I could make anything work with you but I don't see any of that happening because there is to much effort coming from me and non coming from you. I used to say that being depressed maybe the reason but that is no excuse. I love you more than the word could ever express. bye.

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Da_1_n_OnlyN3na

And here i am again.. Thinking that u have wasted 2 years of my ****ing life!!....one point you are a bitch to me and i still take your shyt man!.....and i always thought is this really going to work? But i have second thoughts because i ****ing love you. I would give my life for ur dumbass and u wouldnt even meet me half way from your house to meet up with me when i used to walk sometimes when i didnt want to take the bus..and i walked from my house to yours and walking takes 1 hour...

Damn man and out of nowhere you you write me a letter saying you couldnt sleep the night before thinking of how much of a bitch you are to me....and that you dont want to die because you dont want to leave me alone and that if you ever lost me you would cry for the rest of your life! What a ****ing liar...i have always tried to fix things its always melike i was the only one this ****ing relationship.. And you know what i dont regret what i did to you the other day when i put u on the spot and told you everything i thought about u.. That you were a nobody that you werent worth anything that not girl would ever want to stay with you for more than 1 month because you have no future ahead of you......i dont regret pullin ur ****ing hair...ur ****ing oily as hair that you have.. Chop that shyt off man you look like a ****ing girl!!......and you noe what you noe i am right about you never findin a gurl that has done everything i have done for u...no one!!@!!!!!!!!!......ive take 2 years of your bullshyt and for what? For nothing! And then you act like your the victim here by sending me a ****ing text saying that you couldnt go out with me anymore becauseyou treated me badly and i deserved better than you and it wasnt for another girl.....you cant even call me and tell me this and you send me a ****ing text and when i texted back so many times and called your ass like 50 times you didnt have the balls to pik up or atleast reply saying **** you bitch ...but not.. Nothing!!!!you got not balls your not a man...and then i find out by your own sister that you are already talking to another bitch? Anf that you have been talking to her for more than a week now? Your a ****ing bastard i knew you were doing something behind my back since you started not calling me or texting me and when i called your ass it sounded like you denied my calls and you act like you never saw my texts....damn.. Man.. I give so much for and i dont deserve everything you have put me through...you already took the biitch home and i bet you it was that day that i wanted to see you and you told me you were busy that you had hours to make up...which is bullllllshyt!!!! God man and i still cry for your ass...

 

So you asked your sister if she had done the right thing huh? Well you noe what you know you didnt ...your already regreting leaving me for someone else...because its not the same....you cant forget about me...every guy that ever left me always regreted leaving me because they realise at the end that i was the the most honest and loyal gf a guy could ever have.....like i sed almost one year ago in this post.. You will come back and your going to want me back...your other relationship with that other girl is not going to go like you planned and you will come running after me.....the choice will be mine to take you back or not....i am going to take this time and think if you are the person i want to spend the rest of my life with...many people will probably vote on not taking you back because i am too good for you..

 

Im afraid that all this love i have for you will turn into hate...because i never wanted to hate you and i never thought of being in this situation with you....i love you with all my heart...and i feel lonely without you....you were my everything and without you my life feels so dull...

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Hopelessly_Devoted

11 years together and after 2 weeks you are with someone new. I gave you the car, furniture, pets everything. you even wanted the blender and my last tube of toothpaste you left me with nothing but a broken heart.

 

Guess what a**hole, remember when you put my name and you and I put yours on me- well I got it covered. I am no longer branded.

 

Now you tell my sister you want the business contacts, well guess what your on your own now, you want to be a big man- well find your own contacts.

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BurningRoses

[sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman] Though the thought of pursuing a relationship with you had entered my brain, it was as friends first and foremost, you did not cause my break up. The fact that I was dating a man I did not love as more than a friend did. The fact that my relationship started as an extramarital affair for him and I could never trust him did. The timing was screwy but you did not give me a chance to explain that , now did you ? I really don’t understand why you are being like this. I thought we were cool. Then out of the blue you drop this weird txt on me. You don’t even have the stones to call me, or is it that you know you are wrong? I did not think I was asking too much from you, especially when you tell me you are not that busy not dating and usually bored. Granted we live very far apart but if we are not dating then I do not see an issue. The funny part about this whole thing is you say you hate txting people, say that you don’t really know who you are talking to, but yet that is the only way you suddenly speak to me, and in confusing ways at that. It is not like I informed you that I had suddenly developed magical va***** powers that would teleport me halfway across the country and you were the only man for me. You failed me years ago when I needed support the most, and once again I give you a shot and boom, same thing. I refuse to ask you what in the bleeding h*** your obviously chemically altered explanation meant and I will not beg to be your friend if this how you feel you can treat people. When I check my email I am almost filled with dread that you got plowed and decided to “reach out and touch” in a malicious way again. Your zodiac profile said you like torturer-victim games and I am beginning to see that. You want me to call. Want me to be all “what did I say, what did I do, wah wah freakin wah” Tough, aint gonna happen. I want to get the last word in but hell with it. I am not that woman that chased you. If you think you can judge me, which by the way ha!, better take a look in the mirror. No more poems, or late nights, or tears, or questions. If you decide to behave like a rational human being, you have my number, otherwise I got enough to deal with without you adding any more crazy to the pile. And I thought I was unstable. If talking to me brought up things best left buried you should have been a man and said so, not acted like we were in high school and slipped me notes.Grow up, man up, and act like you got some sense.

[/FONT][/sIZE]

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hey baby girl, i think i'm over it.

i no longer want you back

i don't feel the urge to contact you

 

now i view you as a young whore.

took me 5 months

you young slut, i don't even feel bad anymore, because its true.

 

haha go suck a few more cocks you little bitch

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Oh well. I guess asking you to love me and treat me properly is just too much for you. "Are you telling me what I give you is not enough?" (read that with a whinning horse voice) Duh! If I want sex perverts I may as well join one of those chat.

You feel so special about treating me like your blowup doll, you think I should be thanking you for that enormous privilege. Are you shocked I'm not crying in my room anymore everytime you leave me? Shocked that I suddenly started standing up for myself? Yeah, I suppose i've been spoiling you too much.

Some words for you: **** off. I'm too good for you you ****.

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I don't know if we did what we did because you wanted to, or because your hormones are out of control and we couldn't help ourselves.

 

I know it's not mine, but that doesn't/didn't matter to me. For whatever twisted reason, I still want to be there with you.

 

Instead, we watched each other walk away. You're out there, I'm out here, and I can't get over it. I knew what I was willing to give up to make things work and be with you, and I was totally ready to go through with it. Instead, we just took what we needed from each other and threw it away.

 

Now, I know what I have to give up in order to get on with my life...and in the end, all this was you chose it to be this way.

 

I really hope that you are happy, and I hope that your baby is healthy and happy.

 

Goodbye

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nowhereman82

How could you break down in shoulder shaking tears, hug me, tell me you love me and then drive away....drive away from our future.

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sunshinegirl

Oh Eric,

 

I still play out conversations in my head with you. Still variations on I'm mad -I feel sorry for you - I'm freaking out that you're happy with the hooch - I'm worthy of more and better - you are a scared little boy on the inside - you won't ever be deeply happy until you work on yourself - what's wrong with me that you never appreciated how good I was to you - etc.

 

Ick.

 

I've found some surprising sources of comfort over the last week to help ground me in reality. You are unlikely to contact me because my last words to you were that email with all of my hurt and anger and disbelief at your cheating. I know you are ashamed of yourself at some level. And your life almost certainly isn't the pollyanna picture book I keep imagining it to be without me. I have Angel1111 and extraordinarymachine to thank for that insight.

 

I also have the comfort of knowing that in a year or two, you will have some kind of different perspective on what went down between us. Maybe even a glimmer of insight into yourself. Maybe some genuine sorry for what you did to me - I deserved NONE of it, and you know it.

 

What you have lost is any kind of bridge to friendship. You will not hear from me, I will not reach out to you, I will not debase or humiliate myself by throwing myself back into your path, for you to run over a third time.

 

I am fixing the patterns that make me want someone like you. Sadly, I doubt you are going to fix the patterns that make you eventually destroy your own relationships and hurt the people closest to you.

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WTF was Saturday all about? Seriously. Do you wanna try and be friends with me? Are you stringing me along? Cuz I want neither of that. I'm doing NC for two reasons - to help myself heal, and to let you have time to yourself as well. You've only been single maybe three weeks since the rebound relationship failed, and yet I hear that you got drunk and threw yourself at some guy. And I'm wondering if at this point he's only used you as another notch on his belt. I haven't talked to you since Saturday, but little signs are showing that he has. And when I found out about this dude on Sunday from my friend, who voluntarily told me this info (I wouldn't have asked for it), my friend said he had no emotional feelings towards you whatsoever. GJ on being used.

 

I wanna yell at you, because I still care for you. And I don't know why I wanna get back together with you, cuz the old relationship wouldn't have worked. I only see us getting back together if we both just grow the **** up and take life seriously. I don't think you are at this point though. In fact, I think you're making your life worse for yourself.

 

All your actions are the opposite of what you've said to me over the past two months. At one point you even said you still loved me, but you want to see whats out there. What else is there to know, really? You take what you get, and you go with it. Either you were trying to let me down as easily as you thought you could (FAIL) or you are genuine. Either way, its pissing me off.

 

You were the first person to truly care about me. At some point you got really bored with me, and wanted to go out and have fun with other people instead of be with me. I hope it backfires on you, so you realize what you're doing is wrong. But only time will tell.

 

Everytime I've talked to you and tried to work things out, you've given different excuses. You're hellbent on your plans to experience other people, and I can't stop you from doing that. Just don't expect me to pick up the pieces when everything blows back into your face and some douchebag treats you like ****.

 

Grow up. You had everything and you threw it away because of your insecurity and your need for attention. Learn to live life as someone who is single, and not be used by guys who just wanna screw you. Three weeks of being single and you screw ANOTHER guy? What's wrong with you? You're acting like a whore when you know better.

 

You're biggest flaw is your fear of commitment. For some reason I thought I had found someone I could spend the rest of my life with; someone that wanted to be with me. I don't know if you will still want me in the future, but now I know I'm left with an apprehension to be in a commitment myself. Thanks, thanks a lot. I should've stopped talking to you the night you asked for a break. Maybe then things would've worked out a bit.

 

OUR biggest flaw was a lack of communication. Which is why I always wonder if NC is the best idea. You've only seemed to have gotten mad at me when I ignored you. IF I get that chance again, I'll make sure that I continue to ignore you. Own up to your mistakes for once. You were back and forth talking to me during your rebound, saying you almost wanted to get back together with me. God, I HATE THIS. Why can't I fall in love with normal people? sigh...

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Hey,

 

Just wanted to say hi to you. It's been awhile since I spoke to you. I realized today that you are a stranger to me these days. I remember when we were so close. Those four years we had, seems like nothing now. It's kind of sad if you ask me, but I guess it is for the better good. I am starting to see a future without you. I would call you but I don't think I am ready. I really want to hear about how you are doing. After all you were my favorite person for the longest time. Even though I am sad I hope you are happy. I really like you and I want the best for you. I am sorry that I won't be inviting you to my graduation this Sunday. I would but I don't know if it would mean as much as before. I wish you the best of luck in everything you do. I am here for you if you need me.

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Hello,

Its been about 5 months and no word.

The days are turning to weeks, weeks are turning to months.

The months will turn to years, things are speeding up now.

 

I did not know you were this important to me. I am sure its only because I have not found another.

 

I sometimes wonder if you think about me, if you think about us and if you regret your decision but then I come to realize we are both young and I am the last thing on your mind.

 

I can't wait until the day I find love again.

I don't like being alone.

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Why are you doing this to me? You wait til I'm starting to feel happy about myself again, and then you contact me telling me to come around. I respond that I'm busy but I can make it in half an hour. We set up a time to meet in 4 hours time. You don't turn up. You don't even send me a word of warning.

 

I wake in the morning and ask if it would be a good time to talk. You don't reply. But I see you've had time to update your myspace since you received my text. It's nice that apparently you're a person that "seeks to improve the lives of others" and "make people smile". Yet the man you told you would never leave deserves no explanation of where you have gone, no explanation of what happened with our relationship, not even to know whether or not it is truly over between us.

 

I can't wait for the day we do get back in contact, because I'm not going to show you a single emotion. You don't deserve it anymore. If you ever want me back you are really going to have to prove yourself to me. The trust is broken.

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Why do we have to do this over and over again.

You know how I feel about you, yet you continue to act like it just doesn't matter.

I know I did some terrible things, I know I showed you no respect, and I also know I have no excuse for them now.

But I'm changing, you agreed to that as well, you said you saw it, and when things were going ok, you even started to open up to me a little more.

Now, you've gone cold again, and I'm left wondering what the hell I did wrong. I nearly KILLED myself trying to please you, trying to be what you want because you changed me so much I didn't know who I actually was anymore.

And after all this, you walk away with no responsibility, and I'm the one who's left to pick up the pieces and try to carry on.

And the sickest part about this whole thing - I know if you call I'll come running because I love you more than I love myself.

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sunshinegirl

Kristin says you were over at their place a few weeks ago. I guess seeing her and Matt together was uncomfortable, huh? Because I said that I hoped you were reminded of what you did to me whenever you saw them. My little note seems to have worked.

 

What I don't understand is where your conscience kicks in. IF it kicks in. Where was your heart with me? It's okay that I wasn't the love of your life. I accept that. But where is your sorrow for hurting me in such a way? You cared about me enough to spend over a year with me. You saw enough of a future to bring me into your daughter's life, your parents' life, to meet everyone in your family, to talk about moving in together, to travel together. At what point did you stop caring about me enough to justify your cheating?

 

I have to believe you think of me sometimes. What do you think of, when you do? Kristin said, and I unfortunately think she's right, that even if you were to sink into regret and remorse, that you would never think to actually reach out to me to apologize.

 

That is what is so hard to fathom. That you are so, I don't even know the word, undeveloped? as a human being that you don't think to make amends when and where you can. To apologize when you have wronged and hurt people who care about you.

 

I don't understand people like you who live your life at such a shallow level. I don't understand how you can compartmentalize your world to such a degree that you can convince yourself that you're happy even when your world has completely fallen apart. You don't even see your role in it. How do people like you deny to such a deep extent your own pain, and thereby cut off your capacity for happiness? How sad it must be to live your life.

 

And yet you don't experience it as sad: you describe your own life as happy. I still believe you are ultimately missing out on the human experience because I believe there is only so much happiness to be found on a rock wall or on a running trail or in a glass of wine. Deep joy is to be had when you have those things coupled with true connection and care for the people around you. And yet we had all of that companionship stuff together - all of the surface things that make you happy. Which makes it hard to understand what made YOU run away. You like shallow. We had shallow. I was the one secretly, and unconsciously, pining for more.

 

If I could I would wrap my arms around you and heal you of this flatness, this stunted emotional experience of the world, I would. In a heartbeat. Yet you choose it. Every day, you choose not to deal with your losses. Every day, you determine to be happy, surface happy, and you intellectualize all your problems away. Every day, you decide that every problem and hurt has a logical answer and response. Every day, you convince yourself that you know exactly what you're doing and that you have all the answers.

 

I mourn for you, Eric. As much as I mourn for myself.

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F--k you, I trusted you.

I gave all I could. You took all you could.

You lied to me and I'm in agony. You broke my heart.

I still love you and you don't care.

I hate you now too.

I can't even think of you without hurting.

Goodbye.

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Hello Stranger,

I don't really know what to say.

I don't miss you or love you.

I don't wish you harm or illwill.

 

It took about 5 months and a rebound relationship to get to this point.

I barely even want to have sex with you again.

 

I don't want to ask you out for coffee or tea or drinks.

 

This must of been what you were experiencing months ago while we were still together & you were cheating on me.

 

You had a few months head start on this whole breakup thing.

I didn't care enough for you to save our relationship or give you what you wanted.

 

I'm sorry, I don't think I started to love you until the very end.

You stayed with me for 1 year, cheated on me the last 3-4 months but didn't tell me it was over.

 

3 months later, I found out, that officially was the end for us.

I wonder how things are going with the new guy. I wonder if you ****ed that up too.

 

I never took you serious, it took u telling me to **** off to actually respect you again. I don't know if I treated you bad, I think I wasn't meeting your emotional needs.

 

In the end, wow, it was really easy to get over you. All I need was time to myself & someone to have sex with. Its funny though, despite all my travels, despite your affair, despite our time apart, you stilled loved me.

 

Then again, u still loved your ex before me so maybe you just love everyone you have sex with.

 

Now, that I think about it, I really could of had a life with you.

So to best sum of this farewell, I will remind you of this conversation we had long ago when things were fresh & new.

 

You: I could have a life with you

ME: Uhh, Uhh, ok.

ME: I will remember you as the girl I messed up on.

 

I wonder if that statement is accurate.

Why did you even bother fooling me?

 

On another note, after you left, life was pretty rough. It was very hard on me. I hadn't realized but I became dependent on you. Not needy per say but I always assumed you would be here.

 

I feel funny even making this post, like what I am talking about was so long ago. Actually it was, its been half a year. I guess me feeling this way means I am over everything completely now?

 

Now that I think about it, I shouldn't of broke up with you, I should of lied to you and used you as a botty call while I searched for someone else. Foolish of me, I really enjoyed having sex with you.

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nowhereman82

Hi "whats your name",

 

I had something to say....and then I remembered....someone that tosses me to the side so easily isn't deserving of my energies. Sorry for wasting your time...and mine.

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Seen your facebook profile today and youve been busy adding friends from Leeds. Guess your moving on with your life. Guess ive got to move on with mine. Good luck x

 

Hope you find what your looking for but dont hurt them the way you hurt me.

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sunshinegirl

Okay... you are still showing up in my dreams. And I am back to thinking you are perfectly happy without me, don't miss me, blah blah blah. You suck.

 

I have four quality men interested in me at this point via online sites, each of whom already shows signs of being able to communicate more than you ever did.

 

Yet I still miss you. Your body. Your presence. In a weird way, your distance. And that's my dysfunction acting up. There was something comforting about having you there, but not pushing ME to self-disclose. In a weird way it gave me a sense of control. I could protect myself and reveal what I wanted to you... because you weren't asking or demanding me to reveal myself.

 

So in a way, my issue mirrored yours (your total inability to self-disclose). Except at some deeper level I want to be known, I want someone to care what and how I think. I'm not sure you do. I think your fears run even deeper than mine.

 

*sigh*

 

Why can't you just reach out to me so I know you at least think of me sometimes?

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